Ladies, Don't Become Delusional!

[amandaschwartz]

I was dating my now ex-boyfriend for over 4 years, when I realized that being with him was only making me delusional to the reality of what I wanted. I had come in wanting something, and just to make my ex boyfriend happy, I had created a story to myself that I could live with these things, and that perhaps my priorities could be placed on the back burned. I hope that this myTake will open up the eyes of other women, who may have been, or are presently in a relationship like I was in. Stay true to what you want, because settling is a big mistake.

My boyfriend didn't want marriage

When I entered my relationship, all I ever wanted since growing up was a marriage. It didn't have to be big, but I believe that marriage more than just a piece of paper. It is a sign of utmost commitment, a pact and a declaration of love. For me it was so significant, but my boyfriend didn't believe in it. He would spend hours talking about how unnecessary it was, and that as long as we are happy that is all that counts. I would force myself to believe that it was OK to live like we were, when in reality I was heartbroken.

My boyfriend didn't want kids

I love children and wanted to have kids. My boyfriend kept pushing that we can't afford kids, and it's too much work and that we should focus on us, and our ability to travel while we are young. Although he may have been right, my craving for children was something that I couldn't deny, and it was hard to tell myself that perhaps I didn't want kids, when in reality I really did.

My boyfriend didn't want animals

I love dogs and have dreamed of getting one. My boyfriend didn't like the hassle and responsibility and made it clear that it isn't happening. I would look at our neighbors and visit animal shelters, and long for an animal that I could love. My boyfriend would delude me to drop the silly idea.

My boyfriend didn't like to go out

I love going out to dinners and movies, and to bars once in a while with my significant other. My boyfriend on the other hand loved to stay at home and watch movies or play video games. He would bring up the monetary expenses, and how annoying it was to deal with other people. I would convince myself that maybe he was right...

My boyfriend didn't like spending money

My boyfriend would rarely go out or spend money on me. He would go on about how its best to save up for travel, rather than a time $100 dinner. And although it is true, it is nice to be taken out once in a while. Over time I forgot what it's like to be taken on a date.

[Iraqveteran666]

Ladies, Don't Become Delusional! I agree but I think women need to be real and weigh up all they have to offer a partner so as to understand the quality of the man they can get. Often a woman may think a man may not want marraige and kids but the truth is often that he does not want marraige and kids with HER. I've had a few ltr's with women who were just not wife material.

[PrincessPie]

I've been with guys like this.. and can say they're really not for me either.. great take :)

[Bananaman177]

Not saying you made the wrong decision, but the last two points betray your princess complex. You forgot what it felt like to be taken out on dates?

You do know that 98% of guys and at least 40% of women have never been "taken out" on a date, i. e. having the other person ask them out and offer to pay, right?

And yeah, maybe your boyfriend was too much of a shut-in, and I must confess I'm the exact some way, but in your FUTURE relationships, just a tip: you should try thinking of some fun ways to "go out" without spending your guy's money like a drunken Comanche every single time.

That's not as fun to us when it's our money being spent on your fun, especially when your fun seems to involve a lot of showing off for other guys and our money seems to involve a lot of wrist injuries and chronic lower-back pain and complaints about how we "work too much."

I suspect that when you start to age and your looks fade, the club/bar scene suddenly won't be as fun to you and you'll start wishing you had someone you could just netflix and chill with at home, and you just threw that guy away to party for a few more years, you really think it's gonna be so easy to find another guy like that after your partying days are over? I think you'll be surprised how much harder it is, and not just because of your looks.

You're going to still have an adolescent mentality to go with your every-bit-of-30-year-old body, guys looking to settle down and marry are looking for a woman who did something with herself besides have fun while her youth lasted. And no, I don't mean some bullshit degree or a bullshit career, either.

[PropagandaMinister]

dude, the one who is not realistic is you!
you want to be in a marriage, have kids and animals, spend all your money for nonsense and go out all the time? good luck finding this rich guy who want new kids with you and marry you...

1. non-official marriage?
2. he must have his reasons to not have kids. if that is so important for you one of the first Q should always be "kids y/n?"

3. you can have animals and they doesn't need to be at home. my sister did it this way. a lot of animal shelters are happy if you come to them and ask to care for a animal, even if you dont take it at home.

4. it can sucks, but if you want to go out you should do a good offer. most people dont sit at home 24/7 because they are boring or lazy, they dont know what to do else. why go in cinema if you can watch movies at home? usally if you have same interessts this shouldn't be a big problem. he likes video games? ask him to go to a video games convention (example).

5. this is the worst point. this a really, really bad attitute and dreaming. if you want to spend money use your own.

[America1st]

Hi there! I now know about and understand you better. I hope a lot of girls/women read this. It's a great lesson for what a lot of women go through just to keep the peace. You weren't delusional. You knew what was going on, but gave in on things you wished you hadn't. This is something women do that is quite common. Men don't do it near as much as women. We are different animals. Feel good that you learned this life lesson at such a young age. You are a smart young lady.

[I-am-a-nobody]

OK, I can see wanting marriage and kids and I might even put up with a pet, but expecting $100 dinners, too? That's a little tough. You see, you might need to compromise somewhere. I wouldn't compromise on marriage and kids, but pets and dinners? Well, to each his own.

What's REALLY important?

[Browneye57]

Yep. I'm always amazed when either gender sticks around when the other just doesn't fit what they want. It's like people are so weak they can't stand up for themselves.

My first divorce cost me $485K. People ask why divorce costs so much...
The answer is BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT.

Glad you finally figured it out.

:)

[Kuraj]

Yes, ladies don't become delusional like this person and dump someone who cares about you because you little snowflakes think you can do better only so you end up bitter and single at 40 complaining that "all men are assholes" because the good men you dumped in the past are already happily taken by women who weren't as entitled as you.

[Tony1974]

That's why you need to take your time when choosing a partner. Sounds to me like you did a crappy job of picking a boyfriend. I look for common interests, hobbies and views on life. These are things I talk about on the first date to save myself from wasting my time with incompatible women. It's not sexy or exciting but if after the first date we know what each is looking for, I'm far more confident the next date can be sexy and exciting.

Get the work done first then play. Balance.

[TheUsername27]

You poor thing. ''it is nice to be taken out once in a while. Over time I forgot what it's like to be taken on a date.''
How about you pay for your own shit? Then he may not mind going out. I wish women were paid less because they demand so much $$ from boyfriends because they think they are princesses.

[abundantlyrich]

He's just a friend ( your current bf) You should find someone who is compatible with your values instead.

[fueledbythc]

No wonder you cheated on your boyfriend. Your sociopathic nature shows how selfish you are. Sociopaths shouldn't date or are allowed to be with someone. You lack empathy to be in a stable relationship.

[John_Doesnt]

Has a woman ever not been delusional? Where is this mystery girl that is rational?

[Anonymous]

The title should be "Ladies, stop trying to make your boyfriend into your slave and bank account."

[America1st]

Your clueless when it comes to women.

[Opinion Owner]

@America1st HAHA Sure bud. Whatever you want to believe.

[Anonymous]

He had that good D though didn't he, that's why you went through all that.

[PromiscuityIsDisease]

You want an attractive alpha male who other girls want. You want excitement. You want hotness. You want dominance. You want the high-school sex.

[Anonymous]

"My boyfriend would rarely go out or spend money on me". Thank you for showing us the real face of women.

[Decentguy]

your takes explains that you are a angry feminist. lol

[pavlove]

You seem pretty intent on making all men on this site hate you...

[Omar5881]

Didn't like dogs what the fuck good thing he's your ex now 😂

[Pomegranate139]

Your boyfriend sounds like a bore

[lord_chilled]

lol, i agree with your ex in the pet department