Ladies, Don't Allow Men To Use You!

[Stacyzee]

Men will only treat you the way that you allow them to.

As much as we want to believe every guy out there has good intentions, that wouldn't be realistic thinking.

Some guys only have their own interest at heart.

Some men will manipulate, lie, and cheat you out of possessions to get what they want.

You have to be aware and alert to notice these things or they will fly right over your head.

If you are treated in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment.

The only way things will get better is if you recognize where you went wrong and take

preventive measures from doing so in the future.

Ladies,

1. Sex will not make him stay!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

You feel that your boyfriend is straying because you haven't had sex with him yet.

Do not think that giving your body to him, will make him feel any differently than he did before.

A man that truly loves you doesn't have to be bribed or convinced into sticking around.

He will already know the treasure that he has and will respect your decision to wait.

There are many women that give it up to their men on a regular basis,

only to get cheated on.

So, what does that tell you?

Does giving your boyfriend sex before you are ready really make a difference?

In your mind,

somehow you believe that sex with your boyfriend will draw you two

closer together.

Yes, sex has the ability to do that.

But that is only if both people are at the same emotional/mental stage.

2. Persuasion

Some men will go to extreme lengths to get what they want.

They may act as if you're the only girl for them, just to get it.

Some men will beg you, and try to peer pressure you into moving forward with them.

A man that respects you, will accept your choice (not to give it up).

He will not insist that you follow his lead instead.

Someone that cannot enjoy your company without it being sex of all of the time,

doesn't truly care for you as a individual.

Someone that values you will place a high amount in your mind, instead

of always focusing on your body.

Sex should be a bonus that adds to the greatness,

that already exists in a relationship.

It shouldn't be looked at as an obligation to keep someone happy that never was in the first place.

3. Interaction will not be just a one way street

Interactions will instead be a two way street.

Your guy of choice will show with his actions that he enjoys your company,

as much as you enjoy his.

Even when the both of you are not together,

on his own (without you always having to do so first),

he will reach out to you.

If you have to be the one to always initate contact, that shows that your guy of choice

doesn't have much interest in you to begin with.

No one is ever too busy to briefly wish someone well or to check in.

If he's using that excuse don't buy it!

A relationship in development should take two people giving it their all.

There should be a healthy balance on both ends.

Both people should be trying to reach out to eachother.

All of the efforts to keep contact should not be held on one person.

You do not want someone that only acts like you matter when it's on his time.

4. Don't get wasted with this person

This most definitely can apply to people that are newly dating each other.

We all know that mood altering substances (such as alcohol or drugs) can impair decision making.

Since, you know that beforehand

if you intend to use any of those substances with your guy of choice,

limit yourself.

Do not go overboard.

If you don't know what 4 drinks will do to you.

Now is not the time to experiment.

If you've never had a drug before...

Now is not the time to start.

You don't want to get to a point where you no longer have control and regret

doing something

you wouldn't have done otherwise (if you were sober.)

If you do choose to drink,

do so in moderation.

Drink a little and then let some time pass by,

see how that alcoholic beverage effects you before continuing.

5. Do not become a human ATM machine

A. Bailing him out of financial problems.

Sure, it's great to help your partner out in times of need.

But if he is consistently coming to you all of the time with his financial problems,

then you have to question your relationship.

Someone that truly loves you isn't going to want to keep taking, taking, taking from you.

They're going to want to build a life with you.

They're going to want to save and invest, so you both can build a better future together

If the guy of your choice is always coming to you with money problems

and you're always having to bail him out,

then this isn't a good sign.

Like I said previously,

a healthy relationship consists of balance on both ends.

You both should be helping each other out and gaining from the other person.

You should not be standing in a corner by yourself having to lift heavy weights.

If you keep giving and giving to this guy,

to no one's surprise will you find yourself

in the same situation that he desperately "needed your help to get out of"

Is that really what you want?

To give, give, give and have nothing left?

A real man can stand on his own two feet.

B. Always the one to pay

If you're the one who literally has to pay for everything, all of the time in your relationship,

then chances are he is using you.

Your guy might not necessarily have a financial problem, but he doesn't seem

to ever offer to do anything nice for you.

He's enjoying living off of everything you have provided him with.

Often times, it seems as if he takes the kind things you have done for granted.

6. He wants what he wants

Take the "H" out of the word "He" and replace that with a W.

A relationship should always revolve around the word "We".

"It should be about what we want, the both of us."

You find that talking to your guy of choice is like talking to a brick wall.

You constantly voice your wants and needs,

but every single time he falls short of them.

Lets look at the practicality,

Your needs aren't out of reach,

they are very attainable.

He just chooses not to recognize its importance.

He only feels passionate about needs and wants pertaining to himself.

Your guy of choice's cup is full while yours is empty.

His actions does not show any indication that you matter to him.

Again

Ladies,

Don't allow yourself to be used!

Look at all of the signs that are there and don't ignore them.

I know that when you emotionally involve yourself these things that remain so blatant to an

outsiders eyes seem dim, but please don't allow yourself to be blinded!

On the flip side,

Men,

I know you can be used as well.

We can't control what happens to us in this life, but what we can do is

recognize a problem, and solve it before it becomes bigger than yourself.

Take action!

Don't silence yourself!

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.

[Anonymous]

The way it is written leaves no room for independence. Nor does it seem to respect a man's sexual needs at all, as you bump them down to your own personal views of what you think sex should be. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but this take seems like something a clingy overly controlling girlfriend would believe.

I won't go into as much detail, but I will quickly put down my views so you can understand the problems I have with it.

1. sex won't make him stay, but a lack of sex might make him leave.
Despite what you might have heard, there are a lot of men that do bond from sex. A lot of men often won't even feel loved if their woman isn't having sex with him. Nor is it shallow or wrong to want a sexual relationship or to leave a relationship were we aren't getting that.

2. Your views about sexuality are your own, and men commonly won't feel the same way about sex. For most guys a relationship without sex, is just a friendship and nothing more. It isn't that one gender is right or wrong, we just tend to feel differently about this. Our views about sexuality are our own, and neither gender shouldn't be judged for them. You say "A man that respects you, will accept your choice (not to give it up)." That may be true, but a man that respects you enough to accept that might move on to a more compatible woman, that meets his sexual needs. If that happens then she should also respect the man, and accept they weren't compatible.

3. I agree it shouldn't be a one way street, and both people need to communicate and make an effort to connect.

4. They shouldn't be getting wasted with anyone, especially if they know they can't control themselves. Not sure why you wrote this one at all, unless this is related to the woman possibly having sex before she is ready.

5. I agree you shouldn't have to bail them out all the time.

6. There needs to be a balance between he, she, and we. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but this reads like you don't support letting him control his life at all.

I did read every single word by the way.

[Stacyzee]

"Some" men use women. So why can't we look at that reality? Not "all" men are like this as stated in my take. I wrote this because I've observed plenty women on this site stating they were used so I decided to write a take for them. Rarely , have I seen men complaining about that issue.
With that being said I take into account that men go through this as well by acknowledging and mentioning them in this take.

Now I will further discuss my points...

[Stacyzee]

Number one - You say "lack of sex may make him leave".
Remember - as stated in this article we are speaking about a man whose intentions from the beginning Is to stray.
Lack of sex may make him leave.
But so will providing it.
That is the point I am trying to make.
Whether a woman gives into sex or not if his intent is to cheat he will cheat.

Number two -Yeah my views are my own but they are shared by many others. As a woman that's been peer pressure into sex by numerous dirt bags (in my teens and early twenties)---out there I can say this is more than just a view and true according to my reality. Men on the other hand rarely if not ever go through that. So of course u will argue other wise and not understand.
If a man makes an entire relationship solely about sex... yes , he is using the woman.
As I stayed before this article is about a man who wants to stray. If he cannot respect his womans "no" and tries to make every situation about sex, his intent is clear.
Continuing...

[Stacyzee]

Number 4 -I wrote this because like I said , this is a take about a woman putting herself in a vulnerable emotional situation and not seeing all of the signs that are there. This emotional situation can clearly become physical if she let's her guard down and does things she will later on regret.

Number 6 - As stayed in my entire article this is a take written by a woman to women. (Which also acknowledges the fact towards the end men may go through using although situations may verify because they can be gender specific). I said numerous times in this article , a healthy relationship needs balance. In this line I included men by saying "we" which means he, and she.
Not sure why it needs further breaking down. It's clear to see I am mentioning both men and women by saying a relationship needs to be about both people and include balance.

[Stacyzee]

You misinterpreted a lot in my article.
I find that to be most common in male responders since they are feeling attacked by this.
I had no idea this gender is so sensitive and screams sexist with the slightest actions.
Despite my efforts of emphasizing that "some" men use women. I get major backlash because even though I stated some, it is engraved in men's mind that I mean "all"

[Stacyzee]

Thanks for expressing your views in a clear manner.
I have disagreed with you though because as stayed before , you misinterpreted a lot from this article.
Thanks for reading !

[Stacyzee]

*stated not stayed

[Stacyzee]

And may I state the peer pressure was not successful on my behalf but I've been in situations where men to operate like number two.
And once again, thanks for expressing your views in a healthy and mature way !

[Opinion Owner]

"my entire article this is a take written by a woman to women." I understand that completely. You don't seem to understand the male perspective at all, as a result you are giving very one sided advice. Overall it sounds like you don't understand men at all. Without balancing both perspectives when giving advice the advice ends up being pretty bad.

The idea of a guy doesn't want to wait for sex, then it must be do to his lack of respect for the woman. Often if a guy doesn't want to wait, it isn't do to his lack of respect, but do to the sexual incompatibility of the couple. Guys often judge the feelings the woman has for him based on their sex life. If they aren't having sex then he may assume she isn't into him, and ends his relationship to her. Meanwhile she thinks he was trying to use her just for sex, not realizing a lack of sex made him feel unloved. The way you wrote it lacks proper balance between the male and female perspective. That compromises the quality of the advise.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope it doesn't come across like I am accusing you of being sexist or anything because that isn't my intention. I am just trying to give constructive criticism.

[Stacyzee]

Something can only be considered constructive criticism when it is helpful. You are not helping me.
Relationship advice cannot be black and white, there is always a grey area. Sure, what you are stating may be true according to SOME relationships. But in order to be a good advice giver such as you try to portray yourself to be, you must acknowledge that fact that there are men out there who heavily try to persuade a woman into having sex with him, for the intent to use her. This is one of the many reasons why single moms exist, why there are women complaining that these men are not returning their phone calls. I am trying to help women so that doesn't become them.
You need to acknowledge that there is more than one scenario.
That is what you are not doing.
You are looking at things from a close-minded point of view and thinking the way you mention, is the only way.
I acknowledge there are multiples reasons why a guy may push to have sex. But if someone values a woman... he won't turn it

[Stacyzee]

into a hassle for her. There's many reasons why a woman will decline sex, it isn't solely based on the fact that she isn't ready. Perhaps she has a past that she isn't ready to disclose (rape victim) etc. A man that loves his woman will not pressure her.

I appreciate what you are trying to do here, although I feel you should look at things more widely.
I also appreciate that you aren't condemning.
For that you gain my respect.

[Opinion Owner]

"You are not helping me." That is a matter of opinion. If you don't see it as helpful it doesn't change the fact I am trying to help you. When people look for advice they are looking for a right answer, not an answer that has shades of grey. That is what is wrong with how you wrote your take. People aren't going to see the shades of grey unless you add that.

For instance saying "A man that loves his woman will not pressure her." Even honest communication is a form of pressure. Therefore other people that read that advice start thinking that a guy shouldn't be allowed to communicate with the woman he loves if it is about something she doesn't like or else he is pressuring her and as a result must not love her.

[Stacyzee]

You're only looking at the fence from an angle.
You're not seeing the constructive criticism I am also giving you nor did you bother to even respond to the points I have made towards your arguments and interpretations.

" "A man that loves his woman will not pressure her"
Clearly, I am speaking about a man pushing to have sex with a girl who isn't ready.

If someone draws out of the wood works...
"Do not talk to your girlfriend at all about what is bothering you"
Then that is on them.
I did not state that and imply that by any means.

I am speaking about strictly sex.
Ex: A man keeps asking a woman to have sex with him while they meet.
She states more than one time "No"
He keeps pushing sex.
It's clear to see that is what I am speaking about.

Your conclusion is out of the wood works.

[Stacyzee]

I appreciate your "helpful intentions".
But I completely disagree with your view and interpretation.

[Opinion Owner]

You completely missed the point of what I am saying. People take advise too literally. Which is why when advise is given you should try and point out the different perspective the other side is likely to have. Otherwise it creates an, its us against them, attitude. The advise you are giving women, WILL be taken too far, because that is the nature of humans. Throwing in the word "some" doesn't prevent this from being interpreted as men being against women. This was written in such a way that it is too one sided, and anything this one sided, is going to create division.

[Ozanne]

Yep, I agree. Too many doormats out there willing to do anything just to hold on to something that really isn't worth it in the end. Somehow people have it in their minds that relationships are so hard to find that they're willing to hang on to whatever comes along and do anything for that person just to come across as a great partner. All it does is send the message to them that you're a doormat and you're okay with it.

We aren't having a people shortage on this planet in order to find people, and with so many people opting out of marriage or even waiting until their 30s and 40s, there certainly are a lot of singles to choose from in someone's 20s and 30s. So what's the problem? I think a lot of it is that we've become this Me-Me-Me society where we think we want perfection, and all it's doing is pushing real people away. Each of us are being way to selective toward the other gender, hurting them in the process reminding them that maybe they're not good enough.

Once you're good enough for just you, the rest falls in to place. You have to know what your limits are but that doesn't mean settling for less either. Using personal weapons with sex, money, guilt, pregnancies, you name it -- if one feels that they have to resort to any of that to snag a mate, then they are setting themselves up for a lot of hurt down the road.

[pnl86]

I wholeheartedly agree.

I don't think this has anything at all to do with "casual" relationships. "Pure hook ups" and "long term relationships" are two completely separate things. The author is clearly viewing male-female relationships from the lens of a "long term relationship" in mind.

The most important reason why #1 is true is because "sex" is not just a three letter word. Some guys and girls think that "the physical act" of sex qualifies as "sex" in terms of men "getting/receiving sex" while "in a relationship."

There's "sex a girl gives a guy" ("Maintenance Sex") and "sex a girl wants to have" ("Sex for Herself").

A girl can "pretend" that "she wants to have" Maintenance Sex. But that's what will end up destroying the relationship. Before both people know, Sex for Herself has been completely replaced by Maintenance Sex.

This has two serious consequences for the relationship:

1. She's no longer having Sex for Herself. So, the sex she's having is no longer enjoyable "for her." So, "sex" for her is less about pleasure, and more about "bonding, and feeling connected, and feeling like he won't leave me, and feeling safe and like our relationship is secure, etc." In other words, sex has become a chore. And ever since we were all children, what do we know about chores? We grudgingly do them, and want to avoid them, until we can get away without doing them anymore.

2. Maintenance Sex becomes a currency and bargaining chip. Rather than "flat out" tell a guy, "You either do this for me, or else you're not having sex," women are a bit more subtle and indirect. Instead, men will likely hear, "Look, unless I 'FEEL' close, and wanted, and respected, etc., then I'm just not in 'THE MOOD' to have sex. And in case you're wondering what 'MAKES ME FEEL' that way, well, it's easy - I 'FEEL' that way when 'YOU DO WHAT I WANT.'" (how convenient).

As a result, a relationship plagued with Maintenance Sex ends up making the guy feel like "he's working for it" each time he has sex. In other words, he goes on each day never "feeling like his partner genuinely just wants to have sex with him, because she WANTS HIM and finds him SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE."

That opens up the door and stage for "temptation" and another woman from the outside to easily swoop in and allow the man to fill that empty void - giving him the feeling of "BEING WANTED BY A WOMAN" for no other reason than simply "BEING SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE AS A MAN."

[Stacyzee]

Finally! Someone who gets it!

All the others seem to be turning this into a sexist war battle.
And making huge generalizations that I never mentioned in my article.

[thetundrawolf]

That is because they either have used women in the past or want to, or are doing it right now. Teaching the truth pisses off people who do evil.

[Hexxus]

A lot of what I see here can be harmful to women who follow it.

“You feel that your boyfriend is straying because you haven't had sex with him yet”

Sex is a very important thing to me. If someone is not willing to fulling my needs, I will find someone who is.

“A man that truly loves you doesn't have to be bribed or convinced into sticking around.”

It’s not about bribery. It’s about finding someone I am compatible with. If a women views sex as a big deal or as a prize that she gives out if she feels I have earned it then I am in no way interested in her. This saying could be turned around by saying if you really love someone you want to share yourself with them fully.

“There are many women that give it up to their men on a regular basis”
Giving up? As if they are losing something? As if women do not enjoy sex? As if some women don’t want one night stands?

“A man that respects you, will accept your choice (not to give it up)”

I will respect her choice but she needs to respect my choice to go find someone who is looking for the same thing as I am.

“He only feels passionate about needs and wants pertaining to himself. “

I fail to see a problem with this. I will not change myself for someone else. Rather I will express my and my needs freely. I expect women to do the same. It’s a filtration process to find who you are naturally compatible with.

[Stacyzee]

You are aware that advice isn't just black and white? There is grey area.
There is no way my advice can hold in application to all of the millions of people in this world , but generally speaking there are many whose intent are to lie, cheat and deceive.
Usually , these people spend a fair amount of their times trying to get something they feel entitled for.
We cannot act oblivious and pretend there isn't a large amount of people who go around doing no good.
If all of these scumbags were imagined , rapists wouldn't exist. Those who run away from child support wouldn't either. Those who get numerous women pregnant at the same time wouldn't. Those who intentionally spread stds wouldn't etc.

[Hexxus]

If you would have mentioned lying then I would have agreed with your advice. For example and at the risk of repeating myself you said

"Do not think that giving your body to him, will make him feel any differently than he did before."

If girl who I would otherwise enjoy being around and had a lot in common with did not want to have sex early on then it would in fact make me feel different. I would walk away. I want someone who is sexually open and adventures and if she holds out she does not match what I am looking for.

You did not specify manipulation in that part of your post.

[Stacyzee]

That line and everything from this entire post is in application to a man whose intent is to use.
I made a clear picture of a man who only cares about pursuing sex from this woman. She thinks that sex will make him stay.

I also stated that sex can allow a man to stay and draw a woman/man closer only if they are on the same mental/emotional page.

This man clearly only wants a physical relationship with the woman. While the woman wants both an emotional/physical relationship. Since they do not see eye to eye, I state since this man's intent is solely to seek sex do not think that putting out will allow him to stay. He never wanted more from her in the first place.

If she did put out he would take as much as he could physically from her until ready to move on

[StudMuffin1118]

I like Hexxus' comment - a lot of women buy into the picture that social media paints - that you're doing a man a favor when you sleep with him. And all of a sudden sex turns into some "prize" - as if the man is socially lesser.

[krash2002]

You make a lot of great points. All of which I completely agree with. Often times, women allow themselves to be taken in by the "bad boy", and treated poorly. The same thing applies to both sexes. As when we are in a weak state, or just plan old insecure. We take grasp of those around us who take advantage, and in trade we take their attention.

It's a shame that the ratios aren't balanced though. As I've seen way more bad boys than bad girls. Even more so, I meet a lot of damaged women as well. I'm finally in a great relationship myself, and plan on getting married, but during my years of going out on the town, and mingling with others via social groups.

The lot of women who have been hurt by previous relationships don't allow themselves to move on without caring forth the mental anguish they received from prior experiences. My relationship with my fiance even had signs of this. With her having dated guys who just used her in the past. We ran into certain scenarios where she became extremely insecure. Though overall she was a very independent woman who was willing to join as one. She still shows signs in specific areas of her life that cause a storm of insecurity to erupt. Sadly, this just takes time, and one to realize that good men/women exist, and will not treat you in such a way.

[thetundrawolf]

Wow, good take! Especially the first one. What's the best way to find out if a guy only wants you for sex, and doesn't truly love you? Easy!! Do not have sex with him! If he leaves you have your answer. If he stays, and gets to know you, and learns if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then be really does live you and is willing to put in the time, effort, and self sacrifice to spend the rest of his life with you, hopefully under the umbrella of marriage.

Ladies, please! Do not become broken hearted single moms. Listen to your gut instinct above your heart every single time.

[Stacyzee]

Thanks for commenting and seeing the message (that some allowed their ignorance to blind them from seeing) <3

[thetundrawolf]

Good point about sex NOT keeping the guy around, either. It is good not to be pressured by ANY guy into having sex, it won't help you long term anyway! Not if he doesn't truly love you, ladies. Please, see your self worth, it is so much it is beyond calculating. A good woman is worth more than all the treasures in the world.

[Anonymous]

Problems I have with this MyTake:
1. It paints most men as the enemy. How are you suppose to enjoy love if you're constantly fearful of it. (Not to mention a lot of the description of our motivations don't line up with how we actually feel in real life)
2. It's so outwardly focused. Your world only changes when you do.
3. It was a little difficult to follow writing wise

I feel like an easier solution to all this is to simply say:
1. take responsibility for your own actions and emotions
2. learn to cope with consequences
3. find ways to enjoy your daily life and simply live instead of treating your happiness as a goal in some far off possible future
4. Learn to be compassionate to yourself and others because nobody really knows what they're doing but we're all just trying to stop suffering and be happy

Personally I feel like people don't need an instruction manual of does and don't or tips and tricks they just need a toolbox filled with ways to get through each day. The world's to volatile to try to give general advice about something so subjective and variable like relationships.

[Stacyzee]

I clearly said "some" men in this entire article are negative. I even stated how a man that truly loves a woman would operate towards her.
So, I am uncertain where you are drawing an implication of "most" men and that I did not make the differentiation between good guys vs. those with bad intent.

Lets not be ridiculous! No one walks around with an instruction manual of how to stay clear of conflicts in a relationship. These points are only put here so people can recognize when they are being taken advantage of.

Like I stated in this article,
You have no control over what happens to you.
But what you do have control of his how you tackle that situation.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I should've put a little more care into my response.

[Stacyzee]

I knew it was inevitable. It's like a majority of you men can't help being a jerk.
I'm pretty sure you are the men I speak of in this article. It's very clear to see that you are.
You can't even hold a mature discussion or one of value.

[Opinion Owner]

And now I feel offended. But that's fine I could've kept my mouth shut but I didn't. Again I apologize.

[jormungand]

this comment was pretty respectful giving his opinion, but yet you bash him? And you say 'some' men in the beginningof you Mytake, but when a man comments and doesn't completely agree, he is part of that 'some'? And you also stated in other comments that most men here are jerks. Hmmm... Where is the logic?

[jormungand]

@Stacyzee

[Stacyzee]

All of the scumbags have formed a clique. I'm officially done with the trash sticking up for trash. Just make sure you keep your labels us so quality women know who to avoid. Adios !

[Stacyzee]

*labels on

[Stacyzee]

And also, you would have seen I responded to him respectfully as well, it was the response he did afterwards that I called disrespectful.

[Opinion Owner]

I really don't understand what's happening right now

[DessieDoo]

Overall a good take. However, I do believe that this goes both ways. Men are used just as much as women are. Its just not talked about on the simple fact that women, as shitty as it is, get away with a lot more than men. It is looked at as "okay" for a woman to play a man because it has happened to her before. It is looked at as "okay" for a sober woman to sleep with a drunk man but not for a sober man to sleep with a drunk woman because she "can't say no". Men get the shit end of the stick on so many different occasions. But anyways, overall a very good take. Maybe you should now write one about the opposite sex.

[Stacyzee]

Yes, I agree which is why I mentioned men in here too. I know this CAN happen to any gender. I attempted to reach out to women (more so) in this take due to my observations of questions on this site. I observed mostly women stating they were used and having various different questions on what to do in their situations. I figured this take would be beneficial for them. But in all reality , as stated above in my take it can be acknowledged that men can go through the same.
I did debate whether I should make another take about this geared towards men.
I may do so in the future.
Thanks for commenting!

[DessieDoo]

You should absolutely do one in the future. You have a good variety of scenarios which is most definitely useful and beneficial to those who seek help and guidance.

[Anonymous]

Good take with some good points. However i think if applies both ways to men and women. One of my best guy friends was used twice in a relationship and he suffered depression and eventually took his life, he went through hell. I know you said that men can be used as well.

My only fear is that girls reading this build up a picture in the back of their minds that good men behave this way and influence their relationships. This modern relationship advice is getting way too complicated for me. I'm getting old for this stuff, but nice take!! :)

[Stacyzee]

Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion!
However, I must disagree with the fact that girls reading this will build a picture in the back of their minds that good men behave this way.
In my article I clearly stated the difference between what men will do that care, and what men that don't care will do.
I also stated some men are that way, and those are the ones to stay clear of.
So , if the person reading has good comprehension and reading skills they won't make a huge generalization out of what was never instated.
But then again based on comments from mostly men,
people will read and see what they want.

<3

[genuinlysensitive]

"My only fear is that girls reading this build up a picture in the back of their minds that good men behave this way and influence their relationships."

A reasonable concern. Too often this is what happens, I have observed.

[Anonymous]

Take owner - You are right that women shouldn't allow men to use them! Yet there seems to be something about uncaring, abusive asshole men that many women find irresistibly attractive! Genuine kind, respectful men are basically shunned by most women! While men who are routinely called things like bad boys, assholes, jerks, douche bags, thugs etc, are very successful at getting multiple women to use and abuse!

Disrespect, disregard and even outright abuse are highly attractive to many women! Until this changes, the women who make such bad choices will continue to suffer!

[muspelhem_5]

These men are attractive because they posess traits that can secure the woman's potential offspring. They are assertive, socially dominant, physically imposing and open to using violence when necessary. Also, they may be great in bed. Many of them ARE kind, but to their partner and kids, in private.

Women don't choose to be attracted to this kind of man. It's unconscious. Just like men don't choose to be attracted to beautiful women.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you're a little bit confused on this! You stated:

"These men are attractive because they posess traits that can secure the woman's potential offspring."

You (and many women as well) quickly mistake play-acting for reality! In a primitive society, only ACTUAL strong men could succeed as hunters or warriors. Kill a large, dangerous animal with a spear or a stone! Without weapons, Kill 2 warrior-attackers! That's manly strength for REAL! But today in a modern society, average men with little actual strength merely PRETEND to be strong through swag play-acting. In a modern, safe society, a loud-mouth rarely has to back it up! So women's strength seeking mating instincts are easily fooled by a weak man who just talks loud and acts like an arrogant ass!

Most bad boys, assholes, jerks, douche bags, thugs, etc are pretenders who prey on people weaker than them or else they need a gang to back them up. Yet an ACTUAL strong man who chooses to be kind will be seen by women as weak!

[Roostah]

Have to agree here. I have friends who literally get women falling head over heel for them, when they treat them like shit, and don't give a crap about what their wants and need. On the flip side I also have a little cousin who genuinely treat women with respect, shows interest in them as a person. Needless to say, the former gets laid more frequently, than the latter.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for answering Roostah! Things like you mentioned with your friends and cousin seem to point back to prehistoric times. Ha ha! I'm talking cave man dragging off a woman by her hair! Now THAT'S domination! Maybe women's instincts were meant to help them tolerate that kind of life! I believe that's what we're seeing whenever some jerk treats a woman like crap and she quietly puts up with it! Cave man and cave woman! Perhaps all jerk-asshole-douche bag types tap into those same female instincts! It's amazing!

[Anonymous]

Good take, but my problem with it is when a woman purposely any actively withholds sex from you, it means she wants something else form you, and usually isn't worth it to go after her. Like you said a man that wants to be with you will do what it takes to be with you, and the same is true for women. If she wants to have sex with you, and if she doesn't, her intentions are questionable. My friend, let call him J, was going out with a girl that said she was going to make him wait. The same girl fucked a guy at a music festival 30 minutes after meeting him. If she withholds sex she will probably see you as a security blanket and not an equal or superior partner.

[Stacyzee]

In the world of advice, it isn't just black and white there's always a grey area (as shown from your example).

What this girl did to that guy was pure despicable.
The best people can do is keep caution in the relationships they do try to establish.
If something doesn't feel right, usually it isn't.

[Roostah]

So guy at music festival gets to cum on her face, and shove his dick down his throat in 30 minutes with no string attached sex. Yet, J has to wait 3 months+ before her can even get to have sex with the girl in bed, and throw out major cash/time on dates before hand. Now does that seem like a fair trade off for someone who is actually going to be with you for the long haul as appose to a 1 night stand guy, who will just write you off as a number in his list of conquest for the year?

[VampireEmpress]

I <3 how you wrote this. all of the detailing you did looks awesome. I think the guys who don't like this mytake are just jealous because they're not the ones getting sex... I noticed that they're not really saying that it was wrong for the men to use women, they juts want a mytake focused on their own issues.

I think it's ironic that they can't see they're acting just like the guys you're writing about! they want what they want to be front and center only... so how are they that different from the using/bad guys?

[d20samurai]

I love this post because it illustrates the fragility of love in a relationship, and how a good thing can easily be poisoned by selfishness or fear. The advice you give demonstrates an expertise in balancing responsibility of self and critical comprehension of the partner. Too often are folks taken advantage of because they see only their partners greatness, and not their weaknesses. Understanding these aspects can turn a good relationship even better, or ease the burden of ending a bad one, by allowing both people to operate in sync with the other.

This take also pertains to any kind of relationship; generally, this is a good way to treat people you care about.

Kudos.

[Anonymous]

The topic is so interesting and also the article is nice. I like your facts and the way you present. I totally agree with you. All of my exes are the types of men in your articles. Some only care about sex, some aren't faithful and one of them is totally an asshole that I always pay for everything whenever we met; meals, movies, etc because he always ran out of money. So, I don't want to have boyfriend anymore and now I'm thinking twice whenever I find someone to flirt with.
But this doesn't mean all guys are like that. There are also good guys and the problem is I haven't met them yet xD

[KempisMC]

If there is one lesson that I wish all women knew as well as 1+1=2

Is that SEX will never and I mean never make him stay , Never , it might make him come back , but never stay. I'm not saying don't have sex, I'm saying , just sex won't make him stay , so its not an indicator that he loves you.

[Jager66]

A lack of sex can make him leave though.

[KempisMC]

except for cases or abuse or extreme indoctrination in the belief that sex is wrong
a man who wants to leave a relationship because of lack of sex , can and should take 100% of the blame, read my section on making love to the heart of a women and you tell me if you'll be able to keep up with her sex drive. He needs to do his part and the result will blow his mind , they will be a new family or couple.

[Roostah]

The asker to me sounds like typical western woman whose dated a series of assholes who pump and dumped her, throughout her 20's and is now approaching 30 and her biological clock is ticking. She needs to rationalize to herself (main purposeo fthis article) and other woman why dating assholes is a dead end and why you should consider "nice guy" who treated you with respect, and genuinely care for a relationship/love with you a chance now.

I'm not saying this is you. Just hat it comes off like that.

[Stacyzee]

You couldn't be more wrong. I am a woman who has been in a relationship for nine years. I have observed this site and decided to make a "take" for t he numerous amount of women that find themselves in this predicament.
You don't actually have to go through something to be knowledgeable about it.
I could write a take about "How to deal with a certain illness". That doesn't mean that I have ever had that illness, you are doing some farfetched thinking , and pretty bad at playing psychic.

[Roostah]

Well seeing you had a strong inclination to downvote me and then justify you are like this even though i stated that "this is not necessarily you" indicates to me that my comment did strike a nerve with you. Also since you brought up never experiencing "going through this" I find your take has lost credibility as those who have experience something have better perception than an outside observer. So in this regard I'm just saying your Mytake has lost some credibility.

[Stacyzee]

I am allowed to disagree with an answer on my own trend. Last time I checked , that's what they were for. Simply clicking thumbs up or down , indicated that I disagree with your answer, which I do. You made a poor attempt to summarize me and were way off.
Do not credit yourself so greatly.
The last thing you or anyone has the power to do on this site, is strike a nerve with me. As stated before, I am using the sites features what they were intended for.

Also,
I've been through a few of the situations but have not entirely allowed myself to be beaten down to a bulp. So, we can say no I have not been used.
As a man that seems to also be rapidly approaching 30, you should know that there are plenty who go through experiences that cannot help others learn through their own mistakes. It takes a wise soul to learn and help others move forward in that direction. So if you're looking for those who have been beaten down to a bulp, that doesn't necessarily mean they can advise
...

[Stacyzee]

any better. You should also know that part of gaining knowledge is to observe others mistakes around you. Ex - I can come from a family from alcoholics and write an essay about the dangers of alcoholism. Do I actually need to drown myself with liquor to gain knowledge and insight? Part of learning is looking at those around you.
You should know this already.

[Roostah]

1. This wasn't a summary but the impression i got from reading it.

2. As a man approaching 30 I know those who have experience something, are more inclined and credible to dish out advice, than those who percieve to understand what a person has gone through and then dish out advice. Who would you rather get info about experience of domestic abuse from, someone who actually went through it, or someone or someone who watched many cases on television and read a bunch of books and then gives you their take on it.

[Stacyzee]

From my experience , I have found people who go through hardships doesn't automatically make them knowledgeable , insightful or great advice givers.
I've known people who have made poor choices only to do a repeated cycle.
What you are asking me, is telling me nothing.

[StudMuffin1118]

You're so right Roostah. What you have is FACT..

"The asker to me sounds like typical western woman whose dated a series of assholes who pump and dumped her, throughout her 20's and is now approaching 30 and her biological clock is ticking. She needs to rationalize to herself (main purposeo fthis article) and other woman why dating assholes is a dead end and why you should consider "nice guy" who treated you with respect, and genuinely care for a relationship/love with you a chance now."

Need this proven? Do a survey. For all we know this "Take Owner" could NOT be in a relationship for nine years or even in a relationship at all. Anyone can make that up, especially over the internet. When the clock starts ticking down, they realize they should've chosen the nice guy lol.

[StudMuffin1118]

"You don't actually have to go through something to be knowledgeable about it."
That's an opinion. I don't know about you guys but I wouldn't want to go sky diving with someone who learnt how to, on the internet. The adrenaline when you're in the air would not be the same as watching it youtube.

[Stacyzee]

Reading isn't for idiots. I said I have been through some of these but didn't allow myself to be used.

Sorry you guys are filled with hate because this article is about how shitty of men you are.

I'm not going to allow people that don't know me to judge me

[Stacyzee]

No wonder quality women run far from you.

@Roostah spends all his time on gag posting questions about women he could never attain. I wonder why.

[Stacyzee]

@StudMuffin1118 you could hop off his cock he has had enough blow for the day.

[Hunter13]

I was dealing with a guy for three years. I really liked him and I really thought he liked me so whenever he or his family (since they all live together) needed help financially I would. Once I decided to not give him money all of that changed. He told me didn't want me or need me for anything and he stopped talking to me. Then weeks later he calls me just to brag about a new girlfriend he has just to piss me off. He said a whole bunch of mean things too about how ugly I am and how I will never find love and how much better her sex was and it goes on and on. I played it cool but I'm really hurt. He's so happy w this new girl and I haven't even found anyone new, but at the same time there's a big part of me that wants nothing to do w men anymore seems to me all they want is one thing and if you have money then two things.

[GreatnessPersonified]

My take: People will take advantage if you let them, including men and women.

[Stacyzee]

EXACTLY what I stated (if you read towards the end).

[Polswedgirl]

"Someone that cannot enjoy your company without it being sex of all of the time,

doesn't truly care for you as a individual.

Someone that values you will place a high amount in your mind, instead

of always focusing on your body."

Especially this really hit me. Great take.

[Anonymous]

"Men will only treat you the way that you allow them to."

What a load of crap. The trith is most men love women and treat them with respect. Maybe its just that women like you refuse to date anybody but narcissistic douchebags, then tell people "all men are like that" when they use you. More ignorant man bashing.

Maybe you should tell women not to use men, especially the part about not turning your partner into a human atm. Most women refuse to even consider a guy unless he pays or the first date, and there are far more female gold digfers out there than women want to admit. Notto mention all the women who use men. But thats ok theyre women so they get a pass from people like you I guess.

[Maggimay]

Nicely put :)

[Stacyzee]

Women like me? I've been with the same person for 9 years.
Also, it's sad that you take only that line from my ENTIRE article when I am clearly stating that there are certain men who treat women in a horrible way.
I am speaking about those who LIE, CHEAT, AND STEAL.
Why are you getting offended? are you one of them?
Clearly so, since you feel the need to defend the scums of the Earth.
Let me be like you for a moment, and pretend that all men are saints, nice, and respectable.
Also, stop turning this into a sexist war when I clearly stated men go through this too.

[Stacyzee]

@Maggimay you seem easily impressed.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes that is what I am saying. There are some men out there who LIE CHEAT AND STEAL. There are also women out there who reject all guys, but the ones who LIE CHEAT AND STEAL. That was my point. Many people have noticed this among certain women.

As for you saying men could be used as well, a small paragraph at the end saying, yea bad stuff can happen to you too.

@maggimay thank you :)

[Stacyzee]

Opinion owner,

So, your point is pretty much MY POINT.
I've been saying those things all along in my entire article, so what exactly is your problem with me?

Also,
I don't need to write an essay to men to let them know how I feel.
It was already made clear.
I am a woman writing from a woman's perspective.
I've also noticed a majority of GAG members (women) complain about being used.
This take is for them.
I also acknowledged that men go through this as well, and that BOTH shouldn't allowed themselves this treatment.

[godfatherfan]

All valid points.
Although I would say that it pertains to women WAY more then men. So do a flip flop and repost.

[Stacyzee]

You're the first person here to have said that.
I feel like the scenarios I gave is better suited for women (although some of them, can apply to men).
I may do another directed towards men (with scenarios better suited for them).

[Stacyzee]

I also, responded to several users here why I directed this more towards women. Given my observations on GAG I have noticed for questions FROM them about this issue. But yes, men can be acknowledged as well.
Look out for a take in the future for men about this. <3

[Stacyzee]

*more question from them on this issue.

[Pat8707]

Especially the human atm

[amphet11]

Yeah the human atm point applies to women way more than it does to men. @Asker

[Stacyzee]

@amphet11 Sarcasm? much?

I wasn't speaking about the human ATM, I was speaking more so about the pressure of "sex" (usually pertains more to women---speaking from person experience).

[amphet11]

Your original point in the take was sarcasm? i replied here because pat8707 mentioned it in this thread of comments. If the women has to be pressured too much, i assume she isn't actually sexually attracted to me, and i leave.

[Stacyzee]

No , I am asking are you being sarcastic?

[Bonnie12I27I12]

there are 2 types of guys that hit on me and they're both annoying especially since i dont want a relationship right now. the first type starts to get sexual right away. asking about my breasts, sexual history and all that. the second type just seems like clingy creeps. calling a girl beautiful 50 times in 1 hour is really annoying. i dont know what these guys are thinking but trying to convince me that they'll buy me expensive things isn't going to work. beware ladies!