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Why Today's Version of Dating Is Absolutely Terrible for Guys (Page 2)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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I wouldn't recommend online dating. In fact, I wouldn't recommend chasing after them at all. If they want you they can come to you. But don't waste time and resources on them otherwise.
I agree, but I at least want to try sex before I die, you know? I've all but given up the possibility of finding a meaningful relationship
Well maybe look somewhere that's not online.
I mean I was in college for 5 years. Never really came across anyone I was interested in. It was an engineering school after all, with about 80% guys. Not exactly a great selection here
Well look elsewhere.
They'll only want you when they need a plan B after pushing out big headed babies for other men. Plus; stretch marks another mans baby gave them.
Precisely. I'd rather die first than be their plan B
I wanted to comment and say something about the online dating but :
@Chrysis and @HamAndCheese said everything I wanted to say !
Enjoy your life... go travel and meet beautiful women around the world !
Trust me. its worth it.
Agreed
That's not the problem with dating in general, it's a problem with online dating. It's pretty easy to simply ignore someone online.
If you're starting to hit it off with someone close to you IRL, you'll find you won't be ghosted half as much.
Sure someone can ignore an online message, I understand women have hundreds if not thousands of men messaging them on OkCupid. But once you start dating in real life, for multiple months, that seems ridiculous. Women have too many options nowadays. Men have like a.1% chance of actually having an LTR with the woman they met online since she has over 100 other guys talking to her. It's absurd and not worth it. I just don't know what to do anymore. As I get older it'll only become more difficult to get women that I'm interested in. No more college atmosphere
Your experience is just that -- your experience. Almost all the young guys I work with have happy relationships with their girlfriends. There's a problem, but it's not the modern dating scene, and it's not modern girls. It's you and your negative attitude. Girls can smell your desperation from a block away.
That's fair, but I will say it's pretty god damn difficult to stay positive when this is all you've ever experienced and there doesn't seem to be any hope for me in terms of dating prospects. I need to give up for a while and probably see a therapist to figure out why I'm so unhappy and so unsuccessful. This kind of crap makes me feel borderline depressed
A therapist could help if you can find the right one. One helped me tremendously in my 30's. Don't wait that long.
Hmmm. . . Sounds like you just need to tweak a couple things to your approach and you should be good. I say that because you HAVE had success at most levels so far. You're getting girls swiping right on you, you're getting them to interact with you, in a few cases you're getting in person meetings and you're even getting repeat meetings. So you just need to examine a few things. First, what can you do to increase your yield at each of those steps. And second, what can you do to get to the next level.
Let's deal with the second issue first. How far have you gotten with the girls you had repeat dates with? Were you kissing? Making out? Going any further? How far along had things typically gotten by the time you get ghosted?
Yeah, but in the 1980's you would have been far more limited in who you could meet, as the internet was command line and all dudes.
You want to meet girls, travel to other countries and stay in hostels. If you are an engineer you should be able to afford it soon. You'll meet girls who are interesting, adventurous and open to new experiences.
Whatever you do, don't spend the next ten years sitting in an office.
I think a lot of people hold onto not being attractive and that being the main problem and then they get obsessed. Plenty attractive enough people can send you messages and things but you normally know in the first 10 minutes If there is going to sparks or if it's not working, different people click and lots of people out there, I think people are more picky on dating sites but certainly not impossible to find people on there
That is a shame man! Maybe it has to do with the city your in or the college you go to? If you live in CA I bet it would be pretty hard to find a girl who wants to wait. I want to wait for marriage myself even if it is hard.
all I have to say is just keep going man, just keep going, you are one step closer
Please do not try to romanticise the past, I'll tell you that the past was likely just as shit as the present.
That is not true, at all... As someone who dated in the 90's and have a number of older friends who dated in the 80's, things have gotten WAAAAAY worse!!
I got asked out on a regular basis in the 90's and because of the AIDS scare there was some expectation of not rushing into bed and actually getting to know someone a bit first.
In the 80's it was fucking crazy from what my friends have told me.. like super easy going, people hooking up and hanging out, no real STD's to worry about, reliable birth control.
Things have changed dramatically in the last couple decades or so because of the internet. Women are seriously crazy narcissistic compared to what they used to be like.
@Jager66 that's what I'm saying. Even though I didn't date in that era that's what my dad and other family members told me it was like. Nobody on here believes me haha
I really wouldn't put AIDs as a positive factor in terms of the dating scene. People are still people, we haven't changes, we still deal with the same issues. The women would have been the same, the men would have been the same, you're just too narrow minded to see past that.
People and culture change all the time, in fact the only real constant is change. Dating has changed A LOT!! like seriously huge amounts.
I'm narrow minded about how things change with time because I have actually lived through major societal changes. While the 18 year old who was what? 2 years old during 9/11 and wasn't even born when Bill Clinton was president, never mind remembering the Berlin wall coming down... She apparently is the "open minded guru with all wisdom".
@Jager66 I may lack experience because of my age but what I have actually tried to do is maintain a sense of neutrality when looking at society, the further and further in the past something is it tends to become tainted by the usually positive memories we have then. I also actually talk to my parents pretty frequently about stuff like this and they more or less agree with me, actually they often times exclaim how great we've got it. Wonderful, I cannot remember certain important events in history (very US orientated ones at that), and because of that my opinion is somehow less valid.
When it comes to what life was like before you were born, as compared to people who lived that time... Then yes, your opinion is less valid, the same goes for me and everyone else. There are MANY ways life is much easier now, however not everything has been a positive change and dating has undergone many negative changes.
Life isn't just black and white and all about good feelings = good reality. Like with the AIDS thing.. Sex has always been hugely dangerous and potentially very costly for humans, throughout all of our evolution, so it should be no surprise that the AIDS scare had some positive effects, along with the horrible, because that is the environment that humans evolved to live in.
Likewise there is nothing wrong with not knowing everything or your opinions being less valid, it just simply "is" a fact of life for every human being..
@Jager66 As a man who was viable through the entirety of the '80's I can concur that things were easier, as far as being in the dating scene, at that time then now. Just watching how things have played out from a neutral standpoint, being married I'm out, makes me 100% certain I would detest trying to enter the dating scene now.
@Charleslvajr I mean feminism has ruined everything. As simple as that. And the double standards of every day life are just disgusting. Women complain that they are judged because they've had several sexual partners and guys aren't judged at all. But once they find out a guy is a virgin they run for the fucking hills. Nobody ever talks about that. God forbid you say something that could be construed to be an insult to a woman at work, she'll find a way to get you fired for it. No wonder MGTOW is rising so much. Back in the 80s and 90s, nobody had to worry about that shit. Dating and marriage were much simpler and the divorce rate was much lower back then (I think, it would make sense)
the Divorce rate was actually higher interestingly. As soon as it became commonplace it skyrocketed and nowadays it slowed down considerably
well do you think it's better for the average-looking girl? Seems like all guys want today is just fast sex, no strings attached. Guys won't commit anymore. It's quantity over quality for guys.
With the sexual revolution and the sexualizing of EVERYTHING, sex is easy to get. Again I say, why commit to endless responsibility with little benefit when you can get the benefit for nearly to effort?
@TheDevilInside I want to find someone worth committing to, but if nobody gives me the time of day I don't know what to do about that. And Charleslvajr is absolutely right, it's pretty stupid for men to commit nowadays anyways. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise for me. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I've always thought that it was "bad" to think that way, but it's certainly more sensible. I'm definitely not "valuing" my virginity anymore. It's stupid to try to save it for the right person, it's just a retarded fantasy that won't come to fruition
@Charleslvajr because there are so much more benefits if you commit? How about a stable life companion? Love? Instead of the illusion of love? Problem is, I think most men are shallow, only looking for instant gratification and not these more sustainable things that you only get by committing. They're only interested in sex.
@Charleslvajr like pigs, really
You're demonstrating exactly why it's better to not. Who wants a lifetime of being attacked and belittled by someone who never takes a moment to know anything about you? See, you're attacking me for answering the bloody question and of course you know nothing about me, in the least. That's the lowest pitiful behavior for an "intelligent" and "educated" human being in the course of discussion about a topic.
@Charleslvajr Not to mention what happens to guys when a divorce happens... marriage is an absolutely horrible decision for men nowadays. Way too risky. Sure there are financial benefits if it actually works and you stay together, but the divorce rate is pretty high nowadays. Basically dating and getting married suck the finances right out of you and the detriments greatly outweigh the benefits
Stick with professionals. It costs less and you'll always have a happy ending without worrying about alimony.
Why don't you just stop worrying about dating and concentrate on your career. The fact that you're so anxious to have sex may make you less attractive to some women.
I'm not anxious to have sex. I'm anxious to be loved
You mentioned sexual urges.
I mean that's also true, but I've lived without it for almost 23 years now so I know I can deal without it
I often find it nowadays that the more harder you try to impress a girl, the less natural and more awkward it will be and it will likely sabotage the relationship.
You just have to play it cool and act natural. Many times love just comes in our life when we least expect it.
@MrNameless Yeah. I think I've finally had my epiphany that it's just not for me. No matter what I do, I always seem to have trouble and feel upset about it. Not to mention the amount of money I've wasted so far on dates. Not like I go crazy for them on first dates, but over time it adds up. No more dating means some extra money saved up for traveling or to spend on Christmas gifts haha. I'm just not happy in the dating world, and I think the way to happiness is just to give up. Can't keep doing this to myself. Waste of time, money, and energy that could be put towards something else. I've read into MGTOW and although i don't think I'd ever go as far as avoiding women entirely, I absolutely understand and respect where they come from. What I've experienced is 100% what they say the vast majority of women are like. And although there are always exceptions, knowing that most are like that is enough for me
Yeah man it's really hard. I hear you. It's not about "SHE'S OBLIGATED TO RESPOND TO ME ARRRRGH" or some crap. "Obligation" is not the issue... "decency" is the issue. They don't know what it's like to get constantly rejected, mostly.
I met my girlfriend online, however it is much easier to meet people in person through your social circle if possible.
Let me get this straight. You were/are saving your virginity? For what? Are you getting interest on it or something? Of course no girls are interested in you, you're a loon.
It is terrible but most guys play along so it's their fault. Whatever ladies can be criticized for it's usually gents doing the enabling.
Not really sure what I did wrong though?
I'm not saying you did. Im saying the male gender enables it.
You contradict yourself by saying you are 'old fashioned' and then proceed to go on about online dating and its pitfalls.
I am old fashioned, but due to the way the world works as well as the environment around me online dating seemed like the right approach. There are little to no women at my school. Sure online dating probably isn't for me, but I don't know what else to do. Hopefully in the coming years something comes up
i assume there are no groups to join, clubs, dances, clubs in your school, family/church gatherings, friends parties etc etc etc etc
Only social Media?
Yeah caouse online dating is the only way to date people...
Bitter, party of one. Time for you to go out In REAL LIFE.