Why I Think Casual Sex (Hooking Up, One Night Stands, FWB's) is Wrong

[Anonymous]

I just want to start off by saying that I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live their life. I believe that each individual should have every right to do what they want with their body. I am also not here to judge people who do engage in casual sex. I am here to simply state why I personally do not engage in it. I'll start off by saying that in MY personal opinion, sex is the most intimate thing you can do with someone. And for that reason alone it's something that should be had among in exclusive relationships. When I am naked in front of someone, I am in my most vulnerable state. Therefore, I can only have sex with someone who I deeply trust. I'm a 19 year old male virgin and see a lot of college students argue with me saying "But sex is so awesome! Why don't you just hook up with someone?"

Think about it this way. Think of your favourite food. Maybe it's pizza. Or perhaps it's spaghetti. Whatever it may be, imagine having it everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It would get kinda boring after a while right? Well that's kind of how I view sex. If it's done with just anyone and all the time, it loses it's value. Sharing it with someone who I really care about increases the value of sex in mu opinion and makes it that much more special.

Secondly, I personally think that promiscuous behaviour of this type also causes people to judge others based on appearance. Think about it. Most people that engage in casual sex, mostly do it purely for the lust. Would you hook up with someone who you don't find attractive? Maybe you might. But from what I've seen with girls in college: "OMG! He's so cute, I wanna f*ck him!" I would argue girls have higher standards and only want to have sex with men who they find attractive. In my opinion, it teaches them to only find beauty in looks rather than inner beauty.

Let me take this time to point out some statistics as well.

Promiscuous people have been linked again and again to...
-Mental instability and higher rates of mental illness
-Higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
-Be more likely to be a single parent (numbers game)
-Have higher rates of abortion (numbers game)
-Have less stable relationships and higher divorce rates
-Have increased chances of having been in an abusive relationship
-Be more likely to cheat
-Be more likely to become addicted
-Be more likely to come out of a broken household.

I wasn't able to link the sources for these statistic because I don't have enough experience points to post links.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading!

[Browneye57]

Yep. Lots of reasons this just isn't what people think it is or should be. You can't get any kind of familiarity and chemistry going with a ONS. It's a pump and dump. Especially for the girls - and if they do this very much they lose all concept of what a real genuine romantic relationship is all about. It makes them undesirable, unable to connect.

[BrittBratt2416]

And it's killing relationships, a lot of men now a days want the milk but after they get the milk they don't want the cow anymore. And girls who agree to give away the free milk just make it harder for women who want to find a man to be truly into them.

[myTake Owner]

Amen to that!

[BrittBratt2416]

exactly, and yet men complain about women being to selective. This is why we have to be selective, we don't want to end up with a guy who's just going to be with us for one day/night then act like he don't remember our face anymore.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I honestly don't blame you for that. I really feel bad that women who actually want something genuine have to experience bullsh*t like that.

[BrittBratt2416]

yes.. thank you for understanding.

[myTake Owner]

Another point I forgot to mention. People now are trying to promote promiscuity and make it socially acceptable. The problem is that human beings need to place limits on their freedom. 50-100 year back it was frowned upon (probably for similar reasons as listed above). If things are headed the way they are now, then what's stopping incest from becoming socially acceptable, say 50 years from now? People argue and say "Well it's just sex! It's two people consenting to each other! We all NEED sex!". If you think about it, incestuous couples could use pretty much this same argument to justify themselves. Hence, we need to draw clear boundaries.

[BigGuy8]

You say that like men didn't have casual sex before. Men (and women) have been cheating for thousands of years. As long as sex has felt good, people have done it. Monogamy is new in the grand scheme of things. Marriage is new in the grand scheme of things. There were no marriages or need for fidelity 3,000+ years ago. Men evolved to want to spread their seed. Spreading your seed means multiple mothers to your children. It is biology. Men these days are far more likely to resist that urge than they were 1,000 years ago. Don't act like we're going over a cliff with a new development. It's just easier to find random hookups due to technology. But people found them at bars long before cellphones.

[myTake Owner]

@BigGuy8 "You say that like men didn't have casual sex before." I literally never said this you cuck.

[Logorithim]

All of these points are of course correct, and are good ones. The lack of stability with these arrangements is a real turnoff, but the big picture is that we have to admit that these unstable arrangements or actions are indicative of the individuals' lack of stability or lack of desire for stability, which is a shame because most people are much better off in a loving relationship. Problem is, a number of people aren't capable of stable relationships, even in the absence of mental health or substance abuse issues.

[myTake Owner]

"The lack of stability with these argument is a real turnoff" Are you referring to MY arguments?

[Logorithim]

No, I was referring to the lack of stability in hooking up, friends with benefits, etc., as opposed to standard exclusive relationships.

[myTake Owner]

Ah I see. Yeah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so. Another point I forgot to mention. People now are trying to promote promiscuity and make it socially acceptable. The problem is that human beings need to place limits on their freedom. 50-100 year back it was frowned upon (probably for similar reasons as listed above). If things are headed the way they are now, then what's stopping incest from becoming socially acceptable, say 50 years from now? People argue and say "Well it's just sex! It's two people consenting to each other! We all NEED sex!". If you think about it, incestuous couples could use pretty much this same argument to justify themselves. Hence, we need to draw clear boundaries.

[skytatoe]

I agree and disagree.

First I wouldn't state it in terms of right or wrong. Like you said this is purely personal choice.

Does sex get repetitive? It don't think so, sex is enjoyable. There are different kinds of sex. And I'd place sex with someone you're in love with at the absolute highest point on the pleasure scale with casual sex coming in second.
I've done both and there's something to be said for both. When its casual sex you get the novelty of a new person, the first time excitement, the initial spark and lust and its quite amazing.
When its someone you're in love with and used to, it might be the same sex, but its absolutely mindblowing because you know exactly how they like it and they know how you like it and it is above and beyond.
So both are great.

But deeper than that I would say engaging in too much casual sex could potentially rid you of the ability to form a deeper connection. Because everything you get is so immediate you no longer have that willpower to put the effort into something with more substance, a deeper connection / relationship. I'm saying potentially because it's just a theory. I could see it happening, and I've experienced it to a certain degree myself. When you're too focused on the immediate gratification you can miss out on the kind of bonds you can form through time and effort. You can even end up building it into your standards for a partner. ("Well if we dont have sex by date 3 I'm out, I'm not wasting time like this when there's plenty of fish in the sea", for example). Thats one drawback with "too much'' casual and short term.

An obvious advantage can be to let you explore your sexuality. Not everyone you'll be with is going to have the same wants and desires and you might discover things about yourself through being with more diverse people. If you're safe there are health benefits to plenty of sex etc... of course none of the benefits of casual sex can't be had in a committed relationship save for that of novelty.

One last advantage of casual sex is experience. And I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about experience with women. If you've been in very few relationships it can be tricky to know how to handle some situations. Often you'll find partners saying they want something but actually wanting something completely different. Experience is how you can identify those situations and respond properly.

There's pluses and minuses for both. Just go for what you feel is best for you right now.

[FadedGrenade]

I agree and disagree. First, I'd like to point out some things:
OP says, " If it's done with just anyone and all the time, it loses it's value."
The thing is, casual sex isn't done with anyone all the time. I think sex can still hold it's value after many many sexual encounters. Clearly many people agree, which is why they are promiscuous. You've stated that you are a virgin, so how could you know that the value of sex decreases the more you do it? You don't, because it is just assumption. I'm not judging or telling you how to live your life, I'm just pointing it out.
I really like the way you've written this Take. It is not offensive at all, even to a person who very much supports promiscuity (if it is smart and you desire it)
But secondly, you state all these statistics. Even without sources, I do concede with them. They make sense. But there is a reason that 82% of unattached women between the ages of 18 and 63 have engaged in casual sex.(http://www. lifestyles. com/article/study-looks-into-the-matter-of-women-and-casual-sex/)
Research from Scotland’s Royal Edinburgh Hospital found that having sex three times a week can make you look almost 30 years younger, according to the news source. The study found that youthful looking people between the ages of 18 and 102 appeared younger because of their habits more than their genetics, including regular sex. The medical journal Headache published the results of a survey that found women who were prone to migraines said sex helped alleviate some of the pain. An additional 17.5 percent of women with migraines said sex cured them of the headache altogether, the news source reports. According to WebMD, sex is also a stress reliever, and can help people burn calories.

[FadedGrenade]

Then again, there are hella risks to casual sex haha. I do support monogamy. But i don't think promiscuity is wrong, as long as you are smart and safe and you are doing it for yourself and nobody else.

[skytatoe]

->> This: "The thing is, casual sex isn't done with anyone all the time."
Your ego might want to make you think you can hook up with any chick any time, but you most definitely cannot, unless you're EXTREMELY socially competent. And even then... Try it ^^

This ->> "You've stated that you are a virgin, so how could you know that the value of sex decreases the more you do it?" Bang on the money.

I actually agree with certain aspects of OP's take but those are extremely valid counter points.

[FadedGrenade]

@skytatoe thank you

[Anonymous]

I don't disagree with what you're saying.
To you and some people sex is extremely important. To some people it's something to do to have fun or pass the time.
I have had casual sex and it's not fulfilling. Yes it felt good, but only in the moment. Then the high wears off.
At the time I didn't much regret it but I do now.
As for your statistics, im not saying you're wrong, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say these are true since you couldn't post links.
But my causal sex phase started AFTER I got out of an abusive relationship. I was at a low point and needed to feel nothing and something different at the same time. Not saying it was right or smart but it's how I got through.
You're right, it's a no brainer, when it comes to pregnancy and STDs and abortions. As you said, numbers game.

I think though you need to do what's best for you and let others make their own choices. You can't save the world.

Also, PLEASE stop insulting people that don't agree with you. You can't call people dumbasses and tell them to suck their dads dick. Its not ok.

[taleswapper]

I think you have given sex WAY too much significance. Yes, it's intimate. but so is a haircut. The barber runs his hands all over your head, and uses shaft metal instruments, and parts of you fall to the floor while he (or she) alters your appearance.

Promiscuity is the OPPOSITE of "appetite fatigue"; every time is new, even with the same partner. With different partners, it's even more varied. Just as no two meals are alike (especially from different restaurants), so too are no two sexual encounters alike. So your "favorite meal" analogy fails.
Teens (and young twenty-somethings) are shallow. But it's because they lack experience, which is the source of wisdom. What else do they have to go by, but appearance? So it's not promiscuity promoting it; even virgins can be obsessive about looks.

As for your "linked to" list, let me just point out that correlation is NOT causation. There are high rates of right-handedness is all of these, too; because there are more right-handed people in the population. So I tend to look at these sorts of claims with a skeptic eye.

[myTake Owner]

cdn.freedomainradio.com/...iage_Partners_Study.pdf

-> Page 19-25. Especially Page 24-25 is quite relevant.

www.everydayhealth.com/.../...eaten-longevity.aspx

medicalxpress.com/.../...partners-linked-drug.html

medicalxpress.com/.../...partners-linked-drug.html

www.barbararisman.com/.../...earch_final_paper.pdf

Plenty more where those statistics came from.

[myTake Owner]

Your barber analogy is absolutely pitiful. So much so that I actually feel sorry for your stupidity. By that logic any type of physical contact is intimate.

[taleswapper]

Well, Anonymous; I'll take being pitiful and stupid over being irrational any day. Luckily, i'd have to actually care about your opinion for it to matter. :)

[taleswapper]

Yes, and they have cause and effect backwards. Drugs and alcohol abuse can lead to sex; what a surprise. That's not the same as sex leading to drug and alcohol abuse, is it? Same with STDs, being a single parent, etc. Abortion rates ARE higher in promiscuous people but not because of promiscuity, but because of risk-taking in general. Etc, ad nauseum. you've assumed your conclusions, reversing cause and effect.

[myTake Owner]

In the words of Thor: "YOU ARE AN OLD MAN AND A FOOL!"

[taleswapper]

Ah, yes. the ad hominem gambit. good luck with that.

[myTake Owner]

So what exactly do you want me to do? Become promiscuous? Are you seriously trying to tell me to do it?

[taleswapper]

Nope. You have no actions to perform; I have no desires to even alter your opinion. What I'm doing is playing to the audience; showing them how to analyze an opinion based on sound reasoning, rather than emotional content and "feel-good" thinking. It's the difference between "rational" and rationalized". We are all of us entitled to our opinions; but that doesn't make them fact-based. I don't like pistachio ice cream; I think it tastes vile. But I would NEVER confuse that for anything but my opinion; nor would I ever try to justify it, like you have done here against promiscuity. Because it wouldn't be true.

[myTake Owner]

AH I see. Interesting.

[myTake Owner]

Pistachio ice-cream is the shit man. What the fuck is wrong with you?

[myTake Owner]

After looking at your profile, I can see why you think the way you do. You used to be a man slut.

[taleswapper]

You say that like it's a bad thing. I could just as easily say something derogatory about you... Oh, wait! You posted Anonymously, because you're too ashamed of your opinion to own it! Never mind...

[myTake Owner]

Well, taleswapper; I'll take being anonymous over being a man slut anyday. Luckily, I'd have to actually care about your opinion for it to matter. :)

[Poseidon51316]

All the old people I've met have been incredibly wise. I think you're the first stupid one I've seen. You're quite the jackass aren't you?

[oddwaffle]

You have the right analysis but you got the wrong value. If you have something over and over then you might have diminishing returns to scale.

In this case, it's called utility or happiness or whatever that floats your boat.

For example, if you are starving and I give you pizza then that 1st pizza slice will be the most awesome thing you have ever tasted. Better than sex. Then I give another pizza, which will taste a little less than before but still good.

By the 8th slice, you wouldn't like it as much. By the 12th slice, I will need to beat it in to you before you would eat another slice. By the 15th slice, I will have to tie you up and force it down your throat.

Of course, if you don't eat anything for the next 3 days then you will love that pizza again... until you eat so much you need to be beaten to eat more.

However, that doesn't make you don't want to eat pizza or food unless you are starving. It just means you shouldn't eat as much.

Sex is the same. Sure if you have seen after not having anything close would be awesome. Repeatedly having sex until the next day will leave you sore and probably not like it as much.

Still a couple hours later and you are back in business.

Of course, having vanilla sex will get boring then you will have to switch and change it up. Probably.

Then having sex with the same partner would be like eating the same pizza. You will have a strong incentive to try out that chicken wings you haven't tasted before. Or maybe that delicious burger.

Also, if you don't have sources for statistics then your statistics may be wrong. Why? Because you could be making that up or the guy you heard it from could be making that up. No sources means it's here say at best and self justification at worst.

[myTake Owner]

Did you even read what I wrote dumbass? I couldn't post sources because I don't ave enough experience to post links.

[oddwaffle]

So smart ass, nobody can confirm your data or sources which is the same as fucking useless.

Can you even read?

[myTake Owner]

Not gonna waste my time arguing with dipshits like you. I feel sorry for you fuckers. Go blow your dad why don't you?

[oddwaffle]

Cool story bro

[myTake Owner]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByC8sRdL-Ro

[COCOCHANEL]

i agree and wish more people would feel that sex is not for recreation. the fact is many men (and women) choose to play around.

[BigGuy8]

Recreation is fun. Sex is fun. How others use it isn't your business. Do you want people telling you how to live your life? What other people do has no reflection upon you, and does not require your approval. I'm guessing you wouldn't like it if someone followed you around for a day and disapproved of the choices you made. Same for everybody else. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It does not have to be yours to be right or acceptable.

[COCOCHANEL]

@BigGuy8 actually it did have a big effect on me when i was played and used as a side girl and lied to and tricked into thinking it was a relationship when it was just them wanting sex

[COCOCHANEL]

@BigGuy8 and it happened AFTER i expressed to these boys that i am looking for a relationship and do not have sex with people i'm not dating so YES they knew that i was not on board or DTF or whatever you want to call it. they do this to lots of girls.

[myTake Owner]

@BigGuy8 You're a piece of shit for attacking her like that man. Just fuck off and suck your dad's dick why don't you?

[myTake Owner]

Just ignore him. People like him are just like the guys that played you. Don't waste your time on people like that. Sorry that that happened to you by the way.

[COCOCHANEL]

thanks for sticking up for me. i let it happen
because i was too naive and trusted people too easily. i was also very lonely many times and hoped that they would be decent knowing that i wanted a relationship. but usually they weren't.

[myTake Owner]

I think the best way to avoid that is to honestly just withhold on sex when you start dating someone. My Phys-ed teacher in high school taught us that you should wait at least 3 months before doing anything sexual with someone. If you wait 3 months, then there's a good chance the guy who you're dating is genuine and doesn't just want you for the sex.

[COCOCHANEL]

i've tried but they get disappointed and pressure (they know what they're doing) and it's really hard to find someone i'm attracted to. it's sad to see that chance disappear.

[COCOCHANEL]

also i had some traumatic experiences which led me to romance addiction so i couldn't think about it rationally, just focused on the thought of him being my boyfriend

[myTake Owner]

If they pressure you then that means they don't respect you. That's when you walk away from them. A person who respect you will NEVER pressure you to do anything. You'll find someone eventually who will respect you. But until then, keep looking. I personally would never pressure a girl for sex.

[CupidSays]

I can relate to you Coco. Thanks for sharing. <3

[Heythere2013]

I agree, I think a big disadvantage for people who engage in such casual sex is they struggle w/monogamy when they finally want to settle down. Thing is when you are in an exclusive relationship, you don't go flirting/sleeping w/other people and that would hard for someone who is used to sleeping w/whoever. Plus I feel like they wouldn't know how to be in an exclusive relationship. by the way I don't care what people do, but when I was single, def turn off if the guy slept around a lot.

[23199707]

I don't think so.. if I found the right person who I really want to know and be with I would forget about allmy desire for sex and be with him.. if he wants to too.
I don't know if this makes any sense.

[23199707]

I mean it wouldn't be hard for me to be with him at all if I really care for him and his feelings

[BigGuy8]

I get and respect your opinion. But I've enjoyed casual sex... When a relationship is not in the foreseeable future. I wouldn't say I had sex a lot. But I didn't go very long without it. Sure, there were days I had sex multiple times the same day. With the same woman. But the next time may not be until next week. I never get bored with sex. I enjoy it. I love it. I love how the woman I am having sex with acts, responds, the sounds she makes. I love the pillow talk afterwards. Now that I'm in a committed relationship, the sex patterns are much the same, the only difference being it's the same woman every time. I struggle to see how anyone can find sex boring, but I can't say it doesn't bore you, because I don't know you. I'm just saying it doesn't bore me, and casual sex didn't change that at all.

[lilaqua]

I disagree, but I don't really intend to sleep around for the most part, but not exactly for the reasons you listed. I think for me, I've found that sex with a stranger is just bad. As a woman sometimes you need a little bit more and most of the time guys don't really give a shit. I also like super intense and that can really only be forged through some sort of emotional bond. I think the reasons you listed can either be prevented (STDs) or are statistical correlations but not causes (more likely to come out of a broken home), so I do think many people can be relatively well adjusted and sleep around to some extent.

[Plumy]

Umm I kind of agree...
I have my boyfriend and he is the only one I want to ever be with!
But pizza never gets boring...

[lordhossein]

i agree with pizza part too

[martyfellow]

I think social factors OTHER than promiscuity lead to the promiscuity.. it's a symptom, not a cause, in other words.

There are 'promiscuous' French women, but rarely are they for sale like most such women in the US.

I wouldn't make such a blanket statement about everyone... but on the whole, I'd say it's irresponsible in most cases, you'd be hurting people.

[loveslongnails]

I used to think sex was the most intimate thing you could do with a person, but now I don't think so. I think it's a BY-PRODUCT of the most intimate thing you can have with a person, but it's not a necessary by product for everyone. For that reason, I can find sex enjoyable with a friend and don't get hung up with the ton of emotions and "does this mean we're in love" feelings I used to think belonged there. This is not saying jump in the sack with everyone. Even the term "friend with benefits" implies that you're friends first, not new acquaintances or hook ups. Sex is best when your whole being and mind is involved, yes, but it's not bad all by itself !

[JudgmentDay]

-Higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
-Be more likely to become addicted

You got that right! It's just perpetual addictions trying to fill an emptiness, to fill a void, but no matter what you do, that emptiness and void will never completely go away.

[Anonymous]

Consider this: marriage is a relatively new construct. The original form of coupling, going back hundreds of centuries, was animal sex (what you'd probably call a hookup) then pairing up (what we call now a friends with benefits arrangement), then cohabitation. Without those most of us wouldn't exist. So it can't be that bad.

That said, one night stands are pretty grim. Like having a floppy cheeseburger instead of a 14oz 21 day aged rib eye steak with mixed roast vegetables, followed by sticky toffee pudding and custard. No contest.

Still... you may prefer gourmet to fast food but it doesn't change the basic premise... man's gotta eat...

[Poppykate]

Marriage is a relatively new construct.. 🤔 hmm 1250AD yeah I guess you could say it is relatively ‘new’.

[Opinion Owner]

@Poppykate humans have been around 2.8 million years so yeah, marriage has existed for just over a tenth of one per cent of our existence.

www.BBC.co.uk/news/science-environment-31718336

[Poppykate]

Thanks for sharing! 👍🏼

[najekim]

I can see your point of view and respect it. However in my experience the bullets you have at the end you'll most likely change your mind on as you grow older and gain more experience yourself. I can already refute each bullet by pointing to a group of people commonly known as Swingers that are about 98% opposite of your list because of having sex for pleasure's sake with others.
In close I would say to look back at your list 30 years from now and see if you still agree. Odds are you will not. Good luck!

[JimRSmith]

People who engage in it are usually not at a very happy point in their lives.

Low self-esteem usually plays a role, too.

Fact of the matter is that, for most people, it brings you a brief temporary high, and then you come crashing down again.

[l33tboot3r]

I agree with this. I'm not big on that type of culture personally. However, to each, their own and I'm not going to judge anyone doing that. It's just not for me and I rather be in an actual relationship before stepping into a sexual relationship.

[Anonymous]

If you view sex as just a fun thing to do, with any good looking hookup you are around, it will loose some of it's value and meaning, that is present in a marriage where both are either virgins, or only had sex with those who they are deeply in love with.

[Auzie]

Congrats, you finally figured it out. Just because you can sleep around, doesn’t mean you should. Unfortunately, most women these days ride the cock carrousel, and are much less marriageable because of it. Feminism sold women a terrible lie, and women took it hook, line and sinker, and now they’re paying for it.