Why I Think Casual Sex (Hooking Up, One Night Stands, FWB's) is Wrong

I just want to start off by saying that I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live their life. I believe that each individual should have every right to do what they want with their body. I am also not here to judge people who do engage in casual sex. I am here to simply state why I personally do not engage in it. I'll start off by saying that in MY personal opinion, sex is the most intimate thing you can do with someone. And for that reason alone it's something that should be had among in exclusive relationships. When I am naked in front of someone, I am in my most vulnerable state. Therefore, I can only have sex with someone who I deeply trust. I'm a 19 year old male virgin and see a lot of college students argue with me saying "But sex is so awesome! Why don't you just hook up with someone?"

Why I Think Casual Sex (Hooking Up, One Night Stands, FWB's) is Wrong

Think about it this way. Think of your favourite food. Maybe it's pizza. Or perhaps it's spaghetti. Whatever it may be, imagine having it everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It would get kinda boring after a while right? Well that's kind of how I view sex. If it's done with just anyone and all the time, it loses it's value. Sharing it with someone who I really care about increases the value of sex in mu opinion and makes it that much more special.

Secondly, I personally think that promiscuous behaviour of this type also causes people to judge others based on appearance. Think about it. Most people that engage in casual sex, mostly do it purely for the lust. Would you hook up with someone who you don't find attractive? Maybe you might. But from what I've seen with girls in college: "OMG! He's so cute, I wanna f*ck him!" I would argue girls have higher standards and only want to have sex with men who they find attractive. In my opinion, it teaches them to only find beauty in looks rather than inner beauty.

Why I Think Casual Sex (Hooking Up, One Night Stands, FWB's) is WrongLet me take this time to point out some statistics as well.

Promiscuous people have been linked again and again to...
-Mental instability and higher rates of mental illness
-Higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
-Be more likely to be a single parent (numbers game)
-Have higher rates of abortion (numbers game)
-Have less stable relationships and higher divorce rates
-Have increased chances of having been in an abusive relationship
-Be more likely to cheat
-Be more likely to become addicted
-Be more likely to come out of a broken household.

I wasn't able to link the sources for these statistic because I don't have enough experience points to post links.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • And it's killing relationships, a lot of men now a days want the milk but after they get the milk they don't want the cow anymore. And girls who agree to give away the free milk just make it harder for women who want to find a man to be truly into them.

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    • Amen to that!

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    • You say that like men didn't have casual sex before. Men (and women) have been cheating for thousands of years. As long as sex has felt good, people have done it. Monogamy is new in the grand scheme of things. Marriage is new in the grand scheme of things. There were no marriages or need for fidelity 3,000+ years ago. Men evolved to want to spread their seed. Spreading your seed means multiple mothers to your children. It is biology. Men these days are far more likely to resist that urge than they were 1,000 years ago. Don't act like we're going over a cliff with a new development. It's just easier to find random hookups due to technology. But people found them at bars long before cellphones.

    • @BigGuy8 "You say that like men didn't have casual sex before." I literally never said this you cuck.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yep. Lots of reasons this just isn't what people think it is or should be. You can't get any kind of familiarity and chemistry going with a ONS. It's a pump and dump. Especially for the girls - and if they do this very much they lose all concept of what a real genuine romantic relationship is all about. It makes them undesirable, unable to connect.

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What Girls Said 27

  • i agree and wish more people would feel that sex is not for recreation. the fact is many men (and women) choose to play around.

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    • Recreation is fun. Sex is fun. How others use it isn't your business. Do you want people telling you how to live your life? What other people do has no reflection upon you, and does not require your approval. I'm guessing you wouldn't like it if someone followed you around for a day and disapproved of the choices you made. Same for everybody else. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It does not have to be yours to be right or acceptable.

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    • If they pressure you then that means they don't respect you. That's when you walk away from them. A person who respect you will NEVER pressure you to do anything. You'll find someone eventually who will respect you. But until then, keep looking. I personally would never pressure a girl for sex.

    • I can relate to you Coco. Thanks for sharing. <3

  • I agree, I think a big disadvantage for people who engage in such casual sex is they struggle w/monogamy when they finally want to settle down. Thing is when you are in an exclusive relationship, you don't go flirting/sleeping w/other people and that would hard for someone who is used to sleeping w/whoever. Plus I feel like they wouldn't know how to be in an exclusive relationship. by the way I don't care what people do, but when I was single, def turn off if the guy slept around a lot.

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    • I don't think so.. if I found the right person who I really want to know and be with I would forget about allmy desire for sex and be with him.. if he wants to too.
      I don't know if this makes any sense.

    • I mean it wouldn't be hard for me to be with him at all if I really care for him and his feelings

  • Umm I kind of agree...
    I have my boyfriend and he is the only one I want to ever be with!
    But pizza never gets boring...

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  • If you don't want to engage in casual sex don't. You don't need to explain yourself. Have enough courage in your convictions to stand by them without having to methodically break down why people who don't agree with you are wrong. Life style choices are just that choices, there is no right or wrong.

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    • Why do you need validation for it though? People who don't care what other people do, do not do what you did here. Polyamory is not my thing, I don't make long winded posts telling polyamorous people they are wrong. Why? Because it not being my thing is a good enough reason not to engage in it. Your overthinking other people's sex lives. Worry about yourself and you'll be much happier.

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    • @PureGuy Correction I = Post-Modern Western woman. The Modern era ended between 1980 and 1990. If you want to waste your time worrying about what other people do in their beds go ahead, I just think you and the myTake Owner would be much happier if you focused on yourself and things that make you happy.

    • You express what you are. That's enough to know you.

  • I agree and disagree. First, I'd like to point out some things:
    OP says, " If it's done with just anyone and all the time, it loses it's value."
    The thing is, casual sex isn't done with anyone all the time. I think sex can still hold it's value after many many sexual encounters. Clearly many people agree, which is why they are promiscuous. You've stated that you are a virgin, so how could you know that the value of sex decreases the more you do it? You don't, because it is just assumption. I'm not judging or telling you how to live your life, I'm just pointing it out.
    I really like the way you've written this Take. It is not offensive at all, even to a person who very much supports promiscuity (if it is smart and you desire it)
    But secondly, you state all these statistics. Even without sources, I do concede with them. They make sense. But there is a reason that 82% of unattached women between the ages of 18 and 63 have engaged in casual sex.(http://www. lifestyles. com/article/study-looks-into-the-matter-of-women-and-casual-sex/)
    Research from Scotland’s Royal Edinburgh Hospital found that having sex three times a week can make you look almost 30 years younger, according to the news source. The study found that youthful looking people between the ages of 18 and 102 appeared younger because of their habits more than their genetics, including regular sex. The medical journal Headache published the results of a survey that found women who were prone to migraines said sex helped alleviate some of the pain. An additional 17.5 percent of women with migraines said sex cured them of the headache altogether, the news source reports. According to WebMD, sex is also a stress reliever, and can help people burn calories.

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    • Then again, there are hella risks to casual sex haha. I do support monogamy. But i don't think promiscuity is wrong, as long as you are smart and safe and you are doing it for yourself and nobody else.

    • ->> This: "The thing is, casual sex isn't done with anyone all the time."
      Your ego might want to make you think you can hook up with any chick any time, but you most definitely cannot, unless you're EXTREMELY socially competent. And even then... Try it ^^

      This ->> "You've stated that you are a virgin, so how could you know that the value of sex decreases the more you do it?" Bang on the money.

      I actually agree with certain aspects of OP's take but those are extremely valid counter points.

  • Agree with you, glad my best friend and I decided a relationship was better that just friends with bennies!!

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  • I think you need to chill out, people all walks of life get those things you listed, I wouldn't worry about it, if you want to have sex, I suggest finding a good friend or someone you can trust so you know they don't have any STD's etc. :)

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    • No need for name calling. That's just being childish. Are you 12? Your age says 18-24, but your attitude says 12. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you are right. You have opinions that would have plenty of people calling you a dumbass, but do they go saying it all over the internet? Probably not.

    • @BlondieGirl_ Typical Western girl.

    • @myTake Owner, don't lash out at strangers because of your inferiority complex. There are plenty of therapists out there to help you with your self esteem :)

  • Darlin’, it’s human nature to judge based on appearances. It has very little to do with casual sex.

    Also, married people have lots of sex. By your own logic, married sex is also meaningless.

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  • Life would be boring. Then our fascination will never be real. and sexual frustration comes in. If i liked someone, knowing we would never be together, i'll just keep fantasizing about him and do nothing about it sad :(

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  • Yes, definitely wrong. Especially for younger people.

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  • I agree with you

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    • Another point I forgot to mention. People now are trying to promote promiscuity and make it socially acceptable. The problem is that human beings need to place limits on their freedom. 50-100 year back it was frowned upon (probably for similar reasons as listed above). If things are headed the way they are now, then what's stopping incest from becoming socially acceptable, say 50 years from now? People argue and say "Well it's just sex! It's two people consenting to each other! We all NEED sex!". If you think about it, incestuous couples could use pretty much this same argument to justify themselves. Hence, we need to draw clear boundaries.

    • Who is trying to promote promiscuity? Who is trying to make it "socially acceptable"? Let me first say, removing the stigma does not mean they are promoting it. There are plenty of things you do every day that at one point were frowned upon or downright forbidden. Did you wait to have sex until you were married? Probably not. But if I take your opinion and how far you've ran with it beyond the bounds of common sense, you'd have to be a hypocrite to say you shouldn't bare the scarlet letter for being a slut. After all, pre-marital sex is sin. In Biblical times, you'd be stoned to death in front of your entire neighborhood for having sex before marriage. If you're a girl. Boys? Nobody cares what they do. Back to you running past the bounds of common sense. How in the world does not judging people for having casual sex turn to incest? You want the government to police our sex lives? Do you want them barging into your bedroom when you're alone? Slippery slope! I'm only using your own logic

    • @BigGuy8 HAHAHAHA I'm having fun! Pissed? Go ahead, get mad! You don't even realize how foolish you are.

  • I used to have one night stands, but not much interest in me now that I’m pregnant. lol

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  • I disagree, but I don't really intend to sleep around for the most part, but not exactly for the reasons you listed. I think for me, I've found that sex with a stranger is just bad. As a woman sometimes you need a little bit more and most of the time guys don't really give a shit. I also like super intense and that can really only be forged through some sort of emotional bond. I think the reasons you listed can either be prevented (STDs) or are statistical correlations but not causes (more likely to come out of a broken home), so I do think many people can be relatively well adjusted and sleep around to some extent.

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  • I LOVE ME SOME CASUAL SEX

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  • I agree with you, and I am also against all kinds of casual flings.

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  • No as long as everyone is open about it

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  • I agree.

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  • I don't disagree with what you're saying.
    To you and some people sex is extremely important. To some people it's something to do to have fun or pass the time.
    I have had casual sex and it's not fulfilling. Yes it felt good, but only in the moment. Then the high wears off.
    At the time I didn't much regret it but I do now.
    As for your statistics, im not saying you're wrong, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say these are true since you couldn't post links.
    But my causal sex phase started AFTER I got out of an abusive relationship. I was at a low point and needed to feel nothing and something different at the same time. Not saying it was right or smart but it's how I got through.
    You're right, it's a no brainer, when it comes to pregnancy and STDs and abortions. As you said, numbers game.

    I think though you need to do what's best for you and let others make their own choices. You can't save the world.

    Also, PLEASE stop insulting people that don't agree with you. You can't call people dumbasses and tell them to suck their dads dick. Its not ok.

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  • I'm 18 and a virgin. I'll happily wait a few more years too, if i don't find a happy relationship.(even if that leaves me sexually frustrated af..)

    I have no judgement towards people whon engage in casual sex, it's just not for me, at least not at the moment. Who knows, people change but i don't think i'll ever be able to enjoy having one night stands.

    I would happily try having a friends with benefits thugh, i don't know if that counts as casual sex

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  • I got bored with that one same book. And I can't afford to buy every book I want to read. A couple of years ago I did find one that I wanted read over and over, so I had it autographed. But it had one of those library check out cards in the back, so I just let other girls read it while I'm reading other books. They always bring it back when they're done.

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  • Casual sex is a sorry excuse for people afraid of being less popular to others who have sex a lot and for bored people, get you head out of your ass! Sheeples!

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  • Just wrong for anyone to that kind of stuff.

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  • Not agree with you.
    Because human has their physical needs sex is one of them and mostly a strong need many of the societies don't allow sex before the marriage and extramarital affairs. But sometimes we need of sex what can not have openly so casual or one night stand is good option to fulfil your need of sex.

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  • It sounds more like you want hot chicks to “save themselves” for less attractive men, because “omg, their hotness makes me feel like I’d do anything for them and I deserve them for that.”

    ... since you don’t mention guys’ behavior.

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    • hehe, pornstars are hot, would you marry one? so what you said make nonsense, i also wanna spend all my life with one person that doesn't mean i am not attractive or i can't attract girls, on the contrary i was asked out by few girls too, but i wasn't interested to take advantage and leave them so i said no ( i didn't love them)

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    • She's a typical Western woman.

  • Agreed

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  • To each their own. I think it's wrong but I'm not gonna try to change my friends over it, it's their life but if they get an STD...

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  • Agreed. I think sex should be special too.

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What Guys Said 46

  • All of these points are of course correct, and are good ones. The lack of stability with these arrangements is a real turnoff, but the big picture is that we have to admit that these unstable arrangements or actions are indicative of the individuals' lack of stability or lack of desire for stability, which is a shame because most people are much better off in a loving relationship. Problem is, a number of people aren't capable of stable relationships, even in the absence of mental health or substance abuse issues.

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    • "The lack of stability with these argument is a real turnoff" Are you referring to MY arguments?

    • No, I was referring to the lack of stability in hooking up, friends with benefits, etc., as opposed to standard exclusive relationships.

    • Ah I see. Yeah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so. Another point I forgot to mention. People now are trying to promote promiscuity and make it socially acceptable. The problem is that human beings need to place limits on their freedom. 50-100 year back it was frowned upon (probably for similar reasons as listed above). If things are headed the way they are now, then what's stopping incest from becoming socially acceptable, say 50 years from now? People argue and say "Well it's just sex! It's two people consenting to each other! We all NEED sex!". If you think about it, incestuous couples could use pretty much this same argument to justify themselves. Hence, we need to draw clear boundaries.

  • I think you have given sex WAY too much significance. Yes, it's intimate. but so is a haircut. The barber runs his hands all over your head, and uses shaft metal instruments, and parts of you fall to the floor while he (or she) alters your appearance.

    Promiscuity is the OPPOSITE of "appetite fatigue"; every time is new, even with the same partner. With different partners, it's even more varied. Just as no two meals are alike (especially from different restaurants), so too are no two sexual encounters alike. So your "favorite meal" analogy fails.
    Teens (and young twenty-somethings) are shallow. But it's because they lack experience, which is the source of wisdom. What else do they have to go by, but appearance? So it's not promiscuity promoting it; even virgins can be obsessive about looks.

    As for your "linked to" list, let me just point out that correlation is NOT causation. There are high rates of right-handedness is all of these, too; because there are more right-handed people in the population. So I tend to look at these sorts of claims with a skeptic eye.

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    • Well, taleswapper; I'll take being anonymous over being a man slut anyday. Luckily, I'd have to actually care about your opinion for it to matter. :)

    • All the old people I've met have been incredibly wise. I think you're the first stupid one I've seen. You're quite the jackass aren't you?

  • You have the right analysis but you got the wrong value. If you have something over and over then you might have diminishing returns to scale.

    In this case, it's called utility or happiness or whatever that floats your boat.

    For example, if you are starving and I give you pizza then that 1st pizza slice will be the most awesome thing you have ever tasted. Better than sex. Then I give another pizza, which will taste a little less than before but still good.

    By the 8th slice, you wouldn't like it as much. By the 12th slice, I will need to beat it in to you before you would eat another slice. By the 15th slice, I will have to tie you up and force it down your throat.

    Of course, if you don't eat anything for the next 3 days then you will love that pizza again... until you eat so much you need to be beaten to eat more.

    However, that doesn't make you don't want to eat pizza or food unless you are starving. It just means you shouldn't eat as much.

    Sex is the same. Sure if you have seen after not having anything close would be awesome. Repeatedly having sex until the next day will leave you sore and probably not like it as much.

    Still a couple hours later and you are back in business.

    Of course, having vanilla sex will get boring then you will have to switch and change it up. Probably.

    Then having sex with the same partner would be like eating the same pizza. You will have a strong incentive to try out that chicken wings you haven't tasted before. Or maybe that delicious burger.

    Also, if you don't have sources for statistics then your statistics may be wrong. Why? Because you could be making that up or the guy you heard it from could be making that up. No sources means it's here say at best and self justification at worst.

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    • Did you even read what I wrote dumbass? I couldn't post sources because I don't ave enough experience to post links.

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    • Cool story bro

  • I agree and disagree.

    First I wouldn't state it in terms of right or wrong. Like you said this is purely personal choice.

    Does sex get repetitive? It don't think so, sex is enjoyable. There are different kinds of sex. And I'd place sex with someone you're in love with at the absolute highest point on the pleasure scale with casual sex coming in second.
    I've done both and there's something to be said for both. When its casual sex you get the novelty of a new person, the first time excitement, the initial spark and lust and its quite amazing.
    When its someone you're in love with and used to, it might be the same sex, but its absolutely mindblowing because you know exactly how they like it and they know how you like it and it is above and beyond.
    So both are great.

    But deeper than that I would say engaging in too much casual sex could potentially rid you of the ability to form a deeper connection. Because everything you get is so immediate you no longer have that willpower to put the effort into something with more substance, a deeper connection / relationship. I'm saying potentially because it's just a theory. I could see it happening, and I've experienced it to a certain degree myself. When you're too focused on the immediate gratification you can miss out on the kind of bonds you can form through time and effort. You can even end up building it into your standards for a partner. ("Well if we dont have sex by date 3 I'm out, I'm not wasting time like this when there's plenty of fish in the sea", for example). Thats one drawback with "too much'' casual and short term.

    An obvious advantage can be to let you explore your sexuality. Not everyone you'll be with is going to have the same wants and desires and you might discover things about yourself through being with more diverse people. If you're safe there are health benefits to plenty of sex etc... of course none of the benefits of casual sex can't be had in a committed relationship save for that of novelty.

    One last advantage of casual sex is experience. And I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about experience with women. If you've been in very few relationships it can be tricky to know how to handle some situations. Often you'll find partners saying they want something but actually wanting something completely different. Experience is how you can identify those situations and respond properly.

    There's pluses and minuses for both. Just go for what you feel is best for you right now.

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  • -Higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
    -Be more likely to become addicted

    You got that right! It's just perpetual addictions trying to fill an emptiness, to fill a void, but no matter what you do, that emptiness and void will never completely go away.

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  • People who engage in it are usually not at a very happy point in their lives.

    Low self-esteem usually plays a role, too.

    Fact of the matter is that, for most people, it brings you a brief temporary high, and then you come crashing down again.

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  • I think social factors OTHER than promiscuity lead to the promiscuity.. it's a symptom, not a cause, in other words.

    There are 'promiscuous' French women, but rarely are they for sale like most such women in the US.

    I wouldn't make such a blanket statement about everyone... but on the whole, I'd say it's irresponsible in most cases, you'd be hurting people.

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  • So young and so intelligent. I'm happy you are this mature at your age.

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  • Alrighty then

    As far as I’m concerned, life is too short to wait for the “right time” or whatever.

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    • Then why don't you just fuck your mom then if it's sooooooo necessary to have sex now?

    • What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
      Never said necessary, I said fun

  • Some of what you said I agree with. But I don't agree with the part where you said that promiscuous Behavior causes people to judge by appearances. I think Society shapes your opinion on people's appearances. Cuz I know when I was a virgin I still judge people by their appearances

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  • Congrats, you finally figured it out. Just because you can sleep around, doesn’t mean you should. Unfortunately, most women these days ride the cock carrousel, and are much less marriageable because of it. Feminism sold women a terrible lie, and women took it hook, line and sinker, and now they’re paying for it.

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  • I agree with this. I'm not big on that type of culture personally. However, to each, their own and I'm not going to judge anyone doing that. It's just not for me and I rather be in an actual relationship before stepping into a sexual relationship.

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  • I agree. Whoring around sucks for both men and women. Nothing special. No bonding. No intimacy.

    It's just a orgasm and out the door.

    It makes you feel empty within.

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  • Or you, just like me, find casual sex disgusting and girls who do it have no real value to me. I already see million dislikes on this opinon, but I don't care.
    I am okay if she is not virgin, don't get me wrong. But there is a number I couldn't get over either.

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  • Not a fan. However, I'm tempted with some girls, but there are always political risks. Particularly with colleagues, the sex could be used against you, "don't shit where you way as they say". I've had girls come onto me at work, and I like sex, but one night stands would be ok with a friend of a friend or someone I knew from a personal circle.

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  • Yes, you have made good points, it is a good take overall.

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  • People need to get married, settle down, and start a family. It's simple and it works.

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  • I get and respect your opinion. But I've enjoyed casual sex... When a relationship is not in the foreseeable future. I wouldn't say I had sex a lot. But I didn't go very long without it. Sure, there were days I had sex multiple times the same day. With the same woman. But the next time may not be until next week. I never get bored with sex. I enjoy it. I love it. I love how the woman I am having sex with acts, responds, the sounds she makes. I love the pillow talk afterwards. Now that I'm in a committed relationship, the sex patterns are much the same, the only difference being it's the same woman every time. I struggle to see how anyone can find sex boring, but I can't say it doesn't bore you, because I don't know you. I'm just saying it doesn't bore me, and casual sex didn't change that at all.

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  • I used to think sex was the most intimate thing you could do with a person, but now I don't think so. I think it's a BY-PRODUCT of the most intimate thing you can have with a person, but it's not a necessary by product for everyone. For that reason, I can find sex enjoyable with a friend and don't get hung up with the ton of emotions and "does this mean we're in love" feelings I used to think belonged there. This is not saying jump in the sack with everyone. Even the term "friend with benefits" implies that you're friends first, not new acquaintances or hook ups. Sex is best when your whole being and mind is involved, yes, but it's not bad all by itself !

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  • What I do is having sex with someone, as soon as I feel, as long as I think it can last in time. Till proven otherwise.

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  • I can see your point of view and respect it. However in my experience the bullets you have at the end you'll most likely change your mind on as you grow older and gain more experience yourself. I can already refute each bullet by pointing to a group of people commonly known as Swingers that are about 98% opposite of your list because of having sex for pleasure's sake with others.
    In close I would say to look back at your list 30 years from now and see if you still agree. Odds are you will not. Good luck!

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  • Meh, more for me. Not like I get often enough for that to matter though xD

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  • 100 % agree on what you said

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    • Thanks bro! My faith in our generation is slowly starting to get restored.

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    • I actually have a dark sense of humor. I knew this post was going to trigger some people so I'd figure I'd have some fun with them.

    • yes, but you should react respectfully bro,

  • Good myTake, I agree.

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  • Yes
    And it's absolutely wrong

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  • I Love This Take !!!

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  • I agree there😊

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  • No. Casual sex is right.

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  • I agree. Sloots are gross

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  • You're just butthurt you ain't getting none..

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