Yeah, those weren't nice guys, they were just a different breed of asshole. And as long as you're not a bad judge of character, you can spot them from a mile away. Sorry, but you broke your own heart by letting yourself get played. I mean, do you not learn as much as you can about a person before jumping headlong into a relationship? There's nothing wrong with doing a little reconnaissance on a prospective romantic interest, in fact, one should always do that. Maybe your bullshit detector is out of whack, but I for one have always found it easy to spot when someone is full of shit.
Just curious how come in all your stories about the men you dated, you never mention what they were upset at you about? Are you really just perfect and it's all their fault? I'm thinking this is unlikely and the fact that you can't even talk about yourself having any flaws means you will likely run into the same problems in your relationships regardless of what man you date. I bet you will get offended from this comment and most likely block me because you can't take any negative criticism that questions your integrity.
@HereComesDrTran I'm starting to think women just go for whatever you provide for them regardless of who you are. I mean I could be a mass murderer and if I still made her laugh, gave her everything she wanted, and my murderering didn't harm her life at all. She would be completely fine with it. Am I wrong about women or what?
I don't block people. So there's that. My 'flaws' are stated. First guy: my job, my friends, my alone time was why we fought. Every single time. I literally don't remember a single fight that wasn't over some aspect of me wanting to do stuff that he wasn't okay with. Guy #2, we didn't fight. Not ever actually. So what flaws are you asking me to list? Flaws: I have male friends I don't play ultimatums I need my alone time sometimes, a day a week is fine. My life/happiness should be equal to my significant other's My family comes before him.
Can we stop beating around the bush and really address the main problem here with your relationships? Your guy's don't trust you with your male friends. Is your alone time really alone time? Or are you sneaking in a extra date with a "male friend". All you have to do is make your man trust you more, there must be something about your behavior that just brings up all kinds of red flags.
Well, since the first ex, I have one friend. One. He's the 64 year old gay man. I work third shift, I don't go out and do shit typically, because the no friends thing. So i really don't know how i coukd be tgrowing up any red flags at this point in my life. As far as alone time, I would get off work (3am), go to his house, hour drive. Try to quietly sneak in because he's already sleeping. Can't watch tv, it'll wake him up. Can't fall asleep, I just got off work. Lay there for hours til I finally drift off. Wake up, he's getting ready for work and wants me awake, 3 hours after I've fallen asleep. Hangout til he leaves for work. Go home. Go back to sleep for 3 hours before i have to wake up to get ready for work, repeat. Alone time was to sleep, do some laundry or something that didn't involve being at someone's beck and call every hour of every day.
Maybe I don't know much about your life or you. But from the sounds of your short story. You seem like a person who is dishonest with herself. You are dating men who treat you bad because you allow them to treat you bad. You lack respect for yourself to always be putting your man first even if he is a scumbag. Take responsibility for your own choice of men. And don't blame nice guys.
From your MyTake, you didn't even date any nice guys. I think you are mentally deranged from the abuse you have taken from terrible men. And no surprise they are all alcoholics and you probably drink that poison yourself.
Have in the past, yes. Nice guys who turned out to be assholes. You've never met someone, thought they were really sweet and great. Turns out they're not at all what you thought? Yeah, happens. I definitely have blame in this, I let things happen for too long, I made some poor decisions in who I chose to be with. That doesn't take away from this though. People lie to get others to believe what they want them to. Wanna be the nice guy? Meet someone new, you can be whoever you wanna be until your true self is revealed. I'm going to stop believing people's shit and assume everyone's an asshole. Bullshit is easier to detect when you know someone's an asshole vs when you think they're a genuine nice guy. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I'm the opposite. I'm not very nice to women until I start seeing qualities I like about them in their personality. But I do understand what you are saying. There's a lot of fake guys out there just like fake girls.
I still don't believe in your genuine attitude to serve your man. You probably put up that fake attitude to lure them in right? So how are you any better than those fake nice guys when you pretend to be that subservient to men? You are practically behaving like a slave. Why do this? You don't want to, and no respectable man wants his wife to be like this. Like I said, take responsibility.
I have never been the girl who is down to "serve a man". With my very very early relationship, it was my first love and there were some severe life changes happening to me and yes, I let shit slide much longer than I should have. First guy noted above, I loved him. Through and through so I was willing to sacrifice some things, until it became too much and I fell out of love and realized who he was. Love takes some sacrifice as I've been told. I tried. The second guy noted above, not even kinda. I'm a very giving, loyal person though. You hungry? I'll cook for you. You're tired and sore? Lemme rub your back while you fall asleep. That's who I am, I don't intend on changing. If I sense bullshit, I will stand up for myself. Smooth talkers are a problem for me. If you know how to diffuse me, I'm gonna have a problem. Which is what happened with him. I get what you're saying though.
That's heartbreaking, and I've seen it dozens of times. Bad boys, fuckboys, and nice guys make up 99+% of the male population.
Good men are extremely rare and getting rarer by the day, because "bad bitches", nice girls, and fuck girls make up 99+% of women.
Im one "nice girl" away from being a complete asshole. I have an absolutely amazing girl right now, but if she screws me over, I'll never bother trying to love a woman again. She's the most perfect woman I've ever met, so if she turns out to be trash, I'll conclude that all women are trash and treat them accordingly.
It's awful that this is the world we live in! Hold on tight, or... Hold on loosely I believe is the song. I know though, I feel about the same. I feel like it's because everyone starts the 'bad bitch/player' game so early in life, by the time you're old enough to want to settle down, everyone's already so messed up from being hurt before, that they hurt other people. It's a vicious cycle! Good luck with your girl though, I hope you're one of the lucky ones!
Thanks, and best of luck to you. She's everything I've ever wanted, and no red flags after 5 months. We've had two serious "discussions" that were very calm and we each owned up to our mistakes and talked through it, and neither issue has been brought up again.
It's an entirely different world than relationships I'm used to
I may be saying something really stupid and inconsiderate, but you say the second guy didn't have a lot of experience, but you do, right? So maybe that changed things for him somehow. Maybe at some point he thought "this girl has been having fun with all the bad dudes and now that she's done she wants to be with me?". Or maybe actually going all the way changed him as well and he also wants to have fun with other girls.
I can understand you were more heartbroken with the "good" guys because you assumed you were safer with them or at a point in your life where you were ready to take it more seriously. Anyway, I don't see what good the decision of "no longer dating nice guys" will bring to you. Rather than (seemingly) good or bad, you should probably seek some quality decent man who shares the same views of the future as you do? Sorry if I'm saying too much.
He didn't date much in high school, we've been out of high school for 9 years though. He had his heart broken a few years ago, he's apparently not over it. I get the way I wondered things was strange but I def was never sleeping around. My high school/college boyfriend knocked me out a few times when drunk. The time I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, I left, haven't kept tabs but I did press charges and He spent some time behind bars. He is the same guy who I came home to find women in my bed, but he was 'innocent' 😂. I've slept with 4 men in my entire life. As far as swearing them off, I'm not. I really don't know how to edit what I've said to include this, I'm just done believing nice guy tactics. From now on, I'll view them all as assholes so when things like that happen, I'll know and not be blind to it because, 'He's such a nice guy though".
I know, right? My whole life people tell me, "Don't worry, when you're older women will go for nice guys and get over the 'bad boy' thing." Nope. Not at all true. In fact, the older I get, the more it seems women just want a blank-faced, chest-beating dumb-ass because at least they know what they're purchasing. I'll keep being a good person, because I don't do it just to get laid, but man am I fucked in the dating department lol. Unless I'm a selfish prick and totally broadcast that, ain't no one ever gonna trust me.
It's honestly a hard thing in this day and age lol. I dont mean I'm going to cancel out nice guys, I just mean I'm going to see everyone as an asshole. Whether they're a nice guy or not. I've met assholes in their 30s and 40s. I've met assholes in their teens and 20s. There's no age restriction. Hopefully we'll all find good people worth while sometime... soonish would be great!
The second guy was just a prick, and as for the first guy, he is way too manipulative to be called nice.
I dont know if you would judge me as "nice" but i think im a decent person.
I dont accept male friends either especially not ex'es.
But i say that in the beginning. No male friends if you are with me. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be with me.
That way its your choice. He said that 4 years into the relationship? By that time you already invested a lot into him amd the relationship, so its not rrally a choice.
Its being cunning of him. Anyway, this shouldn't put you off actually nice men, but the ones claiming to be nice, aren't always so... Whatever, good luck!
Slowly became more and more controlling. The ex's thing was right away, obviously. I totally understood that one. The male friends was a few months later, went from can't hangout with to can't talk to period, about a year later, etc. Then looking at getting an apartment, well he refuses to relocate or meet halfway. My nieces took up too much of my time, can't babysit. Alone time is selfish, etc.
While I understand why men dislike their S. O. s hanging out with men, if that's literally all you have, asking them to make that choice is having them abandon everything and everyone, which is really not fair. I understood, so I accepted that and did... Which now I really wish I hadn't. Even several years later, I have one friend. I'm a 26 year old woman with one friggen friend, who is a dude! He's old and gay, but a dude nonetheless. It's super hard to meet people in my world. I live in bfe, I work third shift. So letting my friends go was one of the biggest regrets I have in life.
I guess he just got progressively more controlling or was like that to begin with but took his time to be manipulative instead, because else he would push you away.
Well, i wouldn't date a girl who has a lot of male friends im the first place. Im not cool with that, so why try and change her. it can go two ways: one, it won't work and you both have an issue between you now, or two, it works and now you got her sad for losing all those people. You dont know how attached she was, and its not cool to forcibly change that.
In your case, its sad that you lost all those people, your decision there was not the right one, but we all make the wrong decisions at some point, its like that unfortunately, and you took a big loss.
This is actually a big fear of mine, if a girl asks me to not talk to girls, it can be done, since i dont have close female friends. But if she asks me to dump my close male friends, it can't be done
Like they were there for me always , and helped me when i needed them.
I dont know if things eill work out with the girl im with, so i wouldn't dump my friends. So i guess the relationship is over.
But if i was with her a for a long time, and we were married, then its not that simple. If she then asks to dump my friend/s im f*cked.
Thats why i dislike it when people do that. It was a really shitty thing for him to do. But at the end you can't even blame him, since we are the ones who make that choice
Good luck to you , i think its better to make friends first in your case, boyfriend or husband can come along at some time, but you need some friends in your life. Even if not perfect, they can make the picture fuller 😊
Man have I been trying lol. Seriously, million dollar idea for some app creator. A tinder. For friends. A friendster, if you will. Once leaving school, it's so hard to meet people and I know others who feel the same way. Thank you though, I appreciate it!
Women who say that quote are the ones who end up angry cat ladies. It’s no wonder men don’t want anything to do with women anymore it’s because of entitled hypergamis hoes such as you. Dating asshole is going to turn you into a old dried up catches mit and you will be alone when you hit the wall in your early 30’s. Then when that’s happens your going to make a post saying “why can't I find a nice guy to marry” well bitch they don’t want your arrogant ugly dried up ass anymore because the learned not to deal with your shit a pump and dump women half your age. Member karmas a bitch!
What about this story, made any of that a thing? Lol seriously though. The story and the title contradict a bit I'll admit, I don't know how to change it though. My point isn't that I'm going to stop dating nice guys, it's that I'm going to stop believing who people want others to view them as. I've slept with 4 men ever and I'm 26. Dried up hoe? You have some serious woman issues dude.
The bad nice guys are like cancer - slowly kills you from the inside, and their inquisitive thinking can be so manipulative youd feel wrong for breathing 😂
The bad bad boys, are like acid - they dont run mind games as much but are so direct in their poor character it just eats away at you.
I've had best dating /rela exps with "bad boys" but Im very upfront from the beginning
On one note, you are right in pointing that 'nice guys' are as bad as any human being. And it's annoying when guys call themselves nice guys and girls leave them, while they are as bad.
On another, that's another life experience you will learn from. Rather date the 'nice guy' who will have at least the possiblity of gueninly being nice than an asshole that is well an asshole.
I get your point. I've known guys who seemed so "nice", so "sweet" and "caring". But in fact, they are just creeps who either only want sex or money. And the worst thing is, they are such good actors. They are not the obvious "assholes", they are the type that even your family and friends would have a good impression of. So, I'll agree with you, to see things with a critical eye and treat everything he says with a pinch of salt.
I guess that"s your bad luck if some one like me tried up then i would have ended up marrying you , cause i am 20 but still, firm. i behave good and people named me MR. Nice guy and some times this will make us ending up in frndzone but in your case you dated them , its not your fault , its the fault of those 2 jerks who just spoiled good guys image around cause they were never nice guys instead they were fuckbois !! who are going to get fucked by gods grace by virtue I only talk to those girls who i would love to live a long term relationship
What a freaking soap opera. Your behavior was equally as astonishing as theirs. Who cries for 4 days over a boyfriend, then takes him back 2 weeks later, gets booty called, then takes him back another 6 weeks later? You mind fucked yourself. And you have mistakenly judged these men as "nice guys" in the first place. I hope you learned a lot from this. It has ZERO to do with "nice guys vs bad guys" ... but it has everything to do with you allowing yourself to be shit upon. Don't do it again, please.
Brent here! The nice guy doesn't mean he is nice in every situation and wants to be not exciting, wronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng, he is classy and mature, he can love hard and can be fun sometimes too so maybe you are looking at the wrong ones but that doesn't fit my description.
I'm actually really upset about the kind of guys you met. My sister had to go through the same, so much so that she finally opted for an arrange marriage. I mean, it's not the decision I supported, but anyway. Coming to my point, don't you think, you perspective depends on the kind of people you've met? I mean, those two guys were assholes. But, there might be better people out there, don't you think?
I absolutely do, yes. I have been rather unfortunate in my love life lol. Its mildly annoying because all of my siblings are either married with kids, married and expecting, or getting married soon. I'm the second oldest, the frustration is real. I haven't given up by any means. I'm actually currently dating someone. He's an asshole. Not manipulative or mean, just a cocky asshole. And I call him on his bullshit because I can smell it a mile away. There's no way to filter through who is and isn't an asshole. I know there's nice guys out there, but seriously they are so hard to find. And deep down every guy can be an asshole, just like every woman can be a bitch. Until I can learn how to filter who is actually nice and who isn't, I'm intimidated to try to date another nice guy
Well, he isn't a true asshole. I classify men into 3 categories: Assholes. Douchebags. Nice guys. So out of the 3, he's an asshole. Yes I realize this is a corrupt way to view things, but my old group of guy friends and I had this discussion once and that's what they classified all men under, so that's how I've done it since. Of course there's sub groups to each category, but I won't go into detail on that. He's an asshole in the sense that he's cocky, super flirtatious, brags about his sport stuff, may have peaked in high school kind of way. (Not to be confused with douchebag as he isn't sleeping around, doesn't wear muscle shirts and talk about the gym with his 'bros') He treats me well and has yet to let me down. He fights clean and my mom likes him. Were pretty early into it, but just like any other guy, if he's a deep down asshole, I won't know for awhile yet.
Wow, that's messed up. Did your brother ever apologize to you? And the second guy.. you waited 6 months to have sex!! You'd think an asshole would have given up by then, but yeah, you should have made better choices.. clearly you should have insisted he'd marry you first! /s
He did actually, as did my ex's brother who is my brothers best friend. It wasn't their fault though, most crazy controlling people don't let other people know how they are. That's what I'm saying though! I personally wanted to wait about 5 months. A few weeks prior it could have happened and he said, "I think we should stop. I haven't met your dad yet and id like to docthat before we sleep together". So we stopoed, he met my dad a few weeks later, slept together soon after. He genuinely seemed like a really good guy lol
I'm glad to hear, because I know people who will tell the victim it's his fault for making the perpetrator 'become' that way or say shit like "You knew he's crazy controlling, so why do you keep doing what you do? Do you enjoy fighting? He can't change, but you could" That second guy.. what the hell.. it almost seems like he enjoys breaking hearts.
Neither of them were very attractive lol. First guy my brother hooked me up with, was not someone I would have decided to date on my own. His brother is my brothers beat friend. They said he was a super nice guy, that's why I went for it. Guy #2 isn't unattractive, but he's 26 and severely balding. He's 5'6. I'm 5'4, anybody taller than me is cool, but he was super self conscious about it. The hot ones are usually the assholes.
And yes I realize this. They weren't nice guys. But when you start dating someone, you have to base things off who they appear to be. Guy #1 didn't turn asshole for over 2 years, soon after engagement. Guy #2 didn't turn asshole til after we slept together. So how are women supposed to filter through who is and isn't actually a nice guy?
After 2 years Well i wouldn't day the person is an asshole. If he was nice for 2 years then turned assholes its 99% most probably because the dynamic you two shared wasn't bringing out the best in you two
Everyone embodies all emotions and traits. Meaning a nice guy obviously can have potential to be an asshole just like an asshole can have potential to be nice
Its just a matter of who brings it out I mean if an asshole on day 1 turns out to be nice on year 3. Lol its not that he's not a dick. Its just that he now found someone he values and wants to keep. So he's being nice
What makes you think he was a nice guy at all. People can put on a front then show their true colors. Nice guy or nice girl is relative and you don't know anyone well enough to judge personality even if married 50 years. My dad is completely differint around me at the bar than my mom and they have been married 40 years.
Those weren't nice guys. They were wolves in sheeps clothing. Pretenders. Perpetrating the fraud. One of them seemed like a pyschopath, and the other a master manipulator. Sorry you had to go through crap.
Just get laid. Ever since my divorce, that's my only agenda (which I admit, can be a more difficult agenda to accomplish as a guy than a girl as girls can pretty much get it wherever they want it). As much as most people want life partners and relationships, sometimes after numerous trials and errors, the only and best answer is bed-pounding sex.
I’ve always found it suspicious when I can’t use any other words to describe someone’s personality beyond “nice.” I have had better luck with people who are other things as well - funny, sarcastic, passionate, charismatic, etc.
It’s easy to fake being nice. It’s not easy to fake an entire personality.
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Yeah, those weren't nice guys, they were just a different breed of asshole. And as long as you're not a bad judge of character, you can spot them from a mile away. Sorry, but you broke your own heart by letting yourself get played. I mean, do you not learn as much as you can about a person before jumping headlong into a relationship? There's nothing wrong with doing a little reconnaissance on a prospective romantic interest, in fact, one should always do that. Maybe your bullshit detector is out of whack, but I for one have always found it easy to spot when someone is full of shit.
Just curious how come in all your stories about the men you dated, you never mention what they were upset at you about? Are you really just perfect and it's all their fault? I'm thinking this is unlikely and the fact that you can't even talk about yourself having any flaws means you will likely run into the same problems in your relationships regardless of what man you date. I bet you will get offended from this comment and most likely block me because you can't take any negative criticism that questions your integrity.
Women don't have integrity lol. That's exactly why they invented censorship.
@HereComesDrTran Exactly my nigga!
@HereComesDrTran I'm starting to think women just go for whatever you provide for them regardless of who you are. I mean I could be a mass murderer and if I still made her laugh, gave her everything she wanted, and my murderering didn't harm her life at all. She would be completely fine with it. Am I wrong about women or what?
you are right
I don't block people. So there's that. My 'flaws' are stated. First guy: my job, my friends, my alone time was why we fought. Every single time. I literally don't remember a single fight that wasn't over some aspect of me wanting to do stuff that he wasn't okay with.
Guy #2, we didn't fight. Not ever actually.
So what flaws are you asking me to list?
Flaws: I have male friends
I don't play ultimatums
I need my alone time sometimes, a day a week is fine.
My life/happiness should be equal to my significant other's
My family comes before him.
Can we stop beating around the bush and really address the main problem here with your relationships? Your guy's don't trust you with your male friends. Is your alone time really alone time? Or are you sneaking in a extra date with a "male friend". All you have to do is make your man trust you more, there must be something about your behavior that just brings up all kinds of red flags.
Well, since the first ex, I have one friend. One. He's the 64 year old gay man. I work third shift, I don't go out and do shit typically, because the no friends thing. So i really don't know how i coukd be tgrowing up any red flags at this point in my life.
As far as alone time, I would get off work (3am), go to his house, hour drive. Try to quietly sneak in because he's already sleeping. Can't watch tv, it'll wake him up. Can't fall asleep, I just got off work. Lay there for hours til I finally drift off. Wake up, he's getting ready for work and wants me awake, 3 hours after I've fallen asleep. Hangout til he leaves for work. Go home. Go back to sleep for 3 hours before i have to wake up to get ready for work, repeat. Alone time was to sleep, do some laundry or something that didn't involve being at someone's beck and call every hour of every day.
Maybe I don't know much about your life or you. But from the sounds of your short story. You seem like a person who is dishonest with herself. You are dating men who treat you bad because you allow them to treat you bad. You lack respect for yourself to always be putting your man first even if he is a scumbag. Take responsibility for your own choice of men. And don't blame nice guys.
From your MyTake, you didn't even date any nice guys. I think you are mentally deranged from the abuse you have taken from terrible men. And no surprise they are all alcoholics and you probably drink that poison yourself.
Have in the past, yes.
Nice guys who turned out to be assholes.
You've never met someone, thought they were really sweet and great. Turns out they're not at all what you thought? Yeah, happens.
I definitely have blame in this, I let things happen for too long, I made some poor decisions in who I chose to be with. That doesn't take away from this though.
People lie to get others to believe what they want them to. Wanna be the nice guy? Meet someone new, you can be whoever you wanna be until your true self is revealed. I'm going to stop believing people's shit and assume everyone's an asshole. Bullshit is easier to detect when you know someone's an asshole vs when you think they're a genuine nice guy. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I'm the opposite. I'm not very nice to women until I start seeing qualities I like about them in their personality. But I do understand what you are saying. There's a lot of fake guys out there just like fake girls.
I still don't believe in your genuine attitude to serve your man. You probably put up that fake attitude to lure them in right? So how are you any better than those fake nice guys when you pretend to be that subservient to men? You are practically behaving like a slave. Why do this? You don't want to, and no respectable man wants his wife to be like this. Like I said, take responsibility.
I have never been the girl who is down to "serve a man". With my very very early relationship, it was my first love and there were some severe life changes happening to me and yes, I let shit slide much longer than I should have.
First guy noted above, I loved him. Through and through so I was willing to sacrifice some things, until it became too much and I fell out of love and realized who he was. Love takes some sacrifice as I've been told. I tried.
The second guy noted above, not even kinda. I'm a very giving, loyal person though. You hungry? I'll cook for you. You're tired and sore? Lemme rub your back while you fall asleep. That's who I am, I don't intend on changing. If I sense bullshit, I will stand up for myself. Smooth talkers are a problem for me. If you know how to diffuse me, I'm gonna have a problem. Which is what happened with him.
I get what you're saying though.
That's heartbreaking, and I've seen it dozens of times. Bad boys, fuckboys, and nice guys make up 99+% of the male population.
Good men are extremely rare and getting rarer by the day, because "bad bitches", nice girls, and fuck girls make up 99+% of women.
Im one "nice girl" away from being a complete asshole. I have an absolutely amazing girl right now, but if she screws me over, I'll never bother trying to love a woman again. She's the most perfect woman I've ever met, so if she turns out to be trash, I'll conclude that all women are trash and treat them accordingly.
It's awful that this is the world we live in! Hold on tight, or... Hold on loosely I believe is the song.
I know though, I feel about the same. I feel like it's because everyone starts the 'bad bitch/player' game so early in life, by the time you're old enough to want to settle down, everyone's already so messed up from being hurt before, that they hurt other people. It's a vicious cycle!
Good luck with your girl though, I hope you're one of the lucky ones!
Thanks, and best of luck to you. She's everything I've ever wanted, and no red flags after 5 months. We've had two serious "discussions" that were very calm and we each owned up to our mistakes and talked through it, and neither issue has been brought up again.
It's an entirely different world than relationships I'm used to
I may be saying something really stupid and inconsiderate, but you say the second guy didn't have a lot of experience, but you do, right?
So maybe that changed things for him somehow. Maybe at some point he thought "this girl has been having fun with all the bad dudes and now that she's done she wants to be with me?".
Or maybe actually going all the way changed him as well and he also wants to have fun with other girls.
I can understand you were more heartbroken with the "good" guys because you assumed you were safer with them or at a point in your life where you were ready to take it more seriously.
Anyway, I don't see what good the decision of "no longer dating nice guys" will bring to you. Rather than (seemingly) good or bad, you should probably seek some quality decent man who shares the same views of the future as you do?
Sorry if I'm saying too much.
Seems like smart advice to me!
He didn't date much in high school, we've been out of high school for 9 years though. He had his heart broken a few years ago, he's apparently not over it. I get the way I wondered things was strange but I def was never sleeping around. My high school/college boyfriend knocked me out a few times when drunk. The time I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, I left, haven't kept tabs but I did press charges and He spent some time behind bars. He is the same guy who I came home to find women in my bed, but he was 'innocent' 😂. I've slept with 4 men in my entire life.
As far as swearing them off, I'm not. I really don't know how to edit what I've said to include this, I'm just done believing nice guy tactics. From now on, I'll view them all as assholes so when things like that happen, I'll know and not be blind to it because, 'He's such a nice guy though".
I know, right? My whole life people tell me, "Don't worry, when you're older women will go for nice guys and get over the 'bad boy' thing." Nope. Not at all true. In fact, the older I get, the more it seems women just want a blank-faced, chest-beating dumb-ass because at least they know what they're purchasing. I'll keep being a good person, because I don't do it just to get laid, but man am I fucked in the dating department lol. Unless I'm a selfish prick and totally broadcast that, ain't no one ever gonna trust me.
It's honestly a hard thing in this day and age lol. I dont mean I'm going to cancel out nice guys, I just mean I'm going to see everyone as an asshole. Whether they're a nice guy or not. I've met assholes in their 30s and 40s. I've met assholes in their teens and 20s. There's no age restriction. Hopefully we'll all find good people worth while sometime... soonish would be great!
Well, neither of those guys were nice.
The second guy was just a prick, and as for the first guy, he is way too manipulative to be called nice.
I dont know if you would judge me as "nice" but i think im a decent person.
I dont accept male friends either especially not ex'es.
But i say that in the beginning.
No male friends if you are with me.
If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be with me.
That way its your choice.
He said that 4 years into the relationship?
By that time you already invested a lot into him amd the relationship, so its not rrally a choice.
Its being cunning of him.
Anyway, this shouldn't put you off actually nice men, but the ones claiming to be nice, aren't always so... Whatever, good luck!
Slowly became more and more controlling. The ex's thing was right away, obviously. I totally understood that one. The male friends was a few months later, went from can't hangout with to can't talk to period, about a year later, etc. Then looking at getting an apartment, well he refuses to relocate or meet halfway. My nieces took up too much of my time, can't babysit. Alone time is selfish, etc.
While I understand why men dislike their S. O. s hanging out with men, if that's literally all you have, asking them to make that choice is having them abandon everything and everyone, which is really not fair. I understood, so I accepted that and did... Which now I really wish I hadn't. Even several years later, I have one friend. I'm a 26 year old woman with one friggen friend, who is a dude! He's old and gay, but a dude nonetheless. It's super hard to meet people in my world. I live in bfe, I work third shift. So letting my friends go was one of the biggest regrets I have in life.
I guess he just got progressively more controlling or was like that to begin with but took his time to be manipulative instead, because else he would push you away.
Well, i wouldn't date a girl who has a lot of male friends im the first place.
Im not cool with that, so why try and change her. it can go two ways: one, it won't work and you both have an issue between you now, or two, it works and now you got her sad for losing all those people.
You dont know how attached she was, and its not cool to forcibly change that.
In your case, its sad that you lost all those people, your decision there was not the right one, but we all make the wrong decisions at some point, its like that unfortunately, and you took a big loss.
This is actually a big fear of mine, if a girl asks me to not talk to girls, it can be done, since i dont have close female friends.
But if she asks me to dump my close male friends, it can't be done
Like they were there for me always , and helped me when i needed them.
I dont know if things eill work out with the girl im with, so i wouldn't dump my friends.
So i guess the relationship is over.
But if i was with her a for a long time, and we were married, then its not that simple. If she then asks to dump my friend/s im f*cked.
Thats why i dislike it when people do that.
It was a really shitty thing for him to do.
But at the end you can't even blame him, since we are the ones who make that choice
I agree completely!
Good luck to you , i think its better to make friends first in your case, boyfriend or husband can come along at some time, but you need some friends in your life. Even if not perfect, they can make the picture fuller 😊
Man have I been trying lol. Seriously, million dollar idea for some app creator. A tinder. For friends. A friendster, if you will. Once leaving school, it's so hard to meet people and I know others who feel the same way.
Thank you though, I appreciate it!
I understand.
All my best friends are from school. Even college i haven't had as much luck.
People just aren't real or the real people dont want to bother.
Good luck tough. Plenty of time left
Women who say that quote are the ones who end up angry cat ladies. It’s no wonder men don’t want anything to do with women anymore it’s because of entitled hypergamis hoes such as you. Dating asshole is going to turn you into a old dried up catches mit and you will be alone when you hit the wall in your early 30’s. Then when that’s happens your going to make a post saying “why can't I find a nice guy to marry” well bitch they don’t want your arrogant ugly dried up ass anymore because the learned not to deal with your shit a pump and dump women half your age. Member karmas a bitch!
What about this story, made any of that a thing? Lol seriously though. The story and the title contradict a bit I'll admit, I don't know how to change it though. My point isn't that I'm going to stop dating nice guys, it's that I'm going to stop believing who people want others to view them as.
I've slept with 4 men ever and I'm 26. Dried up hoe? You have some serious woman issues dude.
This is so true.
Nice Guy #1 Was a clingy extrovert
Nice Guy #2 Was a reclusive introvert
The bad nice guys are like cancer - slowly kills you from the inside, and their inquisitive thinking can be so manipulative youd feel wrong for breathing 😂
The bad bad boys, are like acid - they dont run mind games as much but are so direct in their poor character it just eats away at you.
I've had best dating /rela exps with "bad boys" but Im very upfront from the beginning
On one note, you are right in pointing that 'nice guys' are as bad as any human being. And it's annoying when guys call themselves nice guys and girls leave them, while they are as bad.
On another, that's another life experience you will learn from. Rather date the 'nice guy' who will have at least the possiblity of gueninly being nice than an asshole that is well an asshole.
I get your point. I've known guys who seemed so "nice", so "sweet" and "caring". But in fact, they are just creeps who either only want sex or money. And the worst thing is, they are such good actors.
They are not the obvious "assholes", they are the type that even your family and friends would have a good impression of. So, I'll agree with you, to see things with a critical eye and treat everything he says with a pinch of salt.
I guess that"s your bad luck if some one like me tried up then i would have ended up marrying you , cause i am 20 but still, firm. i behave good and people named me MR. Nice guy and some times this will make us ending up in frndzone but in your case you dated them , its not your fault , its the fault of those 2 jerks who just spoiled good guys image around cause they were never nice guys instead they were fuckbois !! who are going to get fucked by gods grace by virtue
I only talk to those girls who i would love to live a long term relationship
What a freaking soap opera. Your behavior was equally as astonishing as theirs. Who cries for 4 days over a boyfriend, then takes him back 2 weeks later, gets booty called, then takes him back another 6 weeks later? You mind fucked yourself. And you have mistakenly judged these men as "nice guys" in the first place. I hope you learned a lot from this. It has ZERO to do with "nice guys vs bad guys" ... but it has everything to do with you allowing yourself to be shit upon. Don't do it again, please.
Brent here! The nice guy doesn't mean he is nice in every situation and wants to be not exciting, wronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng, he is classy and mature, he can love hard and can be fun sometimes too so maybe you are looking at the wrong ones but that doesn't fit my description.
I don't know where to find them!
I'm actually really upset about the kind of guys you met. My sister had to go through the same, so much so that she finally opted for an arrange marriage. I mean, it's not the decision I supported, but anyway.
Coming to my point, don't you think, you perspective depends on the kind of people you've met? I mean, those two guys were assholes. But, there might be better people out there, don't you think?
I absolutely do, yes. I have been rather unfortunate in my love life lol. Its mildly annoying because all of my siblings are either married with kids, married and expecting, or getting married soon. I'm the second oldest, the frustration is real.
I haven't given up by any means. I'm actually currently dating someone. He's an asshole. Not manipulative or mean, just a cocky asshole. And I call him on his bullshit because I can smell it a mile away.
There's no way to filter through who is and isn't an asshole. I know there's nice guys out there, but seriously they are so hard to find. And deep down every guy can be an asshole, just like every woman can be a bitch.
Until I can learn how to filter who is actually nice and who isn't, I'm intimidated to try to date another nice guy
I get it. Isn't it like, "Once bitten twice shy"?
But, tell me something, why are you dating this man if he's an asshole?
Well, he isn't a true asshole. I classify men into 3 categories: Assholes. Douchebags. Nice guys. So out of the 3, he's an asshole. Yes I realize this is a corrupt way to view things, but my old group of guy friends and I had this discussion once and that's what they classified all men under, so that's how I've done it since. Of course there's sub groups to each category, but I won't go into detail on that.
He's an asshole in the sense that he's cocky, super flirtatious, brags about his sport stuff, may have peaked in high school kind of way. (Not to be confused with douchebag as he isn't sleeping around, doesn't wear muscle shirts and talk about the gym with his 'bros')
He treats me well and has yet to let me down. He fights clean and my mom likes him. Were pretty early into it, but just like any other guy, if he's a deep down asshole, I won't know for awhile yet.
I see
Well, all the very best for your relationship and future. :)
I am sure you'll find your "the one" soon.
All love,
Angelina25.
Wow, that's messed up. Did your brother ever apologize to you?
And the second guy.. you waited 6 months to have sex!! You'd think an asshole would have given up by then, but yeah, you should have made better choices.. clearly you should have insisted he'd marry you first! /s
He did actually, as did my ex's brother who is my brothers best friend. It wasn't their fault though, most crazy controlling people don't let other people know how they are.
That's what I'm saying though! I personally wanted to wait about 5 months. A few weeks prior it could have happened and he said, "I think we should stop. I haven't met your dad yet and id like to docthat before we sleep together". So we stopoed, he met my dad a few weeks later, slept together soon after. He genuinely seemed like a really good guy lol
I'm glad to hear, because I know people who will tell the victim it's his fault for making the perpetrator 'become' that way or say shit like "You knew he's crazy controlling, so why do you keep doing what you do? Do you enjoy fighting? He can't change, but you could"
That second guy.. what the hell.. it almost seems like he enjoys breaking hearts.
Ehh no baby cakes lol
The nice guy is the nice guy day 1 and day 20000
The asshole is the nice guy day 1 and becomes his true self day 1000
Don't get it confused lol. They were both still the assholes. Probably attractive which is probablt what hooked you in lol. there's no free lunch lol
Neither of them were very attractive lol.
First guy my brother hooked me up with, was not someone I would have decided to date on my own. His brother is my brothers beat friend. They said he was a super nice guy, that's why I went for it.
Guy #2 isn't unattractive, but he's 26 and severely balding. He's 5'6. I'm 5'4, anybody taller than me is cool, but he was super self conscious about it.
The hot ones are usually the assholes.
And yes I realize this. They weren't nice guys. But when you start dating someone, you have to base things off who they appear to be. Guy #1 didn't turn asshole for over 2 years, soon after engagement. Guy #2 didn't turn asshole til after we slept together.
So how are women supposed to filter through who is and isn't actually a nice guy?
After 2 years
Well i wouldn't day the person is an asshole. If he was nice for 2 years then turned assholes its 99% most probably because the dynamic you two shared wasn't bringing out the best in you two
Everyone embodies all emotions and traits. Meaning a nice guy obviously can have potential to be an asshole just like an asshole can have potential to be nice
Its just a matter of who brings it out
I mean if an asshole on day 1 turns out to be nice on year 3. Lol its not that he's not a dick. Its just that he now found someone he values and wants to keep. So he's being nice
Very good point!
What makes you think he was a nice guy at all. People can put on a front then show their true colors. Nice guy or nice girl is relative and you don't know anyone well enough to judge personality even if married 50 years. My dad is completely differint around me at the bar than my mom and they have been married 40 years.
Those weren't nice guys. They were wolves in sheeps clothing. Pretenders. Perpetrating the fraud. One of them seemed like a pyschopath, and the other a master manipulator. Sorry you had to go through crap.
Just get laid. Ever since my divorce, that's my only agenda (which I admit, can be a more difficult agenda to accomplish as a guy than a girl as girls can pretty much get it wherever they want it). As much as most people want life partners and relationships, sometimes after numerous trials and errors, the only and best answer is bed-pounding sex.
I’ve always found it suspicious when I can’t use any other words to describe someone’s personality beyond “nice.” I have had better luck with people who are other things as well - funny, sarcastic, passionate, charismatic, etc.
It’s easy to fake being nice. It’s not easy to fake an entire personality.
Live and learn, my love.