No more Mr. Nice guy!

I was a nice guy. I have tried to date many different types of women, of different ages.

I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be. I never expected more then for people to treat me the way I treated them. Women have tried to take advantage of my niceness, rejected me, treated me like shit. My whole life.

I've now had enough.

No more Mr. Nice guy.

Here is one example of many, of how nice guys get treated.

Last week I was at a pool hall I frequent, and chatting with people, including a girl I'd been flirting with, who was flirting with me. As the night went on and people were moving around I noticed that she had forgot her sweater at a table she had moved from. Following my instinct, I grabbed it and took it to her and asked if it was hers. "Yes. Thanks. Wow your just a nice guy aren't you?" I could tell by her tone that I'd blown it. Sure enough that was the end of her flirting. When she went to leave I said I'll "Nice to see you" to which she rolled her eyes at her friend and they laughed as they went out the door.

A lifetime of being nice has got me nothing in the dating world. Women say I'm a keeper, a great catch, but don't want me. So-
I'm done. No more mr. nice guy.

There is a reason for the saying nice guys finish last. Because it's true.

Guys, don't waist part of your life like I did, hoping a woman will see your worth and value your nice guy nature. In my experiance, women don't want nice guys.

If they did, the saying would be "bad boys finish last".

If they did, then nice guys would have dates and not just heartaches.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be. I never expected more then for people to treat me the way I treated them."

    *goes on to explain how he doesn't want to be nice anymore because girls reject him*

    If you truly were nice and didn't expect anything in return, you wouldn't stop being nice just because SOME girls might lose interest or because SOME people don't return the favor by being nice back.
    Basically, you were using your "niceness" just to get with girls. And now that a few girls haven't reciprocated, you suddenly feel as though it's pointless to be nice.
    1. Girls are not machines that you can put niceness coins in, and then expect sex and relationships to fall out.
    2. Being nice to people should be rewarding in itself, knowing that you're doing good things and being a good person. It shouldn't matter if not everyone is showing appreciation for it.

    You're p much acting like you're being selfless and humble. You're not. You're being selfish.

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    • @heavensgift2girlsgirls except even then, you are supposed to at least be able to see if they are receptive to being treated a certain way according to the unwritten socialization script. Which they usually don't, because not all females are the same, and I am not surprised they find it somewhat offensive when you treat them as if they were.

    • @heavensgift2girls my keyboard is retarded. Curse you Google!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually, I used to be a "nice guy"

    But then I realized I was being a manipulative dumbass who has zero clue what the fuck other people are doing because I had no idea what empathy was, how to use it, or how to properly assess social cues and non-verbal emotional elements (while me not displaying any of those as I had no idea how they work, of course)

    Anyways, if she did not find you attractive, that's not because you gave her her coat.

    I'll just delegate you to Jenna Marbles.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

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    • I love Jenna

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    • Jenna is so on point with this, I love it.

    • I do not expect my niceness to win anyone. There is more to me than that. No do I try to manipulate people. That's just wrong. Jenna's great, but I'm not trying for 'out of my league' or expecting niceness to remove pantys. I do however have a problem with my niceness becoming a mark against me as I have observed.

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 36

  • So just because you brought her her forgotten sweater, she was supposed to drop at your feet and thank you and reciprocate your intentions and all that shit?

    Lmao, you're not a nice guy at all. You're a guy that does nice things with ulterior motives.

    If you were genuinely nice, you'd do that because it's the right thing to do and not care how she responded.

    Just because that girl flirted with you for a hit, doesn't mean she has to commit to you. Your idea that she lost interest BECAUSE you brought her sweater is like saying the rain started because the witchdoctor did a rain dance. It was gonna rain anyway, but the witchdoctor is convinced the continuity of the two events prove the power of the rain dance.
    This is your logic.

    What actually happened:

    Girl flirted with you because you caught her attention. After doing that for a bit she realized there's no chemistry, so she moved on elsewhere to chat we with other people.
    You bringing her sweater made it seem like you were chasing her, she may have thought you were being desperate, looking for an excuse to go talk to her, hence the giggles with her girlfriends.

    Stop doing nice things with expectations of sexual rewards. Women don't owe you shit for being a decent human being.

    If you honestly believe you deserve some kind of reward for an act of common courtesy, you are not and never were a nice guy.

    You're actually an asshole a. k. a. Nice Guy TM.

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    • nicely analyzed

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    • @circlebill

      What exactly was the purpose of challenging my view if all you're gonna do is call me names and not address any of my points other than saying that they're somehow wrong?

      If you can't handle a difference in opinion and you can't be bothered to explain your position, stay out if arguments altogether.

      Telling someone they're wrong and not intelligent because their opinion doesn't coincide with yours is infantile, to say the least.

      Grow up and learn to argue or go back to kindergarten.

    • MaskedSanity - Since you've made a point of asking ME for further discussion, here it is!

      YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME AND THE TAKE OWNER TO JOIN YOU FOR THREE-WAY SEX!

      Ther's no point denying it! I can see through you! I know this is your ulterior motive!

      "The whole point of an ulterior motive is that it's CONCEALED INTENT dressed up with good gestures."

      Well MaskedSanity, now that your CONCEALED INTENT for a perverted three way sex orgy between you, me and the Take Ownerhas been uncovered, what have you to say for yourself?

  • That chick who blew you off about giving her sweater sounds like a serious cunt.

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  • No. Just no. The saying is like that cuz there are a lot of bitches in this world. Apparently, you're only chasing bitches who are into jerks. There are girls who want a nice guy, you just don't look for them. I, for example get disgusted by bad guys who treat women like shit. And im sure there are other girls like me out there. So a message to the nice guys out there: please do not change into jerks. Stop chasing bitches and go for the nice girls.

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  • That girl acted like a total cunt and I'm sorry that happened to you. But I agree with what you're saying, but I also know why that is.
    Please take a few minutes to read my two piece MyTake that explains this. I'm not promoting it just to get views or some weird crap like that.

    I genuinely want as many guys and girls to see it because I think it can help you. That's why I wrote it after all.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8369-cutting-trough-the-nice-guy-alpha-male-confidence-bullshit
    (part two is linked at the end of part 1)

    Good luck to you.

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    • That girl acted like a total cunt no she didn't that normal behavior from girls today.

  • I don't know i dont think it because your nice tbh!
    -either your coming on way too strong very early in the relationship
    -Or your too friendly too the point that its skeptical.(make u look creepy)
    - the woman you try to date are bitches
    Because tbh im a nice girl and i wouldn't have responded the way that woman did when u found her coat.. I would have just said Thank you.
    But anyways i think there's more factors that play into this instead of that your too nice.
    U haven't met all the women in the world to say they dont appreciate nice men so please stay true to who you are because soon enough you will find that person that likes you just the way u are

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  • Ok, and do you really want to date the girls that would treat a guy that way for being nice? I think not. If the answer is yes, I can say with 100% certainty you're in it for her looks and not her character.

    These guys that change who they are to please some bitch are shallow. You obviously don't like how she acts. She fills you with contempt. But you're gonna change yourself for her?
    And no you're NOT truly nice if you stop being nice because it hasn't gotten you what you want.

    Seriously watch this. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM

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    • Look at the butthurt down votes, lmao.

      Guy in the video is spot on, addresses literally every point these whiney "nice guys" bitch about.

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    • Since when do I go for hot girls?
      I am attracted to a beautiful smile, then I look for personality. I am not a guy looking for a 10. Healthy and a bit attractive is good enough for me. Personality is what makes a woman beautiful.

    • Any girl who treats you like shit has a bad personality, so I don't understand why you want those girls.

  • Nice guys don't always finish last, you're just looking the wrong places. It's no different than a guy taking a good girl for granted. You can't change someone, and you can't change yourself to be what you think women want. You be you and the right one will come along. I personally love me a good man, that can be a little bad for me (if you know what I mean ).

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    • What she means by this is you're looking for women out of your league. She's saying it nice but that's what she's saying.

      The difference between nice, and creepy in someone's eyes is whether or not they're attracted to you

    • No, I'm nicely saying that some chicks can be dumbass' just as much as men can be. The girls looking to change a bad boy into some sort of knight in shining armor are, well retarded. Can't expect to be treated like a dime when you go after assholes. I don't know this guy personally, so I don't know if he's really a genuine nice guy or needy but I don't see any point in going after anyone that can't accept you for who you are. If they too dumb or stuck up, then they're not worth the time.

  • Wow... how ride of her when you were being kind... I would never treat someone like that for such a nice gesture. I truly feel that part of the problem today is that there are nor many genuine, nice people out there... Male or female... that when you encounter one you feel like it has to be fake. Speaking from personal experiences, many men pretend to be nice to get into your pants... same with women... they pretend to be a certain way until they can't hide it anymore. I get called fake all the time because " no one is that nice". Its a shame but I have faith that one day someone will believe it.

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  • You've clearly been making yourself believe that girls are flirting with you when actually, they're just being nice to you. They don't find you attractive or want anything more. If a guy did what you did for me and I actually liked him, it would make me want him more.
    I'm fed up of all this nice guy stuff, you guys will never understand.

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    • "You've clearly been making yourself believe that girls are flirting with you when actually, they're just being nice to you. They don't find you attractive or want anything more."
      That's quite the assumption.

  • "I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be." Yes! "I never expected more than for people to treat me the way I treated them." That is the golden rule, and you seem like a nice person.

    "Women have tried to take advantage of my niceness, rejected me, treated me like shit. My whole life." Is where this all goes downhill.

    Look, a woman isn't trying to take advantage of your niceness- just because you are nice to one, doesn't mean they have to date or sleep with you. Rejecting someone isn't treating them like shit if it's civil and polite, it's someone's way of saying you aren't interested, and it doesn't make a woman awful.

    In fact, if you are only being nice to these women in hopes that they'll date you and would berate them like this if they didn't, that doesn't make you a nice guy at all. If you can't be friends with a woman, they certainly wouldn't want to date you. That makes you a self-entitled jerk that can't respect a person's decisions, and this applies for all genders.

    Want a woman to date you? Well, I don't know you personally so I can't speak for your do's and don't's but... if or when she says no, don't throw a fit about it.

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    • Preach it sister

    • You claimed: "[if or when she says no, don't throw a fit about it."

      Honestly, do you really think your statement does anything to help? It is no help at all to waste time ranting about how a nice guy should act AFTER rejection. When you tell someone who is already very respectful that he should be respectful AFTER getting rejected, the advice is basically WORTHLESS!

  • Stay nice. There are already enough jerks in this world. If a girl can't see you for the great guy you are, then she is not worth your time. You have to sift through the weeds, even if they hurt you and make you bleed, to find the flower hiding among them. If you want to find the one that you are meant to be with, you first have to earn her, you have to make yourself the best person you can, and learn from your struggles. The girl that you described in the description sounds terrible. I think maybe you are looking in the wrong place for someone. The girls that you have dated before were probably looking for a way to pass the time, so don't give it to people like them. Find someone who will love you more for being nice. I know from experience that jerks that are mean are people I don't want to be around. I personally would prefer someone who was as nice as you seem to be. Stay true to yourself and you will be rewarded. 😊 😘 😊

    Ps. Was this too long? I don't really know how long they are usually.
    Pps. I hope you find "The One" soon.😘😘😘

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    • I think they can see what kind of "nice guy" he is, and that is exactly why they just roll their eyes and leave.

  • Since when does being "nice" entitle you to anything?

    Think of it this way: when a person goes on a good date, they gush about the other person. When someone goes on a bad date, they'll say "He seemed nice," and leave it at that.

    Nice is the modern equivalent of just acceptable. You don't get anything for being nice, but you do for being interesting.

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    • I never said, nor have I ever felt entitled to anything.
      I just did not expect that my nice guy nature would actually work against me, as in my example, and many other experiances I have had.
      I do have many other qualities besides being nice, and people find me very interesting.

      Since I've stopped being so nice to women I'm interested in, the situation has improved immensely. If only I'd have know this so much earlier.

  • LOL. People on here...

    So... your personality is sweet. And it is what many women want. But we want LOOKS as well.

    You don't have to be gorgeous hot to many of us. Just cute.

    A lot of women like that bad-boy look... not necessarily the bad boys themselves. And yes, there are women who will choose a hot guy with a crap personality for many reasons.

    I think it's safer to say that looks and personality are what many women want. What differs is to the varying degree that we want them.

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    • I don't know how this has anything to do with his story, but ok

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    • @PhiOmega People are mean to me every single day of my life. Trust me, I'm a waitress working in a sports bar near a college campus. I've had things so disgusting/degrading/vile/mean said to me it would make Satan blush. But you know what? I'm not going to stop being a good person because of it. Who I am is not dependent on random mean spirited people. I'm not saying that he doesn't have the right to be bummed out and hurt by this woman's actions, but saying, "I'm going to be an asshole now" is totally not the way to go about it.

    • Everyone kno's customer service sucks, but there's a difference between a job and making ur self vulnerable and putting your emotions on the line to have them hurt for however many years he's been going through it

      When i hear this story, I'm empathetic towards him, i can't say I'd be able to do what he's done, or handle always being laughed at and disrespected

      people change all the time (unless ur counting jesus, mlk, Gandhi)<cuz those are the only guys who always turned the other cheek, most other people, the revolutionaries are the ones who only take the shit for so long , but honestly, i don't encourage him to keep being nice, people don't deserve to be hurt all the time, EVEN IF that's who he is as a person, id tell him to stop, he has no reason to keep tasty up ^^^

  • i feel you on this dude.. you treat people well and in return you are treated like crap (i guess its the price to be paid when you're too naive or too good towards others).. no more nice girl too... nice take by the way

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  • I also have been called the nice and you have such a soft heart. The guy that marries you will be so lucky.
    For the most part the only men interested in dating me are the ones that want to take my care giving nature for granted.
    So yea some days it sucks being the nice girl, but i wouldn't give up on it.
    I like being nice and knowing that i love taking care of others and being there for my friends.
    I wouldn't like myself any other way:)
    So men can try to take advantage and be jerks but its not like they will get anywhere because with a soft heart, I was also given a wise mind

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  • How about being genuine for once? Forcing niceness is not the same as being nice, you have to feel it and express that niceness for real. If you are fake people will pick up on that. Also ruining your good demeanor just because someone was not friendly to you is very stupid (like cutting off your nose to spite your face). You are gonna come across a ton of girls that are not right for you, but becoming nasty won't help you. I was flaked on a lot, but I was never mean or nasty to new guys that I met, I just dropped the flakes and moved on.

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    • I am genuine. Always have been. I have never had to force niceness. Because I'm naturally nice.
      As I had stated this is just one example of many. I'm not about to cut my nose off because of one instance.
      Look at it this way: if each time you stick your hand in the water to catch a fish for food, you loose a finger to a shark, after repeatedly loosing fingers, is it no wise to stop putting your hand in there and get a damn fishing rod?
      On many occasions my nice nature has worked against me. Time to try somthing new.

  • Okay. Have fun.

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  • Why you think it is because you are a nice guy? It can be for many reasons why they dont date you:

    -They may not find you attractive
    -They may have a crush on someone else
    -They may not like something else

    Also I like nice guys.

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  • Wow. She's an idiot for sure. One thing I think is helpful is to look at the type of women you are attracted to, figure out if you're attracted to idiots before thinking every woman is like that because the women I hang out with surely aren't like her and actuallly is looking for a guy who is kind enough to do that.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 61

  • Your problem isn't that you're a "nice guy", it's that you're using your "niceness" and "nice acts" as a means to get a girl. See these posts far too often online. Being a nice person is just about being respectful; it doesn't guarantee you a girl, it just means that you'll be a great catch to a girl that does want you in the end.

    Work on confidence and self-respect, continuously look to improve yourself everywhere else in life. Don't put finding a girl at the centre of your life and use nice acts to "ensnare" one, because it comes off as clingy and honestly a little desperate.

    The girl in your example may have known full well exactly where her jacket was and planned on coming back to grab it later - even if she was on her way out and had genuinely forgotten it, you returning it to her isn't suddenly going to turn you into a heroic figure and have her swooning for you. Be realistic! I gather there's probably more examples, but a little retrospective critical thinking of your memories like that might make you think about the other perspective.

    What's your plan now, No More Mr. Nice Guy? Gonna go to a bar, throw a few (hopefully playful) insults at girls, act all arrogant and disrespectful to them and hope that bags you the girl of your dreams? Good luck.

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  • In your example, you didn't give any indicators of where you were being Mr Nice Guy. Bringing a sweater over isn't being Mr Nice Guy. The biggest a-hole would do that as an excuse to isolate her and get her #. That wasn't it.

    Mr Nice Guy is done in two ways, which Doesn't garner most gals' interest:

    (a) Standard: You go out of your way for her, pulling out her chair, buying her drinks when it's not a date, being a yes-man to what she says, unchallenging, purely supportive... now, this is going to at least require at least a Little Bit of (b)...

    (b) Your Attitude/Swagger: Usually a gal isn't going to know you well enough, as we don't know them well enough -- as they'll read you as to how you come across. How you dress, how you carry yourself, how you look is going to place you starting out somewhere on the Mr Nice Guy / Not Mr Nice Guy yardline, to kick things off..

    Then what follows is important -- your attitude. You can still be cooperative, a gentleman, etc and not Mr Nice Guy -- but its your demeanor of trying to win her over, and coming across as a guy who Tries to be nice & pleasing to everyone -- or doesn't have to try as it's far too built in. It isn't about being Mean -- it's that it oozes an attitude of "Your Mom could walk in right now and I'd be the same way -- no filter, no word adjustments required." It's the persona you give off that does it.

    The poor-man's way of avoiding Mr Nice Guy is to go the Opposite route. Sure, you avoid being Mr Nice Guy but you'll also risk being a d! ck that turns them off as you already don't know what you're doing anyway. Technically, it's better as far as luck's concerned, but you'll also create animosity if not done well (which is likely) -- so it's not worth it.

    Have the persona that you're not trying to chase or appease anyone. Pretend you have a GF hotter than them, you're not chasing -- and your choice of words and attitude isn't giving Any thoughts to pleasing/appeasing.

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  • It sounds like you have been putting women first, and letting them take you for granted. Unfortunately a lot of guys are being taught that if we don't act like doormats to women, then we are by default assholes. The truth is that this simply isn't the case. You can be nice to women, but still put yourself first.

    Just as it should be a woman's responsibility to make herself happy, and ultimately put her own needs above yours, you should be putting your own needs above hers. If you think this sounds like I am encouraging you to be a little more selfish, them maybe that is because I am. This is simply what strong and independent people do. Remember the only person that can make you happy is yourself. You owe yourself that much.

    You don't have to choose one extreme or the other. You can learn to put yourself first, and stand up for your own happiness while still treating your woman with respect. The key is that while you are respecting her desires, and ability to make herself happy, you don't tolerate her disrespecting your desires, and ability to make yourself happy.

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  • From an ex nice guy to a nice guy. Quit doing that stuff. You'll have more fun and get more women being the bad boy. The difference Is like night and day. I lost count on the number of women I've been with, with this new persona of mine.

    Confidence, muscles, money an idgaf attitude will put you on top of the mating pool. :-)

    Excuse me while I go live life to it's fullest while you're holding the door open for a lady lol

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  • I've gone my whole life the same as you, just a decent good guy, who actually gave a damn about the way a person might feel. Welp im 25, a successful commercial pilot and no girl in sight. Never had one girl say she wanted to be with me. I hate being a asshole and I won't treat a girl in a bad way EVER. Its not that i put them on a pedestal its that I have basic human respect for all people the same way, and literally have no desire to treat girls like some guys do,... it doesn't even occur to act that way to me. Falling in love with someone was always a personal dream of mine and that dream is slowly fading fast. The thing I read that shattered my reality about girls was that they cannot feel empathy for a guy the way a guy can about her or even other guys. That emotion does not exist. They can love but they only love your power or status, not you. Not the person, or the emotions that make that guy human. It made a lot of sense to me and explained the funny behaviors id seen in girls. I was always the guy who was in love with being in love, and wanted to find someone to share that with. But girls can't be empathetic to those feeling in a guy, only dominance power and indifference. But i personally have no desire for any of those over a women. I just dont, its not built into me. What I described seems to be the underlying cause of so many guys frustration and confusion with women.

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    • Seriously it hurts just reading this. All the girls are not like that, you probably just didn't meet that girl but we are here somewhere you know. you probably heard that many times but its true: different is the key word. keep being who you are eventually you'll ace it as long as your niceness is genuine and just you. ^^

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    • I was going to disagree, but the numbers are not in your favor.

      @TastikD mentioned because she is relevant.

      There is a schism in our culture, and it is due to gender stereotypes. If @m_a_x knee about me talking about it, he would be all set out on telling me how dehumanizing people based on their sex is useful, but this is just the proof of the result.

      Children and peers forcing others to stick with only their own gender by attacking their sense of identity by saying "wait, you are friends with girls? Are you a girl? You certainly aren't a boy, go play your sissy doll games! Wait, are you crying? What a sissy." - kids abusing others like that emotionally and preventing socializing between the two sexes is the cause of future generalizations, and by generalizing we dehumanize others. What we don't understand, we cannot feel empathy for.

      There are girls out there who do value romanticism, and even you as a person. But they are the minority, in our gender-binary culture.

    • I see, you got hurt deeply so I understand where comes your opinion and I don't want to assume but you still seem burnt about it and maybe... just maybe.. that's the problem?
      Anyway I'm sorry and I hope your opinion will change with time and you will find that girl :)

      Gender stereotypes exactly! Read a study about it and it's truly mining to some people... @Mesonfielde

  • You might be a nice guy, yes true some girls get turned off buy nice guys but those aren't the type of girls you want to go after. Just them wanting a doochbag means they aren't smart enough i promise you. If you want one night stands then go ahead be a doochbag u'l get them unsmart girls to fuk u. But if you are looking for a smart and genuine girl then be an even nicer guy. Because those girls appreciate niceness unlike the others. People don't appreciate niceness till they have suffering, and those girls who like doochbags usually end up realizing it and appreciate niceness when its kinda too late (in their 30s-40s) after they been treated like shyt. I've seen many like that.
    I'm way nicer than you are. At least i don't do it for people and expect something in return like you do. I do it because i am like that and i wish goodness for everyone, even if i don't get anything in return for it. What you right now is more like 'half nice guy'. Did you see what i said before? I'm way nicer than you are, but i don't have ANY problem with girls. i'm actually very satisfied the way i am. There is a girl for every personality, but the KEY is you have to have CONFIDENCE with niceness or else you'l just look like a tool who helps people.

    Instead of working on being a doochbag/jerk, work on improving your confidence and i promise you that you'l get way better results. A nice guy is one thing, but a super confident nice guy is a whole another dimension.

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    • If you need any tips on improving confidence feel free to message me. I know how to improve it significantly, but it requires a lot of work. and it requires you facing your fear. So only message me if you are really determined (I'm saying this to everyone who reads this not just the Take Owner).
      I used to be an extremely unconfident guy with weak or even no personality who also at one point became a tool ib highschool. You can't be worse than me, if i managed to increase my confidence significantly then anyone can.

  • Well firstly, im sorry to hear about the pain you are going though with this. A lot of women don't really understand this kind of pain because they almost never take risks to attract the guys they are into. So they don't realize that when an inexperienced guy tries to attract her, he is only doing what comes natural by being as nice as he possibly can be to her. I mean it seems logical right? If you treat her like the best thing in your life, she will see that you care about her and hence will care about you. Again, girls here won't really understand this and so will just insult you instead of educating you on the right way to attract them. Constructive criticism without the constructive part basically.

    Anyways, the problem is that you aren't actually giving them what they want when you act that way. Girls don't have sex with guys out of charity, so you need to figure out what they actually want before they give you what you want (which i assume would be an intense romantic relationship). When it comes to women, its important to display your intent from the get go, either directly or subtly through slow seduction. Girls like to feel a range of emotions when they meet a guy for the first time, and triggering those range of emotions requires you to play around with her a bit. It requires you to challenge her on things, question her on things, make her trade and bargain with you for things she wants (like a drink from the bar for example), communication through your eyes that you want more than just a friendship, etc. When you make a girl go through this kind of emotional roller coaster without being an asshole, you will often leave an impression on her that will make her want you more. Of coarse, girls here won't tell you this as its easier to make fun of you, but if you're looking to attract women, start thinking about these things. It helps

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  • My mom taught me to treat women with respect and care and I never have had a problem getting girls. If they use you then they weren't the right woman anyway. I think the better take would be "Are you flirting with the wrong woman?"

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  • You don't have to be a 'nice guy', but there is no need to be a jerk either. Following the middle path is the best way.

    The next time a girl rejected you for being a 'nice guy', just tell her something like "Thanks for rejecting me now itself, instead of leading me on and then dumping me for a jerk".

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  • Good. Stop being the nice guy trying to please everyone.
    Only be a good guy for the girls deserving it. The rest? Eh, treat em like just another girl.
    And please, for the love of god, learn to read a woman to figure her archetype. It will save you for A LOT of crap like that.

    Tldr: only be nice towards those deserving it

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  • every nice girl and guy do get treated like shit, by the wrong people. Don't give people the benefit of the doubt until you get to know them first. stop letting bad people make you into a bitter person. being a nice guy is fine, but chose which girl deserves that nice guy persona. if you give every girl the nice guy attitude, then that's your fault, because this world does have nasty people, but some people can't accept that and in turn become bitter. it's a Shame really.

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  • I feel your pain. You're just fed up with being genuinely nice and there's nothing wrong with being fed up. People who said nice guys can't have any negative feelings or aren't really a nice guy are hypocrites. I rather hear a guy complain than have him kill someone and/or himself. REMEMBER NICE GUYS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

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  • I thought being nice was always a trait people admired and I still think that. People really appreciate genuine and friendly gestures, no matter how small, and you can see that in everyday life.

    Sure I might be nice myself, and sure, I've never had a girlfriend but I stick to the belief that it's all about the way you put yourself out there, your charisma. You could be socially boring/awkward, but what makes you think you'll stand out compared to all the other men out there.

    Be witty, be confident and just improve on your character in general. Practice and practice but don't fall into the notion of being bad thinking you'll get anyone decent.

    Unless you're just in it for the v, you wouldn't want a long term partner who's "bad". And I doubt women think any different. So it's up to you how you think, but in my opinion, being nice is one of the most, if not the most desirable quality in a partner.

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  • Take Owner - I understand just what you are talking about. The foolish female that insulted you with her idiot notions that guys are nice and expect sex for it is clearly on a mission to dump on nice guys! Many women are basically in denial about how badly genuine nice guys are often treated in the dating world! Unfortunately, the high courtesy, kindness and consideration we lavish on women is often unappreciated! There are good women! But they are definitely rare! I hope you find the happiness you deserve! Ciao!

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    • How about you stop being a pussy and talk to me, instead of leaving catty comments and running away.

      Educate yourself on the phenomenon that is the "nice guy" before making bullshit claims.

    • Show All
    • It is absurd, true. That doesn't mean that it is not true in some cases. You seem to think you know better than everyone else and yet... you have no actual clue as to my true intentions for being nice- though you insist you do- that is absurd. You also insist that is not possable for someone's niceness to have a negative effect on there prospects, however you have no actual idea if it could be true, or true in my case. Yet you know everything about this? By the very fact that you are not a male trying to date females, you have no actual clue what our experiances are and what is possible and what is not. It must be by your shear intelligence that you know better than people discussing things they have experianced first hand. Good for you. Now that we have all been blessed with your superior opinions, we shal go into the world humbled and set right, I -to deceive people with my diabolical niceness, others knowing their own ignorance, and you wrapped with your Infallible intelligence.

    • *that it is
      *their

  • There is a name for girls like this and it starts with a b.

    There is a difference between being nice and white knighting women. Treat them like you do with your guy friends and you won't get rejected for being too nice.

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  • If a girl is easily turned off by being nice, then I don't think that you ever had a chance. All she wanted was attention from anyone. Just because a girl flirts, doesn't mean she thinks you are boyfriend possibility. You could get flirty with an escort or playgirl. But they aren't looking for Mr. Right.

    A pool hall and night club is not where a girl is looking for long term. They are looking for attention and free drinks. They keep points with their lady friends to see who can get the most attention and free drinks.

    I only go after a girl if she is interested enough that could lead to a future.

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    • True. I've had some luck with women but my issue is it's only lasted short term whether it's a hook up or fling. I agree that bars, clubs, and pool halls are definitely not the place to meet women. Only thing I've gotten from meeting a girl at a bar is a hookup and that was pretty rare too.

  • Nice guys never go anon

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  • Guys have to stop being pussies. Just pretend every girl has a penis and facial hair. 90% of the sappy or cringey things you'd do for them suddenly seem out of the question.

    If some guy you'd just met had his jacket hanging on a chair, would you get it and bring it to him? No, of course you wouldn't. So don't do it to a girl.

    This is actually a pretty big step in the road to equality (if you believe in that LOL), because both men and women give a lot of preferential treatment to girls. This treatment is seen as sexist from both sides: the guys feel uncared for, and the girls feel "babied".

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  • Stop obsessing and idealizing women. Look at them as human beings first and foremost. You need to date more than one at the same time. You'll get a whole new perspective and despite how your dates might react, they will find you more attractive, more of a "catch". A nice guy is never a catch because a nice guy is not "in demand" and therefore has no inherent value. It's the old offer and deman principle. If you're all offer, and not in demand, you are not of "value". HOw can you lift her own low self esteem if you cannot be shown off as a trophee boyfriend? By having value, you raise her own value by association. And stop using the term "nice guy". It's just a fancier version of "push-over", or "coward". Even without being a "bad boy", you can start focussing on your own passions and interests and maybe, just maybe you will become successful - and happy - in life. Then, out of nowhere, you will meet a girl who truly respects you.

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  • One of two things is going on here. Have you considerded the possibility that you aren't actually a nice guy? Because I'm sick and tired of hearing how "people are such great guys" but they turn out to be self-centered twats who don't actually do anything BUT talk about how great they are. Maybe if you weren't such a self centered douche rag it would be different.

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    • nice theory but way off.

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