No more Mr. Nice guy!

I was a nice guy. I have tried to date many different types of women, of different ages.

I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be. I never expected more then for people to treat me the way I treated them. Women have tried to take advantage of my niceness, rejected me, treated me like shit. My whole life.

I've now had enough.

No more Mr. Nice guy.

Here is one example of many, of how nice guys get treated.

Last week I was at a pool hall I frequent, and chatting with people, including a girl I'd been flirting with, who was flirting with me. As the night went on and people were moving around I noticed that she had forgot her sweater at a table she had moved from. Following my instinct, I grabbed it and took it to her and asked if it was hers. "Yes. Thanks. Wow your just a nice guy aren't you?" I could tell by her tone that I'd blown it. Sure enough that was the end of her flirting. When she went to leave I said I'll "Nice to see you" to which she rolled her eyes at her friend and they laughed as they went out the door.

A lifetime of being nice has got me nothing in the dating world. Women say I'm a keeper, a great catch, but don't want me. So-
I'm done. No more mr. nice guy.

There is a reason for the saying nice guys finish last. Because it's true.

Guys, don't waist part of your life like I did, hoping a woman will see your worth and value your nice guy nature. In my experiance, women don't want nice guys.

If they did, the saying would be "bad boys finish last".

If they did, then nice guys would have dates and not just heartaches.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be. I never expected more then for people to treat me the way I treated them."

    *goes on to explain how he doesn't want to be nice anymore because girls reject him*

    If you truly were nice and didn't expect anything in return, you wouldn't stop being nice just because SOME girls might lose interest or because SOME people don't return the favor by being nice back.
    Basically, you were using your "niceness" just to get with girls. And now that a few girls haven't reciprocated, you suddenly feel as though it's pointless to be nice.
    1. Girls are not machines that you can put niceness coins in, and then expect sex and relationships to fall out.
    2. Being nice to people should be rewarding in itself, knowing that you're doing good things and being a good person. It shouldn't matter if not everyone is showing appreciation for it.

    You're p much acting like you're being selfless and humble. You're not. You're being selfish.

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    • @heavensgift2girlsgirls except even then, you are supposed to at least be able to see if they are receptive to being treated a certain way according to the unwritten socialization script. Which they usually don't, because not all females are the same, and I am not surprised they find it somewhat offensive when you treat them as if they were.

    • @heavensgift2girls my keyboard is retarded. Curse you Google!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually, I used to be a "nice guy"

    But then I realized I was being a manipulative dumbass who has zero clue what the fuck other people are doing because I had no idea what empathy was, how to use it, or how to properly assess social cues and non-verbal emotional elements (while me not displaying any of those as I had no idea how they work, of course)

    Anyways, if she did not find you attractive, that's not because you gave her her coat.

    I'll just delegate you to Jenna Marbles.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

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    • I love Jenna

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    • Jenna is so on point with this, I love it.

    • I do not expect my niceness to win anyone. There is more to me than that. No do I try to manipulate people. That's just wrong. Jenna's great, but I'm not trying for 'out of my league' or expecting niceness to remove pantys. I do however have a problem with my niceness becoming a mark against me as I have observed.

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What Girls Said 36

  • So just because you brought her her forgotten sweater, she was supposed to drop at your feet and thank you and reciprocate your intentions and all that shit?

    Lmao, you're not a nice guy at all. You're a guy that does nice things with ulterior motives.

    If you were genuinely nice, you'd do that because it's the right thing to do and not care how she responded.

    Just because that girl flirted with you for a hit, doesn't mean she has to commit to you. Your idea that she lost interest BECAUSE you brought her sweater is like saying the rain started because the witchdoctor did a rain dance. It was gonna rain anyway, but the witchdoctor is convinced the continuity of the two events prove the power of the rain dance.
    This is your logic.

    What actually happened:

    Girl flirted with you because you caught her attention. After doing that for a bit she realized there's no chemistry, so she moved on elsewhere to chat we with other people.
    You bringing her sweater made it seem like you were chasing her, she may have thought you were being desperate, looking for an excuse to go talk to her, hence the giggles with her girlfriends.

    Stop doing nice things with expectations of sexual rewards. Women don't owe you shit for being a decent human being.

    If you honestly believe you deserve some kind of reward for an act of common courtesy, you are not and never were a nice guy.

    You're actually an asshole a. k. a. Nice Guy TM.

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    • nicely analyzed

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    • @circlebill

      What exactly was the purpose of challenging my view if all you're gonna do is call me names and not address any of my points other than saying that they're somehow wrong?

      If you can't handle a difference in opinion and you can't be bothered to explain your position, stay out if arguments altogether.

      Telling someone they're wrong and not intelligent because their opinion doesn't coincide with yours is infantile, to say the least.

      Grow up and learn to argue or go back to kindergarten.

    • MaskedSanity - Since you've made a point of asking ME for further discussion, here it is!

      YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME AND THE TAKE OWNER TO JOIN YOU FOR THREE-WAY SEX!

      Ther's no point denying it! I can see through you! I know this is your ulterior motive!

      "The whole point of an ulterior motive is that it's CONCEALED INTENT dressed up with good gestures."

      Well MaskedSanity, now that your CONCEALED INTENT for a perverted three way sex orgy between you, me and the Take Ownerhas been uncovered, what have you to say for yourself?

  • You've clearly been making yourself believe that girls are flirting with you when actually, they're just being nice to you. They don't find you attractive or want anything more. If a guy did what you did for me and I actually liked him, it would make me want him more.
    I'm fed up of all this nice guy stuff, you guys will never understand.

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    • "You've clearly been making yourself believe that girls are flirting with you when actually, they're just being nice to you. They don't find you attractive or want anything more."
      That's quite the assumption.

  • "I was always nice because I believed that was how people should be." Yes! "I never expected more than for people to treat me the way I treated them." That is the golden rule, and you seem like a nice person.

    "Women have tried to take advantage of my niceness, rejected me, treated me like shit. My whole life." Is where this all goes downhill.

    Look, a woman isn't trying to take advantage of your niceness- just because you are nice to one, doesn't mean they have to date or sleep with you. Rejecting someone isn't treating them like shit if it's civil and polite, it's someone's way of saying you aren't interested, and it doesn't make a woman awful.

    In fact, if you are only being nice to these women in hopes that they'll date you and would berate them like this if they didn't, that doesn't make you a nice guy at all. If you can't be friends with a woman, they certainly wouldn't want to date you. That makes you a self-entitled jerk that can't respect a person's decisions, and this applies for all genders.

    Want a woman to date you? Well, I don't know you personally so I can't speak for your do's and don't's but... if or when she says no, don't throw a fit about it.

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    • Preach it sister

    • You claimed: "[if or when she says no, don't throw a fit about it."

      Honestly, do you really think your statement does anything to help? It is no help at all to waste time ranting about how a nice guy should act AFTER rejection. When you tell someone who is already very respectful that he should be respectful AFTER getting rejected, the advice is basically WORTHLESS!

  • No. Just no. The saying is like that cuz there are a lot of bitches in this world. Apparently, you're only chasing bitches who are into jerks. There are girls who want a nice guy, you just don't look for them. I, for example get disgusted by bad guys who treat women like shit. And im sure there are other girls like me out there. So a message to the nice guys out there: please do not change into jerks. Stop chasing bitches and go for the nice girls.

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  • Nice guys don't always finish last, you're just looking the wrong places. It's no different than a guy taking a good girl for granted. You can't change someone, and you can't change yourself to be what you think women want. You be you and the right one will come along. I personally love me a good man, that can be a little bad for me (if you know what I mean ).

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    • What she means by this is you're looking for women out of your league. She's saying it nice but that's what she's saying.

      The difference between nice, and creepy in someone's eyes is whether or not they're attracted to you

    • No, I'm nicely saying that some chicks can be dumbass' just as much as men can be. The girls looking to change a bad boy into some sort of knight in shining armor are, well retarded. Can't expect to be treated like a dime when you go after assholes. I don't know this guy personally, so I don't know if he's really a genuine nice guy or needy but I don't see any point in going after anyone that can't accept you for who you are. If they too dumb or stuck up, then they're not worth the time.

  • Stay nice. There are already enough jerks in this world. If a girl can't see you for the great guy you are, then she is not worth your time. You have to sift through the weeds, even if they hurt you and make you bleed, to find the flower hiding among them. If you want to find the one that you are meant to be with, you first have to earn her, you have to make yourself the best person you can, and learn from your struggles. The girl that you described in the description sounds terrible. I think maybe you are looking in the wrong place for someone. The girls that you have dated before were probably looking for a way to pass the time, so don't give it to people like them. Find someone who will love you more for being nice. I know from experience that jerks that are mean are people I don't want to be around. I personally would prefer someone who was as nice as you seem to be. Stay true to yourself and you will be rewarded. 😊 😘 😊

    Ps. Was this too long? I don't really know how long they are usually.
    Pps. I hope you find "The One" soon.😘😘😘

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    • I think they can see what kind of "nice guy" he is, and that is exactly why they just roll their eyes and leave.

  • Ok, and do you really want to date the girls that would treat a guy that way for being nice? I think not. If the answer is yes, I can say with 100% certainty you're in it for her looks and not her character.

    These guys that change who they are to please some bitch are shallow. You obviously don't like how she acts. She fills you with contempt. But you're gonna change yourself for her?
    And no you're NOT truly nice if you stop being nice because it hasn't gotten you what you want.

    Seriously watch this. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM

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    • Look at the butthurt down votes, lmao.

      Guy in the video is spot on, addresses literally every point these whiney "nice guys" bitch about.

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    • Since when do I go for hot girls?
      I am attracted to a beautiful smile, then I look for personality. I am not a guy looking for a 10. Healthy and a bit attractive is good enough for me. Personality is what makes a woman beautiful.

    • Any girl who treats you like shit has a bad personality, so I don't understand why you want those girls.

  • That chick who blew you off about giving her sweater sounds like a serious cunt.

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  • Wow. She's an idiot for sure. One thing I think is helpful is to look at the type of women you are attracted to, figure out if you're attracted to idiots before thinking every woman is like that because the women I hang out with surely aren't like her and actuallly is looking for a guy who is kind enough to do that.

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  • LOL. People on here...

    So... your personality is sweet. And it is what many women want. But we want LOOKS as well.

    You don't have to be gorgeous hot to many of us. Just cute.

    A lot of women like that bad-boy look... not necessarily the bad boys themselves. And yes, there are women who will choose a hot guy with a crap personality for many reasons.

    I think it's safer to say that looks and personality are what many women want. What differs is to the varying degree that we want them.

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  • Why you think it is because you are a nice guy? It can be for many reasons why they dont date you:

    -They may not find you attractive
    -They may have a crush on someone else
    -They may not like something else

    Also I like nice guys.

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  • Since when does being "nice" entitle you to anything?

    Think of it this way: when a person goes on a good date, they gush about the other person. When someone goes on a bad date, they'll say "He seemed nice," and leave it at that.

    Nice is the modern equivalent of just acceptable. You don't get anything for being nice, but you do for being interesting.

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    • I never said, nor have I ever felt entitled to anything.
      I just did not expect that my nice guy nature would actually work against me, as in my example, and many other experiances I have had.
      I do have many other qualities besides being nice, and people find me very interesting.

      Since I've stopped being so nice to women I'm interested in, the situation has improved immensely. If only I'd have know this so much earlier.

  • i feel you on this dude.. you treat people well and in return you are treated like crap (i guess its the price to be paid when you're too naive or too good towards others).. no more nice girl too... nice take by the way

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    • I don't know how this has anything to do with his story, but ok

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    • @PhiOmega People are mean to me every single day of my life. Trust me, I'm a waitress working in a sports bar near a college campus. I've had things so disgusting/degrading/vile/mean said to me it would make Satan blush. But you know what? I'm not going to stop being a good person because of it. Who I am is not dependent on random mean spirited people. I'm not saying that he doesn't have the right to be bummed out and hurt by this woman's actions, but saying, "I'm going to be an asshole now" is totally not the way to go about it.

    • Everyone kno's customer service sucks, but there's a difference between a job and making ur self vulnerable and putting your emotions on the line to have them hurt for however many years he's been going through it

      When i hear this story, I'm empathetic towards him, i can't say I'd be able to do what he's done, or handle always being laughed at and disrespected

      people change all the time (unless ur counting jesus, mlk, Gandhi)<cuz those are the only guys who always turned the other cheek, most other people, the revolutionaries are the ones who only take the shit for so long , but honestly, i don't encourage him to keep being nice, people don't deserve to be hurt all the time, EVEN IF that's who he is as a person, id tell him to stop, he has no reason to keep tasty up ^^^

  • Actually that's not true l am attracted to guys like you, but the girls that you chose seem like that they are not your type, your blind sighted that there are other girls that are willing to give you a try and love it when guys are like you but you just haven't found her yet but when you do then she will be your "It Girl- Jason Derulo" but in the mean time don't take things to seriously. Also just be you and plus honestly no body who cares.

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    • You're 14, you'll change your mind soon.

    • Don:t fall head over heels for a guy just because he brings you your coat, that is stupid. See into their behavior and see through their honesty, or lack thereof.

  • How about being genuine for once? Forcing niceness is not the same as being nice, you have to feel it and express that niceness for real. If you are fake people will pick up on that. Also ruining your good demeanor just because someone was not friendly to you is very stupid (like cutting off your nose to spite your face). You are gonna come across a ton of girls that are not right for you, but becoming nasty won't help you. I was flaked on a lot, but I was never mean or nasty to new guys that I met, I just dropped the flakes and moved on.

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    • I am genuine. Always have been. I have never had to force niceness. Because I'm naturally nice.
      As I had stated this is just one example of many. I'm not about to cut my nose off because of one instance.
      Look at it this way: if each time you stick your hand in the water to catch a fish for food, you loose a finger to a shark, after repeatedly loosing fingers, is it no wise to stop putting your hand in there and get a damn fishing rod?
      On many occasions my nice nature has worked against me. Time to try somthing new.

  • That girl acted like a total cunt and I'm sorry that happened to you. But I agree with what you're saying, but I also know why that is.
    Please take a few minutes to read my two piece MyTake that explains this. I'm not promoting it just to get views or some weird crap like that.

    I genuinely want as many guys and girls to see it because I think it can help you. That's why I wrote it after all.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8369-cutting-trough-the-nice-guy-alpha-male-confidence-bullshit
    (part two is linked at the end of part 1)

    Good luck to you.

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    • That girl acted like a total cunt no she didn't that normal behavior from girls today.

  • Awh its sad to hear that these women take advantage of you! That's totally wrong my advice to you would be to just be you don't change for no one some day you will find someone perfect for you that don't take advantage of you ! Keep smiling

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  • I don't know i dont think it because your nice tbh!
    -either your coming on way too strong very early in the relationship
    -Or your too friendly too the point that its skeptical.(make u look creepy)
    - the woman you try to date are bitches
    Because tbh im a nice girl and i wouldn't have responded the way that woman did when u found her coat.. I would have just said Thank you.
    But anyways i think there's more factors that play into this instead of that your too nice.
    U haven't met all the women in the world to say they dont appreciate nice men so please stay true to who you are because soon enough you will find that person that likes you just the way u are

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  • Was she actually walking out the door without her sweater?

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  • FYI bad boys may get girls attention but that's all they get. they don't get relationships because they are generally assholes. just saying

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  • Wow... how ride of her when you were being kind... I would never treat someone like that for such a nice gesture. I truly feel that part of the problem today is that there are nor many genuine, nice people out there... Male or female... that when you encounter one you feel like it has to be fake. Speaking from personal experiences, many men pretend to be nice to get into your pants... same with women... they pretend to be a certain way until they can't hide it anymore. I get called fake all the time because " no one is that nice". Its a shame but I have faith that one day someone will believe it.

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  • I also have been called the nice and you have such a soft heart. The guy that marries you will be so lucky.
    For the most part the only men interested in dating me are the ones that want to take my care giving nature for granted.
    So yea some days it sucks being the nice girl, but i wouldn't give up on it.
    I like being nice and knowing that i love taking care of others and being there for my friends.
    I wouldn't like myself any other way:)
    So men can try to take advantage and be jerks but its not like they will get anywhere because with a soft heart, I was also given a wise mind

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  • I'm personally in love with a wonderfully nice guy but I'm not his type

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    • What are you saying? You are drop dead gorgeous. He'd probably faint if you talked to him.

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    • Gee @maskedsanity you really think there's more to do with who someone is than just looks?

      Way to find the one time I try and pay someone a complement and twist it to hell.

      Welcome to my ignore list, lady.

    • @MaskedSanity he's one of my closest friends but he likes boho type girls I am just not that but to be fair he is my Comic-Con/leaky con buddy even though he's Gryffindor and I am ravenclaw but I have told him & I knew then like I know now that those girls are his preference but it doesn't change my feelings

  • I don't think you should change yourself. The only way you can be used or taken advantage of is if you let it happen. Nice guys are awesome. Sorry you've had the short stick with previous relationships but don't let them ruin it for that 1 girl out there who is perfect for you. Yes a lot of girls like bad boys but those bad boys are usually scum bags who don't deserve the time of day. You on the other hand if your truly a nice guy deserve to have that 1 woman who lovesyou for who you are.. she is out there, you just have to find her. so if that means you have to put on your hunting boots and beat the badgers off with a stick to get to the prize then that's just what needs to happen. But don't change who you are to suit the people around you. just be smarter.

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  • Okay. Have fun.

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  • Young people are rude... I avoid them like hiv.

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  • Hmm... Why not try and see if you can do a FWB?

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  • That's not true. Thier are women who look for the nice guys. You just have to pay attention to the women you go after not all of them are good or looking for a nice guy and they show it.

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  • Wow that girl was rather strange I'd think it was really caring I dont understand that!

    But in terms of 'nice', personally id want to date someone with self-respect aka he's nice to me only if he bothered to get to know me and cn see that i am a person who is worth his effort that he expends on me in being nice. When i first meet a guy, being a little bit aloof but civil is nice, I want to earn his respect and 'niceness' rather than just get given it if that makes sense at all.

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What Guys Said 61

  • Your problem isn't that you're a "nice guy", it's that you're using your "niceness" and "nice acts" as a means to get a girl. See these posts far too often online. Being a nice person is just about being respectful; it doesn't guarantee you a girl, it just means that you'll be a great catch to a girl that does want you in the end.

    Work on confidence and self-respect, continuously look to improve yourself everywhere else in life. Don't put finding a girl at the centre of your life and use nice acts to "ensnare" one, because it comes off as clingy and honestly a little desperate.

    The girl in your example may have known full well exactly where her jacket was and planned on coming back to grab it later - even if she was on her way out and had genuinely forgotten it, you returning it to her isn't suddenly going to turn you into a heroic figure and have her swooning for you. Be realistic! I gather there's probably more examples, but a little retrospective critical thinking of your memories like that might make you think about the other perspective.

    What's your plan now, No More Mr. Nice Guy? Gonna go to a bar, throw a few (hopefully playful) insults at girls, act all arrogant and disrespectful to them and hope that bags you the girl of your dreams? Good luck.

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  • In your example, you didn't give any indicators of where you were being Mr Nice Guy. Bringing a sweater over isn't being Mr Nice Guy. The biggest a-hole would do that as an excuse to isolate her and get her #. That wasn't it.

    Mr Nice Guy is done in two ways, which Doesn't garner most gals' interest:

    (a) Standard: You go out of your way for her, pulling out her chair, buying her drinks when it's not a date, being a yes-man to what she says, unchallenging, purely supportive... now, this is going to at least require at least a Little Bit of (b)...

    (b) Your Attitude/Swagger: Usually a gal isn't going to know you well enough, as we don't know them well enough -- as they'll read you as to how you come across. How you dress, how you carry yourself, how you look is going to place you starting out somewhere on the Mr Nice Guy / Not Mr Nice Guy yardline, to kick things off..

    Then what follows is important -- your attitude. You can still be cooperative, a gentleman, etc and not Mr Nice Guy -- but its your demeanor of trying to win her over, and coming across as a guy who Tries to be nice & pleasing to everyone -- or doesn't have to try as it's far too built in. It isn't about being Mean -- it's that it oozes an attitude of "Your Mom could walk in right now and I'd be the same way -- no filter, no word adjustments required." It's the persona you give off that does it.

    The poor-man's way of avoiding Mr Nice Guy is to go the Opposite route. Sure, you avoid being Mr Nice Guy but you'll also risk being a d! ck that turns them off as you already don't know what you're doing anyway. Technically, it's better as far as luck's concerned, but you'll also create animosity if not done well (which is likely) -- so it's not worth it.

    Have the persona that you're not trying to chase or appease anyone. Pretend you have a GF hotter than them, you're not chasing -- and your choice of words and attitude isn't giving Any thoughts to pleasing/appeasing.

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  • I've gone my whole life the same as you, just a decent good guy, who actually gave a damn about the way a person might feel. Welp im 25, a successful commercial pilot and no girl in sight. Never had one girl say she wanted to be with me. I hate being a asshole and I won't treat a girl in a bad way EVER. Its not that i put them on a pedestal its that I have basic human respect for all people the same way, and literally have no desire to treat girls like some guys do,... it doesn't even occur to act that way to me. Falling in love with someone was always a personal dream of mine and that dream is slowly fading fast. The thing I read that shattered my reality about girls was that they cannot feel empathy for a guy the way a guy can about her or even other guys. That emotion does not exist. They can love but they only love your power or status, not you. Not the person, or the emotions that make that guy human. It made a lot of sense to me and explained the funny behaviors id seen in girls. I was always the guy who was in love with being in love, and wanted to find someone to share that with. But girls can't be empathetic to those feeling in a guy, only dominance power and indifference. But i personally have no desire for any of those over a women. I just dont, its not built into me. What I described seems to be the underlying cause of so many guys frustration and confusion with women.

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    • Seriously it hurts just reading this. All the girls are not like that, you probably just didn't meet that girl but we are here somewhere you know. you probably heard that many times but its true: different is the key word. keep being who you are eventually you'll ace it as long as your niceness is genuine and just you. ^^

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    • I was going to disagree, but the numbers are not in your favor.

      @TastikD mentioned because she is relevant.

      There is a schism in our culture, and it is due to gender stereotypes. If @m_a_x knee about me talking about it, he would be all set out on telling me how dehumanizing people based on their sex is useful, but this is just the proof of the result.

      Children and peers forcing others to stick with only their own gender by attacking their sense of identity by saying "wait, you are friends with girls? Are you a girl? You certainly aren't a boy, go play your sissy doll games! Wait, are you crying? What a sissy." - kids abusing others like that emotionally and preventing socializing between the two sexes is the cause of future generalizations, and by generalizing we dehumanize others. What we don't understand, we cannot feel empathy for.

      There are girls out there who do value romanticism, and even you as a person. But they are the minority, in our gender-binary culture.

    • I see, you got hurt deeply so I understand where comes your opinion and I don't want to assume but you still seem burnt about it and maybe... just maybe.. that's the problem?
      Anyway I'm sorry and I hope your opinion will change with time and you will find that girl :)

      Gender stereotypes exactly! Read a study about it and it's truly mining to some people... @Mesonfielde

  • Well firstly, im sorry to hear about the pain you are going though with this. A lot of women don't really understand this kind of pain because they almost never take risks to attract the guys they are into. So they don't realize that when an inexperienced guy tries to attract her, he is only doing what comes natural by being as nice as he possibly can be to her. I mean it seems logical right? If you treat her like the best thing in your life, she will see that you care about her and hence will care about you. Again, girls here won't really understand this and so will just insult you instead of educating you on the right way to attract them. Constructive criticism without the constructive part basically.

    Anyways, the problem is that you aren't actually giving them what they want when you act that way. Girls don't have sex with guys out of charity, so you need to figure out what they actually want before they give you what you want (which i assume would be an intense romantic relationship). When it comes to women, its important to display your intent from the get go, either directly or subtly through slow seduction. Girls like to feel a range of emotions when they meet a guy for the first time, and triggering those range of emotions requires you to play around with her a bit. It requires you to challenge her on things, question her on things, make her trade and bargain with you for things she wants (like a drink from the bar for example), communication through your eyes that you want more than just a friendship, etc. When you make a girl go through this kind of emotional roller coaster without being an asshole, you will often leave an impression on her that will make her want you more. Of coarse, girls here won't tell you this as its easier to make fun of you, but if you're looking to attract women, start thinking about these things. It helps

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  • It sounds like you have been putting women first, and letting them take you for granted. Unfortunately a lot of guys are being taught that if we don't act like doormats to women, then we are by default assholes. The truth is that this simply isn't the case. You can be nice to women, but still put yourself first.

    Just as it should be a woman's responsibility to make herself happy, and ultimately put her own needs above yours, you should be putting your own needs above hers. If you think this sounds like I am encouraging you to be a little more selfish, them maybe that is because I am. This is simply what strong and independent people do. Remember the only person that can make you happy is yourself. You owe yourself that much.

    You don't have to choose one extreme or the other. You can learn to put yourself first, and stand up for your own happiness while still treating your woman with respect. The key is that while you are respecting her desires, and ability to make herself happy, you don't tolerate her disrespecting your desires, and ability to make yourself happy.

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  • You might be a nice guy, yes true some girls get turned off buy nice guys but those aren't the type of girls you want to go after. Just them wanting a doochbag means they aren't smart enough i promise you. If you want one night stands then go ahead be a doochbag u'l get them unsmart girls to fuk u. But if you are looking for a smart and genuine girl then be an even nicer guy. Because those girls appreciate niceness unlike the others. People don't appreciate niceness till they have suffering, and those girls who like doochbags usually end up realizing it and appreciate niceness when its kinda too late (in their 30s-40s) after they been treated like shyt. I've seen many like that.
    I'm way nicer than you are. At least i don't do it for people and expect something in return like you do. I do it because i am like that and i wish goodness for everyone, even if i don't get anything in return for it. What you right now is more like 'half nice guy'. Did you see what i said before? I'm way nicer than you are, but i don't have ANY problem with girls. i'm actually very satisfied the way i am. There is a girl for every personality, but the KEY is you have to have CONFIDENCE with niceness or else you'l just look like a tool who helps people.

    Instead of working on being a doochbag/jerk, work on improving your confidence and i promise you that you'l get way better results. A nice guy is one thing, but a super confident nice guy is a whole another dimension.

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    • If you need any tips on improving confidence feel free to message me. I know how to improve it significantly, but it requires a lot of work. and it requires you facing your fear. So only message me if you are really determined (I'm saying this to everyone who reads this not just the Take Owner).
      I used to be an extremely unconfident guy with weak or even no personality who also at one point became a tool ib highschool. You can't be worse than me, if i managed to increase my confidence significantly then anyone can.

  • One of two things is going on here. Have you considerded the possibility that you aren't actually a nice guy? Because I'm sick and tired of hearing how "people are such great guys" but they turn out to be self-centered twats who don't actually do anything BUT talk about how great they are. Maybe if you weren't such a self centered douche rag it would be different.

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    • nice theory but way off.

  • From an ex nice guy to a nice guy. Quit doing that stuff. You'll have more fun and get more women being the bad boy. The difference Is like night and day. I lost count on the number of women I've been with, with this new persona of mine.

    Confidence, muscles, money an idgaf attitude will put you on top of the mating pool. :-)

    Excuse me while I go live life to it's fullest while you're holding the door open for a lady lol

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  • My mom taught me to treat women with respect and care and I never have had a problem getting girls. If they use you then they weren't the right woman anyway. I think the better take would be "Are you flirting with the wrong woman?"

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  • every nice girl and guy do get treated like shit, by the wrong people. Don't give people the benefit of the doubt until you get to know them first. stop letting bad people make you into a bitter person. being a nice guy is fine, but chose which girl deserves that nice guy persona. if you give every girl the nice guy attitude, then that's your fault, because this world does have nasty people, but some people can't accept that and in turn become bitter. it's a Shame really.

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  • You don't have to be a 'nice guy', but there is no need to be a jerk either. Following the middle path is the best way.

    The next time a girl rejected you for being a 'nice guy', just tell her something like "Thanks for rejecting me now itself, instead of leading me on and then dumping me for a jerk".

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  • Good. Stop being the nice guy trying to please everyone.
    Only be a good guy for the girls deserving it. The rest? Eh, treat em like just another girl.
    And please, for the love of god, learn to read a woman to figure her archetype. It will save you for A LOT of crap like that.

    Tldr: only be nice towards those deserving it

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  • I feel your pain. You're just fed up with being genuinely nice and there's nothing wrong with being fed up. People who said nice guys can't have any negative feelings or aren't really a nice guy are hypocrites. I rather hear a guy complain than have him kill someone and/or himself. REMEMBER NICE GUYS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

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  • There is a name for girls like this and it starts with a b.

    There is a difference between being nice and white knighting women. Treat them like you do with your guy friends and you won't get rejected for being too nice.

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  • Just find a friends with benefits and wait for the right girl to come along. Patience is tough when you're lonely but it pays off when you make a list of what you want in a woman and don't compromise.

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  • You take life too seriously brah.. it's supposed to be like a ride at an amusement park, fun & scary~!

    [=

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    • Lol well the 'house of horrors' is getting old. I wanna hit the 'fun house'. Damn I need more tickets...

  • Be gracious to everyone, make others feel important/valued and light up the room you walk into. But don't be a pushover. Testosterone does not equate to being a nice-guy-pushover. I'm a gentleman and treat others with compassionate. But if anyone does anything to my girl I'll destroy that mother fucker.

    It's like the new-age gentleman.

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  • same here, but i always hid my personna, cause i thought i was going to be to aggresive, i changed it and now look. Id never taken that sweater only for a "normal" girl not for one I've been flirting with. Cause as much as theyll hate you for not doing it, its what keeps the teasing going on. you're egging her, but she likes it on this playful way. Ofcourse there's limitations to the "bad boy" lifestyle aswel, its contras..

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  • I agree in the sense of don't be a pushover. If a relationship is gonna work, there has to be balance in my opinion.

    So in the situation you mentioned, you do her a favor, and she doesn't react much beyond thanking you. When you said "nice to see you", that was a step too far.

    I think it's to do with putting in the effort you honestly think this person is worth and no more.

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    • That last line doesn't work, I've had to be civil and respectful to people id rather fight at times, it's called rising above

      Do it for u, not them

  • Interesting. Well you can do what you want actually. But I can just tell either you were being overly nice or that girl was just plain straight out rude. Either way, I suggest don't quit on being nice. Someone out there really might appreciate you. Anyway there's only few of us nice guys left in the world. I suggest you keep it up and don't let this certain girl (s) get you down. They WILL regret not having you.

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  • I'd rather be alone than with a stupid girl who'd fall for an asshole version of me. It's not a question of principle, I just can't imagine myself being satisfied that way.

    So instead I work on my own problems, flaws, happiness, confidence.
    I think women are becoming gradually more interested in me as a result, but I prefer to not put too much stock into that yet.

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  • Take Owner - I understand just what you are talking about. The foolish female that insulted you with her idiot notions that guys are nice and expect sex for it is clearly on a mission to dump on nice guys! Many women are basically in denial about how badly genuine nice guys are often treated in the dating world! Unfortunately, the high courtesy, kindness and consideration we lavish on women is often unappreciated! There are good women! But they are definitely rare! I hope you find the happiness you deserve! Ciao!

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    • How about you stop being a pussy and talk to me, instead of leaving catty comments and running away.

      Educate yourself on the phenomenon that is the "nice guy" before making bullshit claims.

    • Show All
    • It is absurd, true. That doesn't mean that it is not true in some cases. You seem to think you know better than everyone else and yet... you have no actual clue as to my true intentions for being nice- though you insist you do- that is absurd. You also insist that is not possable for someone's niceness to have a negative effect on there prospects, however you have no actual idea if it could be true, or true in my case. Yet you know everything about this? By the very fact that you are not a male trying to date females, you have no actual clue what our experiances are and what is possible and what is not. It must be by your shear intelligence that you know better than people discussing things they have experianced first hand. Good for you. Now that we have all been blessed with your superior opinions, we shal go into the world humbled and set right, I -to deceive people with my diabolical niceness, others knowing their own ignorance, and you wrapped with your Infallible intelligence.

    • *that it is
      *their

  • You missed your chance when she said "you're a nice guy aren't you" if that was me i'd see that as a opening to get more flirty and cheeky. But you may have been flirting but did you have a backbone/opinion on things or were you just agreeing with what everything she said?

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    • You could say something along the lines off

      "I can certainly be a bad boy in the right situation [wink], but for now i'll settle for being your own personal nice guy, shame there not many of us around anymore" Make sure it's said with a bit of joke in the voice

  • It's not that girls don't like nice guys, it's that they don't like (for lack of a better term) pussies. Unfortunately, there is an overlap between nice and pussy, and being a jerk eliminates being a pussy. But what they want is a guy that isn't a jerk but also doesn't act like a child.

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  • You should have told her she's a washed up cunt that no one thinks about unless they want a hole for their dick.

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    • Why? What would that have achieved? If she really is that unimportabt, why waste time trying to hurt her pride?

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    • Ahh... the classic bitter response to rejection.

      > "Hurr hurr girl u so fine", sexy, I want to be with you"
      > *girl not interested*
      > immediately insult her looks and devalue her being to a mere sexual object

      Way to be a stereotype, bro.

    • Lmao, I don't know how I've gotten through life thus far without your comments and unwanted opinions...

  • Soooo basically girls can tell your a pussy and bitchy women walk all over you because they can.

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  • In my experience, guys who proclaim they are so nice really aren't.

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  • Just be yourself don't change yourself for the others. Nice guys finish last so what? I'd still choose to be a nice one

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  • I'm just here to finish the lyrics " No more Mr. nice guy! No more Me. clean ean ean ean, your so sick so obscene"

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  • Lol... bro I will be back here once I'm done with gym.

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