The Cold, Honest Truth of Why You’re Single That the Internet is Too Afraid to Say

[ChronicThinker]

Work is abnormally slow, so to keep my writing biceps strong, I’m utilizing this sub-par site to prevent myself from getting rusty. I rarely get to write opinion columns or editorials, so I figure this is the next best option.

This site has some of the most “interesting” people I’ve ever seen. Never have I seen a more unrightfully entitled group of folks in my life. I don’t know if an overall lack of social experience causes people to make up expectations in their head or what, but from what I’ve seen from the radical singles on this site, delusion is my only conclusion.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, all of the points I will list apply to men and women. So, if you call me a crazy feminist or anti-feminist, read this, reconsider, and trip down a flight of stairs.

Here are some of the REAL, BRUTAL, COLD reasons why you’re single but no one on the internet wants to say.

Peeps on G@G. ^^

Your expectations are too high for someone of your caliber

I can’t stand it when I see these openly “always single” people without an ounce of dating experience with a laundry list of expectations. While I see it with females on this site, it does seem to be more prominent in males when it comes to stupid expectations, while women want what they usually want: a mind-reader with ambition who will pay for dates but still respect them as a strong, independent feminist.

- She can never wear makeup.

- She can’t have dyed hair.

- She can’t wear pants or thongs, because they're not womanly and slutty.

- She can never have liked another guy other than me.

- She can’t have male friends or female friends I don’t approve of.

- He has to make money and be educated, but I’m allowed to work at McDonald’s part-time.

- He can’t acknowledge any other attractive females other than me, but I’m allowed to ogle Justin Timberlake and fantasize about him during sex.

- He’s not allowed to get angry or yell at me when I have a psycho shit-fit because that’s abusive and he needs to understand I’m just so passionate.

- He’s not allowed to ever jerk his dick off because that’s basically the same as cheating.

These are a few of the stupid things I see people say.

Most shockingly, is a lot of these gents and gals have never even had a successful relationship. What’s more, is they are typically the most average, unoriginal people you could possibly meet. Nothing about them screams: I CAN HAVE ALL OF THE EXPECTATIONS IN THE WORLD AND I WILL HAVE TONS OF OPTIONS! BECAUSE I AM SUCH A CATCH!

Well, the painful truth is … you aren’t. Sorry.

You may not be a bad person, you may be a good boyfriend or girlfriend if given the chance, but you aren’t “the shit.” You’re an average person like the rest of us, so for you to have a strict code of conduct a person has to adhere to with military discipline is fucking stupid. You are never going to get anyone who fits the absolute PERFECTION you expect.

This isn’t a fairy tale, I get you haven’t experienced a relationship before but it isn’t like the movies. Relationships are sloppy, your partner may not check off every single box in your head. They’re a person, not a Build-a-Bear, you don’t get to choose every little detail your partner has. So, if you meet a great girl who likes lipstick and you don’t, get over that tiny speed bump. If you don’t make a lot of money, maybe don’t expect a guy to make six figures.

At the end of the day, you can choose your expectations. I just suggest you check yourself before you begin raising the bar above your own head.

You’re ugly

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” true … but every society has a general consensus of what is or isn’t ugly. Sometimes, you’re just born ugly and no one is willing to tell you. No one is willing to tell you because it’s deemed taboo and they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Even I admit discomfort when acknowledging someone as ugly, since I believe most people can improve their appearance or fit someone’s more eclectic taste. As well, most people who proclaim their ugliness are either attractive or average, so when you really find UGLY-UGLY, you may not know how to actually tell them if they ask.

I’m sorry, but the cold, hard truth is there are physically ugly people in the world. What’s worse is when these people have very high expectations, kind of like the people I mentioned above. If you’re 300-plus-pounds, missing teeth and hair, you can’t expect an Instagram baddy with a fat, plastic ass, okay?

Ugly people don’t have to despair, chances are, there’s someone out there who will love you, they just might not be the cream of the crop themselves. Look at Mama June, back in the day she had dudes fighting over her, and she used to look like an overweight horse. You just have to find your Sugar Bear.

OR, you could improve your appearance instead of adhering to this: “EVERYONE MUST LOVE ME EXACTLY AS I AM,” bullshit. Everyone needs to change as they grow, and if you think self-improvement is wrong, that’s half of the problem.

You’re creepy and fucking weird

If you have a habit of internet stalking people, obsessing over them, speaking to them inappropriately, following them around the office or school while you talk about how you had this weird dream that you two eloped to Mexico … you’re a fucking weird creep and it’s the reason you’re single.

I have had first-hand experience with dudes who were outright being creepy with no shame. I’ve seen women do it as well, they aren’t innocent since they seem to think men are so sexually driven that they can just grope or sexually harass them without consequence. OR they think it's totally cool to add all of his exes on social media and grill them about their past relationship before even formally meeting the guy.

It’s never not creepy to force nudes or sexual talk on someone who says they aren’t interested, and it’s never innocent to stalk the actual fuck out of someone and pester them about a relationship, especially if they’re already in one. If someone isn’t interested, leave them alone. If you barely know someone, don’t start the conversation off with how perfect you think they are for you or your weird fetish for licking used panties.

You’re a pussy, flat out

You never make a move. You never indicate you like someone. You never even hint at your feelings towards the person you like … and then have the nerve to get upset when they end up with someone else. You turn into a bitter incel faster than a race horse can piss.

Girls are especially guilty of never making any kind move, since they still think they can just sit on their asses and men will flock with the single bat of an eyelash. This isn’t our world today, men need SOME indication you’re interested to avoid being labeled a creep and wasting their time.

Fun fact: sitting on G@G all day bitching about how single you are is not going to make pussy and cock fall from the sky. You have to go out there and get it like the rest of us.

That is all.

Love Jane. <3

[Anonymous]

Great take though sometimes you can also say we’re into the ones who don’t like us back and vice versa.

Like you said, there is no perfect person that is gonna meet all of the requirements on your “checklist”, but you can’t completely lack physical or mental attraction.

I’ve had dates where the girl was cool but ended up not being physically attractive at all, and I’ve had ones where the girl was cute or decent but super boring to talk too.

Can’t completely lack chemistry and you should never settle.

[ChronicThinker]

True anon.

[Opinion Owner]

I’d also like to add location and lack of opportunities also might be a big role depending on one’s situation. For example, I live in the suburbs of Chicago but work in the city and it’s hard to meet women where I live, at least ones I’m into.

I use online dating and there’s very few options out here but in the city there’s tons of women but a lot of them expect you to live in the city which does make it tough. Is it the sole reason? No but it does play a big role.

Even though I still use online dating, I’ll admit, it’s not that great of a resource.

[azzntittiz]

GAG is full of these people we know that, but I think it's a true window to the world, being here has helped me to understand why people in my everyday life might do what they do. And you better not be talking about me because Nick and I will be together so and everybody else can stop fighting against our love, okay?

[ChronicThinker]

I will not stand between you and Nick. You were meant to be!

[azzntittiz]

Yaay.

[coachTanthony]

Well this sub par site JANE... just made your take MyTake of the day. Congrats! Good take!

[ChronicThinker]

<3 ;)

[Logorithim]

Well, I'd certainly agree that a lot of people's expectations are unrealistic, either in part or in whole, but I also believe that there is someone out there for everyone.

[Bluemax]

The internet is not at all afraid to say anything you just said. In fact, just the opposite is true. Now, IN REAL LIFE, that's a different story. Granted, in real life, people are afraid to say what you've said. However, I've read every single point you've made, countless times, in the same abrasive tone (and abrasive is what you called yourself to JZ909) by MANY people on GAG and the internet. If the internet is afraid to tell you, why have I heard every single point you've made MILLIONS of times before?

Now, also to JZ909, you said you believe, "Also, being compassionate is often how people downplay harsh truths and the same old behaviour continues." I believe that's profoundly wrong.

I've read MANY gagers and other people on the internet who are capable and have said EVERY SINGLE POINT YOU JUST MADE in a way that shows they care about the lonely as fellow human beings, in a way that engages the other human beings by using language that isn't likely to drive them away, AND THEY HAVE NEVER SUGAR COATED A SINGLE WORD. Yep, it's true. They do it routinely. They seem to understand what you don't seem to understand. How you say something is at least as important as what you say. And whereas you might think it's not possible, I not only think you're wrong, I know you're wrong. It is possible, albeit more difficult, but I've seen them do it. I've read them state everything you just said, only better.

"A kick in the ass is sometimes what people need"
No, the truth is what they need. Truth, by the way, is neither cold nor hard. It simply is. And when you tack the words "cold" and "hard" in front of truth, you're likely to just make people defensive. And putting "honest" in front of truth is straight out of the redundant office of redundancy. An abrasive kick in the ass with people who already are in pain, who think very little of themselves, and who battle depression almost invariably pushes them away and makes things worse.

As for all these people saying, "Great take!" or "Awesome!" or "Congratulations, well done!" I'll wager my life that the majority, and by that I mean probably all of them, agreed with these points prior to your writing this mytake.

That being said, I agree with much of this mytake and I think your points are quite correct.

I'd like to touch more on the ugliness issue, and this is something I've dealt with quite a bit, having grown up with people who were born disfigured, I'd like to talk more on that. However it must wait.

[ChronicThinker]

Honestly, I was too lazy to read all of this. If you disagree, you can just disagree. I don't care why you do.

[Bluemax]

Agreed. You are lazy.

[JZ909]

Valid points, but being intentionally abrasive isn't really my style. The approach has some merit, but in my opinion, it's used excessively. You may draw attention to an issue by being abrasive, but rarely will you change someone's mind about something by doing it because it immediately puts people on the defensive. Mostly, it just seems to enhance echo chambers that already exist.

Speaking hard truths doesn't have to be combative; it can be compassionate. It just requires a different approach. One of the most effective techniques is to simply state your view, rather than attacking the other side.

For example: This article could have made the same points, but in a much more palatable format. The title could be "How to be Successful at Romance in the 21st Century" and then go on to explain how people generally prefer dating people at or above their income level. This is implies that you probably won't have a lot of success trying to date people who are a lot richer than you, but doesn't directly attack anyone, and therefore is unlikely to trigger a defensive response. Would the article be any less honest or true by using a more palatable tone?

However, like I said at the beginning, an abrasive tone does have some merit. This is just food for thought.

[ChronicThinker]

I don't intend to be abrasive. I just am. I see no point in pretending to be something I'm not. I won't fake my personality and sugar coat my opinions for the sake of other people, because I'd be lying.

[ChronicThinker]

Also, being compassionate is often how people downplay harsh truths and the same old behaviour continues. A kick in the ass is sometimes what people need, and if they don't want that, they shouldn't come to me lol.

[Bluemax]

"they shouldn't come to me lol."
Correct. They should go to people more capable.

[ChronicThinker]

@Bluemax Probably.

[JZ909]

Fair enough, and at different points in my life, I've needed a kick in the ass. It's just not often.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

I'm involuntarily single, and none of this is true for me. And for the record, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder for MOST people. Of course, there are conventionally good-looking, and conventionally ugly people, but those are rare exceptions. Really, most straight women aren't that visual. That's why Hugh Hefner, Biggie Smalls, Zach Galifinakis, and every other "ugly" rich man can get a trophy wife. Why? Because women tend to value money more than looks. Some women only coin a guy as "hot" because of his money.

I have very low expectations-almost none at all to be honest. I've actually had people tell me I'm not picky enough. I consider myself good looking, but I'm sure other people think otherwise. I'm not on either side of the conventional attractiveness scale.

As far as being "creepy", or "weird", I'm not creepy, but I can be weird at times, but in a good way. I don't have much of a filter when I talk, and I have weird opinions. I doubt this is why I'm single though.

And finally, Millennial women like feminine, and "pussy-like" men. It's party of the "biological sex is an opinion" movement (Plot Twist: It's not actually subjective), and I've noticed Gen X'ers, and older like masculine men, but definitely not this generation. For the record, I do make a move, and I like being bold-and it often backfires.

I suppose this take describes single people on GAG, but not single people in real life.

[Cosytoasty]

www.endurancebusiness.com/.../...st-do-it-logo.jpg

The secret to success in life in general... every day do something to put yourself in just a little bit of a better position than you were the day before, Trust me it works. Work out a tiny bit, study a little harder, try and strike up a convo with at least 1 new person etc. etc.

There's no reason why any western born person cannot end up with the millions, the lifestyle, the friends, the beautiful wife and family etc.

Have to go out there and get it folks.

[Shadow44]

I agree completely, and this is the best comment I've seen for anybody who's ever wanted to achieve anything in life.

[SketchForger]

I'd say that most of it comes from being creepy and unsociable. People who don't choose to socialize are usually alienated as an option for other people. You can't flirt with people who aren't there, and you can't expect people to like you for you personality if you're not expressive or outwardly interesting. I've seen people who are "ugly" get into relationships with attractive men and women. To be honest it's a lot harder for women who aren't attractive to find partners, but ultimately people see through than more than people think. Hell I'm ugly and I've dated people who I consider very attractive.

[Bluemax]

"I'd say that most of it comes from being creepy and unsociable"

I very much agree. Now why do you think that is? What has made them unsociable?

[ChronicThinker]

@Bluemax Now you're being a party pooper tampon princess. Goodnight.

[SketchForger]

@Bluemax not desiring to go outside? not being independent and still living with your parents? Being isolated to the point of having unrealistic standards from increased pornographic consumerism?

[ChronicThinker]

Ah he can't answer ya. He started commenting on other people's stuff so I blocked him to save everyone the headache. And because I felt annoying.

[SketchForger]

I'm fine with that. :)

[ChronicThinker]

Yeah, I'm a jerk.

[SketchForger]

Nah he's usually a dick when I write myTakes so I'm less than thrilled whenever I see him comment on everyone's shit, he does the exact thing on my MyTakes.

[ChronicThinker]

Yeah, he doesn't like me either.

[ericclayton]

Seems that most people who are very active on sites like this (including myself) are actually really introverted in real life. They're not "doers". So maybe they just sit around and over-analyze things, and often become bitter, and cynical toward the opposite sex because they're frustrated on the lack of interest they receive. Which is their fault anyway because you have to actually walk up to people and socialize, most of the time (this is true for both sexes, btw).

I'm guilty of it myself, but I don't think I'm bitter or cynical. But I suspect many are.

[ChronicThinker]

Glad to hear you can acknowledge your circumstances. I couldn't judge you.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Spectacular Take... but honestly, I'm not any of these things listed in your bullet points (except maybe barely average looking... but my beard is fantastic). My issues are lack of adult free time (full-time single parent with full time career), not wanting to introduce someone new into my son's life (if it doesn't work out, my son will wonder where she went), no single friends since my divorce (important, because in my experience, if you go out and approach a group of girls as a group of guys, it's fine... if you approach a group of girls by yourself, it's considered creepy), and walking the line between truth and tastefulness when searching for a physical relationship (because of first two reasons listed above). So I'm curious what your non-sugar coated opinion would be about my specific situation. I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, so I can take it. 👍

[DumbandDumbber]

Good take with good points.
I myself always credit it to 2 points:
- First one is people think the world arounds them, people need to understand the world doesn't owe them ANYTHING.
- Second one is people forget that we basically live like animals, if you don't FORCEFULLY go after the stuff you want. You won't get it and be left out to cry.

[DumbandDumbber]

world revolves around them*

[D_Bone_Steak]

You've definitely been on this site a while. I too resort to this site at work... usually when I'm stuck on a computer and expected to look like I'm actually working. For all the incel's going crazy about not getting puss... I always just tell them to lift weights and quite being a pussy. As for the chicks, they might have 99 problems but getting a dick ain't one.

At least from what I've seen in general, but the chicks can be so demanding they come on this site demanding to know how to get their demands out of their dude. Annoying.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

Millennial women don't like masculine men. I lift weights, I'm a huge dude, and I'm stronger than almost everyone I know. Women these days like beta men who act like whimps.

Gen X'ers, and Baby Boomers like masculine men.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@EnglishArtsteacher You might be right about that, and my masculine outlook might have a lot to do with being a gen-x. I mean I've snagged up my fair share of millennial women, but it always seems to run into almost political like conflicts with their mindsets. Women closer to my own age range to think I'm Gods gift to women unless they're the feminist types... which are pretty unattractive more often than not, so no biggie on that loss.

What you point out resonates with me along with something Rich Piana (R. I. P.) was saying before he passed. He was trying to point out that an ideal figure to attract women in general isn't to become a monster like himself. I think it was comparisons like the waist to shoulder ratio as the waist to hip ratio works for women. His words... it's an optical illusion.

All I know is if I pack a little muscle and keep the fat down... my penis gets served. Not the best choices in women (as far as character [thot's]), but choices nonetheless.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

You make a good point. I've noticed women in their mid 30's, and older like masculine men. They tend to like me more than women my own age.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@EnglishArtsteacher Also... I think the reason our generations don't represent is cause most of us just gave up with age. We've gotten replaced with these 'nu-males' that smile with soy-into-grin faces, soy boys, and other such metros. I simply see no new wave of masculine men, but when you do see one, he's outcompeting the competition still.

Basically I think it's not that women prefer these new type of soy males... they cuck them afterall... but it's a lack of better choices has them resorting to them.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

Hmm... I've noticed Millennial men are either too feminine, or way way too masculine. There seems to be no in-between. It's either a hard-headed show-off, or the guy who complains about lifting because of "toxic masculinity."

[D_Bone_Steak]

@EnglishArtsteacher lolz... That and one group is overly eager to submit to effeminate thinking and females in general like a beaten child, and the other is in an active state of rejecting all this effeminization of our society.

I mean it's crazy right now... center left to all the way right has somehow polarized from this extreme left that seemed to have popped out of the woodwork hellbent on world domination with no care for any viewpoint than their own. Apply the politics to the genders and it gets easy to see which way they're leaning at this point... lolz, well if they even believe in two genders.

[AlphaGhost]

No one is ugly and the only person calling someone ugly is the observer, who is incompetent to consider the whole picture. The whole pic decided the person is ugly or beautiful and if only physical looks matter than Jhonny dep or Angelina won't have been divorced.

You can't expect anyone to stay loyal, when you can't lower your own eyes while staring at girls booty.
I will accept I have the same problem but I am good looking but still I have to make compromise with height.
I am 6.2 while She is 5.7 and I know it will look funny but you don't know her. She is" jewel and Created for me" and I am not worried about height cuz his father and grand father (mother side) are 6.1. She got good genes so my kids are safe.

[Jon_25]

Don't worry you won't look as weird as we do.
Sounds good. Take care of that, it's definitely worth "looking weird" for a jewel you're right.

[bacca400]

I'll just wait for all the snowflakes to cry "hate speech". But I do agree with what you said. People waiting for someone else to ask them out? Ridiculous. My dating life didn't improve until I seriously looked at the role of ME in my dating life. And my role needed improvement. So I improved myself and I found the bestest wife ever. :)

Improvement and happiness doesn't come from staying in your "safe space", it comes from getting out of that safe space. Miserable, bigoted, hateful people tend to stay that way. Their hate is their safe space. It's what they know best.

[-Beonkia]

Stuff like this makes me wonder if I'd rather be dead. I don't have high expectations yet never get looked at, I'm somewhat overweight for my age, despite me not looking it, I have red bumps and black spots on my face that never go the fuck away, I don't make a move because of several things: because of how my face looks, because of how I feel in public, and because I just sound obnoxious every time I open my mouth. Even when I'm silent in public I feel uncomfortable. I feel like I'm living in a body that's not mine. Yeah.

[Jon_25]

You could try Biore for the red bumps. It worked for my brother anyways.
You don't sound bad. Why do you think you sound obnoxious? Is it something that bugs you all the time, or just in public? You could just be hanging around the judgy people. They can make anyone feel uncomfortable and ugly, even if you're really just fine.

Either way you're just 18. TONS of 18 year olds sound obnoxious, you aren't the only one. Your voice kind of shifts at that age, so it may sound weird to you at first. Stuff on your face is also largely common for teenagers, and feeling ugly.

Your body just grew a lot at once I'm guessing, so it's natural to not be as comfortable in it for a while, and even feel unnatural a bit too. Don't worry. Lots of people go through this kind of thing. I know a lot of guys do at least.

[-Beonkia]

@Jon_25 Well you're engaged, as this mytake person happens to be. I don't know any girl who has trouble like I do. They said not to worry but they've already experienced it at least once. But I sure know plenty of girls who have a kid

[jellyroo]

"Never have I seen a more unrightfully entitled group of folks in my life." I don't know dude, go deep enough into tumblr and you'll find a whole new level of entitlement.

Aside from that, nice take. Always enjoy the honest brutality from you.

[Sensmind]

Nice one Jane - A freezing cold shower this morning - I am in a good mood this morning and feel more benevolent - For 95% of the "Reality Challenged" users on here, it is just getting it out of their system.
Ok say site changed overnight and core base was 41 rather than 21, the question is asked "What do you think of the life expectations you had at 21 and what/if anything changed?"
95% of the response would be "I was such an idiot then with an impossible list of demands and over the years without having a revelation, I am now happy in a suburban home with 3 kids, a dog and a average husband/wife which is probably my subconscious dream come through while conscious dreams were full of crap"
Anyway great take , no harm in using comedy to let the air out of some very over inflated self important people on the internet or here.

[Benedek38]

Wow, so mature...
Another idiot who thinks she's invented the next best thing after sliced bread.
I'll tell you something.
The reason you make deliberately offensive and harsh posts is because you have unfulfilled sadistic desires, and you enjoy picking on less fortunate or less successful people to feel good about yourself, and to keep you own fragile confidence intact. I have to say, this is one of the most pathetic things I have seen in a long time.
To quote you: you aren’t “the shit.”. You are not the oracle of the Internet just because you can insult and step on people in a semi-hostile manner.
All you are is an insecure little girl with Napoleon complex - I suggest finding a better hobby. Find someone in your own weight class. It's easy to pick on losers. Try to do it with people who can hit back, you pussy!

[Clarity01]

lmao

[Clarity01]

ur comment made me sad

[Nik1hil]

This isn’t our world today, men need SOME indication you’re interested to avoid being labeled a creep and wasting their time.----

this is so TRUE.

besides. the reason i think i am not ready for relationship..

i am not financially independent - it is definition to not being a men, and there is no point in chasing wild goose of love..

i am took dark, i am not the usually guy--- too dark fetishes.. and my taste for things will make all women run away..

and i prefer to enjoy my freedom and craziness all alone..
after all we spend most of our life alone why not learn to enjoy it..

and this take NAILED IT..
i love it..
you have a POV that is like seeing humans form point of Aliens or someone not human, or not a social person
i love it..
keep writing so i can keep reading

[Aynsof]

So...
Fantastically rich supermodels with nice personalities aren't going to throw themselves at my ugly self without me having ever said a word?
Well that's just depressing
Thanks a lot

[ChronicThinker]

LMAO. MHO.

[Anonymous]

you had some pretty good points. I definitely agree with the expectations one! If you want someone who is going to be a loyal trustworthy person to you, you have to prove that there is someone out there or that you are one yourself!

but I've actually met some socalled "ugly" people and thier personalities were actually really beautiful and really kind. And people have dated them because they are amazing company. But i do agree with that we are all changing and growing. I think there's a fine line between changing yourself for other people and changing yourself because you want to though

YES though people do need to make a move tho!