Do you feel ASHAMED of being single?

Question

RoxiFromTheDark · Accepted Answer

No, i found myself single and there’s nothing more satisfying knowing I can find my own happiness and i pretty much did. I’m just living my life now a lot happier honestly And it’s because of my son he makes me more happy than I could know. He gave me purpose when I felt like I really didn’t even know if I would ever find one and just like that I got my kid and I feel like i get it now.
Also my therapist told me something that I could say drastically changed my point of view on what happiness even is, she said sometimes we think happiness is more than what it really is, we want to chase something more it’s human nature but the reality is happiness is those little moments you’re happy. The smallest of things even if it’s walking outside and breathing in air and feeling the weathers perfect or even just going to your favorite spot that doesn’t seem like much but you feel comfortable and like you’re having fun that’s life’s happiness and sometimes I think people we tend to overlook that.
I also recognized i needed meds though so this might be more of an anxious depressed persons point of view. Anyways this personally helps me out just being happy with being myself and being in this body because at the end of the day like this is literally your life experience and I think there’s a lot more beyond relationships at least for me. The human experience is Amazing and I’m glad to just be alive, I also had a near death experience before and honestly it made me appreciate just being here taking up room in the world perfectly happy, healthy and safe.

PeacefulRainDrop · Accepted Answer

Personally I am not ashamed.. I find people try and make you ashamed... like my little sister just got married in December.. People have asked me how does it feel she got married before you? I just respond happy for her with a smile best I can.. like no need to rub it in my face.. my dads mom said to me that my time is running out I dont have the right to be picky.. I should try to hold on to a man for once.. I just smile and say trying to find one worth holding on to.. she's like yeah that be hard for someone like you hense why I dont care much for dads side of the family.. like shaming their daughter my aunt Debbie just got a devorse.. my aunt Pat on moms said I remember when she did her mom supported her both for the same reason just not happy Debbie is now shunned.. im in no rush im happy on my own that might be half my issue.. need a guy that I would rathet have his attention then be alone.. no fear in being alone the rest of my life there is fear in marrying a guy.. I can't force him to love me the rest of his life.. rather marry right then just anyone.. I do find it lonely at times seeing couples holding hands and holidays be nice to celebrate with someone but I dont want to just fill that space for the sake of it.. I want to see potential in it leading to a lifetime together or there is no point in being with that person in my books!

SjE78 · Accepted Answer

why should anyone feel shame for being single? being single can be either choice or out of our control, either way there is no shame being such...

lets say, you were in a relationship and they cheated and left you for another man/woman... should you feel shame that they cheated and left you? no...

another scenario, your partner dies and you dont feel right moving on... should you feel ashamed of them dying? upset sure... loss, definitely but shame? never

if however you are single cos of cheating on your partner, then yes... you should feel ashamed, not because your single but because of how you became single

SpearsAndStones · Accepted Answer

Of course. I'm single and I've always been single because I'm not good enough. That's the message you get as a man. You aren't good enough unless you act toxic as fuck. I should start being toxically masculine, because it seems like the only men who DON'T get blamed for that shit are the ones who actually are, because women seem to approve of them when they actually talk to them. They're "real men"!

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

Not at all. I actually don't understand the stigma surrounding being single and why it is viewed as a "bad" or "sad" thing at all.

Many people act as if it is impossible for any person to be happily single. I've had well intentioned friends and family try to push me into believing I needed to start dating again and find a new relationship because they can't comprehend that someone can be happy while they're single, and for some reason think that a relationship is the key to everyone's happiness.

The thing is this; would I be happier single or with someone I don't truly love? For me, this is incredibly simple, and the answer is single.

I don't understand the concept that being in a relationship = happy. I know of several unhappy relationships where two people are incompatible and trying to fit a square peg into a round hole to force a doomed from the start relationship to work. I actually tried it once when I was younger and dumber unfortunately, and never again. I was absolutely miserable.

Also, you can never expect someone else to make you happy if you can't make yourself happy. Yes, a partner should add to your happiness, but they shouldn't be the sole provider of it. I think that's where a lot of people go assuming that single people can't be happy.

Another thing; people seem to assume that single people are undesirable and that the ability to enter a relationship means you're desirable. That's not necessarily true. There are many people who are single by choice because they either want to take a hiatus from dating and focus on themselves, or they feel happier that way. There are also a lot of desperate people who throw themselves at the first person who will accept them, usually other people who are just as desperate, just for the sake of feeling wanted and being in a relationship. There are also people who get used in relationships as well.

I'm not trying to paint relationships in a bad light, but instead trying to bring light to the side of things people often ignore or don't see.

SydneySentinel · Answer

No way. Sometimes it sucks being the only single one in a group of couples but it's definitely not a shameful thing.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

Not at all! There's no reason to feel ashamed of being single, especially if you're happy that way.

I feel bad for people that are in relationships just for the sake of being with someone because they think they can't be single or alone- that's pathetic to me.

Desconhecida · Answer

Is there a reason to be? The end of the world is coming and only couples are going to be saved? Goodbye world!

devilish-cutie · Answer

to be completely honest - yes. I wish i didn't but I do. Its mostly cause of my age and cause i have been single for a long time. Personaly id like to have a partner id settle down with by now but I haven't yet met a guy Id like to settle down with. Society also judges you so that is an issues too. People say you must be too picky or not competent enough or ugly inside/out. Not much you can talk about when they all talk about their partners and kids and future together. Then except that its really hard to plan your future out all alone. One shouldn't feel ashamed about things that are not really in their control but are they really not? Anyways I dont envy those people, bunch of them are in unhappy marriages and I have decided to rather be alone than to settle for something id be unhappy with. But I dont like this situation and I wish people werent that judgy.

GhettoGirl · Answer

No not at all ! I'm ashamed I allowed myself to be coaxed into relationships I knew I couldnt commit to. I'm too young and ambitious to be tied to the ritual of monogamous relationships. I'm still getting to know myself I dont want to be so immersed in anothers discovery I lose something of me. Sorry but I only get this one chance to do it so I'm going to do it my way.

ShortCircuit · Answer

I'm not "ashamed" of being single in the sense that I'd feel embarrassed to "admit" that I was single to someone. However, being in a relationship is something I do long for. I have perfectly valid reasons for being single at the moment, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

Neeceeb7 · Answer

There isn't anything shameful about being with someone or not. It's just a place you pass through to the next stop. And if you choose it for life great too. You live your best life

Aethereal · Answer

Lol no. Not at all. I'd have no problem if I remained single for the rest of my life. I realized long ago that if I allow external pressures (what people want for me, what they think of me) to influence whether I enter a relationship, I'd lower my standards to please them while being unhappy. I'd end up wasting both mine and the girl's time.
I know what I want, and I refuse to settle.

Anonymous · Answer

I turn 26 in half a year's time - never had a girlfriend nor my first kiss, nor have I so much as ever been on a single date.

... No shame here. I may feel longing for the emotional connection with and the intimate embrace of a love interest... But then again, I'm a misanthrope; so it's quite likely for the best.

Besides, I have gargantuan plans right now - and I don't need any female to hold me back in terms of my moolah to bring those plans into fruition... And I'd rather have my lack of romantic experience than a kid, like my girl-crazy older brother does.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes because some people be shaming on me because I have no experience with females especially in sexual relations and that I can't have good convos with them when the topic relates to that. It sucks because there's no feeling of what it's like to love and be loved by someone by date or couple. '
No because it's nice to feel like a lone wolf doing your own things without stressing out on something with someone else. So far I noticed like there's many things you have to do with girls to get their attraction, which almost seems as if girls are like a puzzle and once you mess up, you screwed. Like just last week, I complimented a classmate of mine I talk to that she was attractive but then she starts to distance herself and not really talk with me much after that.

My view of it LOL

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Yes and no. Yes, because I feel like there is something wrong with me that women immediately notice and it is only more of a blow when the women that do talk to me ask why I am single. Wish I knew.

No, in the way that I got time to myself and friends, but I also can learn and grown to find out who I truly am along with my purpose.

MattNotMike · Answer

Not anymore tbh, I used to think female attention was a mark of power for a guy, but then I realized that's stupid.

A.) That gives y'all WAY Too much power, you're not special just because you are female.
B.) A relationship with 99% of y'all is a huge "No" for me given how annoying y'all act regularly.
C.) I'm a 6"2 wall of muscle with a major in Computer Science and a growing aptitude for business. None of this matters anyway, 5-10 years from now, hot girls will still be around and I'll be rich. :/

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I'm not ashamed - I think I'd be more ashamed of being in a relationship just because I think its too embarrassing to talk about with people I'm not close to but I don't like the types of people who hit on me because they think I'm datable to them. One guy is a selfish leech who just wants to use me for money and thinks I like him cause I used to be his friend instead of ignoring him like 99% of woman - and another person is a lesbian and I want a male partner - not a homosexual one.

SjE78 · Answer

not ashamed cos i have nothing to be ashamed for... being single isn't a crime nor is it a shameful situation to be in, it's not ideal and it gets extremely lonely, but it was either remain single and wait until the right woman came along or start having fwb/hook ups/one night stands and I'm just not the type who is willing to do that... i prefer commitment tbh so it's just gonna have to remain a state of single until that moment happens when i meet someone special, if i do that is...

LiMBoH · Answer

I used to feel shameful, now i realize i would've been completely terrible boyfriend material with that mindset. Focusing on myself and my own priorities has helped me see the positives of being single.

Although i'm currently in a search to find someone, I really don't mind being independent anymore

Sciencegirl2015 · Answer

Not really, I’ve actually been single my whole life and most of the girls I went to high school with had boyfriends and most of them got pregnant. I have a good job in a medical lab and I’m saving up for a vacation while most of those girls are getting peed on, pooped on, and puked on by their kids 😂😂😂😂

CaptainSmartass · Answer

Not really ashamed, more embarrassed. It's like I've failed a life test. About 10 years ago, I frequently got comments from girls saying how cute I am, and I still get smiled at now. I've even had my arse grabbed a couple of times. But now, I'm somehow expected to have a girlfriend. When women come up to me, they say my girlfriend must be "the luckiest woman in the world, to have a cutie like you". If I admit to being single, there "must be something wrong" with me.

Simples...

SkipStop · Answer

No. But my family tries to make me feel like I should be in a relationship and moving forward. And it's annoying. I do get lonely sometimes. That's for sure. Probably because I got no friends either. Overall, being single is right for me. It's much easier than having all that stress that comes with relationships. Sometimes I even wonder why men even get into relationships. Sex? Kids?

LaVillaStrangiato · Answer

No way! I love it.  After 18 years of a mostly boring marriage, I feel like I'm experiencing so much more that I didn't even know existed about life.

Y3llow · Answer

Not at all. I'm 19. It's perfectly normal to be single at my age but even if it wasn't, I'm not ready for a commited relationship rn. I also look for a lot of uni traits in a partner and I've accepted that these traits are going to make looking for the right partner very difficult.

infinitybreaker2018 · Answer

Yes, because my ex broke up with me during her mission two years ago, and I asked out over 60 girls since then and I had one relationship for 3 months.
She got married recently, and 3 months after she came home. I wanted to move on before she came back.

chris0977 · Answer

No, because shame, rooted in codependency, needing something outside is weakness. I keep working on my mind (thoughts, feelings, emotions) until enough inner strength is built to no longer need the outer experience, anyone's acceptance, or approval, to satisfy my sense of self-worth or happiness.

KeziL · Answer

I’ve never felt ashamed. At times when several of my friends had boyfriends, I felt lonely at times, but I also had a lot of freedoms that that didn’t. I’m currently single and in my first few weeks of college, which is exactly what I planned on. That’s been great, I can do whatever and whoever I want. So nope, never ashamed, I’d rather be single than with the wrong guy.

Moonchild714 · Answer

Not at all. I knew at a very young age Marriage was not going to be for me. I do believe. I may have found the person I do want to spend the rest of my life with, him and his son are my heart. Marriage would have to be an option since I won't let us have sex when his son is with us. That wouldn't be the only reason for getting married though.

TheKack · Answer

It's a personal shame for me. I'm ashamed of myself for not doing better in previous relationships, and for not pursuing more women to find one I could click with. But I am putting myself out there now, so I'm hoping things will start looking up.

As for shamed by others, I don't think anyone judges me for being single. And if they do, I have blown them off and not noticed.

Gpda0074 · Answer

Been single for 5 years and feel absolutely no shame about it. I don't believe in trying to force anything and I really don't give a shit about relationships in general. That is likely due to my background, but yeah, single is fine and so is being in a relationship. As long as I'm happy, it matters very little.

Okami_Kitsune · Answer

Not really ashamed of it. But like a few others have said, you do get to feeling unwanted. Really makes you over analyze yourself on every tiny flaw. For example "I'm too weird, my voice is awful to listen to, I have a weird face, not an attractive body, and a bad hairline" personally I've sorta just stopped thinking about dating or anything of sort cause who wants to get with this mess? I ain't worth that effort lol.

happyhedgehog · Answer

No, but it kind of emphasizes the fact that I'm young, which I don't like. I'm short, shy, have a baby voice, never dated, fresh out of highschool, look younger than I am. I would rather people view me as independent and mature, but sometimes people treat me like a little girl. And it's kind of frustrating. Like I'm working two jobs and make my own decisions. So what the heck

Kunxter · Answer

No. Why would I? 😀
When I see all my friends with their girlfriends... how they are always under control... always asking for permissions... always reporting their whereabouts... and always arguing about something... it makes me feel great about my single life.
Don't take me wrong. I undersrand that people in relationships have to be more reliable and responsible and not hang out with some people all the time without informing their partner and everything. I am just glad I don't have to 😁

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes... yes. I'm ashamed when it's a joke about HOW single I am. It's not about being single so much - even the most attractive people have probably been single for some period of time. Or if it was fully a choice of mine not to date, I'd get that. It's the level of being single. Not just single, but 'contemplating becoming a monk even though I'm not that religion' type of single.

armleg · Answer

yes it means i am a loser and tying my self worth to it also makes me a loser and im so deep in a hole that i want my penis removed because all it does is make me want to fuck things and i know logically that i have to be respectful but you also have to be confident but it turns out my idea of confident is a woman's idea of harassment! Once i get the idea that im annoying them i leave them alone but its hard not to see yourself as a monster because everyone treats you that way.

JSmuve · Answer

I probably wouldn't go as far as shame but it is a little disconcerting. Though as I've gotten older and seen how other couples interact, I'm not convinced that being in a relationship would bring much value into my life. But right now, I'm quite content not dealing with the drama and baggage that some women have.

Chris12343212 · Answer

Im an introvert so it doesn't bother me at all. My brother is an extrovert and feels incomplete if he isn't dating or at least has a crush on a woman. Guess it depends on if you are ok with being alone. Hooking up just so you aren't alone can lead to wasting a lot of time and god forbid you have children with someone your not that into making your life harder and being unfair to the child that is more shameful I think.

ariadneR · Answer

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away I did, before I met my boyfriend. There would be moments where I'd feel like I wasn't good enough. Coupled with the teasing I would get at work about it. But then I started to think why should I let that bother me. If they have that opinion of me, good for them. I'm going to live my life the way I want to.
As I result I became happier

13IsALuckyNumber · Answer

Not ashamed, but lonely. I feel lonely about being alone, but I don’t feel ashamed of it. It can suck sometimes, but it also does have some of its own perks.

ThisAndThat · Answer

I've witnessed all the gynocentrism and misandry in this rigged society and system stacked against males and I should be ashamed of being single? In no way shape or form do I. What is there to be shamed of, not accepting the obvious fact that you are seen as disposable, a tool and nothing else? No, I don't think so. I'm currently celebrating my 33rd year as a MGTOW monk in fact. I have popcorn on hand watching the west crumble.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. I've been in little to no serious relationships so being single makes me question whether something is really wrong with me or not. I say I enjoy being single but I absolutely hate it. I miss having someone by my side.

Nikunj70 · Answer

Definitely not its our kind of mentality we created that if some on is single than he/she feel ashamed
There is nothing like to ashamed..

If you are alone than you are free to do anything , your thought & wishes are your own
But in relationship sometimes there are many restriction , sometimes you have to compromise & your thinking & decision by considering your partner too.

clampfan101 · Answer

I’m not ashamed, as the only reason is because I haven’t found the right person yet. (I didn’t go through break ups or anything.) But it’s still super painful because I desire romance so much. (And because the person I almost has my first major relationship with died before it was possible...)

AngelBritney · Answer

When I used to be single I felt uncomfortable when being with couples or seeing them in public. But I never felt ashamed. Because no one (stranger people) knew that I was single. But I kind of felt not good being with my friends who had a boy/girlfriend.

robertKugler · Answer

Not quite ashamed but it doesn't do you much justice... either. It sucks it's hard to build relationships from scratch... bad experiences seem to haunted everybody n we always doubt the perfect person if front us.. we have trust issues and assume that they hurt us or lie cheat like the one before... suspicion. . n fear keep good people apart

MahaRajput · Answer

Yes I do now sometimes 😒 when I m around my married friends. Or when someone is getting engaged or married. I feel awful. Last week my cousin got married and I participated in preparations but from inside I was feeling empty. And after wedding I was depressed. I feel stuck. Everything is fine but without love.

menina · Answer

Absolutely not! I rather be single than dating a racist who is also going to hit me or hide our relationship from his family and friends, AKA a Portuguese man.

Bribree18 · Answer

I’m not ashamed of it, but I definitely would rather be in a relationship haha.

sweetcocoa_ · Answer

well I'm not single but I've always said I have no issues being alone until I meet the right man and I have no shame in that. I am kind of a loner and an introvert. I'm just glad I met him though cus he likes my shyness and loner life.

MrHopper · Answer

I dont think its anything to be ashamed off! you free to do what you will when you will and you have no one to report too.. you dont have to worry about saying the wrong thing to the wrong person or not doing things... you are free to be you

CubsterShura · Answer

There is nothing to be 'ashamed' of being single. Sure, it sucks. We all need a partner and not having one can feel quite lonely or even frustrating... But it's not 'shameful' hell no.

Gabbers4482 · Answer

I'm happy with who I am. Forget anyone that tries to make me feel otherwise.

Anonymous · Answer

Not at all! That’s like saying you should feel ashamed for not wanting to just settle. If anything I’d say it’s the other way around. Why do so many people feel the need to settle just for the sake of it? Be brave enough to live your own authentic life.

Anonymous · Answer

I currently suffer with Codependency.
I used to think I needed and must have a partner at all costs and I did that from 14 and on. It's been 10 years and I have been with 9 guys.

Today, I sigh in relief. I no longer have to be who I once.

I'm not ashamed for practicing singleness for a year at this time. I feel a whole weight lift from my shoulders.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes because it's such a high pressure on being in a relationship. I've been single for over 2 years now because i've rejected several men that I didn't feel any attraction for and of course also briefly dated men that things simply didn't work out with.
I am not in a hurry though. I am very introverted and I enjoy being left alone

Rangers · Answer

Not anymore, why should I be ashamed of the fact that I won't settle? Besides, my guns never say "no" to me, and money responds to efforts made to get it, unlike girls.

kanelives · Answer

Eh... I am not happy about it. I am somewhat ashamed that I never had a real girlfriend. But I am not ashamed of being single. Im more saddened by it than anything because I have so many problems I need to fix, and its just taking so damn long.

Amaoctober · Answer

No, no one is born married, you have to be single to get married. If you think marriage is like achieving a big goal, think again. In real marriage you are not supposed to be forced by yourself or your family or friends or enemies too. You have to smile, really smiling when you getting married. Time is everything, time is all.

Keyarose · Answer

I used to feel like and ugly loner and thought og being single would make me sad. Now, I don't care. I have a life to live, I have money to make and I have goals that need be achieved. .

Buckzor · Answer

Yeah, I feel like there's something wrong with me, and it's embarrassing having not felt that someone really cared about me or liked me for me.  Among plenty other things.

zodccc · Answer

Definitely not! But I hate the people around me that makes me feel ashame about it. They’d either be like «are u gay» or «you’ll get old and lonely and probably live with 12 cats if u dont get yourself a bf»🙄 full of bs

jebtillerson · Answer

Poverty is much more shameful to me. I've been poor in the past. Being married or single is irrelevant to me. I remember what my parents were like before they divorced. I remember how happy they were. I would rather have plenty of money.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to feel bad.. yet after reflecting it better I understood society sells this idea of "love" in a relation-couple way, not from other dimensions aspect. If I believed that would be the only way of loving of course my life would be miserable and I'd feel bad. Yet things have changed and Im no longer afraid of saying it. :)

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