Have An Opinion?
No, i found myself single and there’s nothing more satisfying knowing I can find my own happiness and i pretty much did. I’m just living my life now a lot happier honestly And it’s because of my son he makes me more happy than I could know. He gave me purpose when I felt like I really didn’t even know if I would ever find one and just like that I got my kid and I feel like i get it now. Also my therapist told me something that I could say drastically changed my point of view on what happiness even is, she said sometimes we think happiness is more than what it really is, we want to chase something more it’s human nature but the reality is happiness is those little moments you’re happy. The smallest of things even if it’s walking outside and breathing in air and feeling the weathers perfect or even just going to your favorite spot that doesn’t seem like much but you feel comfortable and like you’re having fun that’s life’s happiness and sometimes I think people we tend to overlook that. I also recognized i needed meds though so this might be more of an anxious depressed persons point of view. Anyways this personally helps me out just being happy with being myself and being in this body because at the end of the day like this is literally your life experience and I think there’s a lot more beyond relationships at least for me. The human experience is Amazing and I’m glad to just be alive, I also had a near death experience before and honestly it made me appreciate just being here taking up room in the world perfectly happy, healthy and safe.
Personally I am not ashamed.. I find people try and make you ashamed... like my little sister just got married in December.. People have asked me how does it feel she got married before you? I just respond happy for her with a smile best I can.. like no need to rub it in my face.. my dads mom said to me that my time is running out I dont have the right to be picky.. I should try to hold on to a man for once.. I just smile and say trying to find one worth holding on to.. she's like yeah that be hard for someone like you hense why I dont care much for dads side of the family.. like shaming their daughter my aunt Debbie just got a devorse.. my aunt Pat on moms said I remember when she did her mom supported her both for the same reason just not happy Debbie is now shunned.. im in no rush im happy on my own that might be half my issue.. need a guy that I would rathet have his attention then be alone.. no fear in being alone the rest of my life there is fear in marrying a guy.. I can't force him to love me the rest of his life.. rather marry right then just anyone.. I do find it lonely at times seeing couples holding hands and holidays be nice to celebrate with someone but I dont want to just fill that space for the sake of it.. I want to see potential in it leading to a lifetime together or there is no point in being with that person in my books!
why should anyone feel shame for being single? being single can be either choice or out of our control, either way there is no shame being such... lets say, you were in a relationship and they cheated and left you for another man/woman... should you feel shame that they cheated and left you? no... another scenario, your partner dies and you dont feel right moving on... should you feel ashamed of them dying? upset sure... loss, definitely but shame? never if however you are single cos of cheating on your partner, then yes... you should feel ashamed, not because your single but because of how you became single
In the other two instances at least you were good enough for someone at some point. What are single people who have never been good enough for anyone supposed to believe? We're seen by others as valueless. We can either get angry at other people for seeing us this way or be ashamed. I'll choose shame, because other people aren't going to stop.
@SpearsAndStones tbh being shameful of their actions isn't for the people left at the bottom of the pile to feel, shame for own actions which may have lead to being single but... feeling shame for being in a position which isn't your own doing is pointless and putting all the problems of why you are single and in some ways accepting there is a flaw with yourself... when if you haven't done anything to lead to that happening then why should any of us fuel those who see as valueless, or accept responsibility for teh actions of others... I won't be feeling ashamed of something I wasn't responsible but rather do what i can to change things...
Of course. I'm single and I've always been single because I'm not good enough. That's the message you get as a man. You aren't good enough unless you act toxic as fuck. I should start being toxically masculine, because it seems like the only men who DON'T get blamed for that shit are the ones who actually are, because women seem to approve of them when they actually talk to them. They're "real men"!
You are good enough just the women surrounding you are not.. dont change the way you are because there needs to be more good men in the world.. your a diamond in the rift waiting to be discovered
@PeacefulRainDrop I can't change the way I am, and I'm not a good person anymore. Too long spent alone, you stop giving a fuck about other people.Even if I ever was a decent person, I'm not anymore. The lifelong loneliness has made me bitter and unkind and left me with no self-esteem. I no longer want or hope for a relationship with women. I just want to die.
Im sorry you feel that way! Can I message you?
@PeacefulRainDrop go ahead. Shoot
You have to follow me for it to let me
Not at all! There's no reason to feel ashamed of being single, especially if you're happy that way. I feel bad for people that are in relationships just for the sake of being with someone because they think they can't be single or alone- that's pathetic to me.
No way. Sometimes it sucks being the only single one in a group of couples but it's definitely not a shameful thing.
to be completely honest - yes. I wish i didn't but I do. Its mostly cause of my age and cause i have been single for a long time. Personaly id like to have a partner id settle down with by now but I haven't yet met a guy Id like to settle down with. Society also judges you so that is an issues too. People say you must be too picky or not competent enough or ugly inside/out. Not much you can talk about when they all talk about their partners and kids and future together. Then except that its really hard to plan your future out all alone. One shouldn't feel ashamed about things that are not really in their control but are they really not? Anyways I dont envy those people, bunch of them are in unhappy marriages and I have decided to rather be alone than to settle for something id be unhappy with. But I dont like this situation and I wish people werent that judgy.
No not at all ! I'm ashamed I allowed myself to be coaxed into relationships I knew I couldnt commit to. I'm too young and ambitious to be tied to the ritual of monogamous relationships. I'm still getting to know myself I dont want to be so immersed in anothers discovery I lose something of me. Sorry but I only get this one chance to do it so I'm going to do it my way.
I’ve never felt ashamed. At times when several of my friends had boyfriends, I felt lonely at times, but I also had a lot of freedoms that that didn’t. I’m currently single and in my first few weeks of college, which is exactly what I planned on. That’s been great, I can do whatever and whoever I want. So nope, never ashamed, I’d rather be single than with the wrong guy.
Not at all. I knew at a very young age Marriage was not going to be for me. I do believe. I may have found the person I do want to spend the rest of my life with, him and his son are my heart. Marriage would have to be an option since I won't let us have sex when his son is with us. That wouldn't be the only reason for getting married though.
Yes I do now sometimes 😒 when I m around my married friends. Or when someone is getting engaged or married. I feel awful. Last week my cousin got married and I participated in preparations but from inside I was feeling empty. And after wedding I was depressed. I feel stuck. Everything is fine but without love.
I currently suffer with Codependency. I used to think I needed and must have a partner at all costs and I did that from 14 and on. It's been 10 years and I have been with 9 guys. Today, I sigh in relief. I no longer have to be who I once. I'm not ashamed for practicing singleness for a year at this time. I feel a whole weight lift from my shoulders.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away I did, before I met my boyfriend. There would be moments where I'd feel like I wasn't good enough. Coupled with the teasing I would get at work about it. But then I started to think why should I let that bother me. If they have that opinion of me, good for them. I'm going to live my life the way I want to. As I result I became happier
Sometimes because it's such a high pressure on being in a relationship. I've been single for over 2 years now because i've rejected several men that I didn't feel any attraction for and of course also briefly dated men that things simply didn't work out with.I am not in a hurry though. I am very introverted and I enjoy being left alone
Not at all! That’s like saying you should feel ashamed for not wanting to just settle. If anything I’d say it’s the other way around. Why do so many people feel the need to settle just for the sake of it? Be brave enough to live your own authentic life.
Everyone settles in the end. We never get everything we want, and the sooner you accept that, the more you get. People like me who haven't settled yet only haven't because we aren't even worth settling for. It's shameful.
@SpearsAndStones everyone is worthy. And no not everyone settles, some are happier living their own lives their way, and others do find that one. If less people settled there’d probably be a lot less cheating on the flip side tbh.
Everyone has some value, but not when it comes to romance. I don't know how it is for women, but to have worth as a man you have a LOT of boxes you have to check, some of which are beyond your control, before you're even considered a "man". And not all men can be "men", because it's a competition. Not saying I like it, but that's the way it is. Women see me, best-case scenario, as a little boy who they need to patronize and protect. Worst-case, every single thing I do has some ulterior motive where I'm trying to get them to touch my pee pee. Either way, I have no value to women as a man. Maybe as a person, but I'm so despondent and depressed, that's even debatable.
And yeah, everyone settles. No one gets their "perfect person".
@SpearsAndStones that sounds like things that are easily fixable with a little work tbh. TThe difference is are you going to look for excuses or crack on with improving yourself. We all have to do it, women too, just look at all the effort they go to to look good and get stable etc, regardless of most guys just wanting to use them for sex at a certain age, we all just keep going despite the knock backs until we eventually win. This is the key.You’re also wrong, some people do get their perfect person (perfection by the way is imperfection that is perfect to them). The lucky ones. I’d rather be in my own than settle personally.
I do work on myself, although it's been harder to muster motivation the past few months, but I work out, I travel, I have hobbies, I have a college degree, I went to therapy for ten years and nothing has changed. Meanwhile, it's never very difficult to find examples of men who think they are god's gift to Earth and NEVER work on themselves with several women's attentions. It seems to me that, as a man, if you admit you have to work on yourself, then you've already lost. Humility is not a "manly" attribute.
But I'm sorry, ignore me. I'm just a bitter pussy
@SpearsAndStones you’ve only lost if you allow yourself to be. And allowing others to define you will do that. Change your mindset, change your life.
Playing the victim will cause anyone to see you as someone that needs taking care of rather than a team partner.
Men and women both want a team player. They need to know that when the chips are down you can take care of them too and it’s not all about them taking care of you. Lose the victim mentality and take ownership.
I am sorry, I shouldn't argue. I just lash out now and get mean online, because I'm redirecting all my internalized self-hatred outward. That said, I don't take back what I said about "putting the work in", being a carrot on a stick. The men to whom women pay the most attention (e. g. my father, my rapist, friends-of-friends) have never had to "put the work in."
And if you’re really struggling then take the time you need first to be blue to get to that stage.
to be *able
I know plenty of men with a victim mentality who still attract women, e. g. "I didn't deserve to go to prison, the cops just had it out for me!" "Well, if that bitch wanted me to pay for her kids, then she should've listened!" And plenty of women too. A victim mentality doesn't really seem to be the common denominator amongst single men either.
@SpearsAndStones yeah but I bet the difference is that they don’t let it run their lives. Also, someone can feel something is unjustified without having a complete victim outlook. And would you say the women they have are quality? I’m not saying that is the common thing amongst single people and I didn’t say women didn’t have this ether. What I will say is that it does seem to be more apparent in people with depression and personality disorders, and it won’t get anyone with it very far.
There isn't anything shameful about being with someone or not. It's just a place you pass through to the next stop. And if you choose it for life great too. You live your best life
The only reason I feel a bit negative about being single is the fact that a fair few people have openly told me, "How are you single?" "You're a catch!" Etc. which then makes me start to think why I am single, because if unavailable people see me being relationship material, why don't all the single people? So in that case, I feel a bit ashamed that something isn't right.
No. But my family tries to make me feel like I should be in a relationship and moving forward. And it's annoying. I do get lonely sometimes. That's for sure. Probably because I got no friends either. Overall, being single is right for me. It's much easier than having all that stress that comes with relationships. Sometimes I even wonder why men even get into relationships. Sex? Kids?
Not really, I’ve actually been single my whole life and most of the girls I went to high school with had boyfriends and most of them got pregnant. I have a good job in a medical lab and I’m saving up for a vacation while most of those girls are getting peed on, pooped on, and puked on by their kids 😂😂😂😂
I shouldn't but I do. That's because of condom companies not producing a large enough condom for people like me that is available in retail stores in Canada. Couldn't slip a condom on when I was 16 so I should have naturally stayed with my girlfriend seeing as this was the first time I faced this issue. However I broke up with her and slooted around I ended up having Chlamadia for a very long time because I didn't know what to do when you got an STI it was a very painful year.
Because I was raised and brought up to be a man that provides for his family his wife and kids and takes care of whats his. So now I find myself at 38 being single again it's like a kick between the legs I wasn't good enough I didn't do this enough or that enough. Hertz that's a person you love would rather be by their self or with somebody else than you.
No. Why would I? 😀When I see all my friends with their girlfriends... how they are always under control... always asking for permissions... always reporting their whereabouts... and always arguing about something... it makes me feel great about my single life.Don't take me wrong. I undersrand that people in relationships have to be more reliable and responsible and not hang out with some people all the time without informing their partner and everything. I am just glad I don't have to 😁
I used to feel shameful, now i realize i would've been completely terrible boyfriend material with that mindset. Focusing on myself and my own priorities has helped me see the positives of being single.Although i'm currently in a search to find someone, I really don't mind being independent anymore
Not really ashamed, more embarrassed. It's like I've failed a life test. About 10 years ago, I frequently got comments from girls saying how cute I am, and I still get smiled at now. I've even had my arse grabbed a couple of times. But now, I'm somehow expected to have a girlfriend. When women come up to me, they say my girlfriend must be "the luckiest woman in the world, to have a cutie like you". If I admit to being single, there "must be something wrong" with me.Simples...
No way! I love it. After 18 years of a mostly boring marriage, I feel like I'm experiencing so much more that I didn't even know existed about life.
When I was single, I never felt shame for being single. There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, there are many good things about being single.
It's a personal shame for me. I'm ashamed of myself for not doing better in previous relationships, and for not pursuing more women to find one I could click with. But I am putting myself out there now, so I'm hoping things will start looking up.As for shamed by others, I don't think anyone judges me for being single. And if they do, I have blown them off and not noticed.
No I don't feel ashamed of being single at all. Though it does kind of suck and get to me sometimes when I see other people in relationships already.
Yes. I've been in little to no serious relationships so being single makes me question whether something is really wrong with me or not. I say I enjoy being single but I absolutely hate it. I miss having someone by my side.
Ashamed? No why would I be ashamedLonely?Very much so, but that's just because I haven't put myself out there
I'm not ashamed at all being single has been some of the best time of my life. I'm not even concerned anymore about trying to find a women
Im A private person. Even when I was in a relationship nobody knew except my closest friends who also don’t judge me for being single. I’m young, good looking, well liked, doing pretty okay in my life and I know that I am single because I don’t like anybody. Nothing to be ashamed of. Now it would be different fin i was out here friending to have a boyfriend but I’m literally chilling
No? That would be odd. It isn't a mandatory thing, nor is it something that people look down upon you because of it. I'm fine being single. It is mostly my choice, but I don't think I can love.
Not ashamed, but lonely. I feel lonely about being alone, but I don’t feel ashamed of it. It can suck sometimes, but it also does have some of its own perks.
I've witnessed all the gynocentrism and misandry in this rigged society and system stacked against males and I should be ashamed of being single? In no way shape or form do I. What is there to be shamed of, not accepting the obvious fact that you are seen as disposable, a tool and nothing else? No, I don't think so. I'm currently celebrating my 33rd year as a MGTOW monk in fact. I have popcorn on hand watching the west crumble.
My family triez to tell me something is wrong with me but I know that I the time I am single is a time I can dedicate to work on my self and improve my self for my future boyfriend
I don't generally feel much and don't see the point in being ashamed about not having any friends or being in a relationship.
I’m proud in the sense that I’ve been able to wait so long for marriage because sex, even to this day. Too many people can’t even wait until 20yo, but I’m still looking and waiting for a special someone.
Hmm, then I must confess "you are awesome"🤗
@Vanessa134 Unlike spellcheck, as you can see. lol Thanks.
Absolutely not. I feel ashamed of the fact that I'm still a virgin at 28.
I'm happy with who I am. Forget anyone that tries to make me feel otherwise.
No. It's shameful for not having a single man ask me out, but non-singles do that instead.
Oooo... I had to read that twice.. Haha
Absolutely not! I rather be single than dating a racist who is also going to hit me or hide our relationship from his family and friends, AKA a Portuguese man.
I feel like this is a thing that happened...
@bimmy5000 Yes, it happened, but fortunately it didn't happen to me.
Yes mainly. I feel shame that I can't attract a woman to me and the 1 woman I like best here already has a boyfriend or husband she met before me.
I don't know if this is abnormal or not, but I am actually happily single.
I have always said... I am happily single but lucky for you I am flexible!
I used to feel bad.. yet after reflecting it better I understood society sells this idea of "love" in a relation-couple way, not from other dimensions aspect. If I believed that would be the only way of loving of course my life would be miserable and I'd feel bad. Yet things have changed and Im no longer afraid of saying it. :)
Not anymore, why should I be ashamed of the fact that I won't settle? Besides, my guns never say "no" to me, and money responds to efforts made to get it, unlike girls.
Yeah, I feel like there's something wrong with me, and it's embarrassing having not felt that someone really cared about me or liked me for me. Among plenty other things.
Please don't feel like that! It can be sad to feel like you're missing affection and attention, but you'll find it someone someday. As sh-tty as I feel typing this, be happy with today.
I love being single even though i might feel lonely or sad sometimes but at the end of the day I'm happy that I'm single and i don't have to worry about someone else when I'm having difficulty taking care of myself.
Not at all. I think it's better to be single than dating the wrong person. I think that some people care more about avoiding being single than the quality of who they're dating or are in a relationship with.
There is nothing to be 'ashamed' of being single. Sure, it sucks. We all need a partner and not having one can feel quite lonely or even frustrating... But it's not 'shameful' hell no.
Means I'm not falling for anything that comes my way
No I just feel like I'm missing out. I certainly feel alone and depressed.
It's not MY fault girl can't spot the good ones when they're staring them in the face!!
Most the time no. Because i know i've had opportunities. But i'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. But at times it does ferl pathetic. Lol
Nothing to be ashamed of unless you have nothing else to think about in your life. Get a hobby or something, sheesh.
No sure it'd be nice to have, but not everyone can get dates effortlessly so No I don't feel ashamed and I sure as hell don't have to be
I am single but I am wanting to find a relationship.
Not single, but I was perfectly content with it when I was.
It sucks. I kissed a other guy and my boyfriend dumped me
That makes sense, I think that's a pretty logical reaction
When I was single, I certainly wasn't ashamed of it.
Yes I am single and ashamed cause everyone around me is having a good time.
Singles don't have a good time?
Sometimes it is good. But mostly I feel lonely, not loved living on you own is difficult.You know I took a mobile phone with a great selfie camera thought I'll get calls from friends, family (cause I let my city)😂😂😂😂 but realised that none really cared about me.😂😅 I found it funny that not even my best friends called me , not even once.I am online as soon I get the message but none really text me.Think that no one really connected to me.Ya it is depressing but you know, you have replied to all my questions.
I lived in 15 different places my entire life and made friends in each place. I don't keep in touch with all of them but when I am in town it's like I never left. I wouldn't worry about it... try and make friends wherever you are... it's so worth it!
@CoachAny tips maybe on how to find friends? im struggling a little after moving out.
@SourKraut meetup. com is great... find a group of people who like doing what you like. I joined a group who enjoyed craft beers in Dallas Tx... made a couple of really good friends in that group. A couple of them introduced me to a movie group which was also cool!
I have trust issues 😅.I got friends but you know I can't fit in with them,
@samael_kmarty I see that mostly as a choice on your part. I would seek out acquaintances... people you don't necessarily have to trust but have a good time with. You need to compromise and work on these issues if you find yourself unhappy. There is no way around it.
Hmm I will later, when I move to some other country.I want a new chance too bloom.Here its either drugs or a criminal group.
I am okay being single. No nagging, more money in my wallet, I get to do more stuff on my own. Once in a relationship or married, you're locked in a prison cell.
Not ashamed, there's nothing wrong with being single. With that being said, i would still prefer to have someone.
I don't know I’m not conventionaly hot so I’m probably always gonna stay single so I’d better accept it than complain about it at this point 🤷🏾♀️
You cannot undo this action. The opinion owner is going to be notified and earn 7 XPER points.