Why I Stopped Making the First Move!


It all goes back to 2007 when I got my heartbroken by someone I loved. We only went out for about 3 months. We've all been there? Cool.

Alright. Ever since I've subliminally told myself that I will never make the first move when it comes to flirting, dates, and even talking. I have been single since 2007 because i truly did get my heartbroken and being single has been one of the best things that has happened to me in the past 11 years. I am now in a point where I really would like a girl but I can honestly tell you I do not give 3 F's if I ever end up with one because I will NOT and I refuse to make the first move.

Why I Stopped Making the First Move!

Let me tell you that I am a very attractive male, fit, good size, and all that extra package that women look for. The biggest turn off that I find in women is how 93.50% of you are sitting on the highest horse you can find. You expect everything to be handed to you, you expect me to make the first move every time and I am here to tell you that you have met your match cause I am now and have been for the past 11 years sitting on highest horse you can possibly find, higher the your horse ladies.

I do not care how gorgeous you are, how big your ass and tits are, I refuse to make the first move and I know how much you girls hate that cause I see it in your face when I'm walking away. I'll stare at you alright hoping you come down that high horse and at least say "Hi" when you know you really want to. Every time I walk away from a potential relationship I open the door to a douche that wants to break your heart. Every time you let that guy walk away because you didn't have the courage to go up to him you open the door for the girl that will have the courage and find true love.

I have learned to read body language very good over the past decade and let me tell you women will never come off your high horse and I promise you that neither will I. I am confident that at this rate I will most likely be single for the rest of my life and I could honestly care less as I've learned to live with my high horse, and if that's how you women feel as well then good on you, we will all be single together or you will end up in a relationship that won't last or that will cause you headaches for the rest of your life just because you didn't have the courage to step off your high horse.

Just wanted to share this.


Why I Stopped Making the First Move!
Why I Stopped Making the First Move!
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33Girl Opinion
48Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Girls

  • lumos
    Okay. And as a girl who, in the past, has made 90% of the first moves, I have never and will never understand people who put so much emphasis on the first move. On both sides. I don't understand guys who build up the first move in their head to be this scary ass monster that they have to murder with their bare hands. Nor do I understand girls who sit on their asses all day expecting other people to come up to them as if they're some special fucking snowflake who deserves special fucking treatment.

    Is this really what humankind has come to? 1 upping each other all the time and portraying yourself as some sort of big winner 24/7, just for the sake of proving someone wrong or feeling some warped sense of justice? Jesus, fuck that. Where have all the normal people gone who understand that walking up to someone and saying "hey" isn't the biggest fucking deal in the world, and that even if you do get rejected, it's still not the biggest fucking deal in the world? People nowadays are such cowards and sore losers who are too scared to face even the slightest chance of failure that they'd rather become hermits and have 0 human contact.

    Anyone who feels like I've hit a weak spot: challenge your goddamn self for once and stop thinking the world revolves around you and your belly button. And if you're unwilling to do that, at least don't have the audacity to complain about the way things are since you're for sure not doing jack shit to help.

    mic drop
    Like 8 People
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    • 100% Agree

    • Trista31

      I totally agree with you. I hate gender stereotypes.

    • I was laughing as I was reading this because I couldn't agree more and then the last two words had me rolling!!!

  • Anonymous
    I'm really sorry about your heartbreak I know how it feels, it never really heels. And I agree with you on the fact that woman expect men to take the first move. I personally am a bit guilty of this. Because I'm waaay to shy to make a move but in the back of my head I'm thinking "well if my crush liked me he would have made a move before I do". And then I get even more shy. And I know thinking like that is wrong and I'm trying to change that.

    With that being said I understand if you wanna take a period of your life to focus on yourself and the fact that you are happy single is wonderful! But I don't think you should give up on love. I'm sure you will find someone that won't break your heart. Maybe not now but sooner or later
    Like 10 People
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    • Anonymous


    • Anonymous

      And making the first move sometimes won't hurt you. Ofcorse you don't have to but it can give you the opportunity to meat a really nicd lady

    • At this point in life, I have no hope that I will ever find someone I love. My heart is like a package with a fragile label on it as Cardi B says. I am not looking for love, therefore, I won't find it. It's all in the women's hands at this point and trust me when I tell you that I don't mind being single till the day I die.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guys

  • Wolframium
    I want to say 3 things:
    I feel troll vibe (weak).'
    Fuck you.
    More power to you.

    As you can see, I have seemingly contradictionary feelings. But…not really.
    More power to you, because you don't make the first move and by that pasively forcing girls to do it for once. At least I hope. „You expect everything to be handed to you, you expect me to make the first move every time…“ ← with this part, I agree. Regarding dating, of course (for any women wanting to argue, that they must also work hard for things. Yeah. But not that much in dating, right?).
    I wonder, how it would look like, when guys would just…stop initiating conversations. Internet traffic would see a dip.
    Fuck you for „Let me tell you that I am a very attractive male, fit, good size, and all that extra package that women look for.“ I hate people like this. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Saying it, however, is just bragging.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
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    • Yea sorry about the part where i explained my looks. I felt like a douche doing so because I understand how other people reading this might feel about it but I just want to explain my self. Maybe next time I'll throw a picture of my myself.

    • Why apologize for stating you are good looking? women are busy doing it all of the time on Instagram and other social media. I'm also good looking and have been approached by girls in the street many times.

  • JSmuve
    This is what happens when a stubborn guy who refuses to approach meets a self-entitled girl who demands he approach
    Why I Stopped Making the First Move!
    Like 7 People
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Logorithim
    Once you get used to making the first move, it's actually fun. I sort of miss doing it, actually.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • Logorithim

      Some bitter incels here…. it's really not that hard….

  • Mornin23
    I mean, I’ve had...3 girls make the first move, and one who made it very obvious that she was into me, but I’ve turned them all down. Granted, I’ve gotten turned down when I made the first move, so I’m still working on that. I think I’m way too direct, honestly.

    Good luck though big man. I hope you find your dream woman, and let me suggest this: find a few female friends and simply be that: friends. Maybe something will develop naturally.
    Like 1 Person
  • MeganTheButterfly
    Most girls were raised to believe that it's normal for the guy make the first move. It has nothing to do with "sitting on a high horse".
    LikeDisagree 10 People
  • passinby
    Good take, don’t get me wrong but who hasn’t had their ass burned by the fickle female fling that one thought was so special that she made you ill. I doubt there is a man alive that didn’t experience this maybe several times. Women are evil creatures as they are human but there is one that will lick your toes out there and you will fall off your horse on your ass again. I just accept sht as normal operating procedure because life wouldn’t feel right if it wasn’t f –d up.
    Like 4 People
  • Jemini_Crocket
    As other girls already said, the emphasis on who makes the first move is too much! If some guy really catches my eye and I REALLY want to get to know him, I'll do the "first tstep" even despite hating myself after that.
    Like 7 People
  • Miss_cherry_cola21
    You need to find a therapist. You have emotional issues from having your heart broken. I can tell you it's natural to want the man to make the first move. Saying girls that reject you will find men who will treat them badly is a bitter hateful misogynistic view. You can't love a woman if you hate women. You need to work on yourself. The only women who will make the first move are desperate women with low self esteem. If that's what you want then go ahead.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • Notabadguy

      Hate to say it but she got a point

    • emmily2396

      I wouldn't say they are desperate, but how they are going to be perceived in many cases.
      Also, it depends on what you understand by first move. A shy guys may show interest in ways other than talking, but not have the courage or words to starts a conversation. I wouldn't call a girl who got the message and decided to strike a conversation with this type of guy desperate. I would call desperate a woman who keep hinting on many guys, who doesn't have a type and doesn't understand what "no" means with any of them. ( i am not talking about the case when you fall for someone, it's about almost anyone as dateable and not accepting rejection from any of them)

    • Not at all strong independent women can also make the first move

    • Show All
  • mykindofwoman
    I understand your frustration. Women seem to have this double standard, that they want to be equal to men, but being approached first.
    You're angry about women being on high horse, yet you're on one yourself (I know, you know)->but that's a double standard too.
    See, I find it it immature, to make it a principle, not to approach. Just do it, if you feel like it.
    I do approach guys. But I prefer it the orher way around. Not because I'm on a high horse. I just find it more romantic.
    Like 7 People
  • pooper89
    Do you've any idea how ridiculous you sound? Obviously not or you wouldn't have written such an EXQUISITE biographical account of your sad life.
    So let me get this straight, as this is what I gathered from your little tirade. You're letting someone who you dated for 3 months impact the rest of your life. Yeah you're definitely "all that extra package that women look for," except you do them a favor by walking away because I doubt they'd want to date someone as pretentious as you.
    LikeDisagree 16 People
  • Straywhiteknight
    Well said... and good to know that there are others out there that have not become a slave to our sexuality... just because some cutie shakes her surgically enhanced breasts does not mean i will sit up and beg like a circus dog.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • KirstyW
    As long as you're cool with being single, you do you.
    Like 5 People
  • CT_CD
    All guys should stop making the first move or asking girls out. Just to see what happens. Humans might go extinct
    Like 9 People
  • chibichumy
    well, I'm a female specie and I already experienced making the first move and it only made me feel bad. Because it was so cringey you know. I made the first move before but I got traumatized of the things that happened. Now I'm having second thoughts of making the first move, knowing that the guy I like, likes me back
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • PrettyRegular
    Good take. I won't run around and ask girls out, but I wouldn't make it a principle either, that I can't ask a girl. If I feel like asking and she seems to be on the mood, why not. At the other hand, if you're the asker, you can choose who you ask, but you can't choose, who asks you. I understand your ideology though. If some girl has feelings for you, she better step up.
    Like 3 People
  • bamesjond0069
    You must not be that good looking or you never leave the house. Girls hit on me regularly. If im out the house a lot at least 2 or 3 girls will talk to me per week. Id certainly not be single the rest of my life.
    Like 1 Person
    • Yeah. The second part. I barely go out anymore. I've lost all interested in the dating life. I am at a point where everything happens for a reason. I have become a private person due to my actions and being a private person is actually the type of person I was meant to be and love to be.

  • englisc
    The reason you don't make a move is because you're afraid to. Women most likely don't even notice, that's just something you like to tell yourself to make yourself feel better about being a pussy.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • Not necessarily. I no longer approach girls either, but there was a time where I approached pretty much any girl, anywhere, at any time.

      Now I don't bother, but it has nothing to do with fear.

    • englisc


      But you're 102 years old, that's bound to happen at that age.

  • Jager66
    It seems like this way of thinking is becoming more and more popular.

    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Sony_08
    I would agree to this 100% it's just the way it is a girl is not meant to approach in her head the guy's gotta do it, she's the prize.

    Except that I struggle with this concept greatly simply due to the fact that my ex asked for my snapchat/number first.

    If I have to approach a girl now I just don't feel a connection because my ex would give me so much love unconditionally and purely, following me everywhere when we used to work together, getting me leaving gifts when I left my workplace, calling me up after I left which eventually made me catch feelings for her, she wasn't that attractive I didn't like her at first but I bonded with her and I felt shit everytime we broke up, paying for me on dates before I could even grab my damn wallet..

    This relationship ended in the worst way possible by the way in ways you won't really imagine, and I'm still fucked from it tbh but, because she was the only girl I've ever had in my life, I don't feel right approaching women, I just don't, I'm used to the girl initiating first because she likes me unconditionally.

    Where the fuck can you find that? Nowhere, and I'm fucked cause what other girl is like that?

    That's my problem, I'm used to too much affection, I still try and approach whenever I, muster the courage to do it, but I'll always ache for that kind of love deep down.

    Back to the topic, if we want to get somewhere in life I think we need to approach whenever we can.
    Like 1 Person
  • SirRexington
    I rarely ever made the first move and when I did, it failed. The very small number of girlfriends that I have had all asked me out.

    It's not good to rely on the other person to make a move, but it's also a sign when it's only you who does.
    Like 1 Person
  • drdidier2
    I beg your pardon but it sounds somewhat bitter, right? Women I know feel good when approached by an attractive male, which you say you are. Maybe you could look to changing the way you are choosing new partners?
    Like 2 People
  • JimRSmith
    Your choice, as long as you live with the consequences.
    Like 3 People
  • SuhDudez
    I have always made the 1st move with dudes. Most of them tell me I should not make the 1st move.

    Honestly if I saw you in a crowd I would make a 1st move.

    For women ( the more you get rejected the less and less it hurts. So don’t be afraid to try to make a 1st move there is a 50\50 chance you will get rejected.)
    Like 1 Person
  • Luvsmybabydoll
    Well if you would like a girl then you need to be aware of your own body language, as I imagine from the way that you describe yourself that it is very closed! And it takes a lot of courage for a woman to make the first move as it is without a man giving off a vibe of disliking of disliking women in general, your ego and heart took a bad hit, but we have a saying in Ireland if you fall off that horse get right back on it!
    Instead of healing your broken heart you let it fester while building your ego up so much that , that high horse of yours will not allow you to live to the fullest.
    You are aware that womankind is not responsible for the actions of one girl?
    Heal your heart and let the right girl approach you or approach her
    LikeDisagree 5 People
  • thumper10
    Still have to pit yourself out there or you may miss the perfect person that's out there for you
    Like 1 Person
    • I've thought about that and if I missed that perfect person she's way gone by now. And if she's still around she will make the first move or she was never the perfect one, to begin with.

      Sad but true. The ball is on their court, I do not play basketball anymore.

  • BonnieBunny

    Why I Stopped Making the First Move!
    LikeDisagree 8 People
  • emmily2396
    I am not sure what i just read. I don't care who you think you are, but expecting women to make the first move may just be a waste of possible partners. I am afraid to show interest first because of how a few guys perceived tgat in the past.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • emmily2396

      Most girls wouldn't make the first move for 2 reasons:
      1. You're the man, you should have the balls to do it. If you don't have the courage to speak to a girl then when do you have courage?
      2. They are afraid as well.

  • DiegoO
    Haa, my ex made the first move, then I had to do all the other moves, until I went nuts and stop seen the relationship the same way.

    Initiatives coming from both sides makes a strong relationship. When you are the one proposing and trying to make things more exciting, that's bad enough.
    • DiegoO

      the only one proposing...*

  • CherryRoseChampange
    My guy... are you okay? lol. It's not that deep.

    Plus, if you only engage in women who go for you then you are limiting your choices by a hell of a lot. Do you think women only limit themselves to the guys that come up to them? No, a lot of them do engage and go out there on their own. It just depends, all that weird shit your talking doesn't matter. Your complicating simple interactions because of a break up in 07. Why I Stopped Making the First Move!
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • sweeto32
    hahahahahahaha you are sooo funny u got me cracking up at work thanks for this i am single for 3 years now got my heart broken too and i dont mind been single.. my friends want me to get laid i know what i want and am healed from my breakup but damn i can't help laughing step down your horse lets chat heheheh see am reaching out to u hahaha
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • Daniel3035
    I’m on the exact same page as you. Won’t be asking any girl out nor putting up with her demands. Want a boyfriend come get us.
    Like 2 People
    Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like... not like the stories your generation tells.
    Like 2 People
  • CatL92
    I was to 95% the one that made the first move. And trust me in that way: I am incredibly shy, because I’m scared. As well all are: rejection.
    But if I really like someone I have to risk it.
    But I’m glad that men have problems with it, since I always wonder why the men I met never made the first move. Thinking they didn’t really want me or something..
  • Browneye57
    You're way too weak dude. Women loathe that. Just sayin'.
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    • Browneye57

      And you're still whining about a heartbreak from a decade ago. Grow some balls man, toughen up a little francis. ;)

      Its fine if you don't want to date, or are too fragile to date, but don't blame it on the women - they're just going to continue to be who and what they are - that just ain't gonna change. So you either play the game to win or you take your bat and ball and go home.

      You need a better understanding of why women do what they do, so go here and read:

      Everybody gets their heart broken at some point - EVERYBODY. It's part of the learning process. You get back up, dust yourself off, and go try it again. At least that's what normal well-adjusted adults do. They don't go whining about it on a internet forum. :)

  • SageTheDon
    Lmfao you're single because you have a ridiculous ego. Stop acting like a dick and open up to people. All that "I'm on my high horse so you women have to make the first move" shit just makes you sound angry and lonely. Relax and go meet someone nice.
  • abundantlyrich
    In 2023, you will still be here writing the same thing (yawns)
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • JohnBoinka
    Yeap... Never make First Move before you registered your DICK inside Her PUSSY... then WAIT... lol
    Disagree 2 People
    😂😂😂✌ you haven't tried enough.
    LikeDisagree 12 People

      I read the title and then read what you wrote, it just made me laugh so hard for some reason because your question implied that you are soo fed up after making the first move many, many times.. But that wasn't the case at all. Sorry didn't mean to


      Offend those downvoters.

  • art84
    I think most girls would expect the guy to make the first move. Sometimes you will find a girl who will make the first move but that's rarely.
  • dreamstar72
    Easy because I found my perfect match and married her.
  • VixenRach
    Oh well, your loss 😂
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • ATuairiscean
    Hmmmmm you must have got your heart smashed in 2007 - I never really make the first move either, it is more by accident than anything else I end in a dating situation. With most of my dates I can't remember who made first move. Leaving aside whole bar scene, do you ever want to be in a relationship? - What if you got to like someone through being an acquaintance or a friend of a friend kinda thing, does the first move rule still count? - What about dating apps or sites if someone approached you first? - Lots of girls don't make first move out of habit/shyness rather than mind games I think maybe in years to come more girls will make first move who knows
    • Leaving aside whole bar scene, do you ever want to be in a relationship? I do but I gave up. I do not even go to bars or clubs, I've lost interest because even then they still expect you to make the first move. One would think that in a bar/club the alcohol would push women off their horses but that's not the case. And I am the type of drinker that can hang pretty good. I don't lose my morals when I'm drunk and I'm not a big drinker.

      What if you got to like someone through being an acquaintance or a friend of a friend kinda thing, does the first move rule still count? 50/50 but I barely have any friends anymore I've learned to be myself and I am a very private person at this point in my life.

      What about dating apps or sites if someone approached you first? I enjoy it when that happens. Women do tend to make the first contact online rather than in person but online it never goes anywhere for me as I only use tinder, occasionally.

  • Juxtapose
    I almost never make the first move myself because I get asked out every once in awhile and I prefer to have dominant women dating me anyway.
  • Lance1965
    I can relate. The problem is if a guy refuses to make the first move ever it is very likely he will never find anyone, that is just the way it works. Most women feel self-entitled with most things in life including what happens in the dating world. I talk to a lot of women but I rarely flirt and never ask for a date. I just talk and hope some kind of friendship is formed but like you said, the body language usually tells me I don't stand a chance so I don't kill myself over it. I really think most women are undateable anyway.
    Like 1 Person
  • devilish-cutie
    Good luck with that
    LikeDisagree 13 People
  • DinaM
    Yeah, you sound like a real catch.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
  • RedRobin
    Nice take
    Like 3 People
  • LeoElias
    So you are still a virgin? Doesn't surprise me
    Like 1 Person
    • I lost my virginity the same year I had my heart broken in the weirdest way possible. There was a girl that lived in my apartment complex at the time and she also went to the same school, she would occasionally hang out with 2 other female friends in my complex. One afternoon she and 2 of her friends who also went to my school were hanging out in the stairs of my complex, they would do this occasionally and it was because they were always looking for me. I remember seeing them in the corner of the 2nd floor where I lived and I went up to them to say Hi because I knew her and we were friends in school. 5 minutes later all three of them were in my room, I had sex with one and the other two were just naked making out with each other. I didn't have sex again for the next 8 years after losing my virginity. In 2015 I had sex with about 7 strippers in the span of 2 months. I haven't had sex again in the past 3 years. I can really go a long time without sex and I am very proud of that.

    • LeoElias

      Nvm then

  • WhyJustWhy
    I'm one hundred percent with you on this.
    Like 4 People
  • ArabianPwincess197
    I prefer the guy making the first move
    LikeDisagree 13 People
  • Jane_anne
    True making the first move is hard.
    Like 3 People
  • Secretgardenblood
    Good take
    Like 1 Person