There is a new[not really] talking point on the block!
Perhaps not a big one, but it is one I personally feel particularly involved in, since my opinion on this topic makes me a part of the opposing minority.
I decided to write this take because, as part of that minority, I find myself a recipient of some loaded assumptions about my person by people who ask the question why anyone would hold an opposing view but don't seem to want to hear an answer because they have made up their mind in a way that doesn't threaten their ego anyway.
And the topic is:
Should women approach men/take the initiative in dating?
Now, I'm not here to discuss this particular question, people "should" do whatever the hell they want- that is the only right answer to most questions in life, anyway.
What I'm here to do, is to simply give my reasoning on why I hold the stance I do an how this topic pertains to me in particular.
I'm not claiming to be speaking for anyone else, I don't even even claim to represent anything but the small minority who may share my view.
I'm merely going to try to expand on a view that some people seem to have some interest in being expanded on.
Now, I think the best course of actions is to unpin the metaphorical incendiary grenade right away, to outline what the talking point is going to be about:
I don't really want the woman to take the initiative in romance, and I can't really imagine a scenario in which this wouldn't be interpreted by me as a major turn-off.
(also, I would like to give out a warning that insensitive things are going to be said, because I just don't know hot to express myself genuinely and in depth without being insensitive)
1. It's just, not attractive.
The first point is as simple as that, a woman making the first move would put me off simply on the grounds of it not coming across as attractive to me.
The #1, the most critical aspect of female attractiveness, to me, the one that comes before anything else, both the body and the mind, is:
I will never be attracted to a woman who fails to convince me that she is the special woman to have by my side.
I want to know why she is someone I should care about romantically over the billions of other women on the planet, and the reasons should be compelling.
Once the woman has established that, once she has demonstrated her superior qualities and made me enamored with them, then she can express the belief that she sees those superior qualities in me also.
And, that, is what makes the connection feel special for me.
Being deemed special, exclusive, valuable by someone who I deem special, exclusive and valuable.
The problem with being approached by a woman, is that it completely fails to establish this critical factor of initial attractiveness.
The only thing that a woman making the first move establishes , is that she has lower standards than the other women who didn't approach me.
I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, that's just what I genuinely feel.
I want to be vetoed by a woman, I want to be subjected to female mate choice, it's real and it is perfectly natural phenomenon in evolutionary psychology.
Women are supposed to be picky, they are the ones who gets pregnant for periods of 9 months at a time, they are the ones whose role is to ultimately determine the mate to best further the human species.
I want to know that a woman has a lot of potential mates at her disposal, and I want to know that I came out victorious in the end, by being deemed the most adequate of the bunch.
That's what ultimately makes me, as a man, feel special and appreciated, it's what strokes my ego and turns me on.
I'm not insecure about a woman who has many choices, why should I be?
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone fearing that they may leave you whenever a better option presents itself?
Sorry, but that's just sad.
I want those options to present themselves, so that I can listen to my partner turning them down by saying how inadequate they are in comparison to me.
A woman who initiates romance with me has failed to establish that she is an exclusive mate.
An exclusive female mate wouldn't feel like she needs to change the status quo because she has plenty of adequate candidates to choose from.
If you initiate romance with me, all you are telling me is that you have lower standards than I do, and that's just not what I consider attractive in a woman.
I understand that in order to change the status quo, radical steps have to be taken by people whose values and behavior may not reflect that of the majority.
But at the same time, I'm a believer of the notion that the status quo always exists for legitimate reasons, and that forcing a change never happens to be the right way to transform it.
2. It doesn't feel genuine.
The one persistent argument of those who promote the female initiative in romance is that it benefits the psychological well-being of those women who practice it.
Whether it's meant to build confidence, dedication or one's character, it's interpreted as empowering women in the areas that they may feel suppressed in by societal norms and expectations.
And that's a great thing.
I don't exactly label myself a "feminist", but I am liberal and progressive, and I of course support anyone in their strive to become a better and more emotionally healthy person.
The problem is, romance isn't exactly a "social" or "political" issue, it's a deeply personal issue for many people, myself included.
I'm sorry, but I just don't care about being a subject in your character building exercise.
I'm almost 30 years old, and what I'm looking for is a serious, committed relationship that is, hopefully, going to last me a lifetime, or at least long enough that I won't feel the need to pursue any similar experience for the rest of my life, and I have a very clear idea of what kind of a woman I can potentially have that experience with.
If you express interest in me and I reply "sorry, I don't find that attractive" and your reply is going to be either one of the following, instead of visible disappointment:
#1 Lol, that's ok, you are shit person anyway, because WHO wouldn't like to be asked out.
#2 wHy ArE yOu dEnYinG mY rIgHT tO aSk a MAn oUT.
Then sorry, but I'm just going to roll my eyes right out of my skull.
If you can just turn around on your foot and insult me right after you have professed your romantic interest in me, then you are just demonstrating to me how little that gesture meant to you, how little you know about me, how little you actually care about my feelings towards yo and how this whole thing was all about you and nothing about me.
I don't care about your insecurities, about your rights as a woman to do the things the way you want them to do, and I definitely don't care about you "building up the confidence for the future scenarios".
A person expressing their interest in me is a personal matter for me, it involves me and puts my own emotions on the line, it's no longer just about them.
And those emotions aren't their training wheels or a podium for them to make social/political statements on, so if I as much as suspect that a person isn't treating them with the respect they deserve, that they are taking advantage of them to somehow cuddle their own ego, I'm going to treat them with that little of a respect in return.
If a woman IS going to express interest in me, then I want to see her sweat, I want to see her dread over the possibility that it is not going to work out for her, I want to feel like my response actually matters to her- the same way I WOULD feel when expressing interest in a woman.
The problem is, the vast majority of women who I have seen to be in favor of taking the initiative, especially the most vocal ones, don't come across as this at all.
They come across as women on a power trip who strive to silence and invalidate the opposition in what is a very obvious projection of their own insecurities and control issues.
They don't come across as women who are in for finding a genuine connection, they come across as people who are out there for self-validation and their incendiary reactions to friction are nothing more than a testament to that.
Most women who take the initiative don't talk about the many times they successfully took initiative and it let to fulfilling connections in their life, they mainly talk about all the "shitty, chauvinistic men" that "aren't good partners for anyone" who stifle their right to self-expression and determinism by rejecting women who take initiative for which, in their fragile point of view, tHeRE iS No VaLId jUsTIfiCAtION other than male chauvinism and oppression of the female gender as a whole.
And therein lies the issue with the status quo and the irregularity of the strong values and behaviors of those that challenge it.
3. It's not a compliment.
Extrapolating from my previous explanations, this one should be self-explanatory.
When a woman initiates romance with me, I do not feel complimented.
I feel complimented when a woman, who has previously established that it takes a lot to earn her affection and respect, succumbs to my advances and thus validates my own qualities as adequate and superior.
Call me a traditional romantic retard who "plays games", but that's how I genuinely feel.
I don't care for pragmatism in relationships, I don't care for relationships that people lead out of convenience, I don't care for merely "putting up" with someone to fulfill my social and physical needs.
I know many people have relationships like that, and it's great that it works for them.
But it doesn't work for me, I can't emphasize with it, I find it unfulfilling and ultimately completely inconsequential and not something I want to be a part of my life at any point.
What I want is romance, the kind that turns brilliant, intelligent people into an irrational, incoherent and stressed mess.
I want strong emotions, I want people to be terrified of ruining their chances with me over everything they do or say, because my affection for them means that much to them.
I don't want to have sex "2~3 times a week" because "I have needs, and you happen to be around" I want to have sex with a woman who thinks 6 months into a relationship is too soon, but deep down wishes to have sex on a gondola in the middle of Venice with a man that has the ability to make her feel the desire to commit such a reckless abandon but has so far failed to appear in her life.
That's the kind of gravity I want a potential partnership with me to be described as by the person who aspires to be my partner.
And it just happens that women who take the initiative fail to convince me that this is actually the case.
As I've already mentioned- they make themselves less exclusive and thus desirable (as perceived by me, subjectively) than those women who don't initiate.
Not only that, their action implies that they also deem me a less exclusive man, which, of course, doesn't feel like a compliment at all.
Being though of as a stepping stone in someone's journey to bettering themselves emotionally/as a person means nothing to me too.
By all means, feel free to do that with men who are in the business of having their time wasted, and then maybe come back when you are the best person you can be, and are finally ready to see the act of asking me out as the high-stakes business I require a potential partner to see it as.
And then, finally, if you are seriously going to include "benefiting guys and society" in your justification of why you take the initiative, just, don't.
Romance isn't social service, not my romance.
I'm not afraid of #metoo because no decent man is.
A man who possesses a reasonable head on his shoulders with a semblance of common sense who is genuinely confident in his approach and appropriate treatment of women will NEVER, EVER fear being accused of inappropriate conduct.
That's just bull that incels, mgtow and the rest of bitter male trash perpetually regurgitate as an argument, it's not what real decent men think.
I'm not afraid to express interest in a woman the moment I acknowledge it.
I'm not confused about whether any woman is interested in me or not, because I'm not a vegetable without social awareness.
And I don't feel pressured to be the one to take the initiative action, I like to sweep women off their feet and I love it when they reciprocate.
In other words, I don't know how else to put it in a more sensitive manner- if a woman is going to perform social services for insecure and socially awkward men, she is not the woman for me.
If inferior men are up her alley, then my qualities and character are obviously going to be wasted on her.
Of course, a woman doesn't have to be demeaning towards other men, but if she fails to convince me that she deems me special and objectively superior to them, then I'm afraid there is no deal.
Also, "most men" don't like "the chase" because most men are promiscuous and subconsciously know they can't compete in terms of intrinsic qualities or financial stability so they rely on putting their dick in as many women as they can to maximize their reproductive potential.
Of course they are going to be put off by any form of hurdles put in front of them.
But since you, women, know very well that "most men" are hell of a lot closer to Harvey Weinstein than James Dean, I think it is safe to conclude that basing views on what "most men" want is probably not the best course of action.
My point is, men who are after an easy lay will always be the group of men who will like the women who make them work for their affection the least.
With that being said.
Don't waste my time, don't trivialize what my affection means.
Just my few cents.