This last winter, I started dating a raft guide who works in Alaska in the summer. I was really infatuated with the fact that he had a badass job in Alaska. He had come home to the Pacific Northwest for the winter. His situation was complicated to say the least, he was technically crashing in his grandparent's basement and other friend's places. He had a car in storage but was either too broke or too lazy to get it fixed (I'm not sure which).
When we started dating, we had some really amazing times together. He's a fun, spontaneous guy who helped me open up a little bit. We were physically and emotional compatible. He told me that he was looking for winter work so that he could have some money to take back to Alaska the following year and have some so we could go out and do things together. We dated for two months and although its not a long time, I noticed a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore. I'll admit, a lot of this was my fault because enabled this behavior.
After about a month of dating, I noticed that a lot of the pressure and work was put onto my shoulders. I had to pay for everything we did, do ALL of the driving, pay for ALL of the gas (we went to a couple road trips), and pay for every hotel, and all of our food. He told me over and over that he was going to pay me back and even told me to hold onto the receipts. Keep in mind that it did not start out like this. We split costs evenly except I did all of the driving and I was fine with that. Things got harder when I saw his lazy behavior and realized that his promises were just words. I openly trusted him in the beginning because I really liked him, but after a while, I started to become more resentful and angry that I was basically becoming his mother while he smoked weed and did whatever he wanted while I worked full time.
I asked him about his job hunt every couple of weeks and the answer was always the same, "not yet." Eventually, I told him that I wasn't ok with him living off of me while I worked all day long. He told me that he didn't want to work for someone he didn't respect which I translated to "I don't feel like putting effort into finding a job." I really don't know if he was actually looking for work either since we didn't spend every second together. DISCLAIMER: I don't mind if someone wants to be a bum, but do it on your own dime.
On Valentine's Day, I was going to meet him for a special day. My car wouldn't start (dead battery), and I couldn't get to him. All he said was "sorry to hear about that." No effort to come to me. That was the day I snapped. A couple days later, I told him it was over. I couldn't be his mother anymore. After we broke up, he told me that he still wanted to pay me back for everything. I told him the amount he owed me (since we agreed to split costs) and then I never heard from him again since he went back to Alaska shortly after that.
I'm sure you're wondering "girl, why would you date a bum like that." And my retort is that he is a genuinely nice person and we had some great times together. I don't think he meant to make me feel this way but he also didn't try to complete the promises he made me either. What I learned was that he is used to mooching off of people who care about him and unfortunately, I fell for it too. I really did care about him but I also learned in this process that he was not a man, he was still a boy in many ways. A boy who expected me to take care of him.
Again, I will reiterate that I am at fault for enabling him to be a bum. I claim full responsibility for dating someone despite the red flags but this is a lesson we all have to learn the hard way sometimes.