If you've hopped into Google or G@G and you've typed "Why do I always get rejected by girls" (or something along those lines)...
...And you might've even felt the embarrassment of even having to admit that you are getting rejected, but you know you're not alone. Because most guys face rejection anyway. And a lot of theories have been made as to why this happens.
Reasons given include:
- "He's just better than me"
- "Girls just like guys who don't treat them well."
- "Some guys are just more alpha or better suited or more socially adept"
- "Some guys simply have more status or money than me".
Do you know what that is called? A Bias in Attribution.
In Psychology, Attribution is the way a person explains certain situations or events. For example, if I keep getting bad grades in all my assignments, a bias in attribution would be me saying "I know why I keep getting bad grades. It's because the school is not suited to teach us properly." I'm overemphasizing the dispositional factors (i.e., the environmental or external factors around me, rather than looking at myself.)
And no, I'm not about to tell you to be more confident. I know you've already heard that a million times before.
Within the field of social cognition, there have been various studies conducted trying to understand how socialization occurs from a very early age. Women are especially socialized to behave and think in a different way than men. For us, we have been told by everyone in society to look for a guy who can provide for us, the guys who are popular or rich, the handsome guys, etc. Guys, on the other hand, have been influenced by society to look for the pretty girl in the room, instead of looking for a girl who will be there for him, who will be loyal to him, a girl who is a good person.
So why does this happen?
There are social, cognitive and biological factors that work together in this dynamic. But I think most of us can agree than men usually choose a girl based on her looks first (as influenced by his culture, family, friends, etc.). The catch is that these same girls know they have so many options, which is why they take full advantage of it!
If you think girls just passively wait for guys to approach them or if you think girls just "choose" guys... I wish you the best of luck, because that's not the case. Women are more subtle than guys in this area, but the more options the woman has, the more power she has to control these "options" (YOU!) and to get whatever she wants from them. It's how women "play the game".
Many men think it goes like this:
*Man approaches woman*
*Woman accepts his invitation for a date*
*Woman sees if he's a good guy and if he's confident enough to feel that he's worth it*
*Man tries to prove himself*
*Man fails to prove himself, and wonders why he got rejected*
Sorry to inform you, but that's not how it goes. At all.
*Man approaches woman*
*Woman already knew a man was going to approach her*
*Man asks her out on a date*
*If she senses that she can get something out of him, she accepts*
*They go on the date, and she is 100% sure she can at least get some goodies out of him*
*Man thinks he went on an actual date, when in reality the girl just played the role of "judge" rather than "date"*
The Average Girl vs. The Pretty Girl
I know that these days, a lot of men say that they prefer average-looking girls. But, if the girls above were two different people, who would you ask out first if they were both in the same room with you? Or, which one would you at least be more interested in (without necessarily asking them out)?
But, see, girls who are highly attractive know that they are. And they really do understand their power. Which is why in the end, they leave you hanging, making you feel like you did something wrong.
"Maybe I should be more confident"
"Maybe I'm not good enough".
Do not beat yourself up like this. Stop doing that.
Most likely, you did nothing wrong. It's just that they know their power. In their mind, you're easily replaceable. (You aren't, and you should know that you aren't).
The "Average" Girl
Seriously, take my advice. Go for the more average-looking girl. She's probably a better person and won't want to manipulate you like this anyway. I've noticed that average-looking girls still get male attention, but they don't try to manipulate it like the "prettier" girls do. (This doesn't always happen, there are of course highly attractive girls who are good, genuine people. But I'll be honest with you - I've seen everything and done everything, and I rarely see a pretty girl who doesn't manipulate the guys at first).
Alternative option: you can also do something amazing that can't be replaced, like something very valuable that you can give these girls, only so that they can pick you over anyone else. But... that would be you lacking self-respect and being so eager to please women that you've lost your sense of self.
Choose wisely guys. <3