Once a player... Not always a player?

Once a player... Not always a player?

Is a player in the dating scene always a player? My answer is no.

First, What is a player? A player is someone who pretends to be in a sincere and serious relationship with someone while at the same time dating someone else. In this case I will focus on men.

Many considered me as a player. I didn't pretend to be with a single person, I was always upfront about not wanting a relationship. Therefore, I am not a "traditional player"...but I was a ladies man in the sense that I have dated many women without a desire for a relationship. Just sex.

What makes a player? People are not born players. I think it stems from negative parental influences or a lack of it or some type of past trauma. Many men are players to maintain a sense of ego because of a past history of real pain. Many players are just charming and likeable people who once had their hearts broken.

A woman can't change a player, they can only change themselves. A player does not change because of a woman. What makes him change is to have something broken within their soul healed, fulfilled, or a desire for something more than the shallow nature of the pleasures of sex void of emotional attachment. This is an introspective process of healing and finding self worth within themselves. It doesn't happen overnight.

What changed me. I still date women. I still am open to dating many women. But my thinking has changed. The goal is not longer just sex. Things have changed in my life where I let go of the shame and lack of self esteem about myself. I feel ready to love. Ready to be vulnerable for something real. I no longer use sex or dating many women as a buffer for the pain or feeling of inadequacy about myself. I want the real thing. I want the magic. I for the first time since a heartbreak 3 years ago want to fall in love.

Once a player... Not always a player?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • brennanhuff
    Does it have to be broken heart though. It seems like the real players are the one who lie to get laid. I don't know if dating different women is a player if the guy isn't in a relationship with any of them. If he is, then he's a cheater and player. I'm not a player but I've had desires of being promiscuous at times though even though I've always desired a serious relationship and an romantic and affectionate person. I wonder how many men who aren't actually assholes are also promiscuous or have a promiscuous period, not because of having a broken heart, but having regret and bothered because of social anxiety that tainted their past? Like guys who are good looking, and have personality but were shy in highschool, so like late bloomers or got in their own way.

    But as a result felt they missed out. Some guys are insecure and go the man whore way because of peer pressure and to brag to other guys. But I wonder if others know they don't need to tell anybody, but just bothered they didn't enjoy sex with sexy women and actually desired it but let their anxiety get in a way. But once they conquered just general anxiety, were kind of determined to rebound from their past from what they feel they missed out on and especially triggered knowing how severely they let times slip away because they always knew they had more charm and with that many guys, but other guys having sex. So it's like a good basketball player missing shots or not taking shots he should've done and wanted too and just fucking up, when guys with half such talent hitting shots. You know what good basketball players do? They get that rust off, and keep going and then eventually their talent comes through and better than others and then it's like, that's fucking like it. But then after getting that ugly pride redemption out of the way can then focus back on, not fucking around and getting serious again and always wanted that. Just needed some healing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Good point. I guess im nit a player. But the above opinion may still hokd?

  • Silent_Eyes
    From what you wrote it seems like you were never a "player" since you were open about not wanting a relationship since the beginning.
    What made you change your mind?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Boredom with sex that has littke emotional attachment. Haha

Most Helpful Girls

  • Siochfhradha
    Players can change. But it's all a case by case basis. Some men (and women) are destined to just keep playing the game.


    I'm currently interested in a 'player', he's admitted it. And yes you are correct players can have reasons why, he's been burnt a few times. The thing is, is not only has he pursued for over a year but how he acts towards me is different than he does towards other women. He's teasing or playful when he flirts rather than dirty or blunt as I've heard he can be and in that regard it doesn't take a genius to figure out he's 'toning it down' to keep from turning me off.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Screenwriter
    If a man's a "player" when he's young, say, his early 20s, then gradually makes his way in the world, and starts to realize his sporting sex life isn't paying off well, and by his late 20s kills his early reputation, he might be someone to consider for a serious relationship. If his rep is a player WHILE you're dating him, odds are he's not relationship material and no matter what he says.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Iwannaleave
    I’ve known a few young players who found “the one” and stopped. Some were just getting older and tired of the game, and wanted more meaning in their life, and they’re very loyal. And then, there are those who are still playing the game while they’re in an exclusive relationship, sooo beats me! I think it depends on the individual.
    Well maybe you’ve changed. Maybe it’s possible to change, but if someone doesn’t believe it’s possible, respect that. I fully understand if someone would run away from ex-players. I personally wouldn’t even consider dating a guy like that. There are plenty of good guys who never were whore-mongers and are ready to love, so I wouldn’t be dating a person who said they changed and are not easy now.
  • Youaremysong
    A key that will open many doors, is a master key. A lock that can be opened with many keys, is a SHITTY lock.

    Go forth and bang as many girls as you want. You will be hated for it, and few will love you for it.

    My 2 cents, I’d rather have sex with the same girl as many times. The player thing is not really for me. Because the logistics of sex cost too much money lol.
  • bamesjond0069
    I'm a "player" because i want to marry a girl with high standards and almost every girl tries to sleep with me right away and instantly disqualifies herself and then i move on. So it appears like i just date tons of girls but i don't want to! All these hos are whats causing this. Id love to be settled down with someone already.
  • Thatsamazing
  • kim45456
    I dont date male whores. Dont care go date someone like you
    • Apope16

      Im not a man whore. I only have sex with one person at a time.

    • Unit1

      That's not really playing unless she wanted a relationship and you "promised" her one after the sex.

    • kim45456

      I am sorry for being rude but i dont like players

  • Djaay
    A true player is a lying slut/whore absterating sexual ground through coercive manipulation without regards to anyone emotionally.
    I think you were in love with the label which put you up on a personal pedestal pretending to be someone and something you weren't.
    You can change all of that... but it will take recognition of spirit and an act of GOD.
  • feuind
    Well, it's most likely that u r not on the top of chain food, as a predator i mean, it's a real f quest u r going to!! True love is just a dream.
    There is no true love only compromise or fun!
  • Tommie21
    I think all people are players to a certain extent. I had a very normal upbringing. My parents were loving to me and they showed affection to each other. I was a good looking guy and was told by many that I had a great resemblance to Paul McCartney. I had a girlfriend in high school but I also had girls hitting on me. Several times friends of my girlfriend would rub up against my leg or something to try and get me to make a play for her. A couple of times I cheated on my girlfriend but always got caught! I married my girlfriend but stayed true to her. In my opinion girls are just as much players as guys are and it has very little to do with lack of attention or an unloving childhood.
  • westwordbound
    I was never a good liar. There are plenty of times in my youth I could have lied my ass off to get laid but I didn’t.

    But you see these guys pulling it. You wonder.
  • Gstacy703
    A player is a guy who has 2 girlfriends at once and maybe he loves one of them and is just plain using the other one?
  • zagor
    Obviously. Peyton Manning was a player. Now he is not.
  • coolhandroo
    Better you than me bro. Good luck on the love thing. Meet back here in six months
  • Dargil
    Guys can get their fill of "sowing wild oats". Then they make a remarkable transition from Bill Clinton to Mike Pence, become faithful husbands and good fathers. The sad truth is that women cannot do this. Each new partner takes a piece of her heart with him until there is none left. They lose their appetite and capacity to be good wives and mothers. As they age and the new crop replaces them, they become bitter, angry and predatory. Lots of young women think a high number is their right and does them no harm. They come to realize what actually happens too late. Ladies: Don't like my assertion? You will see.
  • MyExperience
    While I disagree with your definition of a player, ("A player is someone who pretends to be in a sincere and serious relationship with someone while at the same time dating someone else"). A player is actually someone who is NOT in a serious relationship with anyone and dates many, generally with the focus on getting laid.
    I do agree once a player, not always a player. People grow up, mature and place emphasis on different things, or just finally meet someone worthy of 100% of their attention.
  • Unit1
    "I feel ready to love. Ready to be vulnerable for something real. I no longer use sex or dating many women as a buffer for the pain or feeling of inadequacy about myself. I want the real thing. I want the magic. I for the first time since a heartbreak 3 years ago want to fall in love."

    in all sincerity: Isn't that what players and womanizers are saying? At least those, who lie. How will we know you're not lying this time? how will we know you're not using your charisma to get the things, that *only you* want?

    I'm saying this as a sociopath and sociopaths know their way towards their destinations and have just like players the skill to a certain degree to "manipulate" others to get it their way. Not, that it's always a bad thing.
    I think it depends. Is he a natural or did he turn into a player? I wouldn't trust a natural.
  • CoolLovingmybf
    My luck with past relationship end up being cheated. So I don't really think player don't really changed
  • CoolHoney
    my last ex-boyfriend was also a player and cheater. he was going out with me and another girl. I dumped him. move on
  • nailsandhair
    Go for it! I'll be happy to know when you find your true love
  • GayLoner
    Always. You dont just lose your charisma with women. You either got it or you dont
  • Somethingwittty
    Good players become coaches.
  • Wasteland_Wanderer
    If there were no sluts, there would be no players.
  • Tomsta
    Yes i believe once a player always a player
  • Good luck
  • Gottabsavagee
    If he/she was a player my personal advice is run
  • Avicenna
    Surely most if them grow out of it?
  • Thetruth111
    Women want rich man and men want rich man too
  • Nerdvana
    Sorry, not really into video games.
    • CoolHoney

      @Nerdvana . it means a more than once person in a relationship at the time. the term player just mean they play the game of love.

  • KaraAyna
    Good take I like you take
  • Ritwik001
    People always change
  • pjohn2
    I look but not THAT obvious.
  • marechel
    good for you
  • Anonymous
    I used to think players were either manipulative men or men who dated a lot of women without wanting a relationship or maybe marriage. I don't think that any more. I think players are the manipulative ones. If a man looks you in the eye and tells you I don't do relationships or marriage then he is being honest about who he is so it is up to the woman (or man) has to decide if that is something they can be ok with.

    I'd say some men are born with a higher sex drive and/or less need for monogamy. I think it is a wiring thing and some women are the same way. There are people with high sex drive who are monogamous people and act on their high sex drive within a relationship so high sex drive doesn't necessarily mean open relationships. There could be some things that might sup up a sex drive like trauma in the past, bipolar issues, addiction or the need for the adrenaline rush.

    Really there is no point in trying to change anyone. I say try 3 times to tell a person it is in their best interest to make changes in their life and after that if they still won't change then either break up or live with it.
  • Anonymous
    Std man, ladies, here he comes.. Ow no.. 😱😬👎
  • Anonymous
    I agree
  • Anonymous