1 mo

6 Tips for men (or women) on dating apps, from a girl who has experience

Hey men,

From being on dating apps, I have the great urge to give some tips to make your game extra strong. I've been on both Tinder and Bumble and I notice some mistakes a lot of men make while making conversation. Please take this with a grain of salt, since there's no golden rule. I refer here to men, because I'm a straight cis female, but as a female or other gender, feel free to use these tips, because anyone can initiate. Also I'm not assuming men should always be the initiater, but it often is the reality. I think apps like bumble are great with the female always initiating, but initiation shows confidence and that's always an attractive thing.

1. Start the conversation with something witty and/or personal

Great thing about the app Bumble is that the girl has to start conversation so I have some experience in that part. I normally look at someone's pictures or bio and start with a question or a comment of what I think or see of them. Things like 'Your dog is a real cutie and so are you' or 'I would love to hike with you' or 'I'm guessing you're a surfer, is that true?', just depending on what their profile says and what comes to mind first. Don't be too shy. If it doesn't work out not a lot is lost and I will guarantee you a reply at least, positive or negative.

tips on dating apps
tips on dating apps

2. Work on your profile

Not only is it great if you can read something from someone's profile, but it's great if the other person can do the same to you. Post pictures of how you want to display yourself and personality. If you like traveling, post a vacation picture. Are you adventurous? Post a picture doing sports or something exciting. DON'T EVER POST A PICTURE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. Doesn't matter if it's your sister. Most women will not read that bio saying 'that's my sister'. They will swipe you away directly. Most women will melt of a picture with an animal (except if she hates animals and you do too, then maybe not, but who hates animals??). Always post enough pictures and at least 1 or 2 close ups. I'm not talking about an awkward mirror selfie, but a nice photo of you smiling for example. Filters are never good of course. Group photos are alright if you just have 1 or 2.

3. Don't chat for too long or too short

This is a difficult one, because what is too long and what is too short? I will tell you. Too short is right away. So saying 'hey what's up. what are you doing in a daily life? okay let's meet up'. Why? It's because we women have learned to not meet up with a strange man. You want the feeling of safety first that we can sort of trust a person before meeting. Also it looks a bit lazy in a way. For too long chatting, it's a bit of a waste of time to chat for too long, because only a real meeting can tell if there's real chemistry or not. In experience a person can be entirely different in real life compared to chat. Also bonding doesn't happen that easily through chat. Also a woman can get tired of the endlessly chatting and not acting, showing you're too scared to take initiative. Imagine as a female, you have a lot more matches (at least I did), so if you don't take initiative, someone else will.

4. For a first date, meet up for drinks or coffee. Don't invite her to your house

first date coffee
first date coffee

This is one I see a lot. I know a lot of men mean well as a courteous idea to cook for her and everything, but in reality, women don't want to meet up in a stranger's house for the first time. It comes back to the thing I said in point 3, we learn not to meet up with strange men and learn to be careful. It's also a bit too personal and maybe awkward for her, because you can see everything about him at once. Not that it's a really bad thing to be open, but leaving a little bit of mystery might be more interesting for her. Also, if she ever wants to leave, because she does not feel comfortable or etc, it's a lot more difficult if it's in your house, so she might feel trapped in a way. Also, having someone to travel to you for the first time gives a lazy impression. On the first date, at least meet half-way or come to her city etc.

5. Be bold, flirt a little bit

Something I've experienced a lot is that men are too afraid to flirt. I get it, I am too and I could definitely use some improvement in that area. However, self-confidence is attractive and flirting shows self-confidence. It doesn't have to be cheesy with pick-up lines, but maybe give her a cheeky little compliment or a little touch at the arm. See how she reacts and where you can go.

flirting on the first date
flirting on the first date

6. When meeting up, propose an idea

Something I really dislike is when someone asks me to meet up and is then like 'idk what do you wanna do' and comes with nothing. It's not a bad question persé, it can be helpful to see where she's at, but after you should come up with something. The worst thing that can happen is that she says 'no I don't think that's a good idea' and then you come with something else. Great thing about dating apps is that the threshold and risk is very low. If you mess up, you go on to the next one worst case scenario.

I hope these tips where interesting to read! Maybe I will come up with more and add them. Comment on your thoughts, but stay nice please.

6 Tips for men (or women) on dating apps, from a girl who has experience
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Anonymous
    Here is a tip for all men... something to take into consideration. Almost every single woman you are dating, paying compliments, taking it slow with, entertaining, enjoying meals with, treating like a lady, trying to impress, trying to build a relationship with...

    ... has at some point, met a guy that she found so hot... so attractive... so irresistible that all of this dating bs went right out the window, and she just went over and jumped straight into bed with him.

    If not, she certainly didn't care where they were going, or what they would be doing... what it cost or anything else as long as she was spending time with this hot man.

    Dating = jumping through hoops strictly reserved for all of those luke warm men, and is one sided. Good luck playing the game.
    Is this still revelant?
    • VIVANT

      Yeah I don’t really care about all this stuff. If I like someone I like him and I just like spending time with him. I wouldn’t jump him but I would just want to do nothing special. The special Part is spending time together.

    • spuitkaas

      Because everything you're doing with someone is just to get laid.
      If dating is not enjoyable and spending time with someone you like is not enjoyable, then don't do it? We're not vending machines where you can put nice guy coins into and we give sex in return.

    • Anonymous

      Just a heads up to any guys that still want to play that game. Make sure you are aware of some of the newer strategies being used by women...

      A word of warning, some people get angry when they read that link, please don't. It's just additional knowledge and a different perspective. Both men and women play different games...

      http://archive.ph/1MlAK

  • So.. what do girls have to do when dating?

    Have attractive photos, actually reply, not show any interest and wait for the guy to make the move & plans?

    So in other words.. little to nothing.

    Okay that's a bit exaggerated, but for real it's a bit hard for guys like me who don't have the self-confidence to do everything you're saying, when the women could have it and no do anything themselves.

    Not all guys are alpha, or confident.

    And pls don't say "fake it till you make it", that's like saying keep giving bad sex until the same bad sex magically becomes good, it doesn't happen.
    Is this still revelant?
    • spuitkaas

      Ofcourse girls have to do things when dating. I encourage women to apply these tips as well. These tips are mostly for men since I'm a heterosexual female and I only have experience in dating men.
      Maybe before dating, you should work on your self-confidence. Not just to be successful in dating but for everything in life really. You want something to offer a female right?

    • Men have nothing to offer but confidence?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Katebfun
    I did not read that whole thing. For starters from the length of your question I would relax and have fun with it. Sounds like your being a little too serious and thiking too far ahead. Love happens in Divine timmimg, period. You'll meet a lot of guys and question this m that, when you question just know their not the one. When the one arrives it will be effortless, you will know this person is into and the energy is mutual. All you can do is sort, shift and see what you want and don't. Be greatfull for everyone you meet the bad n good cause they are teaching you
    Is this still revelant?
    • spuitkaas

      This is not a question, but a MyTake. It's like an informative piece of reading.

  • Bee-Hatch
    I kind of agree with some of the stuff you say. Some of it seems like you're a bit insecure. Never post a picture with another woman? Give me strength. What about his grandma, what about his kid sister whose 8? What if it's his daughter? What about you grow up. Unless it's the first time he's dated someone, you're never going to be the first hun. And he always has to suggest the first date? What century did you get ejected from? It's almost 2020, memebers of the sisterhood can actually make suggestions and ask men out these days.
    Is this still revelant?
    • spuitkaas

      I think basic knowledge is key. I wasn't talking about his grandma or his niece, rather about his female friends. I don't think I'm the first one, heck I hope I'm not his first one.
      Again, I wasn't talking about the males always having to make the suggestion. I'm more talking about the 'idk what do you wanna do?' thing that is very unattractive. I encourage women to make a plan if they happen to think of something first, but I see a lot that men say 'what do you want to do?' as a way of courtesy, but I don't think it's particular courteous, rather insecure looking.

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What Girls & Guys Said

641
  • Comes across as a bit entitled and condescending. These techniques don't seem to have any awareness of the horrific odds stacked against many men on dating apps, whereby they hardly get any matches at all regardless of their dog pics.

    It also seems to ignore that women make many of the same "mistakes" that are listed here and yet they're not held to a similar standard.

    But I believe it's because most women aim and are able to successfully "date" up, so it's not a surprise that they're abusing the position of power.

    It's like women pretend, that the many men that they'd never be caught dead with, don't count, and so they shame them by saying they aren't good enough while simultaneously portraying male and female situations as equal, or even taking the position of the victim female.

    If you want to be informing men then it would be better for that person to be informed about men.

    There are some top men who must be living the dream, to have the dating app success of a regular woman.
    • spuitkaas

      I am a hetero woman. I can only guess women make mistakes, but I don't know them that well. If you do, then maybe you can make your own MyTake about tips for women on dating apps. This take is directed at men, however, I would say it could apply for women as well.
      Besides, I also don't know the odds against men on these apps. Someone commented that apparently men have to pay on tinder to send messages. I really didn't know that. I do feel like because the odds are against men, it's more important to stand out from the crowd.
      I never said anyone is not good enough or that they don't count. In Dutch there's a saying that says 'on every pot fits a lid'.
      From my own experiences, men actually act a bit entitled sometimes, or at least it looks entitled, by saying things like 'hey when are you coming over?' and assume you can always fit their agenda and dismiss the fact you have things to do. Maybe this is just because they're a little socially awkward, but it comes over like that sometimes.

  • Likes2drive
    Pretty good good advice, another thing women don’t realize is to keep their friends out of the profile pictures too because sometimes I never know who is actually the one who looking for a date
    • spuitkaas

      Very true. Except if it's obvious.

    • Or if they both look good I’ll swipe right 😊

  • brennanhuff
    Yeah, well I've had women friends look at my profile, give their advice on the pics and profile. Some things were tweaked and others were good. One is a lesbiana (let's be honest), well I guess bisexual but heavily preference toward that unholy grail. But anywhoo, I've had matches here and there and some likes, but they are so sporadic. Some of the convos went well for a few days only to be ghosted when setting up a date. I don;t think you should try to be witty and funny right off the bat in the convo, because then you are making that person too important and women often don't do much showing their personality.

    So it's often all on the man to do it, plus I believe you shouldn't try to be funny or witty as it will often be forced. In doing so, that person will not find it funny or see a person is trying to hard. I'm very witty, but not so much a joke teller. Jokes don't work for most people, because often the best jokes are one's people can relate too or inside jokes. It's hard or what might be funny who know you may not be so funny to a complete stranger. I feel it has to happen organically or naturally. I will try to see something interesting in the profile and ask about her. And in doing so, hope she brings up something that I might have a story about or can make a playful convo, but she has start showing something. Sometimes women on the apps don't show any personality, but like I just need some and then there's no thinking it comes naturally to where a playful witty, funny comment will happen, but it has to flow. Once that happens, ah man, I just be rainin down on those quips left and right.
    • spuitkaas

      I think you might've misinterpreted the tip on being witty or funny. I don't mean doing something too forced like a pick-up line, but just something cute and personal about her profile for example. After that, you have to pay attention to how she responds. If it's low-investment, then stay low-investment and etc. For the ghosting part, I struggle with that too. It's hard to go from chatting to dating and because these apps are so easily accessible, it's easy to ghost. One tip that might be helpful is to open up yourself first. If you do, she gets the signal to open up as well. Once the conversation is more personal, more attachment is created and therefore less chance on ghosting

    • I'm telling you a lot of women don't provide much stuff on their profile or pictures. I'd be witty more if they gave me something to work with. I try to avoid being personal because she's a complete stranger and I don't want to bring up stuff or ask stuff that could make her feel uncomfortable. I don't like getting too personal about myself too like family and stuff until like we get some connection. Which I try to do with asking questions about stuff from her profile, but often not much personality is shown back. I never have an issue talking with girls in person. Some reason girl's don't show much personality with writing but do so when talking or I'm able to get that out when talking in person. My smile, delivery and how I can say things can come off funny or witty without having to actually be so. That doesn't come off in text as easily or vibes not picked up. All I need is a little and then I can easily take it from there, but I feel women on those sites often lack even if they are communicating back. I'm very outgoing, and almost always the funny person wherever I'm at because of my quips.

    • it doesn't have to be a pick up line to be forced. Trying to say something funny or witty will often not be so or come off as trying too hard. The best stuff comes from improv. I don't think, it just comes for me. Something she says sets up something with my brain that catches something, cute and witty that I can respond back with. I think I'm pretty good at it because I can do that stuff when talking in person and it's kind of flirty too and often girls flirt back whereas, other guys can be obnoxious and not get such responses back.

  • JimmyQ
    Okay, so you are pretty, you are not too fat. You might even be a decent person. What else? Why should I invest my life into you? Are you smart? Do you have any idea what you want? Could you somehow find a place in your heart where you are totally happy?

    If not you are just every other bitch I've ever known, then do me favor and screw up someone else's life.
    • spuitkaas

      We're literally talking about dating. A relationship is a whole other level. You're not investing your life by sending a message.
      Also you sound incredibly rude. Why would I screw up someone's life?

    • JimmyQ

      I'm just a little jaded right now. Not trying to take it out on you. You seem really nice.

    • spuitkaas

      Why what happened?

    • Show All
  • kespethdude
    This is why I can't bother with dating sites.

    1. On Bumble, I'm assuming this is about, the point doesn't even apply to me so no comment
    2. I literally can't smile. When I try, it comes out as a "creepy grin". I was naturally born that way so don't blame me for it. My non-smiling pics don't look good either, as it's all about looks anyway if a guy is to get any hits at all on that app.
    3. I have no way of being able to tell if I'm too long or too short because I say what I need to say, but I also withhold things if I think they are either unneccessary or a violation of my privacy or security. There are a LOT of things that should NEVER be posted on a dating profile (or anywhere else on the Internet, for that matter).
    4. This one I actaully agree with.
    5. Since she has to flirt first, I wouldn't get a chance anyway, so this is as applicable to me as #1.
    6. This is a double-edged sword. The I don't know usually happens because one party is worried the other party won't like the idea. Since she speaks first, she should propose the idea. That is what common sense says. If you want to use an app where she is in complete control, she should be doing the proposals for the activity too. She should even pay, if you don't go Dutch.
    Of course, those high school girls that made that app want the guys to treat them anyway, but don't want "ugly guys" copntacting them, that's why it was made. You can't change my mind because you can't change facts.
    • spuitkaas

      1. It's not about bumble. Just dating apps in general. Can be tinder whatsoever.
      2. For a long time I thought I couldn't smile on pictures either except for a smile with closed mouth. This was also because I disliked my nose when I smiled. I basically learned how to smile in pictures first by seeing actual nice spontaneous made pictures from myself and now I always think of something funny when taking a picture. You will literally hear me giggle taking a picture. Practice is everything!
      3. Totally up to you to not say things. I don't tell all my matches either that I take a shit every morning. Remember there's a big range in too short and too long. Those are merely extremes therefore if you've been talking and are past the 'what are your daily life activities?' point, you're probably fine.
      6. That's why I'm telling you not to worry too much and just propose something. Worst thing that can happen is that she proposes something else.
      I think rules like 'she speaks first, she has to propose' or 'she has to pay because she spoke first' are bullshit. Stop being so stubborn and just do it if you're serious about it.
      I mean you can't contact someone anyways without having a match?

  • Sensmind
    Nice take - When I started I thought it would be a well intentioned piece but really going over the same ground as hundreds of other takes. I believe the expression is "To Teach Grandma To Suck Eggs" - In fairness there were a few good pointers that made me think, I saw the advice about no pictures with women, limit the group pics and filters plus maybe a pet photo would work for the first time on here previously but you don't see this tip enough (It is a very good piece of advice so noteable for me) - The two "New Things" that stood out for me are "Don't Chat Too Long" - For me this is a big one because I feel I genuinely don't feel comfortable unless I know someone fairly well through messages and if they push "I feel that is a bit 0 to 60, whats wrong with a bit of meaningful conversation first", I will give the defence that if I am rushed into something the person who shows up for meeting will not be comfortable enough to be me or worse still I will try to be something I am not. In fairness I always make clear from the start that this is the pace I work at and if you are expecting anything else, it is probably better for you to move on.
    Lastly number 6, I am desperate for that "Whatever you want to do?" thinking that she would be more at ease doing something she likes but now I can see how it can seem like putting pressure on someone and looking indecisive.
    Well done on a good take - I don't use dating Apps much as I don't think they suit my personality but if I ever do in the future again, I will bear these things in mind.
    • spuitkaas

      Like I said in the introduction, there's no golden rule and every woman is different. Personally I don't like to chat for too long. Maybe 2 weeks or so. This is because I personally don't bond through chat. There are people that do, but I'd rather meet up with people in person to really experience them. Always do what feels best, because feeling uncomfortable is the worst thing that can happen.
      I feel like a lot of guys think that. They want the girl to propose something not always because of laziness, but because of well-intention. Unfortunatly the outcome is not as favourable as you might think.
      Thank you for reading and I hope these were helpful in a way.

  • Daniel3035
    LMAO and why would us men take advice from you?
    1) Start the conversation with something witty and/or personal does that she doesn't respond you get ghosted.
    2) She actually replies you ask for her number you call her up oh look its a taxi driver wow!
    In future if your going to give advice make sure your generation that you represent actually follows the advice your giving stop trying to fool young men into thinking you girls are anything but trolls on dating apps.
    • kim45456

      Say that to men who only want sex on online dating apps

    • Daniel3035

      @kim45456 And what’s wrong with that? We said we want sex if that’s not your cup of tea find a guy who says he's looking for love simple.
      The difference here is we don’t decieve you into thinking we want love when we want sex.

    • spuitkaas

      You chose to read the post so apparently you.
      1. You shouldn't take ghosting so seriously. You never know what is going on. Just move on to someone else.
      2. I think you should wait with asking for her number. It's a piece of personal info we want to give only if we trust you. It comes back to the safety feeling girls require.
      I don't understand how we're trying to fool anyone and trolling them, because I don't think we really are.
      Also I have nothing against men wanting only sex from girls if they're honest about it.

    • Show All
  • Iron_Man200
    This is one of the reason why I stopped dating women almost 16 years ago. They're too complicated and are so easily turned off at the most ridiculous thing. Dating women these days just isn't worth the hassle. Let them rot.
    • spuitkaas

      Good for you?

    • I know :)

    • usernamesk

      I've seen my fair share of woman being turn off by small things like:

      He opened the door for me/he didn't open the door for me

      He didn't pay for the first date.

      He's not ripped enough (the dude is a monster)

      He's not funny enough / i'm offended by the joke he said (same woman)

    • Show All
  • I'd rather just go to the club tonight, that way when I approach them, I'll get an opportunity to chat before they reject me, whereas they'll just swipe left and I can't chat online, so my chances have improved. They took my PICC line out yesterday, too, so I'm ready to go out😊
    • spuitkaas

      Have fun! I hope you find someone you like, but in my honest opinion, I think clubs might not be the best place to meet people for something serious. You're normally there with friends you don't want to leave and ofcourse girls are often intoxicated. Not the best breeding ground to find relationship material. I'd recommend a sport, hobby club etc instead.

    • The hobbies I have are very masculine, it's literally 50 guys to one girl and that girl is most likely there with her boyfriend

    • spuitkaas

      Take a new hobby, sport etc. Meet people through friends.

    • Show All
  • Redstang88
    All pretty solid advice.
    I give you a lot of credit if you actually take the initiative to message guys on bumble, literally every single message I have ever got on that app was “Hi 🙂”
    • spuitkaas

      I hate receiving hi's from guys myself, so I do take a bit more effort.

  • Avicenna
    Very good advice. I'd just add that in my experience on Bumble, the woman will just say hi or something similar, so a guy still often has to communicate as if he is taking the initiative.
    • spuitkaas

      I think most women are not used to taking the initiative and therefore just start with a hi. Personally with a low-investment message like that, you should stay low-investment, so it's not coming from your side only. If she's still then not willing to invest, she might not be worth your time.

    • Avicenna

      I have actually had very good experiences with the women I met on Bumble, and initiating isn't a problem for me anyway.(these were women in their 40s). That said, you're right that a guy shouldn't get too excited just yet if she doesn't message him with much.

    • On Bumble only females are allowed to initiate conversation, so by just saying hi she allows the man to actually initiate if he is interested.

  • Maysexy
    After a heart-broken breakup with my ex-boyfriend whom I have been dating with for 2 years, I needed to move on and decided to meet other people. It is hard to find a great casual dating app online in this dating poll. I’ve tried many dating apps but I can honestly say that KinkDr is good in BDSM dating market.
    • Boppy

      Is it better for flings or for relationships?

    • Maysexy

      @Boppy As for me, the causal relationship or hookup can give me freedom and pleasure, so maybe it works for flings or relationships.

    • Boppy

      Oh, both? Both is good.

  • #3 i prefer to chat for like 2 weeks before meeting up. Then maybe video chat and if that goes well, maybe meet by the end of the month. I just need to know who I've been talking to.
    #6 im a planner so im fine choosing

    but yea i get the rest
    • spuitkaas

      Sounds good. I think 2 weeks is definitely a reasonable time. Not too long or too short. I've had before that I had been talking to someone for months and not meeting up. That's what I consider as too long.
      6. I'm also a planner and I'm also fine choosing 90% of the time, but I do think it's really attractive if a guy comes with an idea instead of 'idk you choose'.

    • Im fine not meeting for up to 3 months as long as we’ve skyped before then

  • Aethereal
    These are good tips, and in general I follow no. 1 and 2 already. But it seems like the others are built around the assumption (especially no. 4, 5, and 6) that the person you meet online is in your city/country. How do you work with no.3 under a long-distance situation?
    • spuitkaas

      Well these are based on tinder or bumble, so they have to be not further than a few miles away. I personally don't think long-distance is a good basis to start a long relationship, but for each their own.

  • On Tinder what does it matter what your profile says? Everyone is there for a hookup and all they care about is your profile pic and what your body looks like. And on Bumble for heterosexual relationships, only the female is allowed to make first contact. I think your advice is more for sites like Match. com where either sex can contact the other and people are actually looking for a relationship and not just sex..
    • spuitkaas

      Almost every man I've met on tinder is not just there to hook-up. I have many female friends that have found their SO through tinder. I think it just has a bad name.
      I have no experience with match. com but don't hesitate do take some tips.

    • October808

      Nope, Daniela is right. Tinder and Bumble are for hookups period. That some people assume it is for serious relationships is their own problem. Tinder deserves the bad reputation it received because that is what Tinder was made for, hookups and NSA.

    • @October808 That's what I have gotten out of it by reading posts on it.

    • Show All
  • Cusiousandwierd
    Good tips but even when my female friends decided to all grade play and alter my dating profiles
    I never got any where or the girls were to weird or it just jever worked out.

    Good entry level tips mine is add a friends pic and one with your pet
    • spuitkaas

      It never worked out for me either. Everytime I meet up with someone they were different from what I expected. Not always catfishing, but you always have a different expectation from reality. However, some of my best friends have met their boyfriends through tinder and have been with them for years, so there's some hope?

  • thomasmore
    While I met my girlfriend before tinder and bumble were around, I did meet her on a dating site.
    I agree to almost everything you wrote, exept for point 4.
    While a coffee ist not bad, I think metting at a concert or a festival is nicer alternative and they are also a neutral zone.
    • spuitkaas

      That's also a great idea. Golden rule is to go to a neutral space with people around. Only thing is that concerts or festivals are expensive and you might rather go with a friend who you're sure you have fun with rather than someone you never met.

    • thomasmore

      In most cities there are free concerts and festivals in summer with good mostly local bands. At the moment, you could visit a Christmas market.

    • spuitkaas

      Then it's totally fine

  • Djaay
    Men are men and women aren't men.
    What you perceive as mistakes , we use as filters.
    You obviously dont understand men. And your still trying to change us.
    Failed !!
    • spuitkaas

      I believe we're not that different. In fact, from a neuroscience perspective we really aren't. I'm not trying to change anyone, you can also not read this post.

    • Djaay

      It's just like all your interest are similar to mine. Except mine interest are fulfilled through the Bible with as living GOD. You can also not read the Bible.

    • spuitkaas

      True I'm not religious. Good your interests are fulfilled.

    • Show All
  • Jennifer_32
    My god your profile is so catfish lmao. A pretty blonde hair, blue eye girl that's into
    Neuroscience , video games and manga... LMAO!!!
    • spuitkaas

      Except it's not. Why would I have so many pictures of a random girl 😅. Thanks for calling me pretty though

  • sp33d
    In short: mind games, play the mind games and definitely play the mind games. Oh and don't forget to play the mind games.
    • spuitkaas

      I wouldn't know why you call them mind games. There's a difference in being honest and authentic and being too honest. I don't put on profile that I take a shit every morning either.

  • Femalesinquiremales
    In other words, find a useless human that wants you to cater to her every need. No thanks. It's 2019 learn to reciprocate
    • spuitkaas

      That's not what I said at all? You have to put in effort to receive effort. If she doesn't put effort in it, then move on? However I do think it's wise to make that step first.

    • No matter how you slice it, you're recommending the guy to do all the work. Why don't women go 50/50 from the start?

    • spuitkaas

      Except I'm not. Did you read anything? If a woman doesn't reprociate the effort then maybe she's not that into you and I wouldn't continue. Someone has to start and it's wise to be you.

    • Show All
  • 420cat
    What you say makes sense. Some of what you said I had never thought about but it made sense. I have actually made a few of those mistakes. Thanks for the insight 👍
  • Johnson12
    I don't like dating apps to many romance scammers Male and female romance scammers if you want to get meet someone go to party or library or even social gathering even the malls
    • spuitkaas

      I encourage people always to meet people in real life, however, I do know that that is not always easy. For me I study fulltime and my study is about 75% females and I study at the other side of the country now, so if I would meet someone, it would later be long-distance. Also I have to go home every weekend for work and take care of my ill sister. Therefore I have very little time to do things that include meeting new people. Also, as social media has gotten a more dominant position in our lives, a lot of people are scared to approach someone and rather do it through chat.
      I agree that dating apps are not ideal, but for some it's necessary.

    • Johnson12

      Okay

  • Tomsta
    What if like i was you don't really have any good photos of just yourself (or for that matter like having your photo taken) and the only time you have a decent photo taken IS when your with other people (specifically women)?

    Not that i need it now but it was something that concerned me when i was using dating apps
    • spuitkaas

      Take the effort to make a nice picture of yourself. I think friends and family will help you with it. You can use group pictures, but crop the other people out. Practice helps in how to look good in a picture.

    • Tomsta

      For me it was more the fact that i never look good in a picture regardless of where it is or who is taking it, for one thing my neck is to long and my adams apple to to pronounced. I'm not exactly Mr Male model which from my experience is what gets you your foot in the door

    • spuitkaas

      When I was young I believed I couldn't smile in pictures. I always did this closed-mouth grim (kinda like in my profile picture). After having a few spontaneous pictures without posing of me laughing and a lot of practice, I can finally smile in pictures. I liteally giggle when taking a laughing picture because I can't pretend.
      Anyways, what I want to say is that posing takes practice. I don't particularly like my nose for example, so most pictures are from a higher angle. Look at how your best features come forward and lessen your least features. I don't think you need to be a male model. In fact, even if you're handsome, if you look not like a nice person you won't get a like from me. Same goes the other way around.

  • BigJake
    Good advice. Having flattering pics, a bit of wit, and some boldness to go with it will have guys swimming in girls. A lot of guys don't know how to tout all they have to offer without feeling like they're bragging, so they shy away from it altogether. But girls love guys who are confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show off in a proud way.
    • spuitkaas

      Definitely! I get that idea though. I would consider bragging to really put medals or lots of shirtless abs pics in your profile or constantly mentioning that you have an PhD. There's a difference between showing passion and bragging.

    • BigJake

      lol I admit, I have posted a shirtless pic on a dating profile, but it was a shot of me actually doing something outside rather than a selfie or something blatant like that.

    • spuitkaas

      That's alright. I think you can judge yourself which type of picture is bragging and which one is not.

  • kim45456
    Lmao so many butthurt boys in the opinion section. Like she tries to help men but in return she gets hate and then wonder why feminazis exist
  • Shy_Steve
    Most dating sites Guys have to pay just to contact someone and i have asked before if its worth buying a subscription to a dating site and most people said 'No', So im not gonna pay for something that most people say is not worth paying for.
    • spuitkaas

      tinder, bumble, happn etc is all free, so there's not really an excuse?

    • Shy_Steve

      I do not know about the other sites but guys have to pay to see people who like us on Tinder which is $73.00aud (i just looked).

    • spuitkaas

      Why would you do that then? I don't need to see who likes me?

    • Show All
  • skeetskeetskeet
    What about long walks on the beach... aren't women supposed to love that shit?
    • thomasmore

      Not on the first date

    • spuitkaas

      It's alright if you live next to the beach or something? But don't see it as more meaningful than a walk in the park or walk through a city.

  • MackToday
    You're not "cis" no one is, that's a made up Marxist term, there are only men and women, the rest are mental illnesses and birth defects.
  • pyrophobia
    3. Is a great point! Most guys can easily overpower any girl, by now it's just an instinct that you are creepy/a danger if you try to meet too fast.
  • Kdude010
    It's hard to flirt when most women are feminists. You can't joke about having sex with women without triggering a feminist rage lol
    Flirting is out lol
  • Wolframium
    What if:
    0: I don't take pics of myself, because I don't even know how to stage them and it's beyond unpleasant?
    1: I don't travel? And don't see the appeal.
    2: Don't do sports, because they're unpleasant?
    3: Do basically only solo things, because I'm alone? (Context: planning a date.)
    4: (This one is probably the most important.) I don't get any matches? Basically, me, being on a dating site and not being there, is the same.
    5: I am super introverted loner, who doesn't even know pick-up lines and don't care about them, because they're cheap and probably every guy out there uses them.

    I am curious what would you recommend to lost cause like me.
    (Disclaimer: I found something of a solution for myself, but I imagine it's very different from what anyone would recommend.)
    • spuitkaas

      0: start taking them! a lot of people don't like to take selfies and feel it as unpleasant. I feel the same way, but I think you can overcome that unpleasant feeling. Think about why it is so unpleasant?
      1: that's fine. many people don't. I just gave it as an example.
      2: same thing
      3: I don't get this one, because with dating you're nver alone?
      4: Pimp your profile if you don't. Maybe post some more pictures and add a good bio.
      5: Are you an super introverted loner by choice? Then I wonder why you want to date in the first place if you might be happy about being alone. If it's not by choice, then maybe join a club or activity first to meet new people and gain confidence.

    • crazy8000

      No need to have pics on yourself on tinder.
      Just have to think little what kind of pics to project the right picture of what you want. and the same with profile text that matches your pictures.
      Those that only swipe left or up on pictures on some person are usually shallow as fuck.

      Yes you will get matches even if you have those characters claiming otherwise.

      No need to have opening lines or flachy writing to hit it off.
      Just write what's on your mind at the moment that isn't wining accusation and negative attacks. nothing negative in general.

    • "I am super introverted loner" Then why are you dating? Obviously you don't want to be that. Sorry nobody wants someone who sits by themselves. You have to figure out what you like so you can share it with someone else. Nobody wants a silent unmoving grey blob for a boyfriend.

  • Fromdusktilldawn
    Online dating apps made my hate girls and stop trying
  • Great tips. ☺
    • What games do you play?

    • spuitkaas

      Right now I only play assassin's creed series sometimes, because I have very little time between my studies, caring for my ill sister and friends and family. However I would love to try red dead redemption 2 now it's out on PC.

    • Oh cool. Do you have odyssey. I have that on my xbox. It is so fun. Lol

  • Gatman34
    Men need to get off dating apps
    • spuitkaas

      True but also not true. I feel like it's a vicious circle of going where the females are and the females going where the males are. It starts ofcourse with people not approaching eachother enough in real life, but human nature will always choose the easiest way, which is in this case the comfort of dating apps.

  • Lynx122
    Good take.
  • TheFlak38
    never take advice from a woman.
    • spuitkaas

      That's sexist

    • TheFlak38

      Guys, she called me sexist. Im gonna cry a river now. How am I going to sleep tonight?

      It is called the truth. no matter what you neo marxist feminist school teacher taught you.

  • kingcookie1
    Is dating website even good just asking
    • spuitkaas

      No idea about dating sites. I just know the world of apps.

    • slatyb

      Worked for me and some of my friends.

  • gym4ever
    Dating apps are stupid as fuck
  • Good job
  • Robertcw
    I do not miss the world of tinder. 🤢🤮 Yuck.
  • KaraAyna
    Good mytake
  • Anonymous
    sigh... for some stupid reason, I'd hoped for honesty^^^^^
    THIS is the truth. If she finds you hot, you can do nearly anything and she'll still be thinking about getting you naked... personality be damned.
    If she doesn't she'll find everything you do objectionable... personality be damned.

    This is why I say, if you happen to see a handsome guy beating the crap out of his s. o, do NOT try to help her!
    She chose HIM using her obviously strict requirements. THIS is the guy so superior to YOU in her eyes. He OBVIOUSLY has a great personality and is an amazing person, because women never go just for looks so since he is such an amazing guy compared to you... SHE must have provoked him a lot to make this SUPERIOR guy snap, so it's not his fault.
    • spuitkaas

      I feel like men who think like this are extremely superficial themselves. Just because you are superficial doesn't mean everyone is.
      Also, blaming your problems on external things you can't change is weak.
      You're also a shitty person for not wanting to help someone out in a bad situation because 'she chose for it'.

  • Anonymous
    that's why it bothers me a lot when people call dating, relationships, a skillset or learned behavior, because it reminds me, I like to feel its only guys who have to know or learn so many different behaviors, while women just have to be attractive, which isn't really behavior-based.
    • spuitkaas

      It's a mix between skills, oppertunity and matching personalities. As a female you need a skillset as well. Believe it or not, but guys ghost as well. We need skillsets to prevent ghosting, to be found attractive, to flirt, be confident etc.

    • spuitkaas

      If the only thing women needed was to be found attractive, no attractive woman would be single.

    • Anonymous

      nobody cares about a womans confidence

  • Anonymous
    Sad o let me get this straight if I’m a huge wrestling fan and I took a picture with a female wrestler it wouldn’t be ok to post it cause it would be misconstrued
    • spuitkaas

      Kind of a childish response. You knwo very well I didn't mean it like that. If you make it clear you're doing that sport it doesn't apply ofcourse. Use some common sense

    • Anonymous

      I’m not doing that sport I’m a huge fan but occasionally I take pictures with the female wrestlers and yes they are really attractive

    • spuitkaas

      I wouldn't recommend that. Kinda looks like you objectify women

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    here's some better tips. if your looking for. dating/ relationship that works. If not use hook up sites or lie to these females tell them what they wanna hear and don't be weird.
    Older females and baby mamas are easy lays
    • spuitkaas

      Maybe you should write your own MyTake if you know better tips

    • So, basically the only way you can get laid is to lie to women?
      If that's the case, maybe you shouldn't be advising others

  • Anonymous
    Hot tips for all guys.
    #1 be good looking
    #2 be good looking
    #3 be good looking
    If you don't have that, don't even bother online dating.
    • spuitkaas

      It's easy to blame your problems on external things.

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