6 Tips for men (or women) on dating apps, from a girl who has experience

[spuitkaas]

Hey men,

From being on dating apps, I have the great urge to give some tips to make your game extra strong. I've been on both Tinder and Bumble and I notice some mistakes a lot of men make while making conversation. Please take this with a grain of salt, since there's no golden rule. I refer here to men, because I'm a straight cis female, but as a female or other gender, feel free to use these tips, because anyone can initiate. Also I'm not assuming men should always be the initiater, but it often is the reality. I think apps like bumble are great with the female always initiating, but initiation shows confidence and that's always an attractive thing.

1. Start the conversation with something witty and/or personal

Great thing about the app Bumble is that the girl has to start conversation so I have some experience in that part. I normally look at someone's pictures or bio and start with a question or a comment of what I think or see of them. Things like 'Your dog is a real cutie and so are you' or 'I would love to hike with you' or 'I'm guessing you're a surfer, is that true?', just depending on what their profile says and what comes to mind first. Don't be too shy. If it doesn't work out not a lot is lost and I will guarantee you a reply at least, positive or negative.

tips on dating apps

2. Work on your profile

Not only is it great if you can read something from someone's profile, but it's great if the other person can do the same to you. Post pictures of how you want to display yourself and personality. If you like traveling, post a vacation picture. Are you adventurous? Post a picture doing sports or something exciting. DON'T EVER POST A PICTURE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. Doesn't matter if it's your sister. Most women will not read that bio saying 'that's my sister'. They will swipe you away directly. Most women will melt of a picture with an animal (except if she hates animals and you do too, then maybe not, but who hates animals??). Always post enough pictures and at least 1 or 2 close ups. I'm not talking about an awkward mirror selfie, but a nice photo of you smiling for example. Filters are never good of course. Group photos are alright if you just have 1 or 2.

3. Don't chat for too long or too short

This is a difficult one, because what is too long and what is too short? I will tell you. Too short is right away. So saying 'hey what's up. what are you doing in a daily life? okay let's meet up'. Why? It's because we women have learned to not meet up with a strange man. You want the feeling of safety first that we can sort of trust a person before meeting. Also it looks a bit lazy in a way. For too long chatting, it's a bit of a waste of time to chat for too long, because only a real meeting can tell if there's real chemistry or not. In experience a person can be entirely different in real life compared to chat. Also bonding doesn't happen that easily through chat. Also a woman can get tired of the endlessly chatting and not acting, showing you're too scared to take initiative. Imagine as a female, you have a lot more matches (at least I did), so if you don't take initiative, someone else will.

4. For a first date, meet up for drinks or coffee. Don't invite her to your house

first date coffee

This is one I see a lot. I know a lot of men mean well as a courteous idea to cook for her and everything, but in reality, women don't want to meet up in a stranger's house for the first time. It comes back to the thing I said in point 3, we learn not to meet up with strange men and learn to be careful. It's also a bit too personal and maybe awkward for her, because you can see everything about him at once. Not that it's a really bad thing to be open, but leaving a little bit of mystery might be more interesting for her. Also, if she ever wants to leave, because she does not feel comfortable or etc, it's a lot more difficult if it's in your house, so she might feel trapped in a way. Also, having someone to travel to you for the first time gives a lazy impression. On the first date, at least meet half-way or come to her city etc.

5. Be bold, flirt a little bit

Something I've experienced a lot is that men are too afraid to flirt. I get it, I am too and I could definitely use some improvement in that area. However, self-confidence is attractive and flirting shows self-confidence. It doesn't have to be cheesy with pick-up lines, but maybe give her a cheeky little compliment or a little touch at the arm. See how she reacts and where you can go.

flirting on the first date

6. When meeting up, propose an idea

Something I really dislike is when someone asks me to meet up and is then like 'idk what do you wanna do' and comes with nothing. It's not a bad question persé, it can be helpful to see where she's at, but after you should come up with something. The worst thing that can happen is that she says 'no I don't think that's a good idea' and then you come with something else. Great thing about dating apps is that the threshold and risk is very low. If you mess up, you go on to the next one worst case scenario.

I hope these tips where interesting to read! Maybe I will come up with more and add them. Comment on your thoughts, but stay nice please.

[Anonymous]

Here is a tip for all men... something to take into consideration. Almost every single woman you are dating, paying compliments, taking it slow with, entertaining, enjoying meals with, treating like a lady, trying to impress, trying to build a relationship with...

... has at some point, met a guy that she found so hot... so attractive... so irresistible that all of this dating bs went right out the window, and she just went over and jumped straight into bed with him.

If not, she certainly didn't care where they were going, or what they would be doing... what it cost or anything else as long as she was spending time with this hot man.

Dating = jumping through hoops strictly reserved for all of those luke warm men, and is one sided. Good luck playing the game.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I don’t really care about all this stuff. If I like someone I like him and I just like spending time with him. I wouldn’t jump him but I would just want to do nothing special. The special Part is spending time together.

[spuitkaas]

Because everything you're doing with someone is just to get laid.
If dating is not enjoyable and spending time with someone you like is not enjoyable, then don't do it? We're not vending machines where you can put nice guy coins into and we give sex in return.

[Opinion Owner]

Just a heads up to any guys that still want to play that game. Make sure you are aware of some of the newer strategies being used by women...

A word of warning, some people get angry when they read that link, please don't. It's just additional knowledge and a different perspective. Both men and women play different games...

http://archive.ph/1MlAK

[Bootmandrew]

Found it interesting that spreading the glories of the supreme lord repels some demonic women. But it also attracts other devotees and truth seekers.

[Buckzor]

So.. what do girls have to do when dating?

Have attractive photos, actually reply, not show any interest and wait for the guy to make the move & plans?

So in other words.. little to nothing.

Okay that's a bit exaggerated, but for real it's a bit hard for guys like me who don't have the self-confidence to do everything you're saying, when the women could have it and no do anything themselves.

Not all guys are alpha, or confident.

And pls don't say "fake it till you make it", that's like saying keep giving bad sex until the same bad sex magically becomes good, it doesn't happen.

[spuitkaas]

Ofcourse girls have to do things when dating. I encourage women to apply these tips as well. These tips are mostly for men since I'm a heterosexual female and I only have experience in dating men.
Maybe before dating, you should work on your self-confidence. Not just to be successful in dating but for everything in life really. You want something to offer a female right?

[DonCachondo]

Men have nothing to offer but confidence?

[Katebfun]

I did not read that whole thing. For starters from the length of your question I would relax and have fun with it. Sounds like your being a little too serious and thiking too far ahead. Love happens in Divine timmimg, period. You'll meet a lot of guys and question this m that, when you question just know their not the one. When the one arrives it will be effortless, you will know this person is into and the energy is mutual. All you can do is sort, shift and see what you want and don't. Be greatfull for everyone you meet the bad n good cause they are teaching you

[spuitkaas]

This is not a question, but a MyTake. It's like an informative piece of reading.

[Bee-Hatch]

I kind of agree with some of the stuff you say. Some of it seems like you're a bit insecure. Never post a picture with another woman? Give me strength. What about his grandma, what about his kid sister whose 8? What if it's his daughter? What about you grow up. Unless it's the first time he's dated someone, you're never going to be the first hun. And he always has to suggest the first date? What century did you get ejected from? It's almost 2020, memebers of the sisterhood can actually make suggestions and ask men out these days.

[spuitkaas]

I think basic knowledge is key. I wasn't talking about his grandma or his niece, rather about his female friends. I don't think I'm the first one, heck I hope I'm not his first one.
Again, I wasn't talking about the males always having to make the suggestion. I'm more talking about the 'idk what do you wanna do?' thing that is very unattractive. I encourage women to make a plan if they happen to think of something first, but I see a lot that men say 'what do you want to do?' as a way of courtesy, but I don't think it's particular courteous, rather insecure looking.

[newblinds]

Comes across as a bit entitled and condescending. These techniques don't seem to have any awareness of the horrific odds stacked against many men on dating apps, whereby they hardly get any matches at all regardless of their dog pics.

It also seems to ignore that women make many of the same "mistakes" that are listed here and yet they're not held to a similar standard.

But I believe it's because most women aim and are able to successfully "date" up, so it's not a surprise that they're abusing the position of power.

It's like women pretend, that the many men that they'd never be caught dead with, don't count, and so they shame them by saying they aren't good enough while simultaneously portraying male and female situations as equal, or even taking the position of the victim female.

If you want to be informing men then it would be better for that person to be informed about men.

There are some top men who must be living the dream, to have the dating app success of a regular woman.

[spuitkaas]

I am a hetero woman. I can only guess women make mistakes, but I don't know them that well. If you do, then maybe you can make your own MyTake about tips for women on dating apps. This take is directed at men, however, I would say it could apply for women as well.
Besides, I also don't know the odds against men on these apps. Someone commented that apparently men have to pay on tinder to send messages. I really didn't know that. I do feel like because the odds are against men, it's more important to stand out from the crowd.
I never said anyone is not good enough or that they don't count. In Dutch there's a saying that says 'on every pot fits a lid'.
From my own experiences, men actually act a bit entitled sometimes, or at least it looks entitled, by saying things like 'hey when are you coming over?' and assume you can always fit their agenda and dismiss the fact you have things to do. Maybe this is just because they're a little socially awkward, but it comes over like that sometimes.

[brennanhuff]

Yeah, well I've had women friends look at my profile, give their advice on the pics and profile. Some things were tweaked and others were good. One is a lesbiana (let's be honest), well I guess bisexual but heavily preference toward that unholy grail. But anywhoo, I've had matches here and there and some likes, but they are so sporadic. Some of the convos went well for a few days only to be ghosted when setting up a date. I don;t think you should try to be witty and funny right off the bat in the convo, because then you are making that person too important and women often don't do much showing their personality.

So it's often all on the man to do it, plus I believe you shouldn't try to be funny or witty as it will often be forced. In doing so, that person will not find it funny or see a person is trying to hard. I'm very witty, but not so much a joke teller. Jokes don't work for most people, because often the best jokes are one's people can relate too or inside jokes. It's hard or what might be funny who know you may not be so funny to a complete stranger. I feel it has to happen organically or naturally. I will try to see something interesting in the profile and ask about her. And in doing so, hope she brings up something that I might have a story about or can make a playful convo, but she has start showing something. Sometimes women on the apps don't show any personality, but like I just need some and then there's no thinking it comes naturally to where a playful witty, funny comment will happen, but it has to flow. Once that happens, ah man, I just be rainin down on those quips left and right.

[spuitkaas]

I think you might've misinterpreted the tip on being witty or funny. I don't mean doing something too forced like a pick-up line, but just something cute and personal about her profile for example. After that, you have to pay attention to how she responds. If it's low-investment, then stay low-investment and etc. For the ghosting part, I struggle with that too. It's hard to go from chatting to dating and because these apps are so easily accessible, it's easy to ghost. One tip that might be helpful is to open up yourself first. If you do, she gets the signal to open up as well. Once the conversation is more personal, more attachment is created and therefore less chance on ghosting

[brennanhuff]

I'm telling you a lot of women don't provide much stuff on their profile or pictures. I'd be witty more if they gave me something to work with. I try to avoid being personal because she's a complete stranger and I don't want to bring up stuff or ask stuff that could make her feel uncomfortable. I don't like getting too personal about myself too like family and stuff until like we get some connection. Which I try to do with asking questions about stuff from her profile, but often not much personality is shown back. I never have an issue talking with girls in person. Some reason girl's don't show much personality with writing but do so when talking or I'm able to get that out when talking in person. My smile, delivery and how I can say things can come off funny or witty without having to actually be so. That doesn't come off in text as easily or vibes not picked up. All I need is a little and then I can easily take it from there, but I feel women on those sites often lack even if they are communicating back. I'm very outgoing, and almost always the funny person wherever I'm at because of my quips.

[brennanhuff]

it doesn't have to be a pick up line to be forced. Trying to say something funny or witty will often not be so or come off as trying too hard. The best stuff comes from improv. I don't think, it just comes for me. Something she says sets up something with my brain that catches something, cute and witty that I can respond back with. I think I'm pretty good at it because I can do that stuff when talking in person and it's kind of flirty too and often girls flirt back whereas, other guys can be obnoxious and not get such responses back.

[kespethdude]

This is why I can't bother with dating sites.

1. On Bumble, I'm assuming this is about, the point doesn't even apply to me so no comment
2. I literally can't smile. When I try, it comes out as a "creepy grin". I was naturally born that way so don't blame me for it. My non-smiling pics don't look good either, as it's all about looks anyway if a guy is to get any hits at all on that app.
3. I have no way of being able to tell if I'm too long or too short because I say what I need to say, but I also withhold things if I think they are either unneccessary or a violation of my privacy or security. There are a LOT of things that should NEVER be posted on a dating profile (or anywhere else on the Internet, for that matter).
4. This one I actaully agree with.
5. Since she has to flirt first, I wouldn't get a chance anyway, so this is as applicable to me as #1.
6. This is a double-edged sword. The I don't know usually happens because one party is worried the other party won't like the idea. Since she speaks first, she should propose the idea. That is what common sense says. If you want to use an app where she is in complete control, she should be doing the proposals for the activity too. She should even pay, if you don't go Dutch.
Of course, those high school girls that made that app want the guys to treat them anyway, but don't want "ugly guys" copntacting them, that's why it was made. You can't change my mind because you can't change facts.

[spuitkaas]

1. It's not about bumble. Just dating apps in general. Can be tinder whatsoever.
2. For a long time I thought I couldn't smile on pictures either except for a smile with closed mouth. This was also because I disliked my nose when I smiled. I basically learned how to smile in pictures first by seeing actual nice spontaneous made pictures from myself and now I always think of something funny when taking a picture. You will literally hear me giggle taking a picture. Practice is everything!
3. Totally up to you to not say things. I don't tell all my matches either that I take a shit every morning. Remember there's a big range in too short and too long. Those are merely extremes therefore if you've been talking and are past the 'what are your daily life activities?' point, you're probably fine.
6. That's why I'm telling you not to worry too much and just propose something. Worst thing that can happen is that she proposes something else.
I think rules like 'she speaks first, she has to propose' or 'she has to pay because she spoke first' are bullshit. Stop being so stubborn and just do it if you're serious about it.
I mean you can't contact someone anyways without having a match?

[Sensmind]

Nice take - When I started I thought it would be a well intentioned piece but really going over the same ground as hundreds of other takes. I believe the expression is "To Teach Grandma To Suck Eggs" - In fairness there were a few good pointers that made me think, I saw the advice about no pictures with women, limit the group pics and filters plus maybe a pet photo would work for the first time on here previously but you don't see this tip enough (It is a very good piece of advice so noteable for me) - The two "New Things" that stood out for me are "Don't Chat Too Long" - For me this is a big one because I feel I genuinely don't feel comfortable unless I know someone fairly well through messages and if they push "I feel that is a bit 0 to 60, whats wrong with a bit of meaningful conversation first", I will give the defence that if I am rushed into something the person who shows up for meeting will not be comfortable enough to be me or worse still I will try to be something I am not. In fairness I always make clear from the start that this is the pace I work at and if you are expecting anything else, it is probably better for you to move on.
Lastly number 6, I am desperate for that "Whatever you want to do?" thinking that she would be more at ease doing something she likes but now I can see how it can seem like putting pressure on someone and looking indecisive.
Well done on a good take - I don't use dating Apps much as I don't think they suit my personality but if I ever do in the future again, I will bear these things in mind.

[spuitkaas]

Like I said in the introduction, there's no golden rule and every woman is different. Personally I don't like to chat for too long. Maybe 2 weeks or so. This is because I personally don't bond through chat. There are people that do, but I'd rather meet up with people in person to really experience them. Always do what feels best, because feeling uncomfortable is the worst thing that can happen.
I feel like a lot of guys think that. They want the girl to propose something not always because of laziness, but because of well-intention. Unfortunatly the outcome is not as favourable as you might think.
Thank you for reading and I hope these were helpful in a way.

[Wolframium]

What if:
0: I don't take pics of myself, because I don't even know how to stage them and it's beyond unpleasant?
1: I don't travel? And don't see the appeal.
2: Don't do sports, because they're unpleasant?
3: Do basically only solo things, because I'm alone? (Context: planning a date.)
4: (This one is probably the most important.) I don't get any matches? Basically, me, being on a dating site and not being there, is the same.
5: I am super introverted loner, who doesn't even know pick-up lines and don't care about them, because they're cheap and probably every guy out there uses them.

I am curious what would you recommend to lost cause like me.
(Disclaimer: I found something of a solution for myself, but I imagine it's very different from what anyone would recommend.)

[spuitkaas]

0: start taking them! a lot of people don't like to take selfies and feel it as unpleasant. I feel the same way, but I think you can overcome that unpleasant feeling. Think about why it is so unpleasant?
1: that's fine. many people don't. I just gave it as an example.
2: same thing
3: I don't get this one, because with dating you're nver alone?
4: Pimp your profile if you don't. Maybe post some more pictures and add a good bio.
5: Are you an super introverted loner by choice? Then I wonder why you want to date in the first place if you might be happy about being alone. If it's not by choice, then maybe join a club or activity first to meet new people and gain confidence.

[crazy8000]

No need to have pics on yourself on tinder.
Just have to think little what kind of pics to project the right picture of what you want. and the same with profile text that matches your pictures.
Those that only swipe left or up on pictures on some person are usually shallow as fuck.

Yes you will get matches even if you have those characters claiming otherwise.

No need to have opening lines or flachy writing to hit it off.
Just write what's on your mind at the moment that isn't wining accusation and negative attacks. nothing negative in general.

[bamesjond0069]

"I am super introverted loner" Then why are you dating? Obviously you don't want to be that. Sorry nobody wants someone who sits by themselves. You have to figure out what you like so you can share it with someone else. Nobody wants a silent unmoving grey blob for a boyfriend.

[AdmiralSirJohn]

How about start by not requiring us to pay to read that someone thinks you're cute and sweet but would never date you. Oh, and if you want to hire me for an hour, my number is xxx-xxxx.

That is literally every message I have ever received on dating sites.

Even grindr, and I'm a heterosexual man.

I'm not a customer. I'm not a credit card.

I am a man whose heart has been broken too many times to repair.

I am a boy whose dreams have been shattered, but nobody seems to care.

Some people only look at the outside and say "that's all there is to see."

I'm looking for someone who'll make the effort to see the real me.

It just seems that nobody is interested in doing so.

[Likes2drive]

Pretty good good advice, another thing women don’t realize is to keep their friends out of the profile pictures too because sometimes I never know who is actually the one who looking for a date

[spuitkaas]

Very true. Except if it's obvious.

[Likes2drive]

Or if they both look good I’ll swipe right 😊

[DizzyDesii]

#3 i prefer to chat for like 2 weeks before meeting up. Then maybe video chat and if that goes well, maybe meet by the end of the month. I just need to know who I've been talking to.
#6 im a planner so im fine choosing

but yea i get the rest

[spuitkaas]

Sounds good. I think 2 weeks is definitely a reasonable time. Not too long or too short. I've had before that I had been talking to someone for months and not meeting up. That's what I consider as too long.
6. I'm also a planner and I'm also fine choosing 90% of the time, but I do think it's really attractive if a guy comes with an idea instead of 'idk you choose'.

[DizzyDesii]

Im fine not meeting for up to 3 months as long as we’ve skyped before then

[Aethereal]

These are good tips, and in general I follow no. 1 and 2 already. But it seems like the others are built around the assumption (especially no. 4, 5, and 6) that the person you meet online is in your city/country. How do you work with no.3 under a long-distance situation?

[spuitkaas]

Well these are based on tinder or bumble, so they have to be not further than a few miles away. I personally don't think long-distance is a good basis to start a long relationship, but for each their own.

[Daniela1982]

On Tinder what does it matter what your profile says? Everyone is there for a hookup and all they care about is your profile pic and what your body looks like. And on Bumble for heterosexual relationships, only the female is allowed to make first contact. I think your advice is more for sites like Match. com where either sex can contact the other and people are actually looking for a relationship and not just sex..

[spuitkaas]

Almost every man I've met on tinder is not just there to hook-up. I have many female friends that have found their SO through tinder. I think it just has a bad name.
I have no experience with match. com but don't hesitate do take some tips.

[October808]

Nope, Daniela is right. Tinder and Bumble are for hookups period. That some people assume it is for serious relationships is their own problem. Tinder deserves the bad reputation it received because that is what Tinder was made for, hookups and NSA.

[Daniela1982]

@October808 That's what I have gotten out of it by reading posts on it.

[October808]

It used to be attached to Facebook. Reading the latest developments they accept just your phone # as proof of identity now (they send you an SMS verification I guess). Seems they also got strict on the 18 or over rule. They ban unders now.

[spuitkaas]

If literally 90% of the people I meet are assuming it's for a relationship, then it is I think? Where the app is for is determined by the users. Also on bumble you can state what you're looking for, including 'non-committal'.

[Daniela1982]

Well, never tried either of the two sites so I'll take your word for it. I just go by what I have read.

[Cusiousandwierd]

Good tips but even when my female friends decided to all grade play and alter my dating profiles
I never got any where or the girls were to weird or it just jever worked out.

Good entry level tips mine is add a friends pic and one with your pet

[spuitkaas]

It never worked out for me either. Everytime I meet up with someone they were different from what I expected. Not always catfishing, but you always have a different expectation from reality. However, some of my best friends have met their boyfriends through tinder and have been with them for years, so there's some hope?

[thomasmore]

While I met my girlfriend before tinder and bumble were around, I did meet her on a dating site.
I agree to almost everything you wrote, exept for point 4.
While a coffee ist not bad, I think metting at a concert or a festival is nicer alternative and they are also a neutral zone.

[spuitkaas]

That's also a great idea. Golden rule is to go to a neutral space with people around. Only thing is that concerts or festivals are expensive and you might rather go with a friend who you're sure you have fun with rather than someone you never met.

[thomasmore]

In most cities there are free concerts and festivals in summer with good mostly local bands. At the moment, you could visit a Christmas market.

[spuitkaas]

Then it's totally fine

[Maysexy]

After a heart-broken breakup with my ex-boyfriend whom I have been dating with for 2 years, I needed to move on and decided to meet other people. It is hard to find a great casual dating app online in this dating poll. I’ve tried many dating apps but I can honestly say that KinkDr is good in BDSM dating market.

[Boppy]

Is it better for flings or for relationships?

[Maysexy]

@Boppy As for me, the causal relationship or hookup can give me freedom and pleasure, so maybe it works for flings or relationships.

[Boppy]

Oh, both? Both is good.

[Anonymous]

sigh... for some stupid reason, I'd hoped for honesty

^^^^^
THIS is the truth. If she finds you hot, you can do nearly anything and she'll still be thinking about getting you naked... personality be damned.
If she doesn't she'll find everything you do objectionable... personality be damned.

This is why I say, if you happen to see a handsome guy beating the crap out of his s. o, do NOT try to help her!
She chose HIM using her obviously strict requirements. THIS is the guy so superior to YOU in her eyes. He OBVIOUSLY has a great personality and is an amazing person, because women never go just for looks so since he is such an amazing guy compared to you... SHE must have provoked him a lot to make this SUPERIOR guy snap, so it's not his fault.

[spuitkaas]

I feel like men who think like this are extremely superficial themselves. Just because you are superficial doesn't mean everyone is.
Also, blaming your problems on external things you can't change is weak.
You're also a shitty person for not wanting to help someone out in a bad situation because 'she chose for it'.

[JimmyQ]

Okay, so you are pretty, you are not too fat. You might even be a decent person. What else? Why should I invest my life into you? Are you smart? Do you have any idea what you want? Could you somehow find a place in your heart where you are totally happy?

If not you are just every other bitch I've ever known, then do me favor and screw up someone else's life.

[spuitkaas]

We're literally talking about dating. A relationship is a whole other level. You're not investing your life by sending a message.
Also you sound incredibly rude. Why would I screw up someone's life?

[JimmyQ]

I'm just a little jaded right now. Not trying to take it out on you. You seem really nice.

[spuitkaas]

Why what happened?

[JimmyQ]

Fighting with my girlfriend over of all things a Cardi b concert she wants to go to.

So, I took the time to look at this performer, even listened to an interview with her. She is obviously just a foul mouthed, God hating liberal so I said to my girlfriend, you can go if you want cause her sister needs someone to be with. I'll even pay for your ticket if that's an issue, but because I won't go, now I'm a bad guy and she's gone silent.

Guess what I'm really bummed out about is that some many woman claim to be Christians but once you take the time to get to really know them they are just liars. It's really disappointing to see.

[spuitkaas]

I understand you don't want to go if you don't like it. I think doing things without your SO with friends and family is very important. Maybe you can bring that argument. Also you don't want to force yourself to go to somethibg you really don't want to go if not necessary (except for family visits or something).
I don't know about the Christian part, since most people in my country are not religious anyways.

[JimmyQ]

That's cool, but it would be like this. Say you and I are buddies. We hang, like each other, like that. Then one day I tell you I'm going to party with a group of people who hate you, say bad things about you and would even hurt you if they could. How would that make you feel?

I know I'd feel betrayed. Well, imagine God. How would He feel after all that he has done for me and I just decide to go party with people that hate Him. Do you think He'd still be happy to see me after I spent time cursing Him? That is how I know she lied about being a Christian and I'm more disappointed than anything.

[spuitkaas]

It's weird for me to think of god as a person. For me he's as real as unicorns are if you get what I mean. I get what you mean though. I guess everyone expresses their religion differently. I think Cardi B is a Christian herself so maybe that's why she doesn't think badly of it, but then again I'm an atheist.

[JimmyQ]

Well, it's kinda how it is when your eyes begin to open for the first time. Everything is blurry at first then you begin to be able to make out colors and shapes. That's how is was for me once I realized that there truly is a force in the universe that holds everything together.

I have a great relationship with God now, but it didn't happen overnight. There was a lot of trial and error on my part but He always forgives me if I'm truly sorry. You know the coolest thing is that He knows everything about everything and if you ask Him He'll teach you. He is not mean. He loves you and wants you to love Him too. You can see Him in the kindness of a stranger or the soldier who jumps on a grenade to save his pals, losing his own life for the sake of his friends.

There is so much more, but your head must be swimming now, so I'll leave you with this. If you call upon His son, Jesus, and ask in ernest for Him to show you the way, He will take you into His Bible (yes Jesus wrote the Bible) and direct you to the places you need to go to learn of Him and His wonderful plan for your life. Don't let people confuse you. Most are pretenders and haven't got a clue.

Only Jesus is trustworthy. He is the fully man God. He walked, talked, laughed, and cried with us. Even the God haters don't deny that. Jesus has made a solid promise that you can take to the grave. If you seek the Truth, Jesus promises that He will show it to you without fail. And if you want salvation He's your man. No one else can do it.

[spuitkaas]

I'm not interested in religion. I hope you will work things out with your girlfriend.

[Daniel3035]

LMAO and why would us men take advice from you?
1) Start the conversation with something witty and/or personal does that she doesn't respond you get ghosted.
2) She actually replies you ask for her number you call her up oh look its a taxi driver wow!
In future if your going to give advice make sure your generation that you represent actually follows the advice your giving stop trying to fool young men into thinking you girls are anything but trolls on dating apps.

[kim45456]

Say that to men who only want sex on online dating apps

[Daniel3035]

@kim45456 And what’s wrong with that? We said we want sex if that’s not your cup of tea find a guy who says he's looking for love simple.
The difference here is we don’t decieve you into thinking we want love when we want sex.

[spuitkaas]

You chose to read the post so apparently you.
1. You shouldn't take ghosting so seriously. You never know what is going on. Just move on to someone else.
2. I think you should wait with asking for her number. It's a piece of personal info we want to give only if we trust you. It comes back to the safety feeling girls require.
I don't understand how we're trying to fool anyone and trolling them, because I don't think we really are.
Also I have nothing against men wanting only sex from girls if they're honest about it.

[Daniel3035]

I read the post to see what delusional ideas you girls are putting into inexperienced guys minds trust me i skimmed through it just getting the basic points.

1) I don't doesn't mean other guys should i've seen guys brought down by being ghosted continuously I get you girls don't love like we do but a mans love or interest is not something you take use and throw away ever it's the equivalent of stepping on a dogs paw love. I can agree on certain circumstances sure i've been there i've been in hospital for 3 months unable to respond.
2) We don't do that and i'll tell you this scenario is why we don't you spend hours talking day after day and then you ask for her number she says stuff like...
a) Sorry i don't think we're compatible.
b) She says sure proceeds to give a fake number.
c) She ghosts you.

I also don't see how giving your number is a safety issue to me it's more increasing your safety if a guy is harassing you over text or calls or your about to meet a guy and you have his number it gives police and identity tagged to that phone number obviously text him to verify it's him. When I go to meet up I always ask for a number and I text and call to check it's her I then leave a note obviously placed on top of my underwear drawer with that number along with the supposed name of that person any pictures of the account pictures of our texts and the company they're with ie tinder that way if I go missing police will search my belongings find the number and immediately know the person responsible. You're not the only ones scared of meeting up guys are just as scared of being kidnapped and raped.

[Daniel3035]

So just a very basic answer to 2) We ask your number one for our safety and two to show us your a serious girl not someone who messes us about. If you don't we realistically aren't going to spend days talking to you risking our time for something that will be wasted.

[spuitkaas]

You really had to disclose that you didn't 'actually' read it, did you

1. Maybe you should get the hint then? I feel like after sending 1 or 2 messages and she doesn't respond, why would you continue? Maybe it's not the best way to reject someone, I agree, but from our side, I have told a few guys politely that I wasn't interested and they cursed me to the ground, because their ego was hurt. I think many girls have similar experiences so giving a clear rejection is frightening sometimes. Doesn't excuse poor behaviour of ghosting, but maybe you could gain some sympathy.
2. If she says we're not compatible then she would've found out later anyways if she actually give you her number.
Thing is with dating site chat you don't have to go to the police at all. You just unmatch someone. It's way easier, meanwhile with calling it's hard to fully block someone because he can always use another number if his number is blocked. As a girl who has given the wrong guy her number, being harassed after is no joke.
I fo agree that for meeting up a number is a good idea, but we first want to test waters before meeting up. That's why asking a number later is better.
That's the magic of dating apps, you never know if your time was wasted or not. If you don't want to risk your time being wasted, I wouldn't date at all.

[Daniel3035]

I did actually read it like I said I skimmed through it.

1) I don't I don't even message first if she doesn't initiate I move on. While I can sympathise with the fact that there are some stupid dickheads who yes start swearing after rejection they deserve ghosting after that but not before. You shouldn't be afraid of some big talker on a phone i'd like to see half of them do that in real life. Put simply you say no and if he starts you block him.
2) Exactly but at least the attempt to see if we're compatible was serious and not a waste of anyone time.
Wow great lengths for some guys... that's why i'd rather you threaten to call police or go to police or he will just come back. I'm all for testing the waters as long as there is water there and not a desert.
I would rather have a report button for time waster so if someones reported in like 5 times a day then they get banned.

[spuitkaas]

1. I agree and I do often reject someone, but I can't tell for every woman. Why should she always initiate first? It has to come from 2 ways right?
2. I feel like it's way easier to not give out a number and block someone on the dating app where he only has limited info and can never find you after.
You should try bumble maybe. Females have to initiate within 24 hours, then men have to respond after 24 hours otherwise the match is gone.

[kim45456]

@Daniel3035 what? There are enough man whores who play with girls to have sex. Dont talk shit

[Daniel3035]

1) I've never seen a girl initiate first ever. And it has to be her first assuming girls do that anyway because guys aren't the ones who have a culture of playing mid games with boys so it's only safe for both of us and our interests if you girls initiated it first and then we can do the rest. You give 5% first well give the rest of the 95%.
2) I mean it can be done but you'd have to give something of value to tell us she's serious she's not playing mind games with me.
I'm not looking for a relationship yet lol I'm too young just a friends with benefits or fun for now when I'm older and actually looking for a wife I will but right now I'm young and wanna be that way forever! But I have seen on here bumble is actually really good so I may try it anyway. But that still leaves the issue of irl.

[Daniel3035]

@kim45456 Do you mind? Men don't play to have sex we ask for sex there is no playing don't claim someones talking shit when you don't know the shit your talking about.

[kim45456]

@Daniel3035 men on dating apps are just whores

[Daniel3035]

@kim45456 I find that hard to believe considering you don't even respond to most of our chats so how would you even know men are whores when your not even getting to know us? Talking shit as usual.

[spuitkaas]

1. Maybe you're talking to the wrong women I don't know. If she doesn't reprociate the effort, then don't continue since she's just not that into you. I don't recall playing mind games. I think that's a bit stupid to think.
2. I think you just have to assume that when someone matches and responds, then she's serious. I just think you're taking an unnecessary risk of scaring her away for asking her number directly after matching.
@kim45456 I'm very against slut-shaming (or whore shaming in this case). I think people can have sex if they want to and that's nobody's buisiness.

[Daniel3035]

If you don’t know about your own gender who will? I never said you were but stupid to think? No chance playing mind games isn’t a thought it’s an experience something a lot of guys have experienced.
2) That might work on tinder but not bumble etc. I have about 30+? Matches only 4-5? Reply.

[Tomsta]

What if like i was you don't really have any good photos of just yourself (or for that matter like having your photo taken) and the only time you have a decent photo taken IS when your with other people (specifically women)?

Not that i need it now but it was something that concerned me when i was using dating apps

[spuitkaas]

Take the effort to make a nice picture of yourself. I think friends and family will help you with it. You can use group pictures, but crop the other people out. Practice helps in how to look good in a picture.

[Tomsta]

For me it was more the fact that i never look good in a picture regardless of where it is or who is taking it, for one thing my neck is to long and my adams apple to to pronounced. I'm not exactly Mr Male model which from my experience is what gets you your foot in the door

[spuitkaas]

When I was young I believed I couldn't smile in pictures. I always did this closed-mouth grim (kinda like in my profile picture). After having a few spontaneous pictures without posing of me laughing and a lot of practice, I can finally smile in pictures. I liteally giggle when taking a laughing picture because I can't pretend.
Anyways, what I want to say is that posing takes practice. I don't particularly like my nose for example, so most pictures are from a higher angle. Look at how your best features come forward and lessen your least features. I don't think you need to be a male model. In fact, even if you're handsome, if you look not like a nice person you won't get a like from me. Same goes the other way around.

[BigJake]

Good advice. Having flattering pics, a bit of wit, and some boldness to go with it will have guys swimming in girls. A lot of guys don't know how to tout all they have to offer without feeling like they're bragging, so they shy away from it altogether. But girls love guys who are confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show off in a proud way.

[spuitkaas]

Definitely! I get that idea though. I would consider bragging to really put medals or lots of shirtless abs pics in your profile or constantly mentioning that you have an PhD. There's a difference between showing passion and bragging.

[BigJake]

lol I admit, I have posted a shirtless pic on a dating profile, but it was a shot of me actually doing something outside rather than a selfie or something blatant like that.

[spuitkaas]

That's alright. I think you can judge yourself which type of picture is bragging and which one is not.

[Rangers]

I'd rather just go to the club tonight, that way when I approach them, I'll get an opportunity to chat before they reject me, whereas they'll just swipe left and I can't chat online, so my chances have improved. They took my PICC line out yesterday, too, so I'm ready to go out😊

[spuitkaas]

Have fun! I hope you find someone you like, but in my honest opinion, I think clubs might not be the best place to meet people for something serious. You're normally there with friends you don't want to leave and ofcourse girls are often intoxicated. Not the best breeding ground to find relationship material. I'd recommend a sport, hobby club etc instead.

[Rangers]

The hobbies I have are very masculine, it's literally 50 guys to one girl and that girl is most likely there with her boyfriend

[spuitkaas]

Take a new hobby, sport etc. Meet people through friends.

[Rangers]

The only friends I have are in those hobbies and don't you know sports are separated from guys and girls?

[spuitkaas]

No idea, I do kickboxing myself and the group is about 60% men

[Rangers]

It doesn't make much sense for me to waste tons of money and time on a hobby I won't enjoy in an attempt to find a girl when I know it won't work

[spuitkaas]

Never said doing something you don't enjoy anyways?

[Rangers]

Anything other than my current hobbies would be something I don't enjoy as there's literally nothing I haven't tried.

[420cat]

What you say makes sense. Some of what you said I had never thought about but it made sense. I have actually made a few of those mistakes. Thanks for the insight 👍