How to respond to a woman's "Change of plans" shit test

[Apope16]

Many of you have experienced it. You try to set a definite date with a lady with a day and an exact time to meet. Her response is, "Sure, I probably can make it."

Or the following scenario:

Guy: Where do you want to eat?

Girl: I don't know

Guy: Okay, lets go to this new bar I heard about

Girl: I don't feel like going to that new bar. Let's go somewhere else.

Guy: Where?

Girl: I don't know.

Or the other example is its 30 minutes before your date and she calls saying, "Hey, I can't make it to your place tonight. But you can stop by my place."

Listen guys. Do not fall into this trap. Assert your masculine dominance here. She is testing you to see what type of boyfriend you are going to be. Will you be her rock or a pushover?

A woman has respect and intense attraction to a man who's word is his bond. He means what he says. His actions are congruent with his words.

Ladies are going to hate me when I say this but it is true. Standing your ground when women do this elevates your value. You are no longer some weak puppy dog waiting all day by the phone with NO LIFE. You instead are a busy and accomplished man with maybe even other lady options too. She must respect your time.

Say to her, "Let's try out this place for a drink or two and see how we like it."

Or, "You know what, I am good. I just don't feel like going out tonight. You said you would stop by my place. If you still want to come that is cool. Otherwise, you are beautiful and its good to hear from you. I hope you have a good night."

SHE WILL GET PISSED OFF. This is because guys put her on a pedestal and don't talk to her like that. But deep down she will sense the strength of your character and she is going to find it sexy as fuck. She will either go along with your plan anyway or treat you better later on.

I dont know if women change plans on purpose. I think some do. I think other women do this based on biological instinct to find the strongest value man.

Do not be the doormat, be the PRIZE gentlemen!

[psm357]

When she says 'Sure, I PROBABLY can make it', you are not going to accept it. Never accept probably. Or 'I will confirm with you later'. If she says stuff like these, tell her you are a busy guy, if she is not going to commit then she is not going to meet you.

Scenario: Guy: Where do you want to eat?
In this scenario, the guy starts off wrongly. He should never asks the girl where to eat. He should be the one telling her where does he want her to meet him. Of course, this means the girl can say no, for whatever reasons. It is the guy's responsibility to face (the potential) rejection, and find out why. Maybe she does not want to hang out with him. Or maybe she just does not like the place you are suggesting. From her response you should try to tell which is the reason behind her rejection.

[Apope16]

Yes. You are spot on my brotha!

[Daniela1982]

OMG! Another men can't handle a woman posting. You need to be assertive and not ask, tell her! If she doesn't want to go it's her loss. Unless you are desperate for a date don't play her game. Your aloofness will intrigue her and make her want to go all the more.

[crazy8000]

That's one way.
An other is to turn disinterested. if she is really interested she will make the date happen. if not. she is just a waste of time and investment. very bad partner material.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

How about don't play games at all.

[Knuxx]

Fact is that datingnisna game. Many people dont like to admit to it man and women alike. For those that dont want to play it does look more like a "my word is bond" type of situation. Is that the case could be bit to some it is simply a lack of concern or patience. If I plan a date "and I hat me making plans like this" bail if you need to. But if you dont want to tell me. I won't plan many more if it seems indont matter. And I know I'm not the alone in that line of thinking. If the person of interest has kids they need to make the plans or present you the plan of the kids are involved. I see this as a courtesy and is easily overlooked. So single mothers and fathers if they can't find a time to be alone with you and you dont have the patience to wait or the presence of mind to help. Keep walking or step up lady's and gents. If your both single then it doesn't matter. At that point you are stuck in the game hard while the rest deal with loves other than their own. This also includes pet parents as many of them view their pets as children. Though it still upsets me as animals mature and can be left alone in a temperate home for hours at a time very much unlike children. So the excuse is a coin flip for them as long will the potentials patience hold out.

[Barbarian8]

@Daniela1982 what is the assertive here: 1-let's meet tomorrow at 19:00 in marketplace near the bank!.
2- We meet tomorrow at 19:00 in marketplace near the bank.
3- come tomorrow at 19:00 in marketplace place near the bank

[Daniela1982]

@crazy8000 So put the ball in her court then? It may work. Some people just play games thinking if they respond too fast they may be seen as being desperate and not having any other options. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not interested, they are just playing it stupid.

[Knuxx]

Still stupid in my book. I appreciate honesty. Playing hard to get is a far easier to accept when it doesn't involve lies. I'll gladly chase an honest and decent women if she is up front with me. When I find out I'm being fed lies I'm done.
Really though it won't hurt to t ell me something like "Yea, I'm sot so sure I want another date", or "Thanks but you aren't really what I thought I was looking for." I dont have time to waist on so a if.
From my point of view if you find out your interested you have my number, call me then and we can start talking.

[crazy8000]

Game over for that person then 😉

Yes. I have stumbled into that kind of childishness.
Just blow them off if not showing interest and taking initiative.
Life is to short for passive/game playing female's and I say as my mother taught me. plenty of fish in the sea.

[DonCachondo]

Y'all are weeeird.

[coachTanthony]

----------------------You should never ask a woman where she wants to go. instead ask her what kind of food she likes. Always have 2 or 3 spots ready to go serving an eclectic mix of food. This way once she says I love italian you can say great.. I know a place. I am free Thursday or Saturday night this week... which day works best for you?

Always give her two days to choose from... women are more likely to make a decision when two days are presented instead of one. The brain likes to have options to choose from not be backed into a corner with one lousy offer.

Never ask her "when are you available"? because then that means you are saying no matter what is going on in your life you will make sure you make yourself available anytime she chooses. If you are a high status high value man you should have shit going on in your life so stick to the suggestion above.

[Apope16]

The asking a woman where to go thing was a bad example.

[Desconhecida]

Playing games is a sign you are in a bad relationship. Try communicating your thoughts for a change instead of trying to prove your masculinity.

[Cortaine]

Agree 100%. If they are playing games like this, why even be with them? If they are manipulating you, don't stoop to their level, just leave. If they aren't, then they'll have a legitimate reason for changing the location, and THEY will have dodged a bullet when YOU leave.

[Guy13]

I do not know if I can make it means no so you might as well say..."never mind". It is best that you do not come by the bar this evening. I think it will be too distracting for us both. Talk later, good evening...

[Ámayas_20]

I don't know where you got any of his from but let me help you.

Sure I can probably make it = I'm going to try my best but I have a busy life so I don't want to say of course if there is a chance I won't make it.

Where do you want to eat//I don't know = let's talk about the places we could go and what type of food we both like.

Let's go to this new bar I heard about//I don't feel like going there = That's not my kind of place or I'm not the mood for that today then same as above.

Hey I can't make it your place tonight but you could come to mine = My day ended up a lot busier than I was expecting, I still want to see you but I'm not going to have enough time to do everything I have to do and stop by yours.

What you say 'You know what, I am good. I just don't feel like going out tonight. You said you would stop by my place. If you still want to come that is cool. Otherwise, you are beautiful and its good to hear from you. I hope you have a good night' what we hear 'I can't be bothered doing anything with you but I'd still like a shag' So yes this will piss us off, this is not going to make her more attracted to you it just might not make her leave you.

You're whole idea of dating is pretty messed up hun, stop seeing dating as a competition between you and the person you're seeing.

[lumos]

As much as I agree with your dissection of the messages (they make sense), I'm just wondering, why wouldn't you phrase it like the latter example in the first place? If a woman genuinely says "I don't want to go there, lets' go somewhere else" and "I don't know", instead of saying "let's talk about the places we could go and what food we both like", then she doesn't have the right to get upset when her communication comes off as bored and entitled. If the latter example is what she actually wants to say, then she needs to say that. Communication is so important, especially during the early stages of dating when you don't really know each other well enough to be able to read between the lines and hear the tone/intent etc. I'm not surprised at all that someone would want to give up on the person they're seeing if they have to dissect and over-analyze every single message like this. Being as clear and honest as possible is key.

[Ámayas_20]

@lumos I agree to an extent but both men and women do this, saying exactly what you mean often comes across as rude, too forward, or it doesn't fit the conversation. I personally think if you ask someone where they wanna eat and they say I don't know the only logical response is 'what kind of food do you like?' It opens the door to learn more about each other and lets the conversation flow.

Communication is extremely important but that doesn't mean you should have to explain the meaning behind everything you say, esspecially when conserning something as unimportant as where you're going to eat.

[lumos]

But would in the context of this topic be too forward or rude to simply say "I'm not entirely sure what I want, what food do you like? I like Italian."? I also don't think "I don't know" is much of a conversation opener, personally I see it as a conversation killer. And especially if you said "I don't want to eat there" before that, it reads even more as "I'm just going to shoot down every option you come up with because I want to be left alone". Even if that's not your intention to sound like that, in this very example it kinda does end up sounding like that. It's constantly pushing over the ball to the other person and expecting them to do all of the conversational work. That's unfair and I understand why someone would grow tired of that very quickly.

[lumos]

would it in the context*

[Apope16]

@lumos interesting discussion here. thanks for sharing ladies.

[Ámayas_20]

@lumos Honestly I disagree I think it's really lazy to see disinterest if someone says they don't know where to eat, honestly it's give and take and understanding. Just because you don't explicitly explain everything doesn't mean you aren't putting effort into conversations or the relationship and if such little things are going to tire you find someone who also over explains and sounds forced 24/7. I'm not trying to be rude by the way it's just the truth.

[Ámayas_20]

I just think that everyone has meaning behind what they say, these things are really common it's like saying you like wine this doesn't mean you'll drink any bottle put in front of you and I don't think you'd need to explain that.

Sorry this was meant to be a part of the previous one.

[lumos]

Honestly if I was a dude and a girl tried to pull any of that bullshit with me, I'd just be like "ok, have a nice night" and not talk to her again, especially if this is a reoccurring theme. There are women out there who don't want to try stuff like this. Finding one of them will probably be a bit more difficult, but also worth it in the end. Even if you hold your ground and say any of the things you recommended in your take, you're still, in a way, condoning her behavior. Maybe not fully, but still condoning it enough for you to still want to see her and make plans with her. I think that if you REALLY want to put your foot down, you make it clear to her that tests are an instant dealbreaker and then walk off. That's the only thing that could ever possibly teach her a lesson and knock her down from her pedestal. Anything else is still you bending over backwards for her, because you make it clear that you're still interested despite her petty little tests. And that's all the validation she needs to keep going.

[TremorJay]

This 100%

Any attempt to take control of the situation is still chasing

[lumos]

@TremorJay yup! Walking away is the easiest way to show her that her tests are not working on you. Playing along will never make you come across as having been assertive or putting your foot down.

[Levin]

Killing it as usual.

Unfortunately, many men aren't in the position to turn down potential dates.

[lumos]

@Levin so something is better than nothing even though it kinda sucks and doesn't know how to treat you as their equal? Can't say I agree there. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than constantly tested, pushed around, and feeling like I'm always the one in charge of carrying conversations, solving problems and coming up with fun date ideas.

[Levin]

TBH, you've just described why I'm single.

[TremorJay]

@lumos
@Levin

You guys provoked this question, so I'll invite you to answer: At what point does starting a family become more important than finding a "good" partner? ↗

[lumos]

@Levin then I don't blame you! I hope you find a great gal at some point though.

[crazy8000]

Girl's that does those things have issues. gonna be unpleasant to be in a relationship with.
Mostly immatur insecure female's does those thing's. only shows how a relationship with her gonna be.

Use her shit test against her that she did fail the test when she pulled the shit test and which her good luck with someone that really likes someone like her.

It's a totally okay way to ask out and decide together.
It shows you take her into consideration.
Also shows you aren't sefl absorbed.
Shows she is mature enough for relationship.

No they doesn't need to be protected from rejection or discomfort. they are totally capable of handling it and more. not entitled to anything.
What you probably doesn't realize is that you trigger better deeper feelings and respect when you doesn't handle them as a doll, doesn't take their shit, confront them.
It creates sparks that lasts.
An other thing is you shouldn't need to if she is mature enough and ready for anything real.

Put up some standards and live by them with no exceptions. show it when something is off.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I cba to respond individually to each scenario you presented, so I'll just add this:

If I'm making plans to go on a date, the analogy in my mind is that I'm a train conductor, and the train is gonna go on this awesome journey. And if she wants to hop on board, then she just has to buy the ticket and board the train on time. The train's gonna leave the station one way or another, and if I've done a good job of advertising the adventure that awaits, then it should be a no-brainer for her to just collect the ticket. I can have the whole route mapped out, she doesn't have to worry about planning a damn thing, all she has to do in that moment is say "yes please!" and collect the ticket. If she's saying things like "oh MAYBE I'll stop by, I'll see if I'm busy on the day" or any other noncommittal crap, then it's like "well, train's leaving the station one way or the other! If you don't wanna take a ticket, then that's fine, nice getting to know you, but this train is about to leave the station anyway, and you don't get to collect a ticket with "maybes", you only get a ticket with "yes".

[psm357]

Exactly. Also, the train is her 'prize', not the other way round, and it is up to her if her wants to accept the prize. If she does not, there is no loss to the train or train conductor anyway.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

@psm357 for sure, we understand each other perfectly :)

[JustAStrange]

I totally agree with you! Yes, stand your grand. I believe naturally do this shit test, its like they do it intentionally or most time unintentionally. So i side with you man! I learned this from a site i found when i was going through something bad with my relationship. Google relationshipadviceforcheaps. com that person has a lot of similar insights and opinions as well as action plans in dealing with women, attraction and re-attracting those that you lost. I hope that helps out too! Check it out!

[jazzy628]

I tolerate games less than guys do.
I am a very direct person, I don't want to go there, my answer is "I don't want to go there because... instead let's..."
So I'm not trying anything on the guy, I'm just asking to go somewhere else specific. It means I want to go out with you.
If I am the one to ask a guy to go out and he starts like:
"oh I don't mind where we go"
Me: "Is it okay... (place)?"
Guy: "Meh, I don't know"
I'm gonna punch him, I'm asking because I want to know your opinion, it's not a sick game where I want you to put me on a pedestal and let me decide -.-"
I want a firm and resolute decision from a guy, I don't need any blabbering.
So I totally respect you guys when you get pissed at women's games because I know how stupid they could be, so be direct, if she gets offended by you discovering her games then better lose her

[yaranzo]

Fair enough.

But, I think guys want the same thing as you when they ask you questions like where to eat, so that's where it can come across as annoying. Honestly, if a woman did this I'd probably drop them immediately.

[jazzy628]

Of course, that was exactly my point. When you ask an opinion you want hear it because you care for it. If you ask a girl where she wants to eat, you value what she thinks and you want her to be happy.
So I was saying if I were in you guys' shoes, I would drop anybody who would play games and not give me a straight answer

[yaranzo]

Yeah, that's fair.
Guess I was agreeing with you and just phrased it weirdly.

[jazzy628]

No problem! ;)

[Miristheiss]

"I might be free"?
I withdraw the offer, put the ball in her court and walk away. She either gets back to me with a date or we never see each other again.

"Oh, it sounds like your schedule is kind of up in the air right now, why don't you contact me when it clears up."

[Apope16]

I withdrew the offer. She got pissed off made a stink about it. So i kept the plans. Then she stood me up anyway. Then called her out. The she came over. Then we had sex. Then she called for a break. Then when she changes her mind again i will give her the finger.

[Hermes-Paris]

Gotta make a plan A and plan B but not a C. If she can't make it or doesn't like those options I hate to tell you guys but it ain't gonna get any better on dates 2 or 3 or 50. Best move along and find someone who is available and is flexible with their plans. Change of plans means you are last on her list or possibly her Aunt Gertrude died again. Only exception might be if she has kids. And then you do have to be flexible and understanding because kids will always come first. Personally I wish on top of Mother's Day or Father's Day there was a Single Parent Day. We understand it is not easy! 🤗

[Apope16]

Fine. You will kerp moving along cycling through women until you realize sll womrn will shit test you in some way.

[purplepoppy]

Ok boys reality check time.
I don't know where=let's chat about various local restaurants. We want to know if you're a meat and veg guy or more adventurous.
I don't like=letting you choose doesn't mean anywhere. Try asking what type of food we like then suggest a place we'd both like.
Remember your Not the prize, there's thousands of guys better than you out there. What we need is a reason to stop looking.

[Apope16]

I think you are too focused on the example. This applies to anything. Canceled dates. Uncertain meeting times. Flakey behavior.

[purplepoppy]

Just wipe and flush those girls, that's how you deal with shit.

[yaranzo]

Glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks there are thousands of girls better than you out there. Lol.

[Tyme1313]

You realize your aren’t the prize either right, there are thousands of women out there better than you, you need to give him a reason to stop looking.

That does work both ways. Unless you are a professional model, you can be replaced in the looks department. Unless you have some amazing talent that sets you apart, you are a dime a dozen, that goes for both sexes.

Also, it’s *you’re, not your.

[Mitinal]

Shit man, this sounds NiceGuy™ as hell. This is bs. Maybe you should take things more at face value and not look at everyone like they are playing games? Paranoid much? Sometimes things just dont work out, i get it. I have been trying to get it going with this one girl and it didn't mostly work for half a year. There wasn't much time to meet. No exact date really, but if there was an option to meet, just for a few minutes we took it. So ey, look. Dont play games, just try it, ask her out, if she says yes, but doesn't have time to go, try again later. There is probably a reason she said yes in the first place... oh and maybe dont feel so important about yourself, its annoying af.

[JackSmy]

I met one, in college and she was just the 'go with it' kind of person, and I needed a plan!! she won me over, and taught me to make an 'idea' and then just go with it and see what happens!!
Almost every time it was WOW and amazing!!
I stopped planning, for anything, especially dates, and we had great times!!
Sadly, some others, since her, can't deal with that, and just 'going with the flow' thing!!
I tried to control, and fit things in, and she showed me that life is just fluid and can't be controlled!!
Once I gave up that idea, everything went so much better!!!
She wasn't trying to control me, but just teach me to LIVE, and be FREE, and accept life as it comes!

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well it depends, if its legitimate then I understand, things happen. But if its a shit test, no, I don't play games. If a woman starts playing games I call her out on it immediately. When my ex played that game with the were to eat, I ignored her games and chose a place that I wanted to go to. I asked her where she wanted to go and she said I don't know/don't care, I gave her a list of possible choices and she did the same, so I chose, simple as that. I have no issue with legitimate issues, and I think that makes some women think I might be a push over, but the second she tries to push me around or play games I set my foot down. I have been pushed around enough by life as is, I refuse to go along with that willingly, especially from some one who is suppose to be interested in me.

[YHL6965]

Or, alternatively, you might want to look for someone else, for a woman that respects the effort you put into something. I mean, if there is an emergency and you cancel, sure, but standing someone up like that really shows your lack of respect, consideration and care.

[Apope16]

Totally agree. Its absolutely disrespectful. I personally have seen chics do this as some power trip. A narcissistic power grab.

[YHL6965]

In all cases, it shows a lack of maturity and values, which is something that's very important in my eyes for a relationship. To me, this would be a red flag. I don't want to feel disrespected by the person that I value the most.

[chris0977]

Asking this question reveals you already fear rejection, which creates a problem:

"If you can't even keep your very first commitment, this tells me what to expect, and kind of person you are. I'm no longer interested."

Note, it's not about creating any impression to her, or motives, only to communicate you won't tolerate disrespect, and are no longer interested, because if she plays this game now, she will likely continue, and has with others. To want to be involved with this in the first place would make someone an idiot who sets themselves up to be manipulated.

[MzAsh]

When a man asks a woman where she wants to eat, he's letting her call the shots and she should take every opportunity to do just that. When my man hits me with this, I tell him exactly where I want to go. If he doesn't like it, he can suggest a place and I'll make the final decision or the date is off. No muss, no fuss.

[NineBreaker]

I have no tolerance for shit tests.
Here is my rule:
- If you pick a place, we'll go there. I'm not picky.
- If you ask me to pick a place, we either go there, or we're not going anywhere.
- If you cancel last minute without a real excuse, it means that you don't value my time. We're through. Look, if your boss calls you in, or a pipe burst in your appartment, or your nana is undergoing a tripple bypass... etc. OK, sure. I understand. Life happens. Otherwise, go away, or let me be.

[tellmeeverythingplz]

I wonder where this test idea comes from. I work, attend college, have kids, take extra classes at another school, and volunteer. If I say come to my place it's because I have to sleep right after. I'm making special time for you but I have to cut the night short. If I say I don't want to go to a bar it's because I don't. I rarely get out to do much socially so I may not know where to go. Additionally, I prefer outdoor stuff to bars. Maybe you should get to know your lover better.

[Apope16]

I think it has more to do with being sexy and hot and treated like a Princess. WOMEN who are put on a pedestal and guys who grovel at their ass TITS and feet. A woman views most men as expendable. She can manipulate them how she wants. Canceling plans, rescheduling, taking guys for granted, prouncing around like a Diva without any consideration for a mans time. She thinks she has a magical pussy and guys will wait on her hand and foot. So she says, "I think im free sometime Saturday. " a whimpy guy then waits the entire day. Or blocks off his entire day. A real man is popular, busy, has other women, has things to do. Maaaybe he might be able to plug in some time with the super model chic. But it has to be drinks after dinner. He needs a definite time. See the difference?

[tellmeeverythingplz]

I don't know any women like that. Everyone I know is straight forward and low maintenance. Maybe you aren't around the right woman for you.

[Apope16]

EVERY WOMAN WILL TEST A MAN AT SOME POINT. This is just one scenario. most common is the pull back. Its where a woman delays responding to a text. Or eases back on communication to see how the guy responds. Will he be the same? Will he get desperate and come unglued?

[tellmeeverythingplz]

Like I said, you must be around the wrong people. I don't have time to screw around. I'm up front about myself and my needs. If I say something that is what it is. I'm sorry you've had experiences that make you seem to hate women.

[tellmeeverythingplz]

Or at least not respect or think very highly of them.