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The RIGHT vs. WRONG to break a date with a guy.

Anonymous
The RIGHT vs. WRONG to break a date with a guy.

I'm writing this take just as my two cents for how women should properly break a date with a guy.

Just yesterday I had girl flake out & ghost me on a date. Just a FYI meeting up was originally her idea too. I did text her explicit details (time, place, etc) about what we were going to do. I planned to meet outdoors for a scenic walk to make her feel safe. I mentioned "maybe having dinner" afterwards. She was very enthusiastic earlier when we talked. I never mentioned sex or anything inappropriate.

This is just my thoughts. If I can change just one girl's mind out there to treat one of my brothers better....this was worth the time writing this. If you want to be a classy woman please read the following tips:

1. So you changed your mind about meeting him. That's okay. But before you ghost did you carefully consider if whether or not he did something FUNDAMENTALLY wrong?

Alright for one reason or another you don't "feel" like meeting him up. Yes ladies guys have been conditioned to accept that you might change your mind for no logical reason. It's frustrating because as men we are taught to keep our word. We don't do that to our male buddies. The old saying is "a man is good as his word" and we are more likely to keep it because it shows character.

I've made dates with women I later got cold feet about meeting up. I either went just for the hell of it or if didn't go I would always give her a heads up saying I can't make it. However as a man I have to painfully accept that instant rejection can happen at any point. I can handle tactful rejection but rude rejection (ghosting) is a different story.

So before you ghost/flake carefully look over your prior conversation with him. Did he bring up sex first and talk too much about it? Did he ask for nudes or something else inappropriate? Did he make sexual comments about your dating app pics (unsolicited)? Did he ask you to come straight to his bedroom? If he said something you don't like, do you think he realizes it? If he did make a mistake, did he either change the subject fast or apologize?

If the answer is no to any of the above you have NO right to ghost. Maybe you think he is boring or only so so looking. Maybe you found a "better deal" with another guy in the meantime. But no matter his appearance, his age, his status, etc. if he said nothing fundamentally wrong then you have NO right to ghost him. He might of acted flirty in his messaging because he doesn't want to be boring. But you ladies have strong enough intuition to know if he was just being playful vs. creepy. Him calling you "babe" only once (I know a girl who stood up a guy JUST for saying that in a text once) is not a legitimate reason to ghost.


2. Put yourself in his position. He might of put in lots of efforts, plans & prep into the date. Ghosting someone in that situation is extremely insulting.

Many women think that a guy doesn't have to anything on a date but show up with his wallet and a full set of teeth. NO. WRONG! We are self conscious about our looks too. A few days ago I had some minor acne show up. Having a date coming up I went to the drug store and spot treatment for it. I also looked through my wardrobe to see what would look best for our afternoon walk. I cancelled plans with other friends who wanted to hang out.

I also cleaned up my townhouse and bought stir fry for dinner. The plan was to leave the food cooking in my croc pot during our initial walk. If her and I clicked I was going to invite her in for dinner afterwards (her choice). It's lockdown going on right now so going to a dine in restaurant is not an option. But it took me time & effort to prepare. It would fucking piss anybody off if they got ghosted after doing that.

3. The moment you change your mind you SAY SOMETHING early and simple text will do

It only takes 15 seconds to send someone a text message. Send it the moment you change your mind. It is next to effortless to text and you don't have engage in a full on conversation. If you really that scared of him getting angry and/or saying something nasty then do this: write him a brief yet polite text saying you can't make it. Then block his number and profile on the dating app.

That will sting him but at least you saved him from any inconveniences. I could of easily made plans with other friends if this girl would of given me the respect of saying she can't make it.


4. If you continue to ghost guys realize you are undermining "gender equality" and contributing to justifiable misogyny.


What happened yesterday unfortunately wasn't a isolated incident. Last fall I invited a girl over on a SECOND not first but second date for dinner. She already knew who I was. She said yes and then flaked with no heads up. I've had other women of all ages do similar bullshit over the years.

There is just this cowardly trend going on society i.e. more and more women are prone to ghost nowadays. I never had this happen 10 years ago. Women would message me at the last second saying they couldn't make it. However ghosting is much much worse. It's disgusting and pathetic. It shows that women really are NOT equal to men because they can't keep their word. This makes men less enthusiastic about talking to other women. We don't know if we are wasting our time or not. The bottom line: don't be selfish piece of shit.

*NOTE: I know some guys ghost too. But really, how often do guys stand up girls on dates? If he's a top 1% manwhore who has 10/10 looks, money and popularity maybe. But the vast majority of guys don't have that power.

5. Dating is much different (and harder) for most guys. We have to accept it but women need to understand our position

Dating is tough for 99% of the guys out there. We get much fewer dating app matches. We get turned down much more. We have to do all the approaching and planning. We have to make something happen. We risk rejection, embarrassment and humiliation every step of the way.

This is something we get used to. It's not fair but it's how it is. However we just accept that if unless we don't try nothing will ever happen. All we ask women is to respect our side of things. That's it. Unjustified ghosting is probably the most disgustingly pathetic conceited way you can treat a man who is just trying to make it happen. Don't do it. It's okay to reject anyone but you give them the respect of telling them why.

The RIGHT vs. WRONG to break a date with a guy.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1kink
    Right on. No matter the reason, let us know. Men don't have the "I'd rather not know" attitude. Only been ghosted once years ago. I went to pick her up and she never answered the door. I was more worried about her than anything. This was before cell phones, so I had to ask he neighbor to use the phone. The next day I found out she went over to her ex boyfriend's house. The girl who originally introduced us let her have it at their work.
    So, yeah... don't be a piece of shit and ghost us.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I’m glad your gal pal tore into her. I never had a voice (I’ve been ghosted several times) when it was done to me.

      As for the girl who inspired me to write this I’ve been told to “let it go” and not bother pointing her bullshit. That’s supposedly the “alpha male” thing to do.

      But you know what I’ve tried that with a few women in the last few years. But when no one tells them off, does it make them correct their behavior?

    • I'm sorry to hear that that happened to you... Here's what I don't understand about "letting it go": in what sense is turning the other cheek an "alpha" thing to do? Being an alpha is about pursuing the life you want, right? Letting someone know the way they treated you isn't abuse or manipulation; that's clear communication. If that makes her feel like crap, then she shouldn't treat people that way.

      I get really tired of society trying to act as though letting women walk all over you is somehow an admirable trait. No. If she treats you like crap, she doesn't deserve to be rewarded for that. If she betrays your trust, she SHOULDN'T get to feel good about herself; she acted like a self-serving, crappy human being, and she deserves to know it.

    • Anonymous

      @winterfox10 there was a woman (year older than me) I briefly dated that literally showed up on my door step while visiting my home state unannounced 2 years ago. It was for the 4th and I took her to a family get together. I told everybody we were just friends at the time because we were. Complicated because I stopped dating her and got in relationship with someone else (she knew all about it). But we reconnected and I didn’t make a move right away. I wanted to “test the waters” to see if she was still interested.

      Long story short but I overheard her asking my sister in law if she could stay at her place after she just fucking met her. She didn’t want to go home to my place. She said it subtly, there was alcohol and my sister in law didn’t respond. She did end up coming home to my place and we shared a bed but I didn’t try anything.

      I didn’t say anything to her for a long time. I did automatically decide that I would never hang out with her again. But I was furious she insulted me in front of my family like that. It was a shitty setup because if I said anything in that moment it would make it worse.

      Well she moved abroad for work but she kept on liking my social media posts (I never like hers). Every notification of her reminds me that incident. I was planning to confront her in person. We have the same circle of friends but she stayed abroad much longer than I expected.

      Well a month ago I reached out to her on social media and we setup a phone call. I was pleasant at first but then I confronted her over what she did. She got defensive and didn’t apologize which didn’t surprise me. But I felt MUCH better calling her out on that bullshit. Her defensive attitude also confirmed exactly what I suspected. I was 100% in the friend zone and she had no respect for me. She was only liking me social media posts to keep me in her orbit so she could take advantage of me again at some point.

      But she knows now where I stand. Put out or get out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • cast277
    Look. . . if she didn't meet you its because she was nervous. And adrenaline can make you agree to things before the logic part of your brain kicks in. She might have been all for it when it came to the image in her head but the closer the real thing gets the more terrifying it becomes. Also i dont see anything wrong with ghosting someone. I've been ghosted and I've ghosted. there's no muss maybe some fuss but most likely a shrugg and a okay who is next.
    • Anonymous

      ”Also i dont see anything wrong with ghosting someone.”

      You got to be f*cking kidding me. It’s bad enough women do this shit but a 28 yr old man saying this is okay?

      I really hope you are a woman who just setup a profile as a man. Ghosting just doesn’t mean your POS when it comes to dating. It also means your are a unreliable dipsh*t when it comes to family, friends and your career. You are less likely to be trusted and for good reason. How you treat some people will carry over how you treat other people.

      I’m old to remember when ghosting was much less common. There are always going to be flakes, but it was isolated minority not the status quo. It only happened when someone did or said something really stupid. It didn’t happen just because “they weren’t feeling it”.

      You are just giving more women justification to continue this doing this bullshit (and they’re getting worse). It takes you literally no more than 15 seconds to text someone you can’t make it. If you are “terrified” than send the message and then quickly block them. Highly doubt the guy will turn into a Santa Monica shooter.

      It’s not hard to be a decent human being, but you are trying to justify being a selfish disrespectful POS.

      28 yr old man saying this. Just unbelievable. But you know go ahead and have that attitude. See how far it gets you in the long run.

    • cast277

      Lmao not gonna lie you sound ignorant.
      Look if people dont want to talk to you they dont have too. I mean you're reaching so fucking hard. The Santa Monica shooter? You kidding me man. I may be a 28 year old pos but I still know how to determine when someone was already a fucked up person.

      It really just sounds like you get ghosted a lot. Maybe be more interesting and have more charisma.

      And by the way ghosting happens after like 2 days mostly. If you get that attached after 2 days you got a shot ton more problems.

    • cast277

      Aslo why the hostility here man? You read my opinion and had a problem with it. Bring your argument but dam you got hella salty there

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  • Hermes-Paris
    Cowards... the lot of them. Civilized people don't ghost. They have the balls to tell the truth. Now if you will excuse me my Aunt Gertrude has died again. I won't be back for several months. I have no phone service or internet where she lives... lived...
    • Anonymous

      Sometimes I wish I grew up in your generation. Even I'm getting old enough to remember when women weren't this bad. The phrase "ghosting" didn't even exist 10 years ago.

  • DaMack999
    Mistake one never give a women any details to where you're going be mysterious and say it's a surprise. 2) Don't do typical do amazing things. 3) never cater to a womens take say ill surprise u. 4) For a women to ask u out kinda seems biat n switch to make u hunt her. As men are hunters of women.
    • Anonymous

      The game works. But it take effort. I’ve pulled it off before but I’m so sick of it.

      Lack of interest or not it’s just common decency to make plan and either A stick to it B if you bail give the other party and heads up.

  • arabgoddess
    I totally agree.. Women shouldn't leave guys hanging.. Especially if they're respectable!
    • Anonymous

      I’m thinking of redoing and expanding this take. I would like some female feedback on the take. While I do believe ghosting is much more of a disgusting female quirk (no offense to you) I want to be fair to the classy ladies out there. I also am willing to forgive someone who is vows to change.

      You interesting in offering feedback if I do a redo?

    • Anonymous

      Sorry for the typos.

    • Yeah sure ☺ h
      Ghosting from either genders is not nice

      But I swear social media is corrupting social standards

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  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    The problem is that men continue to pursue women who ghost them-- thereby giving a "pass" on this toxic behaviour.

    If a woman learns that guys will come crawling back even after she ghosts them, then that's just setting up a false reward mechanism... that undermines men's efforts even further.

    This behaviour won't stop until more guys start respecting THEIR OWN time, and start turfing out women who disrespect his time. If a woman ghosts on me with nothing resembling a genuine explanation, then I delete her from my contacts and act as if she doesn't exist anymore. If she wants to be a ghost, then I'm all too happy to oblige.
    • Anonymous

      Us guys do enable pos women to much and too often. We need to learn to be tougher and never ever pursue or give a second chance to a girl who does engaged in this unacceptable behavior.

      However read the details. I was inspired to write this because it was THIS GIRL’S IDEA to meetup and then she ghosted. I wasn’t “chasing” her. I even forgot what she looked like because I deleted my dating app. She told me Saturday and I followed up with details on what we should do. Then she ghosted.

    • oh I wasn't implying that you were "chasing" her, I'm speaking more in generalities. Don't get me wrong, the fault lies primarily with the woman doing the ghosting. I'm just saying, guys often make things even worse when they allow this behavior to continue, unabated.

    • Anonymous

      We do take more shit from women than we should. Part of it biology and wanting sex. But another bigger problem is our feminist society that is brainwashing young boys to be pushovers to women.

  • bamesjond0069
    If a girl ghosts me (or a guy stood me up for some friend or business meeting) that is rude asf and i will be rude as fuck back. I ran into a girl who ghosted me a few months later with a new boyfriend and i said "wow i loved those nudes last night on snap chat" total lie. But i see it as i have no responsibility to be honest with rude people. Dude started getting mad at her but i walked off. Lmao. If someone spits in your face duh of course you dont have to use manners and say please stop sir.
    • Anonymous

      We got a right to call people out for bullshit. But how you say it may or may not have any impact.

      That’s funny and awesome you got that opportunity. But my approach for now on is just calmly but directly tell them what they did was unacceptable. If said right it will haunt them. If you just say what you want i. e. you selfish piece of shit! They go into defensive mode and it doesn’t sting them where it needs too.

      One thing though is it’s not a an “alpha male” thing to stay silent when someone pulls that bullshit. That whole thing was about making them feel guilty so they will come back. If someone is willing to do something that shitty you and they want to come back... it would be a mercy to them if you let them lick your sweaty balls. You cut it off, immediately. And if you are going to cut it off you got nothing to lose by calling them out. It might make them think twice about doing similar bs again.

  • spartan55
    Sorry that happened to you dude. Guys are certainly capable and responsible for plenty of bad behavior/actions towards women, but I don't know ONE who has ever just blown off a date no call/no show. That takes a special kind of shithead.
    • Anonymous

      Nowadays I just count on it happening and I usually have a back up plan. I’m more surprised when they do show up.

      It shouldn’t be that way. Really it shouldn’t. But if this take can convince just ONE girl out there to do the right thing to one of my brothers out there it was worth writing.

    • spartan55

      I agree. Now that I thought about it, I had a date no call/no show a date within the last year too. She was 'sick' which apparently prevented her from contacting me in any way whatsoever. (This is the same woman who wanted me to travel to LA with her two days earlier... 😂 😂)

    • Anonymous

      Western American women are so full of shit. Ashamed that they represent our country. English, Canadian and Australian women can be this way too. But American women are the WORST in general. I want to move.

  • hi_it_is_me123
    It sounds interesting. I am going to read that later
    • Anonymous

      It’s worth the read. I’ll respond fairly to your feedback.

  • pleasestopthis
    I rejected a guy who asked me out and he got angry, deleted me from every app and talked shit behind my back. I knew it because the next time I went to a place with mutual acquaintances most of them were giving me nasty looks, like I did something horrible to that poor boy.
    Guys with that kind of attitude make ghosting so much more attractive.
    What if a girl rejects you with no particular reason, she's just not interested in you?
    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry that happened. There is no excuse for guys who do that shit. I’m guilty of angrily pleading with girls a few times when I was younger. I was never as bad as you described above but nowadays I just accept it. I even thanked a girl a few years ago for being candid.

      When it comes down to it attraction isn’t a choice. But respect is.

    • Anonymous

      Please don’t use bad past experiences to dictate being a POS to future guys though. I understand why you see ghosting as an “attractive” option. But if I used my negative past experiences to dictate my behavior to other women I would never approach anyone again.

    • msc545

      I agree. I, unfortunately, use my past experiences and professional skills to rule out about 95% of the women that come my way - not worth my time and the inherent risk. For the other 5%, at most they become friends. For my sexual needs, I use prostitutes. I will probably never be in a relationship again, and while I miss it, at least I don't have to have the tension of being constantly on guard. For the most part, for men, women are the enemy.

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  • All these words to tell us how you’d date as a chick. It’s up to every girl to write their own rules.
    • Anonymous

      Well yeah no shit. And they want guys to follow solid guidelines and but they don’t have their own.

      The whole idea of writing that take is if I can convince just ONE girl out there (who is borderline) to do the right thing than I helped one of my brothers out there. That’s it. I knows cunts will be cunts. But there has to be one girl out there who is borderline and decides to do the right thing.

  • Liam_Hayden
    Way overthinking. If you don't want to go or changed your mind just say so.
    • Anonymous

      You would think so. But apparently that’s too much to ask for many women.

      The is biblical scripture that’s says “let your yes’s be your yes’s and your no’s be your no’s. Anything else is from the devil!” Believer or atheist that holds truth. But some people continue to do mental gymnastics.

  • sofi55
    The results are interesting -look here- fish. do. am
  • Cortaine
    Ghosting is never right. Under any circumstances.
    • Anonymous

      It is if the person explicitly did something blatantly wrong (threatened, insulted, focused obsessively about sex). But some people particularly women have extremely vague concepts on what is and what is not appropriate. That bs has to end.

  • Avicenna
    Good advice
  • Anonymous
    Women have no problem insulting and trashing guys. The only time you will get decent treatment is when they want something from you - a favor, free dinner, money, help with their rent, gifts, etc. American women are basically entitled trash.
    • Anonymous

      Most of them nowadays. But not all of them.

      I wrote this take to help change the mind of one “borderline” girl. It’s easy to vent online and it doesn’t really accomplish much. But if just one girl reads this and it helps prevent another bs incident it was worth my time

    • Anonymous

      If you are dealing with someone with BPD, RUN - these women are incredibly dangerous.

    • Anonymous

      I think this comes down to sociopathy. I read that 5 percent of the population has it to a certain extent. They don’t feel regret or guilt for doing this shit.

      Sociopathic guys usually don’t stand women up as much because their is a possibility of sex. Those guys are often good with women anyway. They don’t have fewer insecurities about what women think of them.

      But sociopathic women will behave in a way that society says is alright. Now feminists are telling them it’s okay to be a piece of shit. They will be happy to oblige.

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