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Two months on Badoo, Tinder and Lovoo - The men I met

tallandsweet

#1: The potential love of my life

This guy is a 29-year-old Israeli-Turkish man who grew up in Germany and the UK. I definitely did not expect for us to have anything in common at first. However, after our first FaceTime video call, he told me that he would love to get to know me more. I was impressed by his honesty, intelligence and eloquence, and I love men who are a bit older and immediately tell me what they want.

He attended Cambridge, worked as an investment banker in London until it almost shattered his beautiful soul and now, he is back in Germany. Our first few conversations were deep, amazing, stunning, and I instantly felt like he could become my „Heimat“, my home(land).

As time went on though, I realised that he wanted a mother to his future children, not a girlfriend, not a wife, not a close friend. He told me that I would have to either kiss him or tell him goodbye after our first meet-up, which was too much for me. I haven’t french kissed a man yet – I kissed my ex once and didn’t use my tongue. I know that I like kissing from other experiences with women (I’m not bi), but his expectations were way too much for me.

He’s 6cm shorter than me.

Talking to him felt amazing. (Photo by Heather McKean on Unsplash)
Talking to him felt amazing. (Photo by Heather McKean on Unsplash)

#2: Weird but funny guy I will probably meet IRL

25, still a kid mentally but financially stable. The only thing I don’t like about this guy is that he calls me „dude“, „Kolleg“ and „Junge“, all words used to address men. Also, he flexes with his income way too much, I have no idea how much he actually makes but it’s just annoying because I’m not impressed by materialistic things.

I did not consider him that attractive at first, but he grew on me and I now really like his face.

He’s my height.

What the past few months were like, in a nutshell (Photo by Praveen Gupta on Unsplash)
What the past few months were like, in a nutshell (Photo by Praveen Gupta on Unsplash)

#3 The encounter that helped me heal

While swiping away on Tinder, I stumbled across the most stereotypical 25-year-old Austrian guy I could have met there: skiing instructor in Switzerland during the winter time, entrepreneur and university student in two cities during the summer time, politically engaged all year round.

However, after a few messages, he told me that he had visited a fairly small school (fewer than 200 students) in my province but that he was born 300km away. For Austrian standards, this is far. I know the school very well because I had considered going there. I did the math and figured it couldn’t hurt to ask, so I asked him whether he knew my former teacher (the one that I fell for/who was in love with me/who later kicked me out) and he did.

I was shook, terrified and amused at the same time and told him that I wanted to call him immediately, so we started texting on another app and had a very interesting phone call that lasted more than three hours about this teacher (who he adores and even clubs/drinks with to this day), growing up in Austria, how having German boyfriends/girlfriends never works out (they didn't grow up with the mountains and their lack of dialect is annoying (doesn't apply to Bavarians)) and finally we talked about politics.

Talking about my teacher with someone who knows him that well helped me heal. It also helped me to let go of my past and to accept that I have to move on from this terrifying experience I had at school.

I wanted to meet him but so far, it has never worked out because both him and I are all over the place right now physically and hence it is difficult to be in the same city at the same time.

He’s 14cm shorter than me.

I like this. However, I do not expect 4 and 5 at all, maybe thats a cultural difference?
I like this. However, I do not expect 4 and 5 at all, maybe that's a cultural difference?

Conclusion

I only wanted to talk about remotely positive experiences because everything else would’ve felt too depressing for me personally. There certainly are topics that I learned to avoid in order not to get insulted. I met so many guys who couldn’t deal with my level of honesty, with my Austrian humour or with my fake confidence.

I was very surprised by how much more difficult it was to hit up German guys as opposed to Austrian or Swiss guys, and I was not impressed by the number of insults I ended up with just because I didn't answer people right away. I mean, I was texting with more than 30 guys at a time, of course that's exhausting and not exactly an easy feat.

If you want to know more about my experience on Badoo, Lovoo and Tinder, make sure to check out this take on the key lessons I took away for myself.

Have you ever met someone online that you then also met in real life?

What are your tips for a first date with someone you got to know online?

Two months on Badoo, Tinder and Lovoo - The men I met
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Vencam
    Thanks for sharing! (I also read your other Take on the subject, both interesting and well written)
    I'm wondering though... I get that women get a lot of attention on such apps (the user-base being overwhelmingly males being a huge factor) and this obviously make finding a good match hard in an opposite way compared to a man in the site (who has too little choice in his matches).
    But as far as I understand (also from your story) most women match and engage with a number of men I find absurd (personally, I think it's too much to keep over 5 conversation partners, if the conversation is lively)
    Doesn't that number make it hard to even distinguish properly between all your matches and engage with them properly and with more care, leading then to some possible good matches just beging ignored after the first message?
    Wouldn't it be more practical to focus on a smaller number, eventually changing the matches more often rather then trying to "taste them all together"?
    Maybe I'm just misinterpreting your intentions when chatting with (as you said) 30 people at the same time? I can't say to have similar experiences, after all 😅😂
    Is this still revelant?
    • Jamie05rhs

      I totally agree with what this guy said. Great advice.

    • @Jamie05rhs This is something that I would say is rather rare - however increasing your surface area (in all apsects of life) in general leads to a higher level of serendipity. What I mean by this is that when you engage with more people at the same time it is easier to feel which direction (i. e. to which person) you feel drawn to.
      At least this is what has been true in my case!

    • "What I mean by this is that when you engage with more people at the same time it is easier to feel which direction (i. e. to which person) you feel drawn to."

      @tallandsweet That's a load of shit! Sorry! No offense.

    • Show All
  • It's refreshing to hear about good guy experiences on dating sites. So much talk is about all the bad stuff on dating sites but your experience says that there is more good guys than bad ones
    Is this still revelant?
    • YES :D
      I wouldn't say there's more good than bad men out there, but if you meet the right person, they'll be nice to you.

    • Jjpayne

      Well that's good to here

    • Jjpayne

      *hear

Most Helpful Girl

  • talulahbee
    Yea I've met a ton of guys from online IRL, it's pretty common in my age group at least with guys from other schools, but I have to do it in secret now my parents don't let me use dating apps or social media any more. So I can only use them at night then uninstall during the day.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Levin

      Too young for most of them aren't you? or do you just lie about your age?

    • talulahbee

      Nop there are apps that aren't like.. "dating apps". Tho a few of my friends use things like Tinder and do lie and say they are 18.

    • Jamie05rhs

      @talulahbee Just please don't ever present yourself as over 18 if you're not. It's really dangerous.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

314
  • startingfitness
    lol so the 3 guys you chose out of the hundreds, were:

    an ex- investment banker
    a guy with a big salary
    and an entrepreneur who is apparently politically active

    mmkay. At least you got your priorities straight.
    • 6suejsjsj

      She's "not impressed by materialistic things"

    • @6suejsjsj wanting a partner who financial stable is not materalistic things. Everyone should want a partner who has their shit together.

    • Avicenna

      Believe it or not, European women are actually less materialistic than US women

    • Show All
  • sensible27
    It's not a game and I doubt it should be seen as one. Secondly, you know what they say “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
  • spartan55
    I would say, compared to most people, you've had some success with online dating. Depends on how 'success' is defined of course.
    As an American, I love to have conversations with foreigners and listen to the similarities, and differences.
  • errorgoodnameunfound
    • Love how nobody pointed out how ridiculous the height comments in each experience was. Like besides it, it was OK. But that in my eyes, made the take drop by several IQ points and I say this as somebody asked throughout his life if he played basketball because I am that tall. I thought guys were a bit dramatic when they said girls now had height expectations. Thanks for opening my eyes even more.

  • Sounds interesting, bizarre, I was making out with girls at 14, so it's strange for people to tell me kissing is not something they have done. Hope it works out with that guy, it's important that you try and verify some of the things they say to you, people don't tell the truth on dating apps, worse than a resume.
  • Incognito777
    Have you ever met someone online that you then also met in real life?

    I'm a guy, so no. I've met many girls online but they stayed online. Dating apps are a place I can go to if I want to ruin a good day.
  • Well, I'm old enough (48) to remember how easy it was to meet girls in Europe in person (even Austrians, who were usually difficult for me to understand when I was in my 20s). People should really go back to that. These dating apps are usually a waste.
    • HA! loved the Austrians being hard to understand part xD
      I agree, dating changed a lot here, it's unfortunate.

    • Avicenna

      Yeah, I had a girlfriend once who was from Vienna. We spoke English and French with each other most of the time. It was easy to understand people from Salzburg and Voralberg, but the further east , the more difficult it got.

  • Daniel3035
    1) Be punctual
    Matches
    Man: Hi
    Woman: ... (Ghosting)
    2) Compliment on appearance
    Men: Hey your beautiful.
    Women: And your not gonna get anywhere in my undies with a height of 5ft 9 good luck hun xx.

    Next match
    Man: Gosh your so pretty but your just gonna be a horrible person to me and insult my appearance or something (sigh)
    Woman: OMG HOW COULD YOU CALL ME A HORRIBLE PERSON you creep... weirdo why are you guys such assholes (Gee I wonder why too ahem look above) like all I want is a nice guy we never did anything to you what are you talking about. Don't talk to me again or I'll call the cops.

    And the cycle repeats one day reaching that first match.
    • That's rather pessimistic. I hope that you have more positive experiences going forward!

    • Well, it's been 20+ years and can't say it has whether or not it's pessimistic well up to you but I'm speaking from personal experience having tried many times until one day I just sat there and cried accepting love is not a real possibility for me especially in this pandemic.

  • reqoun
    I really can't go on tinder or any dating site anymore those places are one of the reasons I kinda hate women and became an intellectual😅
    • Hamudiaman

      Same here

    • Muskrat42

      Ditto, dating sites turned me completely off. When I see a wine. I think of the profiles I've read, the huge demanding over the top egos. The unattractive obese single mom princesses with "If you're not a millionaire supermodel don't message me" .

    • "became an intellectual" ROFL

      reminds me of a Socrates quote “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”

  • seth-savage17
    Thumbs up for dedication, you wrote a whole story. I didn't read the whole thing but I'm happy for you. I really hope it didn't end bad 😁
  • RingOfFire
    Fascinating and highly insightful article.

    At various times in my online encounters with women, I think I have played each of those roles. It's extraordinarily interesting to see the female perspective from the other side so capably articulated.

    I'm experienced enough to know what women don't appreciate when talking to men online and try my best to avoid it when I am in a conversation with one. But sometimes I can just feel it going south in spite of my best effort.

    Honest effort is the best you can do. The rest is up to fate.

    "You can't hurry love, no you just have to wait."
    Brian Holland / Lamont Dozier / Edward Jr. Holland
  • Jltakk
    Congrats on finding anyone on those three apps. Being a woman helps though.
  • Petra150
    Wonder why The height is mentioned
    • Just because I felt like sharing that I'm very open for dating shorter men :)

    • Petra150

      Oh yes I'd noticed the guy all were shorter , just like my self , being very tall I think it fine with shorter men , after all they are human being too

    • Petra150

      By the way why do a very sympathetic woman as you use somthing so horrible as online dating, meet people casual in a sport club or on a dance floor , is far better them we meet quite by chance are often the ones who are the best. Definitely do not think one should look for girlfriends as if it were a new car. Online kana. seek dead things, men them one must find locally in our cities. Maybe I'm just like 44 years old, I'm even have a nice guy I should marry in the spring, so I'm over dating

  • pink_and_inlove
    I found the love of my life on bumble 💛
  • Wingmage
    Goood luck, I hope it works out.
  • Anonymous
    my guess is that, they had to hit on you, contact you first
  • Anonymous
    Scheiß Preiß
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