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How to deal with dating fails: Communication is everything [before, during and after]

tallandsweet

I'd like to follow up to my previous take I wrote a couple of days ago with the only real solution to dealing with dating fails: talking about them with your date.

Unless you want to end things before giving someone a chance to get to know you better (which, in some cases, is the right decision), the only way to get through the awkward dating phase in the beginning is through open communication.

In dating, you dont know the other person yet. Theres a fog covering your true selves. [unable to find source of picture, proba
In dating, you don't know the other person yet. There's a fog covering your true selves. [unable to find source of picture, proba

All I wanted was to feel amazing around someone else again. But that takes work, and in my opinion, chemistry isn't intuitive or something you can expect to just come naturally.

You have to work on communicating more openly and honestly with one another to truly feel great and free around one another.

So, that's what I did. I talked about all the points I addressed in my previous take with him [the guy I met]. I know that for some of the people that commented on my previous take, this may seem strange given that I didn't feel like we were that attracted to one another, but relationships are work.

Who am I to judge someone after three meet-ups?

Other people are pretty different and this is how it'll always be. The way we were brought up is quite different usually, and it's important to talk about what you're feeling early on in a relationship in my opinion.

Also, I went on a "date" (again, a meet-up) with another guy. Here's that story - it helped me to some extent to figure out what I'm looking for.

What would you say is the best way to prevent dating fails from happening/from repeating themselves?

How to deal with dating fails: Communication is everything [before, during and after]
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Most Helpful Guys

  • spartan55
    I think it's great that you are kind of blogging this and learning as you go. You definitely have plenty to learn, but guess what? No one ever stops learning about dating and relationships.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Oh wow, thanks, to be honest I just needed a safe space to talk about what happened today because I could totally see what I had done wrong leading up to the date, but at the same time, I was surprised that the guy was so surprised that I lied about certain details because I had told him right away that I can only be fully open with someone in real life or if we've built a lot of trust, together, online.
      It was nice, different than the other three encounters with that other guy, but I didn't feel as comfortable or safe around this person than I had felt around other people and that surprised me.
      I met my ex on the web, the first time we met in real life was magical. Before that, he hadn't even been a love interest of mine - afterwards, I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with him.
      Maybe I was expecting too much from meeting these people in real life and that's unfair.

    • spartan55

      You shouldn't be surprised when people of act surprised that you lie to them. I know why you are doing it, but there are plenty of other ways to acheive the same result without being dishonest.

    • Agreed, like I said, I realise that I messed up.

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  • ch2raf
    My dating fails come from how much honest I am during these communications
    So I don't know what am i supposed to do. Lie ? Lmao
    Is this still revelant?
    • Relatable, especially after my little intermission-encounter yesterday, that guy probably thought "who TF does she think he is". It's the way it is. Meeting new people is fun and exhausting.

    • ch2raf

      It's not exhausting for me by any means I get really excited when I'm getting to know a new girl but as I said it doesn't last...
      And now I have bigger concerns really

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • bulletbob555
    Power in numbers. Might take more than a couple of dates per person. It may take going on several dates with a couple of different guys
    • I partially agree. Going on more dates with him definitely helped, but the other men I met didn't convince me to be honest.

  • sarababee
    If they leave, they made you a favour actually. Just imagine would you really like to put up with this for your whole life. When they leave, we get defensive, blame ourselves and forget WHAT THEY DONE. Oh dear everything has it’s reasons...
  • Avicenna
    Thanks for your thoughts on this- I definitely agree on the importance of communication in these situations
  • MannMitAntworten
    Fails are actually a a good thing. It is how we filter out those who are not a “fit” for us. It is okay...
  • Jjpayne
    The more dating experience you have, the more you learn
  • TheAfrikan
    It all takes a try, fail and eventually becoming experienced.
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