This take is about a guy I met online. I've known him for three months, he's Central European like me [some people didn't get that information from the other posts I've made about him on here]. He is not American, someone had assumed that we're both from the states, but this is not the case.
I always hated the term "to go exclusive" as I couldn't fathom what it meant. To me, it was just another way of saying you're in a relationship with one another, but I no longer think this is true. It's that nice stage before starting to have expectations, before missing one another like crazy etc.
Linguistic problems in German with "dating"
I went on date #5 with my main guy today. I will refer to our meet-ups as dates from now on because we are now "dating exclusively". This term doesn't exist in German, which is an issue, because either you're "meeting up with one another", you're "in love with one another" or you're "in a relationship with one another". It's difficult to differentiate between the different layers involved with dating, so just be aware that while I used English terms with him to explain what going exclusive meant for me, this is a concept that doesn't exist in our culture.
The approach to tell him I'm fine with being exclusive now
He had asked me to go exclusive on three separate occasions but I wasn't ready yet. I wrote him a card that I planned to give him after we had spent the day with one another (which I also did) for him to read on the way home. On the card, it said that if we'd talked about going exclusive that day (I brought it up), we'd now officially be exclusive.
I think this approach was smart because I was still in charge. It was upon me to give it to him, it was upon me to start a conversation on it. He felt special, cared for and appreciated, which is a nice side effect.
What going exclusive means for me
I braided my hair today. I'm not extremely good at it, but I can manage to braid two very tight dutch braids. When he saw me, he asked me whether I had spent more time than usual on my appearance - I hadn't, but I appreciated him asking. He accidentally touched it and immediately apologized - small things like these don't go unnoticed with me, I had told him that I don't like it when people touch my head/hair.
He's been very touchy in a mature way. He wouldn't make me uncomfortable in public places. We have a safe word. He knows that he may need to disappear entirely if we're seen together (not willing to let certain people in my inner circle know he's around). Many other small things have contributed to me being able to build some trust with him. For example, my ex would comment on every tiny detail, e.g. "I'm glad that I'm here with you, holding hands, I love the way your hand feels, it's so soft". Maybe some girls are into that, I'm not. It ruins the moment.
In essence: I'll try harder with him. When I start seeing someone, I don't try hard. He's never seen me IRL with more make-up than mascara, I've worn leggings on two occasions when meeting him, because that's what I feel comfortable with. I spend approximately 10% of my awake time wearing a full face of makeup and rather sophisticated clothing. He'll see that side of me eventually, just not yet.
Having him deal with that one guy I met
Maybe you remember that one awful date with that one weird guy? I let him handle it today. I was so over him being sad and angry about me meeting up with another man despite understanding it, I really did. When I like someone, I let them handle things like this. He's not allowed to see everything on my phone (so many NSFW pictures in many different ways), but I love the way he took care of the other guy today and that he didn't delete any of my unflattering pictures I now have of him.
Interestingly, when I showed him a picture, he just went :o and told me he'd seen the guy on the street before meeting me. I showed him all pictures he had and he's certain that it was really him. He said they both looked at each other for a brief time like they had some type of connection but couldn't quite think of the exact link between them. That would be me.
Complimenting him more
I had learned some compliments by heart in advance because I always forget sweet things I want to say. That doesn't sound romantic, but I feel like it makes sense for someone like me to do this. He looked really good today and I made sure to let him know. I loved the length of his beard, his outfit, the way he smelled (though I didn't like the cigarette smell he had on him after talking to strangers in the park) and his hair.
I noticed that I start acting extremely unnaturally when someone touches me. I lack experience, confidence and the effortlessness some girls seem to have been born with. What I do is I stop moving, I don't reciprocate, I don't lean in. Not acting like a stick requires me to focus and to initiate. I aplogized for that and he told me he hadn't noticed, which was a relief. Open communication is what we all need. Most issues can be solved by it if we're honest with one another.
Some issues we still have
I think the first and foremost thing we'll have to work on is building trust. We don't know each other's last names yet, which was awkward when we went to a local café today to warm up again.
I'm not sure whether this is the case in the states or other countries too, but here, you have to fill out a form with your full name, address, phone number and signature every time you sit down to eat or drink (due to COVID-19). I told him to fill the form out first and to then cover it with the menu. After I had filled it out too, I quickly turned it around.
When the waiter came and took the form, we both looked away. That probably seemed weird to those around us, but I didn't care. Trust takes time, last names are really personal. Even my first name is information I don't share with people until having established an advanced level of trust.
We didn't blend in at the café. I was wondering why we felt so out of place until he commented on it saying that it was probably due to me wearing leggings (way too casual for Germany) and him not looking like your average German guy. We had a good laugh about it, the café was a bit loud (exhausted me more than it should've), but at least we were able not to feel like frozen sticks anymore.
Why won't he kiss me already?
I don't know how to describe this - he's very touchy, he's started touching my face with his nose, but he JUST WON'T KISS ME despite always being in my face (in all the good ways).
I cannot think of other reasons for his behaviour than these:
1.) He doesn't want to kiss me yet. This is supported by him telling me that he considers kissing to be incredibly intimate. His other behaviour doesn't point to this being the case.
2.) He thinks I don't want to kiss him yet. This is supported by me telling him I didn't want a relationship this year and him knowing I have much higher standards than most girls; also, kissing is very intimate to me too.
3.) There's some health issue behind it. He has nice teeth, his mouth appears to be healthy. He'd have told me if he had some infectuous disease. I don't think this is the case.
Can you come up with other reasons why he may not have kissed me yet?
Do you think it could be that he's just not that into me?
What should I do?
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