Nice Guys & A-holes: The Truth About Each

[Ozanne]

To cut to the chase, women don’t want a nice guy, nor do they want an a-hole. Someone got this very wrong in the dating memos we’ve been sending out, so I think it’s time to make it clear. Let us judge whether or not [you’re] nice or not. Let your words and actions say who you are rather than who you declare to be.

First, The Nice Guy. Most men who see themselves in the category are taking away any sort of opinion we may have on what someone thinks are 'nice guy values'. “Don’t you want a guy who holds your hand, or buys you chocolate?” These things are sweet, but these things can happen with any guy. Just about everyone has a capability of being nice. The word “nice” just conjures up the word “boring” to go with it, so please avoid it.

Second, The A-hole. This is the cocky guy who didn’t get anywhere by saying how nice he was, and decided that women like jerks. Do some women end up with jerks? Of course. But it’s not some intentional thing. We usually see a handsome face and by the time we realize they’re a jerk, it’s too late, we’ve fallen for them, making it harder to shake them loose. And let’s face it, most jerks hide the fact they’re jerks upon the first meeting, hoping to win the girl over.

My take is to forget telling us what you are. Be decent. Be cool and confident. Make us enjoy your company by being intelligent or funny – or anything that is more naturally you. (We actually do enjoy humour, so if you have that going for you, you're golden.)

Nice Guy or A-hole, we don’t like either of those labels. We certainly don’t like push-overs any more than women-haters. With that said, many women do love a challenge, trying to find out what goes on behind your eyes. Intrigue us, make us think, make us want to know more.

[NMMan]

Spot on. Women are drawn to men who intrigue them and pique their interest. That intrigue and interest could be generated for any number of reasons, but that is the common denominator.

Being a decent human being (while that's certainly appreciated) shouldn't make any guy stand out. That should be a given: Be a good person. But what else in his personality does he bring to the table? Is he confident, intelligent, talented, funny, creative, driven, etc? It's attributes like that and more that lead to the aforementioned intrigue and interest. And for what it's worth, all of this also applies in gender reverse, too.

[prince350]

90% of people of both genders simply mimic what others are doing.
When you say 'Women are drawn to men who intrigue them and pique their interest' - there is no fundamental truth in this - it becomes so simply because someone says so.
(Both the) Sex and the City kind of ruined it for many things - teaching younger women to act as if they already had children, got divorced, and are now there just to ponder and engage in mostly meaningless sex (I haven't ever watched it, just caught glimpses of it - but have witnessed the female behaviour of classifying men into sexual categories just to appear smart - and compliant with the trend they saw on TV (most also glorify NYC as if something other than the UN and diplomatic immunities that encourage risky sex and promiscuity is to be found there))

[NMMan]

@prince350 When I say "Women are drawn to men who intrigue them and pique their interest", it's a statement based on conversations with many, many female acquaintances and friends over the years, not to mention just plain common sense. It's not at all a revelatory statement. Aren't you drawn to people who intrigue or excite you, thereby wanting to learn more about them and get to know them better? And why would you blame a television show for your negative presumptions as to what the thought processes of women are? Especially one, by your own admission, that you haven't watched?

[NMMan]

@Chittychittybang I dated successfully for years and then married the love of my life. So basically, your comment is meaningless and you're full of shit. Fuck off.

[thegirlfromthething]

Guys seem to think that being nice is a game changer and it makes them stand out, but it doesn’t. Most guys are nice. Most people are nice. It really doesn’t make you more special or attractive than anyone else. It’s like a girl saying guys should be attracted to her and pick her over other girls because she has hair.

[Ozanne]

Thank you, yes. It's as if a person says they're a nice. Or someone is describing someone to you that you might like to meet and they call them nice. I'm thinking: that's great, I'm nice too, what else you got?

[Stephen_77]

That's correct. The problem is that women compalin about men but still choose the bad guys and reject the good guys.

[thegirlfromthething]

@Stephen_77 I don’t know what planet I’m living on because I keep hearing guys say this and I don’t see it. I’ve known a few women who went for the bad guys but most guys I know who are in relationships or attract girls are good guys. Guess we’re lucky in my area?

[Stephen_77]

I guess you are, because I see the opposite.

[Kittyboy]

Most of us without the extrovert and social capital of the "bad boy" live this frustration all high school long, you carry out burdens of inferiority, injustice, with your own issues and hardships of teen life and a vague understanding of gender roles, that are already toxic but that you may try to replicate awkwardly and fail or just stay the shy guy in the corner. By your twenties you have serious insecurities, you found a safe space along other lost guys of your kind, you circlejerk toxic ideas and gradually escalate into becoming sexist, listening to pick-up artists and masculinists, over capitalize on nerdy identities, complain that you're a nice guy that tries your best but end up eternally friendzoned (of course because you're toxic and misogynist now, or you thought you'd do better in woke spaces so you played the pro-fem sex-positive softbear guy and got called out for being a jerk outside the surface). That's the vicious circles of the nice-guy to incel, it usually breaks when both genders turn more mature and eventually you find what you want, regrow confidence, break out isolation etc... as girls stop having toxic expectations that we should perform; or in more extreme cases of introversion like my case you need to enter inso some queer identity and alternative forms of identity and relationships because you're too marginal.

[israelisevil]

@Kittyboy @Stephen_77 i dont even understand what @Kittyboy said but stephen girls arnt like that im with a girl i like im a good person overall. What makes the other guys "bad" that there not you.

[Hypnos0929]

All I'm gonna say is you're right BUT don't talk about how every guy is an asshole when you find out the man YOU chose isn't as great as you thought he was.

[thegirlfromthething]

@Hypnos0929 Okay?

[Stephen_77]

@israelisevil Go away you racist white knight simp.

[ManOnFire]

This is all fine, but it still doesn't change the fact that a lot of women do pursue men who they feel are more masculine by being disrespectful or aggressive. Women also are 10x more likely to chase men who don't respect them and keep going back to exes who they know aren't good for them. That already says enough.

[Kaazsz]

On one hand, I know for a fact that girls love assholes. And not only because they were "tricked" into it. But because they "get off" on it. They are submissives, and it's a sexual turn on to open her legs for a man who is an outright asshole and a piece of shit. And don't tell me it's not true.

I learned this directly from women, wheras before I never had the slightest clue about this. Whether hearing them say it in my presence or overhearing conversations between girls. Here's a quote I heard from a girl:

"I fucking HATE him, he's so arrogant, it makes me so fucking mad! He's an asshole and a piece of shit... but I get so fucking wet and I let him fuck me whenever he wants. I hate him but I have to fuck him." And I know a lot of girls are like this. Y'all don't wanna admit it but that's OK I've seen the truth myself. You know I'm not lying either, because this is shit that women hide from men. You don't want us to know. And I've learned a lot. And women will reply to me and tell me those girls were "the bad ones." Bullshit lol. Us guys we've seen it all our lives. I've seen it all my life, but finally had the truth confirmed to me.

On the other hand, hope is not lost for the rest of us men. Sure, women's panties get wet AF for a guy who is a piece of shit, it's a fact. But personally? I think the only reason for it is that there is simply a lack of guys out there who can fit that role that women desire. They want dominant men who take what they want. They like when a guy is confident and "takes" what he wants. Which is her, the innocent girl who can't help but be swept away by him. It's not her fault she can't help but leg him spread her legs. He's just so aggressive and dominant, she just didn't have the power to resist! Of course, all along, she's been hoping and wishing for the day a man like that comes along that she can give herself fully to. He doesn't have to force her, he doesn't take her against her will. She wants that shit more than anything! Unfortunately for women, their only real choice is the assholes. And since women don't actually like being treated like garbage, eventually they are forced to settle with some "nice" guy.

And I constantly hear stories, whether in real life or on the internet, of girls who wish and crave and lament and beg to the skies, pleading to the clouds, for their husband or boyfriend who they love, to "wake up" sexually and be aggressive and rough and dominating in the bedroom. So they can finally have orgasms like they know they can. Cuz women get off on that shit the same way us men get off on a beautiful pair of perky tits.

So in my opinion, yes, girls do want a nice guy. They want a nice guy who is dominant and confident and takes what he wants (her). It's just that all of us "nice guys" think that being nice means NOT being those things. And we grow up to hate those things because we're taught by society that being dominant and aggressive and taking what we want is bad. And so women's only choice to fulfill that part of their sexual nature is to fuck a bunch of pieces of shit, and eventually settle with some regular ass dude who is afraid of his masculine power over a woman. He doesn't even know it exists. Us men have so much power over women and they crave it like nothing else.

[Ozanne]

I think the girl you quoted about the asshole just found him sexy. There are sexy guys out there who have issues. It will bring out the animal in women regardless. But remember there are unappealing guys looks-wise who are also assholes. You don't see women running to them so quickly because they're assholes. There has to be something there to get the woman to forget everything and just want him. It doesn't make it healthy. It's usually just sex.

[AFellowWeeb]

www.youtube.com/watch
it gets worse as the video goes on, women ( specially between the ages of 20-30 ) do in fact prefer and are aware that the guy their daing or fucking is an a hole

[AFellowWeeb]

this video is good for women o see, bc this youtuber doesn't really goes out of his way to insult these girls, calling them dumb: yes

[Kaazsz]

I’ve seen some of these guys. Some are stereotypical hot guys, some of them are trolls. Short, and hideous. Pockmarked face with a giant nose one guy had. But trust and believe, this guy fucked hella sexy girls.

I’ve heard from girls when they are with these asshole guys who are ugly, they say “I can get better than his ugly ass! He better shape up!” And the girls are all like “yea! Preach it girl!” Lol. Meanwhile she keeps fucking him and being his side piece. Knowing the guy is married and shit lol.

You also ignored the rest of my comment. I think as much as men are afraid to be men, women are afraid to admit what they really are. And I’ve seen it in real life. I have witnessed first hand how girls do everything in their power to hide the truth from us men. I’m just very very lucky to have gotten to see behind the curtain. Working with tons of women. Being best friends with my sister who also accidentally revealed truths to me, and of course meeting my sister’s friends who are a bunch of medical professionals and actually WORSE than the hood rats. These girls got bookoo cash money, they do a lot of drugs and they wild out and act crazy and do a lot of fucking.

Girls who act innocent, act like they don’t have sex, act like they only been with one man. Girls with kids and call their current boyfriend their “baby daddy” except none of the kids are his and I find out later that actually, she got 3 kids from 3 baby daddies and she cheats on her current boyfriend on the side when she gets a chance lol.

Y’all females are not fucking innocent. If you think a man will cheat on you if some beautiful perfect woman comes along, you might be right. But women will cheat when a dominant aggressive man comes along. Dropping hints about choking and hair pulling. I’ve seen how these guys do it. They spit the kinky BDSM type shit to every girl they see a lot of them like it. Even the girls you thought were innocent are smiling and “teehee-ing” like a mofo.

[Kaazsz]

But unlike the rest of the men on this site, I’m not mad. I want y’all to admit it. So that guys like this other dude can realize that they can be that aggressive dominant guy too. And guys can realize they can make their girlfriends addicted to them.

But these guys are terrified. They are angry at the truth. For me, the truth is liberation. I know girls want me and I feel free now to be myself and to be the sexual animals we all are. And women go for those men who unleash that sexual animal part of themselves. Not the in the desperate way you see these poor loser men do who beg for a crumb of pussy. I mean the way y’all females like.

They are afraid and angry about it. And women are afraid to admit it because men’s rage is so volatile.

But this is the truth as I see and y’all aren’t gonna change my mind. Real life women taught me this shit lol.

I feel bad for other men. Like this dude who replied. He’s afraid to be masculine and powerful like women’s vaginas wish he would be. He hates masculinity and society hates masculinity and society hates female sexuality.

That’s what I think. I’m not mad. I’m glad I know. I flirt and hug girls and I have a great time with girls. Their only option for sexual release is assholes. Or cheat on their husband who is bad in bed lol.

[Kaazsz]

But at the end of the day, I guess it’s just a fact that most men just will never wake up. They’ll forever be angry and resentful that women are attracted to what they like.

Just like some women are angry and resentful that men like beautiful women with perfect bodies.

But men have the advantage. We can all emulate and become very close to that ideal sexual partner women crave. Whereas women if you’re ass born ugly you’re ass is ugly. You got makeup though, so that’s your equalizer. But men reject their equalizer and get angry. It’s like women getting angry about makeup.

Except when a woman wears makeup she’s not that pretty. But any man who can be masculine, it becomes his genuine self. If a guy has to fake it, well, maybe he will get there eventually.

[Kaazsz]

But, lastly, I think men are angry because society told us that masculinity is bad. The things women like are bad. And so we get angry when we find out the truth of what women like. And women keep denying it because society taught women masculinity is bad. But your pussy drips for it so you really have no say. You have no choice.

Most men don’t even know what masculinity is. It’s a sexual trait. It’s what turns women on. It’s what makes them bust lady nuts. And men are mad about it.

And that’s why girls are hoes guys. Don’t you get it? The majority of men reject their masculinity. It’s like if most women got fat and disgusting on purpose. You’d fuck that one rare pretty girl in a heart beat! That’s what women are doing. They find one rare masculine man and they are absolute whores for that man.

Well whatever, apparently everything I say is offensive. I don’t give a shit, I know the truth.

[AFellowWeeb]

@Kaazsz? who said im like that? i have my fair share of reality checks too, thats why women on this website hate my takes.
the most popular type of porn for women, specially the shy ones, is degradation against women, they love being choked, called whores, and most women fantasise about being raped, this are facts, u are not teaching me nothing new, and i am masculine, the diference is i dont see the point in being disrespectful to others, if thats what girls want, good for them, they can fk their own life and i wouldn't bother.
when i was younger ( till i was 16 yo ) i wanted to get marry one day, not anymore, a lot of women, with the influence of teir friends, even cheat on their fiances with male strippers on their bachelorette parties, then self project onto us.

[Kaazsz]

You don’t have to be disrespectful to them. That’s the point. But their only choice to fulfill their submissive fantasy is to go for the assholes. Because the “nice guy” doesn’t know how to be confident and powerful. Maybe it’s just easier to figure it out when you’re an asshole. You see how they respond to it and obviously you’re gonna keep going when you got ass left right and center begging you to fuck it.

And choking and slapping and degradation isn’t disrespectful. It’s Fun! Lol. It’s kinky shit. Women are submissive and kinky as fuck.

They cheat on their husband cuz the husband is a sad sack in the bedroom. He fucks her for one minute, busts his nut, and she cheats on him to get her nut off. And I don’t even fuckin blame her if that’s why she’s cheating. You go girl, bust those lady nuts if your man doesn’t provide in the bedroom.

It seems to me like a lot of men are even offended by the idea of foreplay! Like what do you mean I gotta work to make the pussy wet? I just want to fuck and cum in 1 minute. Damn those dudes don’t even deserve pussy.

[AFellowWeeb]

''It seems to me like a lot of men are even offended by the idea of foreplay! Like what do you mean I gotta work to make the pussy wet?'' yeah thats a stupid thing a lot guys say and do, and about the girls cheating parts, thats why i dont blame men that join mgtow, rather not date than dating a hoe, if the guy is looking for an actual relationship rather than hook up

[Dazey14]

Mixed signals are the worst. Cowardice plain and simple. If you're a player, own it and date women players.

I can even respect the lying, cheating ahole that lives off boots calls and hook ups.

It's the screwed up nice guy that nice that is too much of a nice guy to show strong desire. Oh he'll say he sees a future with you. He stopped looking when he found you. He's seeing you and only you. He knew the first time he saw you you were the one for him. You were that special one. Then he still hasn't tried to make out after 2 months and he just cannot remember to touch base during the week each morning. You're feeling he's your first and last thought each day. He is "out of sight out of mind" or passive aggressive or gaslighting or maybe suppressed sexuality or depression he isn't able or willing to talk about. A self respecting woman starts to doubt she's attractive to him or anyone, believe she's boring maybe or he is seeing other people. Nice guy is a sham in my opinion

[DudeDiligence]

"Nice Guy or A-hole, we don’t like either of those labels." Really? Because "nice guys" is by far the most commonly used label among female users on GAG. And I discovered recently, thanks to a female GAG user, that there is an entire subredit devoted to the subject where lots of women spend their time deriding nice guys. Let me say that again... women have created a subredit for the purpose of complaining about nice guys. Huh?

In my experience women don't like nice guys, and I'm not talking here about assholes who pretend to be nice. Genuinely nice guys are less appealing to most women than other guys, and in fact they seem more attracted to jerks than genuinely nice guys. That is not to say that women necessarily enjoy being treated like shit, but they are in fact ATTRACTED to guys with the personality types that are typically the same guys who end up treating them like shit. There's an important distinction there.

I think you summed it up pretty well in your last two sentences here. The challenge and intrigue of an asshole typically overrides the obvious benefits of a nice guy. At least those are my observations.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

They complain about "nice guys" not actual nice guys.

[DudeDiligence]

@ThisIsMyOpinion False.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

True actually. There are even youtube channel whompist their conversations.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Posting*

[TruthBringer]

Time and time again, women prove to me that they are unable to give men advice in dating. This is why I never ask women for advice when it comes to dating. Because you often get ingenuine responses and invalid advice. They pave you a road with good intentions that eventually lead you to hell. It has always been the men and red pill community that helped me have succes in attracting women and getting into meaningful relationships. Girls saying they want nice guys are full of shit.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@TruthBringer I was always the nice guy and I never had trouble getting girls.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@TruthBringer an older friend of mine said all the I needed to get girls. Three rules.
1. Look decent
2. "Lata". Portuguese word that is slang for basically talk and be yourself whitout giving a shit.
3. Big numbers law. If you follow number 2 and have 1 se girls won't like you. Some will. Some will hate you. Some will love you. As long as you go hunt with one and two eventually you will find what you want.
Never failed me.

[TruthBringer]

@ThisIsMyOpinion When people say "nice guy", they refer to the simps, my friend. A simp winning the game is rare. Women want a leading, ambitious, confident, spontanious, successful and good looking man. Not all end up with one.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@TruthBringer oh you mean simps when you say nice guy? Sure those are lost causes. But I don't call them nice guys.
Being nice doesn't stop me fr teasing her or even making fun or her in a funny playful way. They live that. Simps can't do that and are way to careful with them.

[TruthBringer]

@ThisIsMyOpinion I call what you just described as "good guys". And good guys get more pussy than any 'nice guy' will

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@TruthBringer that's a fact!

[Stephen_77]

I've always been a fit handsome man but gave up on women 16 years ago. I've been single for nearly 17 years and have never had a one night stand. I'm more of a traditional man that was brainwashed to believe that women just wanted a nice decent man that would treat them with respect and be faithful. But as I grew up I realized that I had been bullshitted. I noticed that it was the assholes and players that seemed to end up with all the sex and relationships, and that nice decent men would either get rejected or cheated on. I realized that good traditional men were no longer desired by most women. But I knew that I would never change my ways just to get a woman interested. So yer, I lost complete faith in relationships and had to accept that I would be single for the rest of my life. So now I focus on my career, keeping fit, travelling, and playing computer games etc. I'm neither happy nor unhappy. I would say I'm content. But the way women are these days, I think it would be too stressful and too much hassle to get into a relationship. The bad boys and players can have them lol. But I just want a simple peaceful life.

[Ozanne]

It's kind of hard for women *not* to choose an asshole, if the good guys are taking themselves out of the dating pool. So you got your heart-broken by the time you were 20, big deal, so have we all. You basically just spent all of your 20s and most of your 30s out of the scene because of what, a few women? If it made you very happy, then I guess that's good. But from what you just wrote, it just seems like fear.

[Stephen_77]

LOL!!! Women were choosing bag guys long before the good men started going their own way.

[Toazel]

I think it wouldn't hurt if you changed your perspective. I mean, you got the asshole part down because you sound like an asshole who has already given up and thinks that, apparently, should stick to his old ways of being a 'traditional' man. How about you just be yourself and not an asshole blaming others? You're the problem, buddy. Not assholes or women.

[Stephen_77]

@Toazel I guess you're another white knight mangina

[mspotaytuh]

Have you ever heard of trauma bonding? It's when abuse victims become attached to their abusers. I think it's a real epidemic these days, espcially the way it's romantisized in todays culture. All of the popular songs these days have lyrics about these girls who can't live without the guy that trashed them or they're flat out about mistreating women.

Thing is, I still have faith that not all guys are simply aholes after my holes. I can also assure you, although it may feel that way in your world, not all girls are after the aholes. There are women who are attracted to decent men who don't feel entitled them, and vice versa.

Like... I just met the sweetest human on earth and I think I love him. He's caring, empathetic, open and he doesn't feel entitled to me simply for being a considerate and thoughtful human.

I think good people either are unicorns or eventually get the good beat out of them by this trash society, but I still have faith that they exist.

[Toazel]

Your reply only proves my point. You need some change in your life.

[israelisevil]

@mspotaytuh what songs about hurting women. This isn't trauma bonding in dating trama bonding is when you kidnapp girl. @Stephen_77 how is @Toazel a white night. Whats this bad boy bullshit how are they bad cause they not you. I consider myself a good person and I've been with girl for 3 years now her friends all hate me but that dont matter y everyone act like they entitled to pussy or dick. Property isn't free.

[Stephen_77]

@israelisevil Oh, you're a Jew hater.

[israelisevil]

I dont hate jews i hate colinization of palestine where people used to coexist not just jews christains muslims but bothe sunni and shiites. i know people whos land has been stolen by israel. Israel is a crussade they use white phosphorus gas on hospitals i hate israel not every jew most jews live in america not israel. answer my comment about this topic

[Stephen_77]

@israelisevil Oh, you mean like the Muslims, for hundreds of years, took over people's land and beheaded those who refused to convert to Islam and took the women as sex slaves.

[israelisevil]

Muslims did that to other muslims and Bothe hamas and hezballah factions fighting against israel denounce beheadings and arnt just muslims christains are persecuted by israel no different then muslims.

[israelisevil]

Nato media tries make it seem like they just gassing muslims cause if they knew what israel did to the christains they wouldn't like there tax dollars going there

[Bluemax]

Better by far to be a good man than a nice guy.

I've often said, most women don't want assholes. They want someone they find attractive. Sometimes this attraction can make other considerations take a back seat. The same is true for men as well.

As far as assholes being able to hide it, ehhhhhhh, I'm not so sure. In most cases, when women I've known started to date an asshole, EVERYONE knew the guy was an asshole... except her. I find the greatest sign is a casual approach to violence. Often they even brag about it. Usually such men are assholes and more likely to send their girlfriend to the ER.

As @Bandit74 alluded to, I also think you're playing down the halo effect. It's documented. Good looking people's bad behavior is tolerated much more than average looking people, and even more still than unattractive people.

[Knighted2170]

Nice = boring.

The reason behind that is because many "nice" guys play things way too safe. So there isn't any excitement in the relationship. The guy is just unwilling or scared to shake things up a little.
I've heard women complain about "nice" guys unwilling to do anything adventurous in the bedroom or outside the home.

A-hole = adventure.

Some women choose guys who offer excitement. Kind of keeping them wondering what's going to happen next. Are we going to the movies, sky diving, or camping? Or is it a romantic night in? Just not sure. Only later to find out he's a jealous control freak.

Genuine Nice = best of both.

This is what most women, that I've spoken to, want. A nice guy who can offer just enough excitement to keep the relationship sparks flying.

[Yads_Is_Back]

Truth ^

[Tonytoutouni123]

@Knighted2170
This is only true for a long term relationship.
For short term mating, women prefer assholes over genuine nice.
From a purely sexual point of view, it is a huge turn of for the woman if she thinks: "This man is a genuine nice man".
She rather wants to think: "This man is an Bad Boy".
But I agree with you that most women prefer the genuine nice guy as a husband.

[Bandit74]

Like you said women like guys who are attractive and exciting and overlook or fail to notice the fact he is an asshole. The halo effect is a documented bias in which we tend to perceive the personality traits of attractive people more favorably than we otherwise would so it's quite possible that women don't even perceive his negative qualities as being an asshole.

Nice guys are generally less attractive and more boring. They are also more prone to bitterness/resentment over seeing guys who cheat, lie, and manipulate girls repeatedly choosen over them and since they are not attractive their negative personality traits are amplified rather than overlooked.

so TLDR is
looks and excitement >> everything else

[Ozanne]

That's not exactly what I meant, but if that's how you see things, that's up to you. Women who get snowed by an asshole are lied to from the start. By the time they understand who they are, they've invested some time and feelings into them. Don't you think guys do the same with women, if you reverse it? And what's this about nice guys not being attractive? Pleasant looking guys are overlooked if their boring and a woman finds them completely uninteresting. At first glance, 'hey cute guy' a few minutes later, 'too bad he's got no personality'. Flip side, not every jerk is attractive. There are plenty of awful looking a-holes out there, just as there are nice-looking boring guys.

[Bandit74]

Not necessarily ugly, but generally I do think the guys who complain about women not liking nice guys are generally less physically attractive compared to supposed asshole men who do get the girls. It's not just being boring although that is definitely a factor and again how you look can also impact how exciting you are perceived to be.

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

I don't want to, nor will I ever try to fit into any woman's idea choice. She can. accept who I am or get to stepping cause I ain't wasting time looking or waiting. Everyone has the potential to be a asshole, including her.

But I prefer those that bring the best out in me and vice versa. Nice is subject to perception, not story book fairytales.

[Yads_Is_Back]

Love your first paragraph ^
But guess what happens when we tell that advice to a man who is unsuccessful... "You can't tell me how to be a man! blah blah blah" Yeah, and that's with saying the exact same thing you just did because you're right. So men need to make up their minds.

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

Let that person and his so called manly insecurities be. I find humans in general to be quite indecisive, equally. Lol

[Yads_Is_Back]

You have such a good point!

[93_n_on]

@Yads_Is_Back cause some women use it to manipulate dudes or as an outlet to be toxic and unappealing. If you're being respectful and all it shouldn't be an issue

[Yads_Is_Back]

@93_n_on I agree. But tell those guys that. They are not concerned about if you're respectful because they have built up hatred for women not wanting them. They really don't want the advice they're asking for; they just want attention and sympathy. Being rude is not the way to get it :) no wonder they can't get women. Their problem, not ours.

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

It's so funny that even with my sisters, their love and consistency is preconditioned. If I can't get her those new shoes this week, so goes her love. But with my dogs, whether I have food or none in that moment, their love doesn't fluxuate.

🥺👉👩🏽‍🦱
🥰👉🐶

[Yads_Is_Back]

Sounds like your sisters don't even know what love is.
Or maybe that scenario also applies to men and sex...

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

My younger sisters have a lot to learn but the world will teach them, one way or the other. I just can't say men because the actions of the few, don't represent me as a man. Just as you can't be held accountable for the choices and actions of foolish women and girls.

😊

[Yads_Is_Back]

Awwww dang, I wish you could be a public speaker. You'd make a good one, especially to people here on GAG. Run for prez, my friend.

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

🤣😂🤣 I think the role of anonymous advisor is a better
fit than leader. But thanks for the
vote of confidence. 😊

[DavidFox]

The more I hear about labels and how to act the more I realize I’m just going to be myself. I don’t have to attract 1,000 girls by putting on a mask, just one special one I can share a lifetime with. So I’ll continue to be faithful to God, love my family, be honest and work hard, and make as many mistakes as the next guy. The truth is the person I end up marrying will want me to be myself fully and not act like anyone else.

[Tonytoutouni123]

@davidfox
The truth is also that this person fucked with a bunch of bad boys in her early twenties. On a sexual level, she will always prefer this type of man over you. As far as sex is concerned, you are 2nd choice. As far as marriage is concerned, you are first choice.

[DavidFox]

Sounds good to me. Married people are more sexually satisfied anyway.

[guesswhoseback]

It’s a very difficult balance. Remember guys don’t think the same way women do. Through trial and error (often painful) we figure out the approach.

So to continue about not thinking the same, women need to understand they will never truly by “friends” with a hetero guy in dating range. Friendly for sure. But you will never be the equivalent of a true male buddy. If you are one of those women insists you can be “best friends” with a hetero man than chances are you have conceited motives. Straight men never say that about women.

In order for a true friendship to exist there needs zero romantic feeling on either side.

[guesswhoseback]

by the way I reread your take. Overall I agree with you.

The problem is men get judged more deeply for their personalities vs women when it comes to dating.

In a way this is understandable. You want to be intimate with someone you mesh with. But I also find that women are quick to judge personalities. Almost every nice guy will have asshole moments. Every asshole will occasionally be a “nice guy” if he wants something. Assholes are pretty good at being manipulative.

[Rockingjoe]

I believe those labels have been put by women and society in general on people. The nice guy who is just want to be friendly, nice and helpful to people especially towards women comes of has weirdo and too clingy and not having a back bone by women that they run away. - this is what I was told recently by someone when having a similar discussion. Why don't women in general just be straight forward in saying what they want and sharing their thoughts before when interested in a guy or not. Also why don't women approach the guy and tell him they're interested in them and at least appreciate the guy who is being nice and helpful instead of think of the guy as a creepy.

[Surely]

For some reason women of child bearing age falls for the A holes. Maybe because they are so much fun and they like to party and do drugs
After those years are over with then they seem to want a more stable guy
Rather it is to finish raising the A holes children or they just want a more stable lifestyle
Go figure!

[Yads_Is_Back]

it is just as difficult on the reverse side of that same token: women in the best age (early 20s, like I'm 24) to find a "stable" guy, as you call it, who is not over 30 and used to be an a-hole

[Surely]

@Yads_Is_Back Most A holes like drunks if you wouldn’t give them the time of day when they act that way might have a reason to change

[Yads_Is_Back]

I don't. But I can't change what the guy has done in the past.
You have a point though, because it's the same with other women

[Surely]

@Yads_Is_Back To put it bluntly. There are more and better fish in the sea. You would need to fish 🐟 in a different fishing hole to find them

[Yads_Is_Back]

Yes. Both work the same way. Worthy men and women are rare.

[Surely]

@Yads_Is_Back I understand that it isn’t a one gender issue. It is hard to find your sole mate regardless of who you are.
But you must be able to cautiously bend a little on your requirements
Good luck

[Twalli]

Hence why I describe myself as a good person. I am nice, I am a guy, but I am also nice to everyone regardless of my or their relationship status. In other words I don't put any undue effort into getting a specific girl to like me. I want her to like me for who I am. It's easier for her to so that if she sees the real me from the start

[Espresso-Grande]

Great Take. I especially love the part when you said "most jerks hide the fact they’re jerks upon the first meeting". That's so true. Women don't choose a jerk because he's a jerk, she chooses him because she thought he wasn't.

[RoyTr]

Thank you for writing this. I feel like I knew this already but needed to read this to fully get it right. Good job explaining.

[Gravit1]

I joke a lot, but get called an A-hole for it, though have yet to be called one by a woman. I think I've gotten more responses from physical characteristics than my comedy. I get a lot of laughs though, but women seem to smirk more. I do deadpan and absurd humor, but I've been known to pun or point out humorous inconsistencies. I think it's more my deadpan that gets me the A-hole label, though maybe I'm deflecting.

[TessCasie]

All I can say is loving, caring and being nice to someone doesn’t mean they are compatible for you. It’s more than that !

[sp33d]

This applies only to the tail ends of the bell curve.

Since you are fond of extremes, I'll bite. "Intrigue us, make us think, make us want to know more." What if she is an idiot? :D On a serious note, your tone alludes to "we" being the ones who have to do all the work. I understand that extremes are easy to deal with, there is minimal variation, but that's just not what the real world looks like on a whole.

[Louistruman19]

- "We usually see a handsome face and by the time we realize they’re a jerk, it’s too late, we’ve fallen for them"

So its not really not about being a jerk or nice at all. Its mainly about looks.

[Arabella_Rose]

its like that with both men and women.

[Louistruman19]

@Arabella_Rose we're not talking about men here

[Arabella_Rose]

i mean that men r the same way

[Louistruman19]

@Arabella_Rose ik that. Everybody knows that. There was no need to bring it up in the first place.