Obviously men go to online dating apps for a variety of reasons, but primarily these guys break down into two categories; the ones that are looking for quick and easy sex, and the ones who are genuinely looking for a meaningful relationship. In my experience with online dating, by and large most women are not looking for hookups or causal dating. In saying that they often make some fatal errors in their profiles summaries that really discourage sincere and genuine guys. So here is a deep dive on a couple of potential "Red Flags" that give guys the wrong impression. Some of these relate back to one of my previous My Takes, but this a deep dive on two specific ones in which I got the most feed back on.
NOTE: I am not saying any of these thing are not things you should not say to a man...what I am saying is don't put them in your on line profile...get a chat started and approach these subjects delicately. Give the relationship a chance before putting a good prospective suiter off early. Its not that these things are deal beakers, but they are potential Red Flags when not properly communicated. You initial summary are things that you are saying defines you as person, so find a better way.
What it means to a man when a women says, "I am a proud Dog Mom!"
Its not that most men do not like or love animals. Its just that when most genuine and sincere men turn toward online dating apps, we really just want to know if your are serious about engaging in the dating progress. This means making yourself emotionally and physically available. What I mean by that is, are you emotionally in a place that you are ready to commit to a process in forming and building a new relationship with a man. What I say physically, I am not talking about sex. How willing are you to make time to be physically present within a relationship? Between work, family and pets are you able to carve out a space within your life that would allow for the freedom of movement to make the time to be physically present. Sure there is a sexual component to this, but mainly are you willing to dedicate the time and energy, with retreating back into yourself on the first speed bump?
We are not interest in dating your dog, or taking on any responsibility for your pets. When you say "Dog Mom" it implies you think of your pets as people. To most people, even pet lovers, they understand that pets are not people. You are coming online in the hopes of finding a person. When you lead with the "Dog Mom", you're implying to the man that you might have potential insecurities or trust issue with forming meaningful relationships with men. Or that you lack a degree of emotional stability in committing to the relationship building process. When it comes to pets you have a large degree of control over dictating the terms of that relationship over or with your pet. Which can elude to a potential emotionally neediness or immaturity.
I have heard this from women, that their pets are so important to them because they are always there no matter what. When I hear that I think of course they are. You either keep them fenced in, or inside all the time, in which they have no real opportunity to leave. If they are always there for you, how willing are you to be there for me?
This means the pets has not real choice in setting boundaries or dictating the terms of the relationship. Therefore those strong bond with the pet comes at greatly reduce risk to you, and great dependency of the pet on you. If you have a vast experience forming strong bonds with pets, that does not translate into you being able to do the same with people. If you fail to realize this fact then your pets can become a liability to any potential suiter.
You would not go days without feeding your pets, but men have emotional needs as well, so how willing are you to fill those emotional needs by opening your to being vulnerable? Because when you hit a rough spot you can not just put a man outside, or kick him out into the garbage until you're ready to let him back in.
"I am interest in making new freinds."
Most genuine and sincere men on dating sites are not looking for new freinds. Yes friendship is a major part to the relationship building process, so do not think we are not interested in friendships. But when men see the "I am interested in making new freinds" statement, they think of the women in the image above. Sure I am fine with being her friend, but I would never seriously consider her relationship material.
When a women says she is only interested in being freinds that means she is not necessarily looking for a relationship. Even said with good intentions, that does not always translate within a online dating profile. No genuine man wants to play games in a relationship or compete with a women's freinds for attention. If she is willing to be my friend, how many other friends does she have? Am I being viewed on the same level of all those freinds, or am I someone she is seriously looking to form a relationship with?
Most men are not looking to form meaningful friendships online, unless it is in the scope of meaningful dating. In our day to day lives most of us have women that we would consider freinds. The term "freinds" can be loosely applied to a lot of people; Work Freinds, Facebook Freinds, Freinds from high school that we haven't talked to in years.... If all we wanted was a platonic friendships with a women we would look to those people first, and not go online to meet random strangers.
For me I have three sisters, and they are my nearest and dearest freinds, so if I need that from a women I hang out with my sisters, or give them a call. When I go online I am looking for potential romantic interests, so as I approach that relationship, friendship is incorporated into that process, but it is not the goal. I am online looking for romance.
So when you say your only "looking for new freinds" it means you are not serious about dating, or not at a place in life where you are 100% ready to commit to a relationship, or your only interested in hooking ups. All of which could potentially make seriously sincere and genuine men shy away from your profile. While at the same time you will get slammed with all the wrong types looking to hook up types.
Find a better way to express your intentions
I am not saying these things are not important. They are and at the right time and place you have to share your true intentions and expectations with potential male interests. But more times then not women make these statements to ward off the wrong types, but at the same time fail to realized they warding off potentially suitable male interests. Honestly if you find a guy you like on line, that is what chat is for.
You can talk about things and get a gauge on the type of person they are. Saying your a serious pet lover is okay. I love pets too...but saying your a Dog Mom has potential negative connotations, that can be miss perceived. Same with the just friends remark, you can just as easily say; "I like to take my time to get to know a person, without rushing into relationships." Believe it or not so do most serious and genuine men...so this is a much better statement. If some guy feels this is miss leading or attaches some type of negative cognation to it, then all the better, he's not the one your looking for.
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