Committed Relationship. What is the hang up over commitment?

[DaveJord]

This is MyTake on the subject, so this my prospected based upon my personal experiences.

What does it mean to be in a committed relationship?

To me personally it when you and another person are in relationship together, in which you both are building toward a future together. To me this means every life-choice I have to make, is done through the scope of how it could affect the other person, in which I am committed to. Meaning at that point this issue has to be brought forward and discussed, because I have committed to a process with this person.

If I am making independent choices that could have adverse effects on the relationship, while I am excluding the other person from participating in the decision-making process.... then is it a truly committed relationship?

The different meanings of Commitment.

I have found that people view the meaning of commitment from several different angles. If you do not understand that, then it is of the upmost importance that you take the time to understand what angle they are approaching from.

Mass percentage of people out there all are looking for a relationship and hoping to find commitment. Wanting commitment, hoping for it or looking for it, but that does not mean you are ready for it. Because with commitment will come change. You will have to make changes in how you approach issues, while making time and investment into the other person will all impact the how you go about living your life. Because the choices you make, in how you live your life, will have impact on the how the other person will approach you.

Agreeing to date someone is a committed relationship. Agreeing to date someone exclusively is a committed relationship. Agreeing to only be Friends with Benefits, requires some level of commitment. Agreeing to be in a long term committed relationships, has all types of different meanings and levels of commitment. So, again what's commitment mean to you, but more importantly what it means to the other person?

Agreeing to Date Someone

Guy meets girl, and he asks girl out for a first date, and girl agrees. But girl makes it very clear that she is only looking for long term commitment. The man acknowledges this, and states that he is not against commitment, and goes on to set up a time for the first date. In doing this, both man and women have made a commitment to each other, but what has truly been committed to? Nothing other than a first date, after that there is no further obligation.

What was the point of her telling the guy she is only interested in long term committed relationships? For the guy, in this scenario, all he has committed to was a first date. He may very well be looking for and wanting the same things as her, but there in no way of knowing if she is the one for him. Not at this juncture, so he has to commit to the date in order to find out, but he does not have to commit to her beyond that.

What the difference between dating and dating exclusively?

In the theory, the main difference between dating and dating exclusively is that you are not dating anyone else, but the one person. Thats pretty obvious, right? Or is it?

You met someone and you go on a few dates, and you are really liking the feel of the situation and have achieved a certain level of comfort with the other person. Maybe you have agreed to be monogamous with each other, and that might make you believe you are dating exclusively. But is that really true?

Agreeing to be monogamous means that you have committed to only having sex with one person and excluding yourself from having sex with anyone else. This situation can be easily overcome, by just breaking off the relationship, before having relations with another person. Dating just means you are seeing each other but does not mean you can't be dating several people at once. Monogamy just means you are only having sex with one person at a time. Dating exclusively just means you are only dating one person at a time. But this does not mean you can't date someone, while having sex with someone else. Or that you cannot be monogamous with one person, while you are dating a different person. This does not mean they can't see someone they are not dating, or that meeting other people, or talking to people online constitutes a date.

Sound pretty complicated when you think about it right? So, in all this what's the level of commitment?

Agreeing to be just Friends with Benefits

In my mind just being friends with benefits with someone take a higher degree of commitment then just being in a committed relationship does. Because the whole premise of being friends with benefits is that it is a purely sexual relationship, on a semi-permeant or regular bases, in which you will be avoiding any emotional commitments. You are committing to a process in which you will have a reoccurring sexual relationship, in which you do not develop feelings for the other person. That's like a near impossible feat for men and women to achieve, which is why these types of arrangement nearly never last.

When you enter into a situation like this, you pretty much are saying you want to have a sexual relationship with a specific person while you are actively dating and looking for potential other types of relationships with other people. But you are specifically excluding your friends with benefits from any future possibilities. Which again opens the door for a higher level of commitment. Because once you're in a friends with benefits relationship the expectation will be that they will meet someone else at some point. At which time your arrangement will end, and you will be expected to silently go away. Knowing they were having intercourse with you, while they met, dated, and committed to a different person.

In the end.....

What's the urgency in labeling everything? Regardless of how it starts, under whatever expectation of commitment, the process always works out the same. You meet someone, you date, you assume or agree upon monogamy, you date exclusively and then you start to build and develop stronger bonds throughout the process of achieving higher and higher levels of commitment.

But the most important thing for you to do is define what your level commitment at every stage throughout the process. Too often I have meet people who insisted on levels of commitment until adversity and conflict hits. At which point their commitment, and the relationship in general, becomes less convenient. This is when they start to distance themselves and with draw from the very process that they insisted exists before starting the relationship in the first place.

This always leaves me asking myself what does commitment really means anyway?

[aaron210419]

For many women, commitment is hard when you're force fed the dream of some prince coming to sweep you off your feet that Disney has consistently crammed down the throats of children. So a lot of people tend to always be looking for "something better" and missing out on the value of a relationship that is built together and not on what they think they can get out of it.
For many men who are taught to respect women, commitment can be more difficult when you spend the first half of your life being rejected, going unnoticed, or being placed in the friend zone, until you reach your 30's and then start getting attention from women. It can be easy to fall into the trap of having short meaningless relationships or one night stands if you feel like you're making up for all the time you were ignored by women.
Most people who fall into these traps are weaker minded insecure men and women who don't even realize they're playing themselves. It also seems that a lot of people have lost the necessary communication skills needed to maintain a healthy relationship, instead they'd rather ghost each other or cheat so the other partner has to make the decision to leave. The amount of selfishness and entitlement out there is staggering, I've never just thought completely about myself, I've always tried to do what's best for those around me and I have yet to meet a partner who thinks similarly.
If you find someone who loves you for who you are and not for what they can get out of you, hold on to that because more than likely the grass is not greener on the other side. Have some respect for one another the next time you're tempted to cheat, ghost someone, or lead them on just to sleep with them for one night.

[Guy13]

Follow me... no one likes to subject to another or rules. Disbelief in the God of the Bible being the best example and the same thinking and feeling penetrate into daily life. A commitment or covenant requires adherence to an agreed verbal or written contract bound by a pledge. Devotion, fidelity, allegiance, trustworthiness, attachment etc...

Our Soul and/or spiritual life is the overseer for the Mind's (Central Processing Unit) conclusion and ultimate the Soul oversees Behavior. The body receives Data from the CPU but usage, interpretation, and action, whether appropriate or not, is controlled by one's Spiritual life or Soul. So, if Soul is consumed with Self then selfish receives and processes Data and Selfish behaves as its guiding element (Soul/spiritual life of Self) demands.

As noted, if one's Soul/spiritual commitment or Intellect if your prefer is missing, we are totally self absorbed and there is no guiding entity. Whatever to whomever to wherever and however is justified under a warped send of liberty and freedom.-There are plenty of secular examples of this.

[DaveJord]

I would only say if there were no guiding ethics or moral standards you are correct. Which is why you need to engage in the process and really understand who they are before talking commitment.

[Anonymous]

I think for many or most people a committed relationship is viewed as a stepping stone to marriage. Today marriage is in decline (for obvious reasons), and commitment is in decline too, also for a lot of reasons. With casual sex so easily available now, all of that is a recipe for a decline in commitment.

[strateguy632]

good points about adversity