www.theadultman.com/love-and-lust/high-value-woman/
As you look at the two lists of what makes a high value woman and man individually, they look pretty similar, but as you start comparing the two lists against each other you start to see contradictions.
Frist example is number 1 on the women's trait list. I think this is a good trait in a woman, but on the man's list where do you see anything about the virtues of Embracing his Musicality?
On the man's list they say he should be Formidable, Courageous, Confident and believes in himself... with Iron Clad Boundaries. These are all traits that are associated with masculine virtues. Yet woman often find these traits, overbearing, arrogant, unreasonable and pushy.
Whereas, a high value woman, is supposed to be a kind peacemaker, who is an agreeable Tribe Builder, whereas it's a high value man helps his tribe survive and thrive.
A high value woman is a champion of women causes, but at the same time she is not supposed to promote or embrace any type of victim status. I find these traits, on the surface, often contradict each other. Because promoting woman causes, can easily become focused on the victims, not the survivors or average person.
On the surface when you compare the lists, one would think that their stark contradictions and these two would not match up. So why would a high value woman or man, seek out a high value woman or man?
Here is the problem.
It would seem that a high value man, would be completely in combatable with a high value woman. There is nothing on either of these lists, that speak directly to compromise or understanding or having a healthy respect for the opposite gender.
Number 6, on the womans list say that she will only seek out high value men, but on the man's list there is no mention of high value women. The woman's list stretches to 15 traits and the man's ends at 12, why not through a number 13 on the list to say high value men should only seek high value women?
The truth of the matter is that neither high value men nor women seek out only high value mates. This go directly to the fact that everything on the lists is arbitrary to the individual needs and wants. Secondly, how does one really determine what a high value person is, and do they even recognize one when they find one?
We are told constantly, for example number 7. on the man's list, that we should never settle for less. But in today's society, whenever anyone says anything, we disagree with, we assume RED FLAGS.
The real truth is found in number 10 on the woman's list, and number 11 on the man's list, which is self-improvement. Does the woman see the man as a means to improve herself or as means a means to a short-term need or want? Same is true for the man. Does he see this woman, as means to self-improvement or as means to meet an immediate emotional and/or physical need?
The fundamental contradiction is these two lists is this... you don't have to have all 15 to 12 traits to be a person of value, and high value people will value what you do offer or bring to the table.
What do they bring to the table?
More time than not we value what others have to offer, they can be all these great things, but if they offer little then what's the values?
It doesn't really have anything to do with being a high value person. It is all about what they are willing to offer you. Are they a good listener that values your feelings? Are they compassionate, empathetic, supportive. Are they a good freind?
To me these traits are all traits that a high value person possesses. A long with a willingness to compromise and problem solve together. They are people that are open to opportunities and looking to accomplish their goes through dating in a proactive, progressive, and healthy way to accomplish and promote their goals.
These types are more than willing to make themselves available on an emotional and physical level... they strive to find ways to make it easier and not hard, yet still are more than capable of maintaining themselves with in a truly committed relationship. Because they give as much as a they receive.
How to achieve a committed relationship?
Bottom line, if you want commitment then you have to be willing to commit and compromise. If you ask for something, or set a boundary, then you have to being willing to give something in fair exchange... because set all the boundaries you want, but you have to understand were the other persons sets value and boundaries on at when.
Be willing to commit to a process, that means early on an often. If you want to keep a person at arm's length through text and by boundary setting through text... then you are not truly committing to a process. It is important that we strive to make and establish emotional bonds and connection with each potential mates.
Why texts for day or weeks or hours at time, just make the time to sit down once or twice a week for a phone call? If you're so busy that you can't find the time to make time, then are you truly committed to the process, what are you really offering the other person?
If you can text for days but cannot commit to making plans or phone calls... then what are you offering a high value person? Where's the commitment????
You can have all the traits you want as they are listed on the sheets and be a high value person. But if you are not willing to commit to a process or make the necessary time investments... then you offer no value to any man or woman.
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