Are guys who ignore girls after the girls reject them stupid and immature?

[Anonymous]

I think they are because rejection is very rarely about the person, but rather timing and how the woman feels.

What do you think?

[lisasimpson]

It could be acceptable if you were not previously friends or something like that. Completely ignoring her could lead to two problems: She could think you are hurt and if she doesn't mind move over. Or she could feel hurt (in her proud and herself) and not give you a chance in the future, in other words if an interest in you arises she will try to move away because she will remember the times you ignored her (that could eventually be rude). However, by ignoring her she could also think that you don't want nothing to do with her and could lead her to look for you if she gets interested. It seems to me that she has felt hurt if you have already ignored her for a comment I have seen below. The best thing you could do I think is nodding or saying hi as normal like to a friend (not too smiley or not like bored or serious) every time you see her but same as other people you may know around, that way the reasons I listed before disappear and you still could have a future chance. Please don't completely ignore her.This whole situation has recently happened to me similarly and it has been an awful experience, she may like you a little bit but was not the right moment (you haven't given more essential details like how was your relationship with her like only acquaintances or friends and how she rejected you, what you proposed...) The best thing to do is moving on... After this long response: Good luck!

[Asker]

We are acquaintances and I asked her if she wanted to go out sometime and she said I'm so sorry, I can't, I'm really busy. So rejected.

[lisasimpson]

Well that was not 100% rejection in my opinion. It could be certain that she is busy but at the same time if she was somehow interested she would have given you alternative options for a future meeting. As I said I think you should treat her normally as it didn't affect you and you even could say if you have a convo that you went out with a girl the other day to something that you know she could like and that you wanted to go with her but as she said she was busy took the other one out instead and had a great time (a white lie or you can do it actually) to see how she reacts but you should try to turn the page if she doesn't respond well or you see she is not interested at all, there are so many lady fishes in the water waiting to be caught. Just my opinion good luck..

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. I saw her ealier today and we made some small talk and things were back to normal.

I won't bother pursuing her, if she ever wants to hang out, then she knows where I am. I'm just moving on with life, there's no point on the negatives, only the positives,

[lisasimpson]

That is the attitude, good work and thank you for rating me as the most helpful! :)

[Asker]

You're welcome, anyone who shows me a different perspective on a particular situation deserves most helpful. Good luck. :)

[inamorata]

If they are friends before that, or know each other from same circles, work closely, go to school, so they have to speak to one another going by some minimal requirement of politeness, and he ignores her, yes he is acting like a brat. No one is asking you to be her friend, but say hello if greeted, respond when talked to in group setting dangit. Don't be a resentful ass.

But if they aren't close at all, and she's just a random girl who was a stranger before, when she rejects, she can go back to being a stranger right after.

Also if she is pushing for friendship after rejecting him, he is completely justified in refusing her, avoiding her and ignoring her. That kind of friendship is a stupid idea.

[BrunetteNYC]

Agree, and sometimes, in a moment, we might suspect a guy ins't on the up and up and reject him, fearing that he's insincere. This recently happened to me and he took it bad so now whatever... had he patient or tried to understand me, I would have known he was cool. Maybe I was expecting too much.

[Asker]

Well if a girl expects me to ask her out more than once, she's being delusional. I hardly ask a girl out, so if I do it's because I wanted to get to know her better in a one on one situation.

[Asker]

That said I am not sure I'd want to punish a girl for rejecting me just because she isn't interested in me.

[BrunetteNYC]

No I didn't expect him to ask me out twice, it was something different, and he asked me to do something and this lead to me suspecting he had someone in his life maybe and was hiding from me, so THEN I rejected him. I am always warm and receptive to a man if I like him and I don't expect him to ask me out more than once.

[Asker]

I see. Well I was under the impression this girl liked me, she had caught my interested and I asked her out to get to know her better and was hit with 'i'm too busy' excuse, so I was cool beans.

I didn't feel awkward about it or upset, I was a bit disappointed though. :p

[BrunetteNYC]

Ya know, I so can't stand it when people play it cool, it's just a good way to make me feel bad like you don't like me enough and then I move on. In other words, it backfires more than people think.

[Asker]

Well what do you propose I do in this situation because I'm chasing or pursuing someone who I don't think is interested and surely if a girl was truly busy she'd offer an avenue to meet up another time?

[BrunetteNYC]

I think that you should let it be for about a week maybe and then give it one more shot. If she refuses again or makes an excuse, write her off.

[Asker]

I really don't want to ask her out again because that will make me look desperate, she knows I'm interested and the ball is in her court. Plus I don't want to seem pushy! Also she's ignoring me, avoiding me and acting like I don't exist, so I can't see me asking her out going down too well.

[BrunetteNYC]

If that's the case then maybe it's best to move on and if she comes looking for you, fine. If not, you have your final answer.

[Asker]

Yeah that's probably what I'll do. Thanks. :)

[thecd1979]

The guys who usually end up being bitter assholes to the ladies that reject him were the guys that had already taken her out to dinner a few times and brought her things thinking that thier efforts were showing her what a great guy he is only to find out later when he finally makes his move that she doesn't like him other than just a friend. The girl in this case was in the wrong with leading him on and making him think there was something more. It all come down to if that lady doesn't like you then you aren't going to waste your time with any more continued advances because you know that she doesn't like you like that. It's nothing personal, not a reason you need to be an ass to this person for. If you happen to bump into her say hello, make some small talk, but don't go out of your way to pursue her if she isn't interested. It can be an awkward situation, especially if this is someone you see everyday (ie a class you have together, you work together etc) but just handle it like a gorwn up and not a high school kid.

[Asker]

Right on! I can see where you are coming from.

[himoto15]

No this is a two sided questions because you stated it in the for of the female rejecting the male. Ofcourse he will ignore her, that is the most logical thing to do at that time because he just got rejected for putting himself out there and trying. A majority of women don't experience rejection the way they dish it to men so those women, not all, will not understand.
Now if a guy rejects a girl you will either see the same result or something a bit different. Do a test, because at the end of the day looks matter to some, have a unattractive person go up to a good looking person and you will see them rejected on the spot. Now do it again with a really attractive person and the result will be different
But to answer your question no it is not stupid or immature, there feelings or ego have been dented.

[aficionado]

Nope! They're neither stupid nor immature. If I am rejected by a girl, I'd rather not have ANYTHING to with her (which includes saying hi or anything). So I'd obviously ignore her. Of course, I would never be mean to her or abuse her, because I'm a dignified man. But she becomes a complete stranger to me the very moment after she rejects me. And I'm not gonna give importance to random strangers (because once she rejects me, she's nothing more than a random stranger to me).

[Asker]

That's an interesting point of view. So we have three men and a girl saying they'd all ignore.

[aficionado]

Yeah! Nobody would want to interact with someone who rejected them, because it would be really awkward. And in my case, since I'm a bit more emotional and sensitive than others, interacting with someone who rejected me would give me immense emotional pain. So I'd rather avoid all that.

[Asker]

That's fair enough, I don't take rejection personally or seriously, but I may follow your example and ignore the person, if they speak to me, I'll keep it civil but that's about it.

[aficionado]

That's my problem, actually. I always tend to take every rejection as a personal insult and the worst form of humiliation. So I'd rather not interact with someone who insulted and humiliated me.

[Asker]

Well you have a valid point of view and how you feel is how you feel, I just can't take any of this stuff seriously, so I just brush it off, keep calm and carry on.

But yeah I'm totally gonna ignore this girl, don't want her thinking I still want anything to do with her.

[aficionado]

Yeah, exactly! If someone felt you aren't good enough for him/her (in whatever way), there's no point in you doing social service to that person by still being 'normal' with them.

[Asker]

But if she says hello, what should I do? say hello back or ignore her? What would you do in such a situation?

[aficionado]

Well...I wouldn't ignore her. But I would just fake a puzzled expression, and say something like "Excuse me, do I know you?"

[Asker]

Oooh harsh man! That would make her feel like dog shit wouldn't it? Or is that the desired effect?

[aficionado]

Yeah its harsh, but it serves her right for not even giving me a chance. All this 'physical attraction' crap aside, all I asked was a chance to get to know her better (and not to marry her or have kids with her), and she rejects me? Actually, if she said hi, I'd have preferred to stick up my middle finger in her face, but I wouldn't want to be accused of harassment (because women always win such cases). So I'd settle for the action i mentioned previously. So you see, its not all that 'harsh'.

[Asker]

You do sound like a sensitive fella, which is something I wish I was, I'm quite cold and don't really care about much.

So I'm just gonna ignore this girl and it casual if she speaks to me and then carry on ignoring her.

Hopefully she keeps out of my way, that will be good, out of sight, out of mind and all that stuff.

[aficionado]

Yeah, do that! You don't have to put up with someone who was unwilling to even give you a chance.

[Asker]

I like your attitude, you are clearly a man who commands respect and that's a good thing.

[aficionado]

Thanks for your appreciation pal! I'm not the kind of guy who sleeps around with women or indulges in any kind of casual dating. If and when I do get into a relationship, I would definitely treasure my partner. So I obviously won't take any crap from women who think too highly of themselves, and reject me for trivial reasons without even giving me a chance to prove what I'm capable of (I'm not referring to sexual capabilities here).

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Not at all. That's like saying "If a guy goes into chick fil a and asks for a hamburger and is rejected, he should hang around the restaurant and not go across the street to McDonalds"

If my intention is to date a girl and she's not interested, why waste my time?

[Asker]

I don't think remaining polite to her means you are wasting your time. I mean if the girl was your girlfriend and had sex with your best friend I can understand ignoring her, but I think it's childish.

If a girl rejects I'll acknowledge her existence, sure I won't waste my time being friends or pursuing her, but I would say hi if she said hi to me. It's just politeness isn't it?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Well of course, I don't think it often happens that a transaction goes:

"Would you like to go out"
"no, thank you"
"fuck you, bitch".

But that doesn't mean I have to engage with her, either. I'm not going to be an orbiter for some chick.

[Asker]

I'm not talking about being an orbiter, just if she's passing you by and says hello, where's the harm in saying hello back?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Nothing. But I don't see why any guy should feel obligated or be called "stupid" and "immature".

[Asker]

I never said they are stupid or immature, I asked are they? There's a difference.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

And my answer was 'not at all'

[Asker]

Yes I know and a valid point of view.

[Asker]

I might have a good at this ignoring stuff, it sounds kinda fun.

[Mesonfielde]

I think it's a bit risky to initiate a relationship with someone who you can just ignore once things don't go your way. An initial common ground of friendship and a slight bit of mutual attachment would kinda prevent that from happening. Therefore, I think the inquiry of asking the other out is insincere, and completely ignoring them seems somewhat overkill. So I vote yes.

[Asker]

Interesting!

So you cold approach a girl, ask her out and she says "Sorry *insert reason other than the real reason*", you accept it and you'd act like it's business as usual? You wouldn't look to ignore her, avoid her or any of that stuff.

[Mesonfielde]

Well if it's a random person you've just met, and the only thing on your mind at that moment is having a quicky with a stranger, then of course there's no point in sticking around. But that's not the only valuable aspect of a human. It really depends on what you're looking for.

[Exotica]

Yes. Rejection isn't always about ( more often than not in my opinion ) the person being rejected. I rejected a guy once but not cruelly and he ignored me thereafter. I was very hurt by his actions and I was put off because it was like I was being penalized for being honest.

[Asker]

Why did you reject him?

[Exotica]

He was younger than I am and it wouldn't have been fair to engage in a relationship given my current situation. It was a real shame too because I really liked him as a friend, that's why it hurt when he chose to ignore me. It had absolutely nothing to with not being attracted to him.

[Asker]

I see, so how would you feel if a guy that you rejected went from smiling at you everytime he saw you, seemed really happy to see you to becoming a lot more aloof and disinterested. Would it hurt your feelings? Or if he went from making small talk with you to saying nothing at all, would you understand why he's stopped doing all of these things?

[Exotica]

He did. He completely cut off communication. Yes, I was very hurt because I was honest. No I did not understand why he did it. Just because we couldn't have a relationship physically didn't mean we couldn't be friends even if it was casual. To me it was immature because I would never just ignore someone, even if they rejected me.

[Asker]

Here's scenario for you. say this guy didn't ignore you, you became friends and further down the line you met someone better, someone you wanted more, wouldn't that have caused problems? I think it would, so surely you must have been able to see where he was coming from by withdrawing completely?

[Exotica]

It would be the case of someone I wanted more because he's a friend and there's a difference in the two relationships. For my situation I would have been fine had I been told why he stopped speaking to me, but that wasn't the case. If it was because it would hurt him too much if I met someone and started dating them then I can understand why he wouldn't want to pursue a friendship. But to flat out ignore someone without explaining why is immature to me.

[Exotica]

'It wouldn't be the case of'

[Asker]

Yeah fair enough! I'm just wondering whether I upset the girl in question because she was walking past me, I looked up, glanced her and then turned away without acknowledging her and carried about my business, but then I noticed she started to ignore me, avoid and act like I didn't exist. Do you think I upset her?

[Exotica]

I think by not acknowledging her you sent her the message you're not interested in talking to her. I have no idea if this upset her or not. If you are friends with her prior to this then yah I think that's kind of rude to not at least nod or say "hey".

[Asker]

Nah we're not friends with each other, but we used to smile and and acknowledge each other every time we passed each other.

[Exotica]

Then I doubt it hurt her feelings. Wouldn't worry about it ;)

[Hukb1994]

Well I was friends with this girl I worked with. With time we became very good friends. Usually hangout a lot etc. I had feelings for her and wanted to have her as a women by my side. I did like her a lot and she did show some lead. After months of our friendship I had the courage to ask her out for lunch. She asked me what was the reason or occasion for it. Well I told her that I don't just like her as a friend but it was more to it. She told me that doesn't date colleagues and rejected me. From that day onwards I ignore her but would say hi and goodbye when coming to work and going from work. She did come to me a few times to have a conversation but I kind of rejected the idea of the conversation. If you know what I mean. I still like her but I won't approach her again. Does that make me an asshole. If so, tell me what to do. Any good suggestions?

[Anonymous]

For me, some girls I stay friends with some girls I ignore after they reject me. Depends on the situation though. A lot more thought goes into it but basically I ignore the girls keeping me around for validation or attention, stay friends with the genuine girls. I know i'm going to get some bad feedback from this comment :/... but that's my honest opinion. Yeah, it's immature but there's more to life than just dating. Both relationship and friendship requires a lot of time and energy. Need to keep the people that positive influences your life and forget the negative ones whether it's the right thing to do or not.

[Asker]

Honesty is the best policy.

[jacquesvol]

If a girl rejects me I'll accept it and I won't bother her anymore. Why should that be stupid or immature?

If a girl rejects a guy just because she's in a bad mood, she can always go back to that guy.

[Asker]

Yeah of course, I never meant to imply that a guy still pursue the girl, I meant should the guy keep things civil.

say the girl is passing you by and says hi, wouldn't it be polite to say hi back, if you know what I mean?

[jacquesvol]

I'd stay nice and polite (if I don't get an echo about her telling mean things after she rejected me, only to justify her rejection... that happens often, yes.)

[Asker]

Yeah that's understandable.

This girl immediately told her best friend about it which I thought was a bit of shitty move on her part, but there you go! She obviously got some kick out of being asked out by me and slapping down that rejection like "BAM".

[jacquesvol]

A girl who acts like that knows she was wrong rejecting the guy but wants another (better) justification than "I was PMS-ing."
Some are a bit proud about the # of guys they reject. C*ckteasing thus.

[Asker]

Yeah women like that really grinds my gears between a rock and a hard place. I mean I take such behaviour as a compliment because it shows just how sexy I am or at least that's the impression I get.

[Emptymatrioska]

I think they're smart, actually. Also, if a guy rejects me, I would ignore him too. I don't get why I should sturggle.

[Asker]

Why would saying hello to someone who says hello to you be a struggle?

[Emptymatrioska]

I wasn't talking about completely ignoring him. I would still be polite.

[Asker]

Do you mean that you wouldn't go out of your way to speak to them, but if they spoke to you then you would remain civil and polite?

[Emptymatrioska]

I would say hi and hope he won't start a coversation. If he will, I'll give some monosyllabic answers to show that I'm not interested in continuing this.

[Asker]

That's understandable and that's probably a sensible way to play it.

[Emptymatrioska]

That's the only way I 'ignore' people. I wouldn't mind if they do the same. It's painless.

[Asker]

Yeah of course it is, I suppose a lot of people take rejection seriously, so it's probably best to approach things from such an angle.

[Emptymatrioska]

I take rejection personally. And when I reject, I reject forever. There's no such thing as my mood influencing my decision.

[Asker]

So if you reject a guy that's it, you'll never make a move on him should your opinion of him change? Or if a guy rejects you, you won't ever accept his advances if he changes his mind? That's a cool attitude.

[Emptymatrioska]

Yes to both of your questions. I never change my mind. And god, his late advances would mean that he only changed his situation (maybe broke up with someone) and I'd find him needy and desperate.

Cool but still not working. :))

[Asker]

I can totally see where you're coming from and it has been eye opening for sure.

[Mesonfielde]

because friendship transcends the pain of rejection, or at least it should if you were serious about asking them out to date you

[Asker]

Well I wouldn't want nor would I accept friendship from someone that turned me down.

[Emptymatrioska]

It's not about how the woman feels. It's about how she can't see your worth. That's why friendship is almost impossible after rejection.

[Asker]

I see where you are coming from with that.

[Anonymous]

No, I think they're wise. Otherwise he slips back in to thinking he should try to win her over and ends up frustrated and bitter. It takes some time to cool a crush down...

[Asker]

Well I'm over it and I've moved, I'v got some other girl on my radar. So this girl isn't even on my radar anymore, so she doesn't bother me really!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, once you're over it, proceed as normal! :)

[Asker]

Yeah ignoring people doesn't fly with me, not really! Granted I never really spoke to this girl, if she says hi to me, I just can't see me ignoring, I just hope she doesn't think I'm still interested if I start doing that.

[Opinion Owner]

Nah.

[Asker]

That's good then, I don't want her thinking I'm going to approach her for the second time, so she can reject me again haha!

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. It's their choice who they want to hang around with.

[Asker]

I'm not saying you have to hang around her, but why ignore her completely? It seems childish.

[Opinion Owner]

Look around you the next time in you are in a crowded room.
How many of those people are you ignoring right now? Most of them, naturally.

Ignoring someone doesn't have an emotional connotation - it doesn't mean you hate someone or were offended by them or want to hurt them. It's the default setting that you have for most of the rest of humanity.

That's where the girl puts herself, when she says no to the guy who asked her out. And I don't see the problem with that, or why anyone would think it's childish.

[Asker]

You raise a valid point, so it's acceptable for a guy or girl who has been rejected to ignore the girl/guy that has rejected them.

[Opinion Owner]

I think so, yeah.

[Livelyserenity]

i totally agree on that

[iampikachu]

Omg! Yes I agree completely.

[Asker]

Has this happened to you before?

[iampikachu]

Yeah, just recently. This guy was trying to get with me. I simply said no. It wasn't much him. But more about the timing. Currently in life i want to focus on other stuff than on love. He then proceeded to ignore me.

[Asker]

I see, does he still ignore you?

[iampikachu]

It happened days ago. To be honest im not interested in interacting with people who act like that.

[Asker]

Yeah that's understandable.

[mario1321]

No they are hurt

[Asker]

Yeah that's understandable.