He seems interested, why isn't he initiating contact?

So I met this guy online a few weeks ago. We have been chatting and the conversations have gone well.

Our first date was wonderful. We spent the entire day together. He admitted to me later that he wanted to kiss me. We flirted a lot :) He also said I was cute!

He's very affectionate and polite. He says he likes me, he's said that several times. He'll hug me and kiss my head too :)

Then we met up again a couple days later. I ended up spending the night at his house. He's a really nice guy, and seems really into me.

He drove me home, he didn't want me to take a cab back to my place and then contacted me later to come over again and we ended up watching a movie at his place.

Whenever I text him, he doesn't take long to respond. And when I suggest seeing each other he seems pretty eager.

He has admitted to having issues keeping girls in the past. Not sure why. He's had a long-term gf cheat on him as well.

So I don't know. He seems super interested, but he won't initiate conversations (via text).

Mystery is solved! I got a text message today saying that although he really likes me, I don't give him those fluttery feelings! So basically I'm not loveable and he doesn't want to be with me :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • "He has admitted to having issues keeping girls in the past. Not sure why."
    "So I don't know. He seems super interested, but he won't initiate conversations (via text)."

    Have you ever considered that the key points in those two sentences (issues keeping girls, won't initiate conversations) correlate? Correlation doesn't necessarily imply causation, but I'll bet it does in this case.
    I would suggest bringing this up to him. He probably doesn't realize that his lack of initiating communications probably shows women that he doesn't like them as much as he should, or that he doesn't show much affection.
    It would probably boost your relationship, and help him come to terms with this issue of his.

    • I was kinda wondering about that. I wanted to see if anyone would bring it up! I've definitely thought about this as a reason. How should I bring this up to him? I don't want to make him feel bad...

    • He definitely shows affection though :) Very happy with that part!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Hey,
    If he has trouble keeping girls, maybe it is your job to show him what he is doing wrong.
    Here you are describing that you don't like it, that he doesn't initiate conversations. Tell him he should, tell him, you would appreciate it when he is the one initiating conversations... Teach him how to keep you. We boys are born clueless and we need a women to teach us how to love, so be the one to show him.

    Also maybe this is far fetched, but could he be spending his time playing video games. Most boys grow up with video games, they have as much value as girlfriends, at least at the start of a relationship.

    • He loves video games, I bet that is why :P

    • Then it's easy, ask him if you can play with him. He will call you to come play with him if things go well ;)

    • Haha. I think these are great thoughts.

      Sometimes a guy really does need it spelled out for him. As guys we should try to figure it out if we can. Sometimes though you (the girl) will need to ask yourself; Is it more important to you that he know, or that you never have to explain it?

      Video games might be a factor for sure. I have played one enough before that I didn't contact people much because it took over my mind. I let it anyways.

  • By eager, do you mean he's obsessive? Because I knew a girl who was pretty into me despite having a boyfriend, and she was quite similar to the guy you described, I got so freaked out that I quit the job I had to get away from her.

  • Do u mean he is not replying to any of your messages

    • no he replies right away to my messages. That's why I'm confused. He won't initiate a conversation but he will respond right away?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, he could be worried. I know how it feels to not want to bother someone. If he feels insecure, make sure he knows it's okay for him to start up the conversation. Also, if he doesn't come around, you need to know that you are a women and should not have to wait around for a guy who won't even bother to text you. If you want to be understanding, the that is okay. He was cheated on, so help him feel confident again!