I was on a second date with a guy who seemed super sweet. Everytime the waiter came to the table, though, he was curt and snotty to him, letting him know he was interrupting us too much and that our food was taking too long. When we got our food, he called the waiter over and said, "This is terrible, I'm sending this back. Tell the chef he put no effort into this at all." I was stunned because he was SO nice to me. This is a big red flag - how someone treats a service provider speaks volumes about their character. What are your thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night
After all, the real question from any sort of behavior that was more likely than not the result of conscious thought is, "What is he trying to make me think about him?"
As you said, what most guys are trying to show you during a first date is that they're "nice," and easy to get along with, and pleasant to get along with, and have no sex drive and are not the least bit interested in having sex with you God forbid you commit the logical fallacy of thinking that therefore, he must only be interested in just sex only and nothing else (or if he's a player, overcompensate and really not let any sexual interest show for as long as he is desperate, the more desperate, the long he'll be willing to wait), or the reverse fallacy of, "He waited so long and was so patient with me, he must really care and be the One and not just looking for sex."
So, what then was he trying to communicate? His behavior is explained largely by "ego." He wanted to show you that he's a dominant man who isn't afraid to get himself into emotionally uncomfortable situations and break apart from social niceties in order to get what he wants; that he doesn't compromise, and that he gets what he wants. He wanted to show you that he also has high standards, and doesn't compromise for "okay." So, just the same way he wasn't okay with his steak or food, and the way he reacted to communicate that, that's the way he behaves towards other things too. Here comes the fallacy... therefore, if he's dating you, and he hasn't behaved that way towards you, it must mean that you satisfy and meet his exceptionally high standards. It's an attempt to play on your own ego, and your primal need to feel safe and protected.
I conclude the guy is an @sshole, and you should run. If it smells like an @sshole, if it looks like an @sshole, and if it sounds like an @sshole, it probably is.2