ISFJ Dating ENTP... Advice?

I have been dating an ENTP for 7 months now, and for the most part, it has been really good. We have the best time together, get one anothers' jokes, there's a "spark"/definite physical attraction between us, and he makes me very happy. There's just something between us that "clicks", something I haven't felt or seen with anyone else.

But I've recently started to notice little things that make our complete opposite personalities more apparent. He is honest, something refreshing from my last relationship, but sometimes TOO honest. He's also a very blunt person, and is fine being "on his own" most times. We see each other once or twice a week. He is also the worst texter (and by this I mean he takes forever, sometimes a full day), which I know shouldn't be the only means of communication, but a simple "have a good day" would be nice to hear once in a while. I know that I'm not perfect, but I just feel "unwanted" sometimes.

He is trying to figure out what he wants to do, having a hard time finding a job, and has dealt with some unfortunate family circumstances in the past couple of months. I have a full-time job, make a steady income, and he tells me that he is not sure he "can be the person I want him to be right now". He also questions "what I see in him" because he doesn't seem "worthy" of my time... it hurts me to hear that, and I tell him otherwise to reassure him. But I think those things are always in the back of his mind; he feels stressed and unstable.

I, myself, do know what sort of future I will want - marriage, kids, a suburban home, stability - but I am not ready for those things right now. I would hope that if we were to be together in the future, he would have the same goals. I guess my question is for all the other ENTPs - are these common traits with your personality, or are some of these more subjective/from his external factors? I care about this boy a ton, but I feel my usual "happy self" escaping sometimes because I can over-analyze...


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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't know, I'm an ENFP, and normally opposites work well together. I usually end up dating INTJ's. But it sounds like personality isn't the only issue here. Self-esteem doesn't depend upon personality, and the fact that he doesn't think he's good enough for you could be healthy (keeping him interested) or it could cause him to exhibit self-destructive behavior (she's never gonna stay with me, so I might as well break up with her first). Also, he needs to find a job. No matter what your personality is, you should have a job. Also, when I'm interested in a girl, I text as much as I can without crossing the boundary into "too much" and that depends upon the girl. If she texts me five times a day, I might text her four, five or six times. Etc. Not texting could mean that he isn't into you as much as you think, or it could just mean that he doesn't like to text, or that he's trying to play hard to get to keep you interested.

    Sorry, this is all jumbled. Normally, there is some semblance of order to my opinions (even if that order is only in my own head lol). The bottom line is, the personalities should be compatible so he needs to solve his self-esteem and job problems and you need to find out if its his habit to text that infrequently or if he's only doing it to you, and then figure out why he's only doing it to you if so.

    Hope I helped.

  • From what I read online entp/isfj is a fairly rare pairing in terms of success and as an isfj coming out of a recent breakup with an entp I understand why.

    The "Too honest" component was a difficulty for us as it went far beyond the relationship stuff that mattered. My ex-entp would be very critical about the most inconsequential of things and it really chipped away at my poor wittle isfj self esteem over time.

    The difference in need for affection/affectionate communication/time together as you pointed out was a struggle too. ISFJ's are typically known for wanting to chare every waking moment with their partners, while I'm not like that as I like my own space, I found myself literally starving for attention. I don't really need a metric ton of it, but I do need more than "not very much at all"

    My softer more romantic side drove my entp crazy as it wasn't really her thing and didn't really serve a place in her uber logical mind so my expressions of love were seen as more perfunctory and fake to her.

    I couldn't keep up with how quickly her brain moved and she found me terribly boring - I would add that she's the only person I've encountered in my entire life that's found me boring. Her need for stimulation was very very very high and my quiet little self just couldn't provide it. I found her high need for intellectual stimulation and debating the intricacies of life overwhelming.

    I can see where if the people are right that an entp and isfj CAN come together because there are a lot of components that can compliment each other but I do feel that it's rare for that to work based on my personal experience.

    I know it's a lot to put into a simple personality test but I would never knowingly choose to be with an entp ever again, I like peace and harmony and found it to be an overall exhausting experience. I'm far better suited to a more peaceful personality

    Good luck :)


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