Women hold all the cards when it comes to dating - Agree or not?

[Anonymous]

I have always felt that women have a massive advantage during the initial phases of dating because they don't have to do much.

Men have to muster up enough courage to approach women, be presentable, try to impress them etc. and usually still have to go through multiple rejections before a woman eventually says 'yes' (I'm referring to 'common men' here, not the super hot hunk or the ultra rich man).

On the other hand, woman can just sit around without batting an eyelid or raising a finger, yet they would still get approached by men. All they need to do is exercise their lip muscles to utter a simple 'yes' or 'no'.

Of course, once a relationship has been established, both partners need to put in efforts to maintain the relationship. But initially, during the dating phase, the ball is almost always in the woman's court (especially because it is really hard to get a 'yes' out of a woman when approached for a date). Agree or disagree?

Expecting votes/answers from both men and women.

I'm a man and I agree

I'ma man and I disagree

I'm a woman and I agree

I'm a woman and I disagree

[Bandit74]

*warning I have a very cinical view of relationships*

Girls have an advantage when it comes to getting no strings attached sex. Also they have an advantage for early stages of relationships and they control sex with in a relationship. Guys have more of an advantage when it comes to commitment and don't have to worry about getting fucked and dumped or being used for sex.

When it comes to any sort of trade (yes I see relationships as somewhat of a trade) the person who wants something the least has the most power/control. Generally guys want sex more than girls and have a harder time getting it so girls have the advantage here. Generally girls want commitment and marraige more so guys have the advantage there. So early stages of the relationship the girl has most of the control and the guy has to work to impress her and make her happy so he can get sex once she starts having sex with him, some of but not all of that power is relinquished. Now after the girl starts having sex with the guy, the girl wants to try to win the guy over and get him to commit and propose to her. Convince him that of all the girls he's been with that SHE is the one he's should drop down on one knee for. So the guy has a little more bargining power here since the girl GENERALLY want marraige more than the guy since the guy generally has more to lose from a divorce. I don't think a guy wants to blow 5-10k on a ring and risk half his wealth just for the fuck of it. However once you get down on one knee, she owns your ass. So choose wisely ;)

[Asker]

Very insightful answer! Much appreciated! :)

[Agrojag]

This is a great reason not to get married.

[Bandit74]

thanks for mh

[Asker]

You're welcome! And you deserve it!

[Agrojag]

I disagree slightly. The fact that women are so passive can work against them since they never approach the guys they like, they just have to sit there and hope -- which in most cases doesn't happen -- that the guy they like tries to approach tem. At least us guys try to make something happen. Our fate is more in our hands than theirs is in theirs. If that make sense. But I'd still say they hold more power when initiating relationships, but I also think they lose power once that initial phase is passed. They also lose power at an exponential rate as they age. Superficially they have power, at least when they're young, but it's not total and they lose it rather rapidly.

[Asker]

Really great answer!

But doesn't a man's self confidence go down a notch every time he is rejected, until it reaches a point where he has no confidence left to approach a woman anymore?

[Agrojag]

That just depends on the guy. I've taken my share of rejections and I still think that those girls are missing out on me as much as I may be missing out on them, but then I also realize that women aren't irreplaceable and most only seem great on the surface and only get worse the more you get to know them.

[Asker]

Hehe, you seem to be spot on!

[bijinbijinbijin]

I think its the same for women. Women have to muster up confidence and impress too. Men feel rejected and hurt when he realises that the woman does not want sex with him and it can cause his self esteem to drop. Women feel hurt and rejected when she realises the guy does not want a relationship with her so she will feel like she is not good enough for love and a relationship and that guys just only want to fuck her and not care about her.

You just have to realise that eveyone, men and women do not all have the same intenions. Everyone is not looking for the same thing and people date and have sex for different reasons. As long as you are calibrated with the woman you ask out then she is most likely going to say yes to you.

I knew this guy who was so thirsty and full of himself. He thought this lesbian girl was sooo smoking hot and the fact that she was hot was reason enough for him to keep trying her. Sometimes guys just really need to use logic. The girl ended up really bruising his ego. He really thought trying to attract a woman who is not even attracted to men was a really good idea. Or maybe he totally ignored the fact that she was lesbian. I dont know what was going through his head. but my point is, when you are not calibrated with the woman you ask out, of course you are gonna get rejected.

[Asker]

What exactly do you mean by 'calibrated'? I mean... humans aren't machines, right? As far as I know, people develop a liking for someone of the opposite gender (or same gender, in case of gay people) and approach them. So here, does calibrated mean the man meeting every requirement on the woman's (probably long) checklist?

[bijinbijinbijin]

no, you just have to be adjusted. Just from friendly talking with a person before you even ask them out you can find out if you two are on the same page and which direction to approach or whether or not to even go any further.

Im saying, like you could have one expectation in your head, while the girl you are interested in is expecting a totaly differnt outcome. You both need to be having the same expectations. Not two different ones.

[Asker]

But then, most so-called 'dating experts' say that starting out as friends is the worst possible approach a man can take, because he is sure to be friend-zoned?

[bijinbijinbijin]

dating experts!, You definitely over think too much. The majority of women want relationships yet how many of thoes dating experts are in succesful relationships? Obviously they do not know what women want.

My fiance and i were friends first now we are best friends. Just becasue you let a woman know that you are interested in her does not mean that you are automatically her boyfriend or get to sleep with her. Once you let her know that you are romantically or sexually interested in her and then you two proceed to get to know each other more, then you are her "friend", interchangable with the term "aquaintence". There is a difference between being "friend zoned" and being "friends". Friend zoned guys can never date the girl and is only seen as a brotherly type figure becasue he always acts like her brother or gay best friend anyway. Friends do get to date. Some can be friends-with-benefits and some can grow into boyfriends. Either way he starts out as a friend

[existing_not_living]

Ehh, I don't know. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious when I'm sending out signals that I have a thing for you or not. I'm also not really judgmental when it comes to dating/crushing on a guy. It's not that I don't have high standards, but I'm not like super picky when it comes to guys that I like. So for me, anything's really possible. From that standpoint when it comes to guys with me, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out whether I will "utter a simple 'yes' or 'no'."

Also women have to do a lot of things in order to be attractive or worthy of a guy crushing on us or wanting to ask us out. It's just as easy for a girl to be good enough for asking a guy out as it is for a guy to actually do the asking. It's a two way street man.

When I first met my bf I had to send some major hints his way in order for him to finally make a move. It was not easy and I had to muster up a lot of courage to send those hints. He could have rejected my hints just as easily as I could have rejected him asking me out. I think both genders have it pretty bad when it comes to dating.

[Asker]

Your answer seems perfect, except for one little problem. To say that women's signs are ambiguous, would be an understatement. They often don't know where to draw the link between 'being super friendly' and 'showing romantic interest', and their behavior usually contradicts their thoughts. If a man asks a woman out, she says "I only considered you a friend, its your fault if you misinterpreted that as romantic interest". Ad if he doesn't ask her out, she says "You failed to read my signs, so its your fault that I lost interest and moved on". Either way, its the men who get the short end of the stick.

Ad in your case... why did you have to put in so much efforts at hinting, when a direct confession would have solved got you immediate results? Why do women only 'hint'? Is it because they feel that men are emotionless robots who don't feel the pain of rejection (so it is ok for them to make the first move)? Or do they believe that rejection hurts only women?

[JasmineAlexis]

Guys never approach me in a way that lets me know that they're interested. If they do approach me, it's kind of ambiguous, so I end up accidentally coming across as uninterested. So I always have to make some type of move to get the relationship going anywhere.

[Asker]

See, this the problem. What exactly is that 'way' which lets you know they're interested in you? Being overly obviously would creep you out, I suppose.

[JasmineAlexis]

Anything direct would be nice, like approaching me and saying "Hi" or "Hey." I usually get indirect statements - made when there's other people around - so it's hard to gauge interest.

[Corsair427]

Girls do, my example. I've been attracted to a number of girls, didn't get a yes till I was 24 nor my first kiss till 25. The girls hold the cards. I've been on 17 dates in the last 6 moths and eager to see each girl again. Even though they kissed me they eventually just stopped texting. They come and go at will and do not want to commit to anything. To this day I've never had a GF for this reason, They just dont want it. So yeah its up to them.

[Asker]

Oops! That's sad, man! I wonder why they do that. Their expectations seem to be through the roof. It seems like they have a long 'partner requirements' checklist, and even if the man doesn't satisfy one of the those requirements, he is rejected. :(

[Corsair427]

Exactly! I've built my life up around me, am a successful commercial pilot, and well educated too. I just dont get it myself.

[Asker]

Wow, you're a pilot? Great going, mate! Not everyone can reach that level of success!

[Corsair427]

Damn right! fought to get there, I also train commercial and private pilots. Makes one wonder why we go through all these struggles just to get humiliated by girls who we appreciate just a "little too much" and have zero respect not to play with our hearts.

[Asker]

You're damn right bro! I'm not even one hundredth as successful as you, but with very limited resources I managed to obtain a University degree and a reasonably good job. Obviously, this is not 'enough' for women to consider me as potential dating material, I suppose.

[Corsair427]

If you are happy and can provide for yourself and find enjoyment, then your just as successful as me if not more. One thing i learned that changed my life that i read in an article was that guys are actually more empathetic to other human beings. Girls cannot feel empathy with a guy like a guy can for her. Not saying this is fact but it makes sense seeing the things I've seen. They are more in love with his power than with the actual person.

[Asker]

You couldn't be more right!

[aliveshecried]

Not for me, guys NEVER approach me. Every guy i've dated i was the one who had to ask for their number or speak too and i'm really shy. Guys just stare at me and it's rare i get the courage to actually do something so i've been single for a longgg time.

I have a resting bitch face so maybe that's why. Haha

[Asker]

At least you have the courage to approach men, which I appreciate! I I'm 29, and I have never approached a woman in my life, for the fear of rejection! :P

[aliveshecried]

Don't be scared! Like i said i'm really shy, but venturing out of my comfort zone was worth it :3 i've been rejected but hey at least i tried haha

[Asker]

I agree with you, but don't you think at age 29, its a bit too late for me to be approaching women for the first time in my life? It'll obviously come out awkward... just another reason for her to reject me anyway.

[Agrojag]

Yeah, I avoid girl's with bitch faces. Unfair maybe but in most cases girls with bitch faces are in fact bitches. Better to be safe and take my chances elsewhere I feel.

[aliveshecried]

Noooo definitely not. One of the guys i'm refering to was 31, i was 20, he was working at a food stand and kept staring at me, if he would have just came up to me and said something it would have made my life so much easier. My point is, after that, and getting to know him, he's terribly unconfident and nervous. He said he thought i was cute but would never have said anything had i not came up to him. someone has got to make the first move. I was terrified because i didn't thinkci was his type, but i went up to him and was just like, hey i see you looking at me, can i get your number lol

[aliveshecried]

Agrojag that's your problem not mine. Haha jk i'm not a bitch at all, i'm super nice so i get shit on in every area of my life.

[Asker]

Then maybe I should start approaching women at least occasionally. I have been involved in a couple of relationships, but those were ages ago, and the girls themselves approached me. Have been single for over 5 years now.

[aliveshecried]

Yeah you should, even little effort can provide results over time. I've been without a relationship status for 4yrs so i feel ya :P

[Asker]

Ok tell me one thing. I have always had this notion that women of the current era almost always have a long checklist of partner requirements, and a man who doesn't meet even a few of them would be rejected outright. For example, suppose a man has 10 good traits about him, but the woman he is interested in is looking for a trait different from the 10 he already has, then he is bound to get rejected. How often does this happen, and how true is this? Are women really that demanding?

[aliveshecried]

Honestly, i have no friends who are girls, i just don't get along very well with them, so i'm not sure i can give an accurate answer. I have a twin and my other sis is 27, i honestly don't think most girls are like that. Unless you are trying to get with model out of everyones league type girls who are superficial or really worried about reproducing and having a man take care of them, you should be ok.

[Robertinho]

Its true, this poll must be rigged or something. The guys are the ones that have to go through the end of the universe and back to try to impress a girl to say yer or no. The girl just straight out says no... or even if she says yes, can leave you as they please at any moment, second, and minute they can. In other words just playing games with you, or straight out loose interest in you just like that.

[Asker]

You bet!

[Robertinho]

It ummm... it gets interesting, but life goes on.

[Asker]

But like someone else pointed out... women's prospects begin to reduce exponentially as they age. So while in their 30s or 40s, men certainly have the edge!

[Robertinho]

I beg to differ but lets just say they do... to a certain extent. When its all said and done, these things become very complicated... your just left scratching your head really.

[abundantlyrich]

No one really goes out anymore in the internetage. People just sit infront of the computer, trying to know others, face booking, gagging and tindering.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right. Lets kill the internet!

[abundantlyrich]

People are poor... :P

[KleinTeef]

Most of the time, I think women do.

I could write a list of the things women have more luck/chance with when it comes to dating, but I don't want to over-generalise on the matter.

[Katy16]

I think it is as long as the guy It's doing the pursuing like you said :)

[Asker]

'What' is long? Didn't get you!

[Katy16]

Huh?

[Asker]

Got you know!

[existing_not_living]

How did you "get her now" when she doesn't even understand what you're saying? Do you want to clarify your response?

[Asker]

Lots of typos I'm making today. I wanted to type 'Got you now'.

[ClauseViter]

Nah you're just a bish. Don't treat women like angels and they'll respect you.

[Asker]

Yeah they're respect me, but that doesn't mean they'll date me, rirght? :P

[ClauseViter]

You can live your life 2 ways. You can be the guy who always tries to impress the gorgeous girl of your dreams who constantly deals with disappointment. Or you can be the guy who doesn't give a fuck about shit and has girls chasing him. Its up to you which way you want to live. But I'm just saying this is real.

[Asker]

Huh? Girls 'chase' guys? Even the 'common' guys who aren't outrageously good looking or insanely rich?

[ClauseViter]

Its pretty crazy but that's what happens when you stop fondling over them and actually treat them like the people they are. They are not special, they are not devine, they are people just like you.

[Asker]

I have never fondled over women in my life, nor do I place them on a pedestal. They ignore me, and I ignore them. That's what's been happening.

[ClauseViter]

Don't ignore them, interact with them just never place yourself below them, you are the only person who can judge your own self worth. Never let anyone undermine that or you will be a bish.

[Anonymous]

i would say women definetley hold the cards starting at 18 and lasting throughout their 20's mainly

[Anonymous]

i would say defitnetly we do in the beginning stages

[blondfrog]

No not always, but most of that is true.

[barbielicious]

Ur being selfish.

[Asker]

You don't even KNOW me, I suppose you didn't even read the description, and just posted that I'm selfish! Could you justify your answer? What makes you think I'm selfish?

[barbielicious]

Shut up u talk too much.

[Asker]

Shut up yourself.

[Asker]

I have much better work to do, than shutting up some random female prick on the internet. Buzz off. I'm done with you.

[M_A_X]

Shut me up if you're a man?

Really?

REALLY?