What is it about good men that turn young women away?

I don't understand... I'm a good, young guy, 19 years old, good-looking, nice, got a good head on my shoulders... I was never into partying, I don't smoke or drink (because I'm underage). I'm a virgin and plan on keeping it that way...

SO... Why does it seem like any young woman, maybe I shouldn't use that term... girl, gets totally turned off, and/or paranoid about the attention I give them?

I'm the kind of guy that is only out to make friends, I won't do any wrong to anyone, and I can be the best friend a girl (or guy) can have. I ain't gonna pull no "behind the back" two-faced crap about anyone. But seeing how I am this way, I don't see how these girls like to go back to their drug headed boyfriends, who they seem to care about more than anything in the world... I mean, they think highly of that?!

Why is everything so... backwards? Why are girls so paranoid of me? I mean really, I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, I got my head in the right place... I have people tell me that all the time, "you have a good head on your shoulders" and I'll get compliments on good looks as well.

I'm not trying to brag or seem overly cocky... I'm just saying, MULTIPLE times I've been rejected and/or totally ignored by, what I thought, were good young women. They were very pretty, very smart, one I was interested in very much... the others, not so much. I was lead by all of them to believe we'd be good friends and that we'd be able to spend some time together, and it never happened, and without much closure too BTW... Just flat out ignored. I mean really, what am I gonna do? Tell you that I like you?

What's going on?

I'm not out to hurt anybody... I'm really just a genuine guy. I can be the best, most trustworthy, friend there is.
I mean, they do say... Girls date bad boys, women date good guys.
...and most of the time, I'm just looking for friendship anyways. Only one girl I've met in my entire life has ever captured my heart, and I think its pretty obvious that it didn't work out... Where are girls' sense of worth?


Most Helpful Guy

  • well, being good doesn't neccesarily make you attractive

    if all we had to do was be good and act nice, then no one would have any problems

    girls like strong, fun , entertaining guys, who they can have a good time with.

    Whether the guy is good or bad rarely comes into the equation but 'bad boys' have

    an aire of excitement to them.

    When they think of bad, they think of things like a motorcycle racing, short tempered leader

    of a gang of guys that plays by his own rules. That kinda bad.

    This kind of bad boy exhibits leadership strength and excitement.

    girls like good guys if they can show these same qualities.

    If you're an adventurous guy , who leads a group of friends who isn't afraid to try and discover

    new things, then she will feel the same way.

    an example of bad boys who girls aren't attracted to would be those guys that sit in their house all day using drugs and not doing anything exciting, with nothing to offer her.

    in short, if you can provide the girl with excitement (and by excitement I don't mean Indiana Jones, I mean keeping her stimulated with fun things to do together) , show her that you're a leader, show her that you can keep her safe, Then you won't have too many problems with the 'bad boys' getting all the young girls


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • You may be clingy. Not everybody like clingy guys,

  • Maybe you are coming across as too intense? Or too judgmental? You mentioned that you like to live your life a certain way. Perhaps you should ask yourself if you might be a little rigid in what you are looking for in a woman. Do you try to impose your values on her? Do you preach to her and make her feel bad about her lifestyle? It is not possible for me to tell without seeing you in action. I suggest you ask a friend or an older woman for advice on where you might be going wrong.

    The other problem could be that you are meeting girls in the wrong places. Try joining up for some activity, like a club or something, and get to knows girls that way. Take it slowly. Don't get intense right off the bat. Girls often are put off by that.


What Guys Said 4

  • This statement says it all "I'm the kind of guy that is only out to make friends". Whether or not that is true that’s how you view yourself and thus that’s how women view you. You’re the shoulder to cry on not the guy who gets their hormones running wild.

    I'll let you in on a secret. Most young girls who are attached to their boyfriends are that way because they like the idea of being in love. Most have never experienced real love and have no idea what it is like to have someone love them back.

    MY opinion, not yours.


    • Maybe I have REAL love to give and it scares them? Or they just don't know what real love is, so they get all scared, or they assume I just want to get in their pants... lol absolutely not! I care more than that. I intend on waiting till I'm married anyways. I know people don't know that, but I'm not an intimidating looking person at all or anything. I just look like a nice guy and that's really the best way I can put it.

    • Girls marry nice guys but date the bad boys. I would feel safe making a bet you would have better success in the future with women.

  • There are a few answers to your question...

    1. Despite the impression that you might get from this site and from women's magazines, men are not the only people on the face of the planet who have "intimacy issues" and can be "afraid of commitment." One way to avoid intimacy and commitment is to date people who are abusive, drunk, or otherwise unable to be a healthy partner. One of the main reasons that women avoid "nice guys" is to avoid intimacy .. if they date a "jerk," women can pretend it's always his fault.

    2. "SO... Why does it seem like any young woman, maybe I shouldn't use that term... girl, gets totally turned off, and/or paranoid about the attention I give them?" See part 1. If a girl is into you, she'll want your attention.

    3. Closure happens when you decide to stop giving your energy to someone who doesn't care about you.

    4. Talk is cheap, behavior is gold. Doesn't matter what a girl *says* -- what she *does* is what matters. Once you understand this principle, women aren't confusing. You see reality for what it is: if she wants to be with you, she'll be with you. Period. If she's a good person, she'll be nice to you. Period.

  • Hang in there the girls that are rejecting you are immature and scared, if they can't see that you're awesome like me, than they are not worth your time.

    • That's what I'm starting to think... immature and scared. But scared of what?! That's what I don't understand...

      If you all personally knew me, you'd find NOTHING to be scared about... lol It honestly baffles me why a guy like me, can't make some female friends... Guys? Ha! no problem! Unless a guy is a cocky jerk, pretty much every dude gets along with me. But girls are like paranoid? I don't get it.

    • I wonder the same thing. I think it's because they are not used to seeing a calibre of guy confident, funny, friendly AND caring rolled into one. They sense a sort of 'Is this real?' they don't trust themselves. So they stick to their realms. I even think that they think 'I don't deserve that' too sometimes.

  • By the sound of it, it's because your a straight arrow and don't stand out.

    Girls don't date bad boys they date men that take the lead who happen to be bad boys.

    • So not trying to "fit in" isn't standing out? I'm in the minority for sure...

    • You don't need to "fit in", your just forgettable. For all your talk about being caring, honest and good you have not said your fun, interesting or got some banter. You have nothing for the girl to connect with, or anything to offer her I'm generally dubbed a bad boy/"rebel" by girls and I am loyal to my friends, donate blood, got a big heart, do charity work and this morning helped a stray dog, yet I'm dubbed a bad boy because I have a bit of edge about me, I causally swear often.....

    • .....I drink, smoke and do drugs, I will tell absurd sexual innuendo jokes to a girl I just met, I get into arguments with strangers, got a few tattoos, I argue with my boss because I'm bored etc.. Things are not as simple as good boys and bad boys, as bad boys do care about their girls and caring is the only thing your are offering them.