If you sent the last text, should you initiate the next time?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I don't like mind games, but I do get what people mean when they say that the person who sends the last text in a way gives the power to the other person. Personally I think it's more that you make the other person feel good and wanted. It then makes it easier for them to initiate.

Sometimes tho, owing to time difference, or one person being at a party, or work or whatever, you get a situation like this right? This is for someone who Initiates just like you. Both of you initiate after the other person was last to text?

So if you text a woman and she responds, then you text again to her slightly inviting, but tbh ambiguous response, then the convo ends as when you look at your message it also looks ambiguous and possibly final, even if you hinted at a question..

Now you have ended up being the last person to text right?

So can you initiate the next text or even buzz her have a good day? Cos it seems like a double, if not triple text?

Say the messages are like:
Me
Me
Her
Her
then instead of leaving, cos you're nervous and like her you reply so:
Me
Me

Can you just not initiate again? Feel hopeless now...

I mean this is someone I like, yes maybe a little crush, but she is a great friend. A person I value. I think she was probs partying. In terms of Initiation, this girl does initiate too. Thought mostly through the texting history, THE PERSON WHO WAS THE RECEIVER OF THE LAST TEXT ENDS UP BEING THE INITIATOR.

One time, she initiated despite being the last person to text me? So that felt great from my perspective, but the messages were more like:
Me
Her
Me
Her
Her
Me
Me
Her

and then after some time, Her again initiating?

Thoughts? This is with read receipts by the way.

Also if it's a girl who is flaky, how would you text differently? E. g. if a different girl doesn't text for days or only responds at holidays?

Updates

+1 y

@Lumos, you had a great take. Any thoughts on this?

[Anonymous]

Saw age, 28!!! Then saw "she is a Great friend", " a person I value"!!!

Why are you playing the text game with her. A friend, even with your "slight crush" (which is probably higher interest than you care to express) you shouldn't need to over analyze and do this much thinking when wanting to contact or talk to her.

You got something to say to her... Just say it mate. Be interesting in whatever you say and it honestly won't matter how many times you initiate. Seriously just be entertaining.

[Asker]

Not playing games, totally agree. It's always fun when we text, not the boring just how are u.

Just hesitating, and nervous to send. I mean normally text her whenever and as often as I can simply cos I do like her and love to keep in contact. I'm not the type to ignore people. I respond as soon as I can (e. g. when my hands are free and I see their message I read and type).

I'm not trying to play games. Only thing is I noticed, both of us reciprocate and initiate. It tends to be tho that one person initiates after the other has closed last time (except hols). Once or twice she actually initiated even tho she sent the last message. But that was for one line closers or exciting responses back to me reciprocating a wish.

As for this time, I texted her twice out of guilt for missing her response to mine (I was working, she was partying I think). I feel like it makes me look desperate in her eyes?

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you bro! I've been there. And I regret it. One you should probably rather sooner than later attempt to make this friend your girlfriend or risk heartache later.

But for as the texting. I was there, and I thought the exact same way for awhile. If I ended, then I didn't like to initiate next. So she would have to of course. Of course it left me sad and miserable when the time came that I wanted to show or text her something amazing, and I wouldn't allow myself to do show because of my text rule. And Then I'd have to wait for her to initiate. Which wouldn't always be when I wanted, everyday turned into 2 days, 2 days turned into 3 and then we got into an argument because she was like texting goes both way "no need to play games" her words.

So I stopped lol. So again, don't think like this mate, it is a game of sorts and there's no need for it with a friend. Just text if you want to text her. Who ended it be damned, don't worry about that.

[Asker]

That's a really good point. Tbh, I never really bothered with this. For me and this girl, who I value as someone really really great, someone I'd like around my life even if it is as a friend for life, the rapport is clearly there and we text each other (both initiate). It's just mostly it's been balanced. I'm worried I lost that, by texting again.

Maybe I didn't need to reply (did you see what I wrote above)? It was ambiguous but I replied again anyway? I just don't want to come across as someone who isn't desirable if that makes sense? I mean she has texted me before despite ending the previous convo, and tbh I loved that.

It's refreshing when someone doesn't play these stupid games, and I don't like them either. Only thing is do I appear needy? I mean I'd like us to be equals, not one being chased or all of that stuff. Plus, how do I appear attractive to her... is buzzing her have a great day ok to text her?

[lumos]

If you feel like it's worth it, go for it. If not, don't. It's that simple.

[Asker]

I mean I feel like she is worth it, but am worried about the notion that I appear less value to her in her eyes if I am texting her having been the last one to text her?

If you bear with the long stuff, did you see the part where I mentioned being unsure and texting back to her reply to my initiation (oh the confusion lol)?

[lumos]

Yeah this is just too confusing for me, you're over complicating things. Just wait a couple of days if you don't want to come off as clingy.

[Asker]

Please would appreciate your insight. I've tried to make it clear, thus it's a little longer lol. Just to show the history of recent communication. It's been more than a few days, but if I sent the last text, should I be initiating?

[lumos]

It really isn't much of a "should" or "shouldn't" at this point since it's already been more than a few days, it's more about you thinking it's worth it or not. Try asking her a questions or saying something she'll "have" to respond to. If she doesn't respond, she's not interested.

[Asker]

Ok, but this is a female friend, so we have rapport, it's not like we're never gonna text again? So I'm pretty sure she is interested in me as a person right? I mean it's mutual initiation.

All I'm saying is that this time, have I double texted and am I therefore looking bad in her eyes if I text again? I mean can you text her something like have a good day? I mean I was thinking of her and kinda wanted to, but thought she might think less of me?

[lumos]

If she thinks less of you for texting her, then she's pathetic. Don't text her something vague like "have a good day", that's not exactly something you have to respond to and it won't encourage her to start a conversation. Just ask her something or tell her something that's actually respond-worthy.

[Asker]

Ok such as?

Does it matter that I initiated last time, she replied and then I replied to her reply? I feel like now I might appear too chaser like?

So women don't like a have a good day kinda msg? She seemed into it before.. if anything does it keep the contact going?

What other things are good on Fridays? Long distance wise?

And how to be more exciting than just how are you?

[ConsultantIsBack]

You're so overcomplicating this mate👍

[Asker]

Yeah I'm thinking of changing my username lol!!

Nervous with this girl, but very very confused. I mean the flaky girl, I just stopped texting her. Wasn't gonna put up with that rubbish. You only do that if she's literally a Cheryl Cole.

As for this girl tho, she's really nice and very pretty. Become decent friends. She also initiates and doesn't do that mind game nonsense. But the last exchange made me hesitate. Maybe it's after being messed about by other chicks, but I feel like if I sent her two messages, she responded with two, and (out of guilt) I responded thinking it was a continuation, and she read, but didn't respond (maybe cos I went and wrote sounds like a good time as the 2nd even tho the 1st had a question which I guess makes it a closing line?), then I feel a bit worried to initiate again... just wait for Christmas for her to text first?

As in:
Me (wishes)
Me (banter)
Her (wishes)
Her (banter)
Me (banter)
Me (sounds good line)

Thoughts?

[ConsultantIsBack]

Just flirt and date in person, why overcomplicate?

[Asker]

Long distance, see each other when we visit each other. Very good rapport in person and excitement over texts, that much is clear. Time difference and nerves complicate it bro.

With this example, thoughts?

[Asker]

What if a girl reads your text, but doesn't respond till later?

And what if you couldn't reply for like almost a day (e. g. 19 hours), cos first you didn't see it, and then you were busy with family? Then when you reply, you reply normally, and she reads, but doesn't respond? (Her initiation was how are you?)

[BroDudeBro]

I never initiate texts with anyone. If someone wants to text me, text me if they're waiting for me to text them then they'll be waiting for a long time.

[Asker]

Ok, but then how to keep rapport with long distance friends? I mean I don't text people who never initiate back tho, right, that's not on

[BroDudeBro]

I will only text someone if I need to get in contact, I never really text much or initiate.