So, my friend ( man in his late 20s) and I ( woman) have been chatting for a long time. We are friends from the same university. We flirt and send funny memes to each other. Last I told him that I was thinking of him and how would he feel if I stopped missing him? This was asked mostly in jest, nothing serious. He responded that he doesn't know. I don't know what came over me, but I told him that he could have lied and told me that he would miss me too but instead chose to give an ambiguous answer. I wrote that he should not text me again and that I will not reply. That's it. That was my last text to him 2 weeks ago, he saw it and never responded. Who should initiate texting here? He is otherwise very sweet and we used to flirt, send pictures et al. Please advise?
It's important to have open and honest communication in any relationship. It sounds like there may have been some miscommunication and misunderstandings between you and your friend. It's possible that he may not have known how to respond to your question and may have felt put on the spot. However, telling him not to text you again and not responding to him may have caused further confusion and hurt feelings.
My advice would be to reach out to him and have a calm and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Let him know that you value your friendship and would like to clear the air. Ask him how he felt about your previous conversation and listen to his perspective without judgement. It's possible that he may have been unsure of his own feelings or may have misunderstood your intentions.
Remember to approach the conversation with empathy and respect. Relationships can be complicated, but with open communication and understanding, they can also be very rewarding.
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Can you rephrase what happened? I don't think I understand. You said you were thinking of him and asked him how he would feel if you "stopped missing him", which I assume means you tried to ask him how he would feel if you stopped seeing each other, to see if he would be emotionally affected by it.
You should be careful about doing stuff like that, it's manipulative. The "it's mostly in jest" is rationalization and defence. You had an emotion and you acted on it, don't ignore that part, it's important.
I don't understand the next part about "I told him I could have lied and told me that he would miss me too". I just don't know how to parse this, sorry.
The final part about sending him a text basically saying fuck off and never speak to me again is the true mess up. You don't seem like you have very good awareness or control of your emotions. It's something you can learn and it will improve all your relationships.
You asked too many questions.
Who should initiate? Girls should a lot more often (the good looking ones).
Now, your "ha, ha, just joking" (ironic meaning) - well, you must make sure you text with a smiley that clearly means 'I am saying the opposite of what I mean'. The 😉 sort of means that but in fact there isn't a good, precise smiley for 'I mean ironically/the opposite'.
So, you told him to step away, he did, then you got angry.
There was a time when irony was a good game - oh, don't visit me again, and he knows to come back asap. Then you say 'no, I mean it' and you get a kiss and feel all blissful.
Now we're stuck at fat ugly Indian and Black people insisting on consent (the thing they'll never get (and it isn't irony)).
You decided to cut off the texting because you like him more than he likes you. Why on earth do you want to restart something that isn't satisfactory?
He hasn't texted back because you TOLD HIM NOT TO. So, he's respecting your request. Why would you think he's going to ignore it? Also, if he was terribly interested in you, or your feelings, he would've asked why you were upset. He hasn't asked because he isn't as interested in continuing your chats and sharing as you are. So why should you be?
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WITH (why in the hell!) did you send that last message?
You should text first if you're interested. You made the mistake. And probably apologise. for an overreaction, explaining you respect his opinion.
You can't expect people to stick around after getting angry because they don't know how they feel about you and was honest. Its worse if he lied. Tbh, he done nothing wrong. The relationship wouldn't t end well in the future if it did progress like this.
You're trying to force him. I don't like that, I'd be gone too.
I think you need to back off a bit and let him feel what he needs to (if he does), naturally, and respect it.You want me to say him. But the simple fact is you want him to text you and apologize. But it's debatable that he even did anything wrong. So you got a 50/50 shot of that happening. If it were me I wouldn't message you. I certainly wouldn't say I'm sorry. I would say I'm sorry you were offended by what you perceived as a hurtful comment and then I'd say I never try to deliberately hurt anyone. But YOU or any woman, don't get to decide how I feel about them, or anyone. But as I said this wouldn't come up. Because I wouldn't message you. Because I did nothing wrong.
You literally implied a question saying "I won't miss you", then literally told him to not talk to you again lol. Why do you think he would reply? This doesn't seem like his fault no matter what he does. If he doesn't talk to you, he respected that you don't want to talk to him. If he does talk to you, he may be insecure, but he does want to talk to you.
You should obviously say you didn't mean it. Don't test him.
Sounds like you should be the one to text because set the boundary of him not replying to you. So if he did then you would block him, call harassment, or whatever.
But you should probably explain to him what you first meant about the "him missing you" thing, and why it suddenly became such a big deal for you when he didn't reply the right way. And why you took it so personally."I wrote that he should not text me again and that I will not reply. That's it." - That's where you messed up. He read and it didn't respond because he's doing what you wanted, and maybe forever. You want to know how you should get out of your own mistake. You can try being the mature one and texting and saying how you messed up and you're sorry, see what happens from there.
Asking how he'd feel if you stopped missing him, is kinda fucked. If we rephrase it to be a bit more extreme but the same in essence, imagine how you would react if out of the blue a guy you like asks you how you would feel if he stopped loving you, or stopped caring about you, or stomped on your heart? What kind of question is that?
It's impossible to tell intentions from a texting alone. Even worse you've let it marinate for 2 weeks! If he's someone you want in your life, I'd try to bump into him in person. You want to call out the elephant immediately and be real with him. Can't promise things will go back, but the longer you wait the more awkward this situation gets.
To answer your question, you have to be the one to end the awkwardness.If you don't mind then you should text him. Ask him about various things from the last two weeks. If he does it again similar fashion he doesn't deserve your friendship.
He definitely doesn't know how to treat a human like you who has a heart of a gold.You're not in highschool in anymore, and it's some fucking stupid game. There are no rules to texting. If you want to text him, do it. If you don't want to, don't do it. It's that simple.
It's not like, "Well I texted him first last time, now it's his turn!". Fuck that stupid childish garbage.Men are very literal. They’re not great at guessing, or reading between the lines. He probably seen that you didn’t want him to text you anymore, and that’s it; he’s not going to respond, even if he wanted to. If you want to talk to him again, you may need to initiate the conversation, and explain why you said what you did.
Well, you are female so you have chance with any guy in the world. On the other hand we males are mostly losers. (Source: I'm almost 19 and have never had a girlfriend). You can try with him or a different guy and it will work. It's not the same with guy trying with girls.
Why did you say that? Of course YOU need to fix this. Apologize, tell him you went temporarily nuts.
This is what you told him.
""I wrote that he should not text me again and that I will not reply. ""
He is abiding by your instructions.You messed up. But there's no going back, learn from your mistake when you start talking to the next guy.
He’s just doing what you told him to do. He’s respecting your wishes.
"I wrote that he should not text me again."
"He... never responded."You should cut your losses and move on. You fucked this one up.
You’re too stupid for your age! No man will be with you if you don’t change!
No one. Texting is a dead end way to forge relationships.
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