But my cousin did it.. she dated a guy who loved her for 4 years although she was not in love. She was always looking for better and one day she did find better. And as soon as the better guy proposed to her she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and married the new guy. They've been happily married with kids for years.
My brother also did this... he stayed with a girl for years waiting for someone better to come along and continued dating and seeing other people while he was with his girlfriend. After 6 years he found that he couldn't find better and ended up marrying her. She's not the love of his life, but he said he's just happy because she is happy that they finally married. So what's so bad about this situation if ultimately she got what she wanted - a marriage - and now they're trying to have babies. Double bonus for her for sticking around.
My sister did this too... and so did Taylor swift with Calvin Harris. She stayed with Calvin until someone way better came along - Tom Hiddleston. She'll probably end up marrying him. The two seem super happy together.
So I always thought this was really bad and selfish. And I have turned guys down who tried to break up with other girls for me. As soon as I find out there's a girlfriend I end it.. no ifs or buts. To me, a guy telling me "I"ll leave her for you" is a HUGE red flag...
but how come to others it is not? Have I been wrong to think this way? Does "stringing someone along" really make you a bad person?
What has been your experience with this and what do you think?
Most Helpful Opinions
if thats what they are doing then they should be ones, thats all. you can't be exclusive and see or look for other people. its called casual dating and thats ok as long as everyone nows so EVERYONE has a chance to loo around. when people do it secretly its bc they are too cowardly you let the possibility of their partner finding someone too. thats why its wrong and there's no way to justify it. its just a cowardly act from a person who is insecure and selfish.
if you want an open relationship or to casually date great fantastic you know what you want, but if you have to lie and deceive your partner -who is thinking you're together - to do it then you're pretty sleazy and i doubt anyone doing thats really groin to be happy bc they know they are a liar so they'll be paranoid even if they feel happy for a while, anytime things are not great they assume there partner is cheating or going to leave, bc they did the same. like AFTER the baby when the bodies a mess and she doesn't feel sexy or AFTER he marries her and she gets bored.
there is a reason you should treat people how you want to be treated - with aded treatment based on there preference- and its not only bc its the respectful thing to do. its bc if YOU are untrustworthy you will not be able to trust anyone else.
you reap what you sow and you reap a lot of it in your own mind. people dont have to actually cheat on you or you to live in fear of it.
o imp deception is wrong
1 bc its a shitty way to treat someone else,
2 bc it makes you neurotic.
I really like your answer and you are right everything you are saying. If someone wants to keep playing the field, the other person should know so they can do the same thing. It's really unfair that the other person believes you are exclusive and that you might someday marry, when the other person is secretly trying to find someone better.
I think after years of seeing a lot of people doing this I lost sight of what was actually wrong...