In a relationship, are you more the person trying to ‘hold on’ to it, or the person looking for reasons to leave it?

[muscularbumblebee]

I feel there’s usually two types in a relationship though some couples may be both.
1) being the ‘keeper’ always ignoring flaws just to keep the current partner, also tries to avoid conflict and keep peace.
2) being the one looking for reasons the partner could improve their flaws in general. Doesn’t have to be looking for better options necessarily but is usually more sceptical about their partner.

Which do you feel you fit in more and why?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I have found that I am the type to try and hold onto the relationship. I always had some fear of abandonment due to being adopted/neglected by my birth mom… Which had a negative effect on my relationship and my perception of what is healthy/unhealthy and what to hold onto/what to leave.

In my last two relationships, they were both off and on. Broke up constantly and got back together… I so desperately tried to make it work because I did not want to just abandon the relationship for things I thought were fixable. I was always the one getting broken up with because I would always look for solutions outside of just breaking up for good.

However, I soon realized that some of these things are out of my control, and no matter how hard I try to hold on, I can’t keep holding on if there’s no slack being picked up on their side… It is something you learn with experience or by observations. You learn to try and keep a middle ground between trying to hold on vs. looking for reasons to leave. I have found that middle ground, where I know when to try and hold on, and when to leave. :-)

[muscularbumblebee]

I’m really sorry to hear about your past negative experiences, but this makes sense and you seem self aware, it’s good you’re more comfortable and confident with it now it seems

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Thank you, it’s okay!
I am a lot more self aware, comfortable, and confident with these things.

Great question, by the way :-)

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I've been the one to look past flaws to a fault, so I'm trying to be the opposite (or more in that direction).

I grew up in an abusive home, so it's a bad habit for me to excuse terrible behaviours. I'm finding myself more and more drawn to higher standards, and I think laying into that will be better for me going forwards.

[Pyrofox]

If I'm anxious and my partner isn't the best at reassuring me that its the right choice its easy for me to definitely slip down the path of option 2

Though if my partner understands my anxious side and is willing to help ease it I can definitely sustain the keeper side of things. Just need that extra kinda oomph to just allow myself to enjoy the relationship I guess.

[Twalli]

My girlfriend and I don't really fight to keep it working. Nor do we seek flaws. We're comfortable with each other, so we don't really care, much the same way you don't care about the flaws of family members

[sage2021]

I am the one trying to hold onto the relationship. The trouble is, I never know what he's doing when he's not with me where I can see him.

[AviatorTom]

A relationship is not easy. I do the best I can to maintain and nurture the relationship. I guess that makes me a "hold on" person.

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely dont avoid conflict. If there's a problem, im here to talk about it

[wonderputz]

I'm absolutley the "keeper," but I'm super picky. I chose (correction, my girlfriend and I chose each other) my woman because we have a great time together no matter what we're doing.

[Andres77]

In others I was just along for the ride.
Now we're both holding on for dear life (I hope🥺)

[Slim57]

Always they one trying to make it work, unfortunately

[TacosRAwesome]

I try to hold it in till I can't anymore.

[TallAnon]

Very strongle depends on the girl, lol

[TallAnon]

Strongly*

[EdwinLivingston_]

Trying to hold on

[Blackcupcake]

neither…

[jahaims]

Neither