I think morally speaking, yes it can be bad depending on the reason. If your partner is a abuser and beater, then yes, it is imperative that you leave and find someone better. I think the morality is questioned when you start talking about things like leaving your partner because someone has blue eyes and your partner as brown, or someone makes $100K and your partner only makes $60K. These things I mentioned, really are arbitrary on a grand scale and leaving someone for these reasons questions your morality in my view.
u If you are in a committed relationship, why are you spending time with another potential candidate?
@Ayte_Lex Usually, young people think "we are different. Each one of us is unique and our generation is different from every preceding generation." I had such thoughts when I was young.
My favorite quote is from the anthropologist Margaret Mead: "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." Yes, each of you is unique in some way but, in most ways, you are like your contemporaries. And your generation is different from preceding generations but the differences are insignificant. What motivates 18 and 20 year old young adults today are the same things that motivated 18 and 20 year olds 100 years ago. You want to establish your autonomy and your independence. You want to prove that you are competent in certain skills. You want to know that you are desirable to the opposite sex. You want to find someone who will love you just the way you are.
Nothing has changed. Except the names! Man, the names have changed.
https://youtu.be/Dd7FixvoKBw
Good. I am glad to hear that.
There will always be others who look prettier, have more money, are younger than your current partner. If you allow yourself to be distracted by the promise of the greener grass in the other pasture, there will never be any stable relationships.
It's all about you being happy. Because if you're not happy your partner is not going to be happy either. You say the situation in a relationship you have right now is good but if it was that good you wouldn't be exploring other opportunities. So either he feels more for you than what you do for him or you think the grass on the other side of the fence is greener. If you want to pursue the other guy dumped the current one because it's just going to end up being a total train wreck if you don't. Good luck to you
I dont get this question. If the relationship is good, everything is fine , and you loved that person, why would you leave? Why would you even bother considering/entertaining the idea. I get that its "someone better", but how do you know that?
The grass isn't always greener on the other side - its green where you water it. So instead of looking elsewhere why dont you focus on the relationship now, that you're in. I don't know - it just seems like common sense to me
This right here
Opinion
108Opinion
I wonder why many people would say NO, don't leave your partner.
First, let me clear that I am assuming by "better" you aren't talking about physical or any other shallow characteristics which can fade anyway.
So, if for example you don't get along with your fitness regimes or for a more serious matter, your career outlook, or a certain aspect of their personality and if you see better pros in the other person that you think you should be with, then why not.
But you should keep this in mind, that maybe the "better" person has flaws too which you don't know of yet and maybe even worse flaws or maybe you have certain traits which they would consider as flaws and are unknown to them at this stage.
But considering you have weighed out all of these possibilities and you still see that person to be better than there would be less disappointment for both of you if you leave your current relationship to be with the other person.
Because I think being in a relationship and liking someone else is worse.
Whatever decision you take, do it respectfully though. Respect the person you are with currently with and be empathetic towards them and their emotions too.
Secondly, I am assuming that you have had a talk on commitment with your current partner and what it means to both of you. For some people it is 2 years/3 Years/ no such time period/ as long as it is fun/ only one partner/ open with a primary partner etc. Depending on what understanding you have with your partner, you make your decision. But I wouldn't leave someone for example with whom I have a commitment of 3yrs or marriage even. That is ethically wrong unless it is a mutual decision or based on abuse or something of that sort.
There will always be someone out there who is “better” in some way. Better looking, better in bed, better personality etc. A lot of people, particularly young people tend to live in fear of settling for less. There is a difference between settling and committing. Settling is basically resigning to your situation because you believe it’s as good as it will get. Committing is making the decision to stay when things aren’t perfect and working through communication to make both parties in the relationship the happiest they can be. If you find yourself becoming attracted to other people than your partner that’s totally normal and will pass. However if you are obsessing over this new interest and putting your energy into them, then you are not holding up your end of the relationship and it is unfair to your partner. I’d recommend that before you make any decision as to whether or not to stay with your current partner you should try reinvesting that energy into your relationship and build on what you already have. Address what needs of yours that are not being met with respect, and if there is no change after some time then yes it’s time to go. One more thing: most men have already been left for someone “better” and can spot it happening from a mile away. Don’t cheapen yourself by lining up a plan B just to ease your own insecurities. Stick it out until you know it won’t work, and if it doesn’t you’ll at least know you tried.
How is the new person better? Maybe if you explained that it would help people understand why you’d give up a perfectly good relationship. But, to answer your question, things/people always seem great at first.. so if you’re leaving a long time partner for a new person.. it’s not a very wise decision. Tbh I hope he finds someone better.
You should for sure get to know the person before you break the others heart, and there's not much forgiveness in the world for people who always want better, new relationship will have new problems, and I'm kind of thinking you don't love them at all if you're beginning to really contemplate it at the sight of someone "better" especially if you see them as "better", if its not too deep into the relationship, its kind of ok to because you don't have to love your lover in the same intensity, but if it is then still do it but you need to really think about if you love someone in the next relationship before you break someone else's heart
Thats called "chaining".
Personally I feel it usually reflects pretty badly on a person. It shows they don't commit to a relationship earnistly, and frankly lining up your next one while still in your previous relationship is frankly little different from an affair.
Never the less it seemes pretty common and modertely socially acceptable for women, and to be brutally honest, if someone is inclined to and doesn't, the relationship they are in probably has its days numbered anyway. That person has bassically emotionally cheated, and will either do it again, or will begin to resent the person they stayed with when they could have had "better".
This seems to be theme today on here.
If you are even entertaining the thought of another person, then there is a problem in your relationship.
How do you know they are better? When you first get to know someone, everything seems lovely. Its only after spending lots of time with them that you really get to know them, so what you see as being a better person could in fact be awful and you will have ruined a relationship that was solid just to find out.
The saying the grass is always greener on the other side fits this well.
Nope. So you are saying you see someone better than your boyfriend? And that if its ok to leave your parner or to get to KNOW the other person. That means you dont know the other person. And its better based on looks. I dont care about that. I won't leave my partner no matter what. So are you asking if I would leave my boyfriend just because someone i dont even know? Nope. I wouldn't. . after that. I wouldn't want to know the other person while being in a relationship because that would be cheating. (Because You (I ) would wanted to dump your boyfriend for that guy).
Its a total shit.
We all deserve someone who really wants us. If you are still comparing then it’s clear you don’t really want your guy. Let him go so someone else can love him right.
So you propse emotional cheating to test the waters. You either like someone or you don't. What you descri e reminds me of people who can't be alone so they take the first person that comes along and then window shop. Always looking for an upgrade. In my opinion they would be better served to be alone and upgrade themselves until the right person comes along. The old saying, "You lose them how you got them.", comes to mind. Any woman that is in a relationship but pusuesing me is a red flag. She'd do the same to me in a heartbeat if we started dating. Just break up with the guy if he doesn't make you happy.
How would you know someone is better unless you have spent a great deal of time with him? It takes quite a while to get to know someone in great enough detail to know if they are worth keeping or not. And how could you spend a lot of time with this other guy and not your boyfriend? Either you don't know this other guy all that well or you were giving up on your boyfriend already.
That being said, regret is one of the worst feelings you can have. Choose carefully.
If you're not happy and love someone else, yes break it off. So that person can be with someone who really loves and cherishes them. That partner will heal in time, it may take months or years but they will move on. But don't stay if you don't really love them or want to be with them. You are only hurting them and yourself. You and that partner will be miserable.
There's a phenomenon that too many choices lead to dissatisfaction. Constantly looking for someone better just makes the looker ultimately unsatisfied with any decision that they make. So even the act of comparison leads to unhappiness regardless of whether or not you ever leave the person who you are with.
So what if the person your with doesn’t treat you right, practically ignores you, makes you feel like your pretty much single anyway. But then someone else starts treating you like your his entire world. Makes you feel happier than you have done in years! Is it acceptable to leave the other guy then? Because I think it is
You should never stay with someone who isn't right for you, or someone that you're not happy with. If you're even looking in the first place, that should be your first clue.
But if you're so unhappy, then why did you stick around so long to begin with?
Sounds to me like you're in it for the wrong reasons. A relationship isn't supposed to be some magic cure all that makes you happy.
Depends upon HOW your present partner treats you. If they're 'clueless' and continue to treat you as a 'given' despite you having both funded their possible allure and openly spoken of your feeling being taken for granted. Seems its time for you EACH to seek 'greener pastures'...
NEITHER of you is getting any younger; especially if there are no juvenile offspring in common as a concern. He/she is devolved to a mere in-house 'room mate' NOT a companion/lover.
How exactly can you know if someone else is better without spending too much time with them?
Either you are just looking at surface traits in which case you are shallow if you want to leave your partner based on those alone. Or you're already cheating in your partner by spending suspiciously too much time with that "better" option. In the latter case, you might as well do your partner a solid and break up already - you don't deserve them.
of course not. if this is what you think of them, you should definitely leave, cause you don't value this person. you'd only be doing them a favor since they deserve to be with someone who fully appreciates them :) so it's better to find that out sooner than later
Stay with your current partner while you get to know the other person. If over time you feel that you have more in common and have a better connection with with the other person, then it's fine to leave to leave your current partner. You only live once and your happiness is important 😆
Thanks for the upvote 😘
If your thinking your partner is not good enough and are thinking about others you might as well lust end it no one wants to be the spare tire... if you dont know the other person well than why even bother and talking to another person behind your partners back is kinda fucked up. If your talking with the intent to possibly leave your current partner you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.
Wtf? Of course you don't stay with them while you scope out your other options! You keep your eyes to yourself and be LOYAL, or you leave them if you're not gonna be good to them. And you don't at all sound like you deserve them right now. The grass is always greener on the other side but you're not meant to act upon it! But if you insist on leaving, do it ASAP amd don't waste anymore of the poor guy's time
It's not bad. But what would be bad is staying with your partner while figuring out if this other person is worth breaking up with your partner for. You'd be stringing along two people in a scenario like that. It's not fair to your partner that you're with them just out of convenience. So either you want to be with them or you don't. And if you're constantly looking for someone better, then that tells me you don't want to be with them.
Ideally it wouldn't be right but at the end of the day, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! If the grass is greener on the other side then by all means go check it out.
The consideration for leaving your current partner for something better only shows that you may be "settling for less" as good as this partner may be they just may not be the one for you
All the best
If you are unhappy with your relationship to the point of moving on, you should break up before you move on. Definitely get to know the new person before jumping into a new relationship. Don’t cheat, it’s a crappy move.
Don’t string someone along just because you like the attention they give.
There's no way to know, if a partner is better or worse, if you are not fully committed. Our perception that our internal dialogue doesn't effect those around us is patently false. We all pick up on subtle cues. Be the best partner you can be, and stop focusing on what you think you could have better.
Your partner will reflect your effort and/or lack thereof.
Everything about this isn't icky.
or you should stay with your current partner and get to know the other person better before leaving
This is called monkey branching. Only fools do this and they are usually regret leaving.
That you escrube it as a better opportunity decries the mentality of a user. Only users think this way.
It's not wrong at all. All of these people telling you otherwise are wrong. If you're not happy in a relationship, you end it. If you feel as if you'd be happier with someone else, that's what you do. Leaving someone for someone else is better than cheating.
First question is why you are in such situation. You are in situation when you are not happy somewhere in existing relationship. You don't want to work it out to make it better? So in that case yes, leave it gracefully but will this search for better end with this new one. Or problem lies somewhere else which may be you.
It's good. If you feel you are settling and if they are with someone who doesn't really think they are that special it good on both accounts for the two to split.
Who wants to settle?
Who wants to be with someone who isn't that into them?
You did everyone a favor. They'd be glad too on one level if they knew that is really what one thought about them as a mate.
I say it is an asshole move to do especially if the relationship is good.
If you really love your current partner and the relationship really is good i recommend not destroying it for someone you think is a better option at the moment because if the other option ends up as not so much better in the end you will have to live with a bad decision and regrets.
Better? and how do you know the other person is better? this just looks like "grass is greener" syndrome.
If the person considers leaving a relationship with a loving partner is because she's not in love with him, so is best to leave and give him the opportunity to find someone who really loves him.
While everyone seems to blame the person for leaving his/her ' love', I, who was the one being left, would actually prefer my partner breaking up with me as soon as he finds more pleasure to be other women.
I was disappointed that he still wanted to explore his options, when we were in a committed relationship. But his feeling can change and that's normal. If he can't commit any more, I'd rather end it , instead of being cheated on.
The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. and if you jump over it, it may seem greener, but then the same shit that made you jump the fence always returns. So careful, and DONT cheat! that is just whorish behavior and you not only break you mans heart, you will crush his soul.
Such a sad description. Who is better than other? On what? Who decides that.
In my opinion if you start to question your partner, then you should probably better to leave them. Because when you are with someone he should be best at your eyes.
All women are hypergamous.
Hypergamy:
Evolutionary Psychology theory on the instinctual desire of humans of the female sex to discard a current mate when the opportunity arises to latch onto a subsequent mate of higher status due to the hindbrain impetus to find a male with the best ability to provide for her offspring (already spawned or yet-to-be spawned) regardless of investments and commitments made to a current mate.
In other words, your reptile mind (perhaps, lower-self) suggests that it's the best option. Of course, this begs the question, what does the reptile mind of a male say? Treat women like birthing chambers? How should that inform ones romantic decisions in a modern society, not run purely on basal instincts. I suspect that it's difficult if not impossible to maintain one in the presence of the other.
Short answer. Don't be a creep. Use the higher brain function and empathy afforded by evolution to be more than an animal, maybe?
I don't blame them since most of the men are dumb anyway. on average females are smarter out of 100 female at least 20 of them are smart out of 100 males less than 10.
Guys follow what they see, they are very easy to play with, they are like a toy.
Put a white blond girl with bikini in front of them. they sell their house for one night with her.
@Alifa as always said a smart man controls the females and females control other males it might sound sad but that's how it works most of the strip clubs exactly doing that.
People can cry about it, it won't change a thing.
If you have a chance with a better partner I would take it. just be smart and see how secure is it to be with him.
@Alifa Exactly they are biggers fishes toys.
No, it's not okey. If you are actively looking for new opportunities" (really, you had to use that word?) or concidering a "replacement" or "upgrade" then you are most likely not in love and in a relationship for wrong reasons. If you feel this way I would advice you to get familiar with the term "hypergamy" that explains what you are currently going through.
"Is it bad?" I dunno, I mean if you're feeling it with a new person as opposed to the old, what's the difference between that and when you first met the old partner? Isn't it the same thing? People are allowed to follow their feelings; there's no point in a couple being unhappy just because one half isn't really into the idea, right?
If you no longer love your partner then leave them! dont cheat on them and make the situation worse and dont stay with them just so you dont upset them its not fair and can cause a lot of damage. It certainly is not ok to get to know another potential partner (if thats your looking to do) while you are with somebody else. Just be open and honest leave if you are not happy.
I can tell you your the type of person that will always want someone better, its actually a part of your brain that is dominant. Just like how some people always want new clothes or car even tho there's nothing wrong with their old one. So even if you get with someone better, eventually you will want someone better again.
Yes, it is bad. You need to sort out why you feel the way you do. When you're in a relationship you're a part of that person. Leave them if they don't satisfy your needs and are unwilling to help you meet those needs. Then, after taking some time for yourself, to figure out who you are alone, consider a new partner.
Worse than bad, it's taking a huge risk that has no return path, only potential regrets b/c I believe the best is in our own backyards and perceptions of better are BS equals to politics and popularity
How would you feel if your partner dumped you for someone "better" than you? How would that make you feel? Answer that question truthfully and honestly... and that's the answer to this topic.
True
What do you mean by better?
Do you mean someone who looks better or is more successful OR do you mean someone who is better fit with you and you like him more?
You do what makes you happy. That's all that matters.
This is female hypergamy at it's finest.. if you love him and he loves you than it's never ok to trade up.. women like you are the reason the MGTOW movement exists.. and don't get me wrong here I'm not MGTOW I'm married quite happily.
Yeah i guess it is. It actually shows that you are not a person to trust in a long term serious relationship. If I you left a guy for me if date you for a while but would never get serious, maybe dump you so I can find better.
Jemma suicide 😍
@Nobi-Wan840 thats the one.
What kind of disgusting mentality is this? If you love your partner for WHO they are and WHAT they provide in the relationship, why the fuck would you leave the current person you're with?
I can just repeat what several others have already said which is, if the current relationship is good and the love is there why is there even another consideration on the side line.
Its totally bad its like you are in a trade buisness if you get someone better than 2nd one then also you will left him. true love stand together with the partner who knows how time comes to you when you need someone i your hard times then there will be no body with you. So better stay loyal and true. thats another thing if you dont love him or he is not taking good care of you...
Not sure, it happened to me and they came crawling back lmfao... hung up on them and lived a better life. From my perspective from the other side that was betrayal, taken for granted, and being made into a "choice". Maybe in reality they are better off without you and deserve better.
That is a complicated question. Being with someone out of fear of being alone is common. Dating is just that. You are testing the waters. If it is real, then go for it. Obviously, there is something lacking in the current relationship. Personally I don't date women who are in a relationship.
If someone think like this, the other person is the one who should find someone better
If you have reasons to leave your current, leave. Don't ever leave for someone else, that route is full of regret. Always leave for yourself.
Isn't this what ever women does? Keeps a flock of sheep as safety nets. Then tries to climb to better pastures? Only stopping when tbry realise they've surpassed their worth?
If everything is going good why leave? I’m only leaving if I can tell it isn’t working , it becomes abusive or they cheat other then that why leave?
Morally speaking yes. Practically it speak of disloyalty and thus unworthiness on your part to both your partner and the new suitor, neither of them can trust you.
Thus making the relationship a mere friendship of conveniences.
when in a relationship, you wouldn't look at other propects anyway.
that's what being in a relationship is, commited to one person.
You should never "STAY" with someone just to stay with them... but you need to remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side...
wow just wow , it seems like you dont love your current boyfriend because , just leave him and be with the guy that you wanna get to know. its unfair to you tohim and the other guy
Yeah of course it's bad in fact it's awful people aren't trading cards and if you act like they are you're the one whos going to end up alone in the end. on the same note dont stay with someone just because your comfy and you dont want to be alone.
Why not just get with someone you really want to be with in the first place
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