Agree or Disagree: People stay in bad relationships because they feel that is what they deserve?

Question

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

From what I can see from people that I know is that they are in that bad relationship because they're not confident with themselves..

And that person'sfamily usually doesn't like the person that they are with because of their past or what have you.

So when something happens in their life they can always blame it on their partner which I don't understand any of this but that's what I see

So if you're willing to waste all that time and that energy being with that person that you're not happy with I guess you deserve it

slatyb · Accepted Answer

Been there, done that. It's complicated. People enter bad relationships because they don't know what a good relationship is, and because they don't think can do better. People stay in bad relationships because they keep putting off the drama of breaking up, or because they feel that if they leave there is considerable risk that a partner will become violent.

Avicenna · Answer

Might be applicable in some cases (sounds like Stockholm Syndrome), but I think it's more likely they are afraid to be alone and/or think they can't get someone else.

AviatorTom · Answer

I disagree, Though some do think that, I would guess that many stay in bad relationships because it's easier than leaving the relationship, and deep down, maybe the relationship is really not that bad.

Ozanne · Answer

I said disagree. I don't think a lot of people think this way. I think very few do. I think most stay in bad relationships for these reasons:

1. Afraid of being alone, or having to go through the dating process again. Willing to put up with a bad relationship than no relationship at all. (Some are also afraid of seeing their partner move on.)

2. They have the belief that things will improve, or someone in the relationship will change.

3. They are afraid of what their partner will do to them if they leave. This applies to both men and women. Either gender can be dangerous in different ways if someone's gotten mixed up with the wrong person.

4. The sex. This or similar reasons such as being obsessed with how their partner looks will convince someone that these superficial reasons outweigh the bad things going on.

5. Feelings of guilt or responsibility thinking that if they leave, their partner will deconstruct or even die without them.

6. Their lives are intertwined so much (finances, assets, children, etc.) that leaving is incredibly complicated, risky, and will require a tremendous amount of work to start over.

CuriousInquirer · Answer

No. They only believe because their tormenter has caused them it.

90% of bad relationships people stay because they don't have any other opinions. Quite often the person in a bad relationship has been manipulated by the other and cut out family, friends, etc.

Psychological abuse - saying that the abused is fat, ugly, is "lucky" to have the bad partner - so the abused believes they "deserve" what they are getting is also common.

Or

Take, as example, someone - man or woman - in an abusive relationship where they are not the main breadwinner. Say this person is barely educated & can't get a decent job.

Where are they going to go if they leave?
Who is going to pay the bills?
Who is going to buy food?

This is why even when police come the abused will often try to downplay situation - as if the abuser goes to jail for long the abused may be homeless, without food, etc.

..

I work in criminology - I see and hear all this and more on a daily basis. Not just women but for men too.

Anonymous · Answer

First off I don't think you can apply the same reasoning to both genders as they both view relationships very different. The only thing they have in common is neither one wants to start over from scratch once they're invested. But since men do 95% of the work in pursuing and winning a woman over they tend to think thier job is over now. Men just want to maintain the status quo (if it ain't broke I don't want to f*** with it). Women, on the other hand always wants that ego boost that he values her, wants her above all women. And this'll be whether she's 18 or 80. Though the quality women are REASONABLE about this with thier expectations. The ones that aren't tend to be unable to sustain relationships.

Men with any reasonable experience with women know how thier mind works. We know once she's started a relationship (if she's a quality woman of course). That she'll be bonded to him. She won't want to the relationship to end. This is why guys can relax a bit when in a relationship. This is why some low character guys will cheat in a relationship. Because they know at this point a woman's feelings towards him will make her want to forgive him, and he can exploit that fact.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

It’s a bit more complicated than that. Yea, some people are genuinely manipulated, aka emotionally abused into believing that what they have is their only option, that nothing will ever get better than what they have now. It’s also just a desire for closure, to try and fix the problems from one-side because they don’t want to believe this relationship that gave them so many good things is no longer worth saving. It’s why people who have bad relationships, even if they leave them, keep having more bad relationships. It becomes simultaneously a familiar pattern their brains want to keep because they’ll know the predictability of it, and because they’re trying a “redo” of their past relationship with this new person.

worldscolide · Answer

Dunno about everyone else.. But it's not true for me. I stayed in a bad relationship because I held out hope it would get better (foolish) and because I didn't see a way out. She was abusive, controlling, and beat me down emotionally so badly that I didn't feel like I had the power to leave. That lasted two years, and at that point I felt suicide would be easier than sticking around. I finally got the nerve to kick her out... Which resulted in her slicing my face up... Worst part, she did her damndest to destroy the relationship with my new girlfriend, the lady I married... I don't and never did believe I deserved it, I just couldn't see a way out.

Most abuse victims fall into that category.

sage2021 · Answer

Not in my case! I deserve a good guy and seems there are only hurtful assholes out there to choose from.
Why do bad guys bend over backwards to hurt nice people?
I ended up with the opposite of what deserve. Especially this last one. Thank God he died a week ago so he won't be hurting me anymore.

DizzyDesii · Answer

When I was in a bad one, i just always had hopes that it would get better. So i stayed out of hoping for better. I also stayed because i had put so much into what i had and didn't want to have to start over. But did i think i deserved the bad things that happened… no

exitseven · Answer

I voted A but really there are many reasons. If you have a lot of time invested in a relationship it makes it harder to break up. There are people who think that sooner or later the other person will change. Then you might think you will never find anybody else. Or maybe all of the above.

purplepoppy · Answer

Disagree. They stay in them because they believe they must be a relationship. They see it as shameful not to have a man.

Aishakaba · Answer

I disagreee people stay because one they don't think their capable of making it out on their own especially if the man was the sole provider, two they have been checked out and their really just using their patty for benefits (money, lifestyle, etc) despite how toxic the relationship is, or three their deeply blinded by love (which y'all I believe it's highly unlikely and if it is true run. That love will get you killed. It's more of an obsession atp)

Rei13 · Answer

I think that people do not want to be alone and they may think that they aren’t able to do better. There might be kids involved or they’ve spent a significant enough amount of time together where they’ve built their lives around each other to the point that they don’t know how to function outside of that. They may also think that is all they deserve, but it is more complicated than that

desidoll · Answer

Mostly yes, but looks like many are not willing to admit it, or they are not aware of the reason because their abusive partners have manipulated them for years. For the people who said “afraid to be lonely” <— this is still under the same category (thinking they can’t find someone better if they ever left the toxic relationships/marriages) again, because their partners have taken full control of their mind.

JDavid25 · Answer

Either or... I feel like it's a multitude of complex emotions that keep people in those relationships.. Being afraid that they find anyone else... Loving the person for the good times and staying around for that, maybe they are dependent on the person for something...

Fireguy17 · Answer

Some are a product of their environment and that is how they were raised so discord seems normal.
Getting along does not feel normal.
It's sad.
Someh6they need to recognize it and break the chain or that is how their kids will be when they get older unless they figure it out and make changes in their lives.

Sweetsurprize · Answer

False. I stayed in my last last one 'too long' because I was ATTATCHED to him. Maybe a trauma bond even. It had nothing to do with whether I was self-aware enough to see whether I deserved it or not.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

I don't think "what they deserve" is the right phrase, more like they feel that they couldn't get anyone better. That is because they have probably been belittled so much they have come to believe the lies that they deserve it.

Constatine · Answer

Some of them have other reasons  being terrorized by the partner afraid being beat up if they leave or even being killed. and no these people do not deserve that. They wand to leave but they can't

RobT312 · Answer

I dont think they think they deserve it… i think they feel stuck with it or dont see options and dont want to be alone

RingOfFire · Answer

I think that is one reason but others are being too lazy to do the hard work of finding another relationship or being afraid of being alone or thinking that it may not be great but still might be better than your options.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

That’s why I’m with the whore I’m with now

we attract what we are

if I want better I gotta do better

but sometimes when you try to do better

better ain’t tryna do YOU 😒

so it’s better to stay in your lane.

Anonymous · Answer

I think there are some people who stay in these relationships because they think that all of the abuse (which the victim might not even view as abuse in that case) is deserved because the abuser always justified their actions as reactions for what the victim does as a sleight against them.

electromagnetic · Answer

I don’t think it’s because that’s what they feel they deserve. I think it’s because they’re helpless of their situation.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Well it could be for various reasons. Some might think that they can't do better, so they stay in it.

LazerBean · Answer

That's the case some times, but not always. Some people think they can help and change the other person, while others are simply stupid.

Minahh · Answer

Yep that's true  "We accept the love we think we deserve." - Stephen Chbosky

WhitneySnow · Answer

Not everyone does this. Some people stay because their partner persuades them that everything is ok.

loveslongnails · Answer

C) Sometimes, but not always D) They stay because of financial reasons E) They stay because of the kids I'd have to disagree if those are the only two choices, Coach.

kevypatyy7 · Answer

I disagree. Most people who are in such relationship are afraid of being alone

sheenagwapa · Answer

i think it's mainly because of what you feel for the person

joeND · Answer

if it is marriage we stay for finances , my wife can't be in same room as me , I fiind love elsewhere

007kingifrit · Answer

this comment implies people have a grounded sense of self criticism... have you ever seen people to be that way? of course not, nobody accepts criticism willingly

Jkgordon · Answer

Retarded desperate needy not self reliant the list goes on

Staximus · Answer

Mainly because they are just stupid, or financially dependent, or don't want to break up the family because of the kids

Unit1 · Answer

Not only. Some stay due to financial problems. Or being afraid of being alone.

Sparkie460 · Answer

To some extent I agree with that. Others stay because they think they can change their partner

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I chose "disagree", there are many other important reasons

LadyVet · Answer

I think people stay in bad relationships based on loneliness, financial reasons or they think they can't find anything better.

jimmy2 · Answer

They stay that way because no clear communication and forgiveness

Anonymous · Answer

Or, they are so clingy they just can't be without a partner.

catarecute · Answer

they stay because they love the person

jenna815 · Answer

Or they drop a good for the same reason...

LiamJHayden · Answer

In some situations definitely.

SeaStorm1 · Answer

Nope they have low self esteem.

driven159 · Answer

Or they like the benefits aka money

McKellar · Answer

I have never once heard of that.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Often times that's definitely true.

thegreenyogi · Answer

Sometimes.

JosyJosy · Answer

Applies to some.

Likes2drive · Answer

Probably some do

legalboxers · Answer

not always

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