Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay? (Page 2)

Question

I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question, but I met up with this guy from online dating for brunch, and it went really well. We had a really good conversation and I really liked him.  However when the bill came he put down his card, and I offered to split and he just shrugged and said "sure" (he also ordered something more expensive than me). It's not that I'm "using" him, I'm working full-time at a decent job so I'm definitely not strapped for cash. I was just a bit surprised because I've gone on a ton of 1st dates and usually the guys will wave it off and say not to worry about it when I offer.  He asked me out again but I'm slightly hesitant.. I don't know am I being too traditional? Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this?

JustAConfusedGuy · Answer

You offered. He accepted. I really don't see the problem here?
Also, think about it long-term. You aren't gonna go out for a meal when (if) you're married, and be like oh no it's okay, I'll pay. Like, better get used to both of you paying haha

Tealtop1 · Answer

you're being a girl... in a bad way. in my opinion bills should go back and forth anyway, it should never be the guy for every date. things are better when they're equal. Also stop with these "tests" if thats what it was, you're going to fuck things up if you do that.

Tenseven · Answer

I world be been disappointed if you'd paid the whole thing. Splitting the bill is very accepted nowadays I think.

To be perfectly honest would I be a teeny tiny bit bummed that on a first date we split it? Maybe but it's no deal breaker. Now if you'd offered to pay for both and he accepted that would really really suck (unless you were the one asking him out, then that's different).

Penyair · Answer

Well given it was an online date splitting costs is appropriate until you decide if you like each other enough for a relationship. If it goes more than 2 or 3 dates you might want to clarify what rules you should have between you etiquette wise. Including when to meet family.

MyExperience · Answer

He really should have politely declined your generous offer. I say generous, because he invited you. When guys take a girl out for a date, he should really try to leave a good first impression. His simple acceptance of your money caused him to fail. As evidenced by your question. This should be a cautionary tale to guy gaggers looking for advice on landing a girlfriend.

Darklydarkened · Answer

If you think traditionally, why did you ask to split then?

Do you have any idea how irritating this question is? You've met someone on the internet, you could just say that you'll pay for what you had there, instead of splitting and then you'd not feel weird about it.

DivaMonae · Answer

Sorry but you offered I would say what did you expect but you expected the exact opposite obviously.

Its like when someone tells you to keep something and you say no you should keep it you expect them to insist and you'll accept it but it's one of those cases when they accept instead.

Don't say something you don't mean.

devilish-cutie · Answer

you offered and he accepted most likely not wanting to offend you by being a typical traditional guy and to make you feel equal and not to preassure you into traditional ways
If he offered you guys split and you didn't offer it taken into consideration that he asked you out, than that would be kinda douchy

RainbowFanGirl · Answer

If you didn't want to pay for the bill, then why did you offer in the first place? That seems a little weird to me. You shouldn't have offered if you didn't feel comfortable paying. You could have at most split the bill instead.

Daisychain25 · Answer

You're right the man should always pay. It's a sign of being a gentleman. I always offer but if he took money from me he wouldn't be getting a second date. I'm extremely traditional and so is my boyfriend he still doesn't let me pay for things he said it's embarrassing for him if where on a date and I take out money.

USMC-Crossroads · Answer

Dump him! Then run him over. But, seriously... never see him again. No amount of work (no matter what you think) will ever fix him - and, believe me, there are many more (and worse) sides to him. Run, Honey.

This_is_my_username · Answer

y'all grown ups right? You ate? he ate? perfect. Split bill right there

udolipixie · Answer

Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?
LMFAO in my opinion it's suited not to offer something you're not willing to give.

Him talking you on your offer likely gave you the impression that he wasn't that interested in you to spend his money on you. No different to me than a guy fucking a gal on the first date and thinking she's not girlfriend material because she was 'easy'.

Mandy_hawthorp · Answer

I agree It's a bit odd he didn't insist, although if u offer to pay, u shouldn't b that surprised if he says yes. maybe he feels strongly about how men always have to pay for the first date. I am also a bit traditional but I feel like this isn't a big deal at all. All in all, ur over thinking things, which I do all the time lol my b, but he probably hasn't thought twice about it and u shouldn't either. Good luck, hope things work out!
-xoxo mandy

ISaidFuryNotFurry · Answer

You are right, it isn't a big deal. So don't worry about it. Who cares if he agreed to it? Makes him seem more honest, if anything. There is nothing wrong with splitting the bill, even if he happened to order something more expensive. Irrelevant stuff really.

sunshinechyk · Answer

I think it is fair to split or at least pay your portion when it is a first meet and greet. A guy can't pay for all the one and done dates he might have. You don't know if there will be a 2nd date. If there is then he can pay and occasionally you can reciprocate if he is cool with that. He either accepted because maybe he was caught off guard or thought she might be a feminist and get pissed if I refuse.

vishna · Answer

You now know that not everyone will say no to an offer. (which is why I rarely offer food to some people) Next time, pay for your meal and he can splurge on what he likes. If I'm with my boyfriend and we aren't treating each other, I'll pay for my thing because he ALWAYS gets something more expensive. When we pay for what we got, he still gets to splurge and my wallet isn't upset.
Best

PrincessofNohr · Answer

I can understand the surprise, it's a bit hincky to have someone ask you out then not pay a dime. I'd feel the same, be it a date or just with friends or family. I'd see of he reciprocares the offer. It's only fair that if you picked up the last tab, he should get the next. If he doesn't offer to at least go dutch, leave him in the dust.

HandsomeRaj · Answer

You're thinking too much into it young lady, will only result in things souring if you let it ferment :)

I'd take it for this time that he was just respecting what you wanted to do.

Nothing to this, just take it forward and see where it leads, good luck :)

SaintJones · Answer

The fact is, is that it was totally normal of him to accept the offer you made, but you aren't attracted to him anymore because of it. Don't keep lying to yourself, he could've been the nicest guy in the world, but he blew it with that one interaction. You don't get to choose who you are attracted to, and because of that one innocent mistake, it's over between you two. No one's fault, but that's the way the dice fell.

mimiblondychick · Answer

to be honest , always know that if a guy is a gentlemen he would pay for you. but honestly if you are in a relationship with him , it will be your turn to pay and sometimes him.
if he asked you out let him take you out.
don't lead him use you or control you

maddog19 · Answer

I wouldn't think too much into it. go on the second date and maybe things will work out better. Maybe he felt awkward by saying no? I don't know some people may feel that way. Or maybe, he was nervous? I don't know to be honest, but don't think too much into it :) he likes you!

Anonymous · Answer

''bluff call''? thats a strange way to think about things. If I offer to pay I actually mean it. Just because you are a girl you want to see if this guy is some prince waiting to swoop you off your feet by passing your chivalry test? I hope you are genuine and not like that most of the time. can't stand people who play these games

Ratiocinative · Answer

You're the dummy who offered. How about you just be yourself instead of trying to be a politically correct feminist? There are lots of guys who like myself who find it to be a turn off when women tries to be the man. If I wanted to date a guy who would pay for his own meals then I wouldn't be out on a date with a woman now would I? Not saying the roles can never be reversed and the woman take her man out on a nice date and pay, but that should definitely not occur the first several dates.

matheus_mb · Answer

He just respected your offer to split. It's not a problem.

Anonymous · Answer

All these people saying that this is normal , no it's not. Men should pay on the first date. Period. Especially if THEY ask you out. Grown men shouldn't want to split the bill because grown men shouldn't be dating if they're that hard up on cash. Dating is a privilege not a priority. If you barely have money for yourself don't get find yourself a girlfriend and leave her always paying half of everything because if I wanted that, I'd go out with a FRIEND or find myself a roomate. If I'm with a man for a while I have no problem paying half. Hell if we move in together, with my job I'd pay for all of the " going out "activities. Such a movies, bowling , dinners, while he covered the bills. I'm a fair woman, but I'm traditional and that's just how it is with me. So no, he wouldn't be getting a second date

Blanchmess · Answer

Sorry that you get a lot of hate. No question is stupid

To the question..
For me it`s not a biggie. I barely let anyone pay something for me because i have money and i`m not a princess that has to get everything in her way. It is ofc a traditional thing for a guy to do. Which is paying the date meal. But i would rather split, because it sounds more reasonable that way.

Tamera952 · Answer

He asked you out, it would have been polite & a nice gesture if he picked up the tab. But since you 'offered' - ya might as well get over it. You should work it out ahead of time (or work it out in your head what you're prepared to do or what you expect).
If my date picked up the tab, I'd insist on leaving the tip, or offer to get the next one...

WillT91 · Answer

For me it's confusing, especially if I'm just having dinner with a female 'friend'. So I made it a rule to always insist on paying. Typically they'll allow me to pay. Obviously if you had to ask a question about it, it struck you as strange. He's lucky you sti want to date him.

Kroakies_krickees · Answer

Don't worry about it! The bill got paid and that's all that matters. The whole issue of who pays is really kinda silly. You can offer and so can he. And if you're not sure, going Dutch is a great way to keep everybody happy. But if he ever really wants to pay, just let him. Guys like to feel important and needed in that way.

Mesonfielde · Answer

If you offer to pay you shouldn't be that surprised they won't reject your offer :P

misstalia_95 · Answer

You're too old to be playing silly games like that. If you genuinely want to pay- offer, if not- don't.

Personally, I think the man should always pay, regardless if it's a first date or not. And a guy should never ask a girl to pay; if he can't afford to take her out, he needs to be honest with her and they both can just have a night in.

TCJ1234567 · Answer

If he likes you he doesn't want to make you upset over something so little. He offered to pay by taking out his card first. You declined by taking out yours. Was he supposed to start a fight in the restaurant?

Most men like being the protector/provider as long as the don't feel they are getting played. I doubt that he was happy you paid.

On the other hand, if he asks you to pay, run.

annie2016 · Answer

Me too I had experienced that. And the worst of it is I don't even know that he has no money at all and he expected me to pay. Hahaha. It was a very first time experienced and I never wanted to date him anymore cause he is expecting me to share when he ask me out again. I'm traditional too but I think there is nothing wrong with being traditional. Guys should know that the first date is where they will give impact and impression with the girl.

newbie2015 · Answer

I like traditional roles. Why would i go out with someone who didn't. I am upfront. I want a man who pays for the 1st date, asks me out w a place and time, holds doors etc.

Why pretend to be who you arent? I don't even offer and trust me. I have no shortage of dates! I will offer to leave the tip. I will treat after i know someone or bring a bottle to a byob.

But if you are traditional and want traditional don't offer. Assume you are worth effort and he will too :)

sjoes006 · Answer

I would accept and if he doesn't offer to pay and let's you pay again move on. in my opinion whoever does the asking does the paying. Sometimes if we are getting drinks I pick up the second round or whatever but if he invites me a second time and does pay anything that's not a good sign.

georgepbush · Answer

Honestly he's not really a gentlemen then and/or is broke. You don't want either one. I'm going to get downvoted but please listen to me. You don't need him.

VeritechAce · Answer

The discomfort you are feeling is due to your words and actions not aligning with your desires; please don't project your discomfort with yourself onto other people.

RedRobin · Answer

Just curious... why did you offer if you didn't want to split it? Of course you'll come across guys who will want to split...

fauchelevent · Answer

Meh, I think what he did was fine. If you're not cool with paying, don't offer to pay or just don't go on the date, y'know? I'd be cool with it.

Djaaaaaay · Answer

Personally , I will never accept any one to pay for me for anything, including dates and etc... don't appreciate problems or inuendoes which seem to give birth from this type of stuff. Even though I'm quite unapproachable anyhow by choice , I still will never put myself in that position , partly because I'm always in a relationship. Soooooo...

anaspie · Answer

Honestly, that wouldn't bother me. Hubby and I used to do the same thing when we first started dating. There is nothing wrong with you paying for things as long as there is an even split.

Anonymous · Answer

i am a feminist, however if you offer to split don't get offended if the guy takes you up on it. it's stupid to offer something you clearly don't want to and then get mad/disappointed when the offer is taken.

If you are as you say "old fashioned" don't offer anything. if a guy makes you pay when he asked you out then leave the date, no one is making you stay. however if you offer to pay don't expect to be treated like royalty. times are changing and money is becoming more of a priority.

capturemyheartnow · Answer

As per traditions , man is expected to pay. But you two agreed to split it. Don't worry much about the matter. I know , you like the boy. Continue dating him more.

Anonymous · Answer

I think ur over thinking it I mean u did offer to pay I think that it's cool when the date splits it though and sure it's nice once and a while for the guy to pay but I wouldn't want them to do it all the time so I think go on the date if he doesn't pay that time it might b an issue but other than that it sounds like ur overthinking hope it works out though

Kuraj · Answer

Your offer to pay*
But then you say you offered to split, to which he agreed to.
So which is it?

Because if you are really nagging about the fact he merely "let" you pay for your own portion then you will be hardly getting any empathy from me.

Krillanr · Answer

Ya waved the expectation of him paying for you when you offered to spilt.
Simple as that to me.

It's too messy these days what with so many fussy people to guess what the other person prefers, so I just ask ahead of time.

kaylaS91 · Answer

If you want to be treated equally, it's only fair that you and all other women share responsibilities such as paying equally as well.  Can't have your cake and eat it too!

Unit1 · Answer

I can't believe something like this is something worth a dealbreaker to many people.

What I can't even believe any more is, that we want gender equality but people lose their minds about something like this happening.

I mean, what's the deal?

Anonymous · Answer

If you aren't willing, don't offer. I would've taken you up on the offer also, especially a first date as I think it should be split (each pays their own).

Jacóbo · Answer

You shouldn't let this one thing concern you so much, especially since you've only gone on one date. You said you really like him; that's what matters. Go out with him again and don't let this one thing bother you.

likitb4istickit · Answer

If you didn't want to split it then you shouldn't have offered to split it. Most guys are done 2nd guessing what girls really mean when they say something.

GuysGuy · Answer

He was being honest and didn't fall into your 'test game'. He's a keeper. ... unless of course you want a guy you can play mental bullshit games with.

Jazmanja · Answer

Well since you like him, then go ahead and go on date #2. It's water under the bridge now anyway but when you offered to split (which I think is sweet) he should have said "that's OK, I got it but thanks for the offer!" That's how a gentlemen should have handled that, especially on the first date. in my opinion, if a man ask a woman out, he should pay. If she ask him out, then they can split or she can treat him or he can offer to pay anyway.

glock33sig357 · Answer

As a first date i'm not looking for sex, but if i get i'm pleased ; and if you want to split the bill i have no problem with it , those that feel that it's an insult to have a woman help pay for dinner i hope you do carry a woman and she orders beluga caviar and your card gets decline then would still feel the same. I'm a man first if i choose to be a gentleman it will be on my terms and no one else terms.

AhGojira · Answer

Ha! You're fake as hell. The old fake lets split it. I hope he firgures it out sooner rather than later.

EAFPortillo · Answer

You acted ok by offering to split it and he should have said, no I invited you and I'll pay. Thats what a gentleman would do.

Nevertheless you shouldn't take this too serious bc it also means he is not traditional and treats women as equals.

WillowTree · Answer

I'm a little confused. For clarification, did you end up paying for all of it or did you actual split?

osc92 · Answer

sorry to say it but you're being dumb. Why offer to pay if it is going to bother you when he accepts. If you don't want your hands dirty why are you sticking them in the mud?

Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay? (Page 2)

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