However when the bill came he put down his card, and I offered to split and he just shrugged and said "sure" (he also ordered something more expensive than me). It's not that I'm "using" him, I'm working full-time at a decent job so I'm definitely not strapped for cash. I was just a bit surprised because I've gone on a ton of 1st dates and usually the guys will wave it off and say not to worry about it when I offer.
He asked me out again but I'm slightly hesitant.. I don't know am I being too traditional? Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this?
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I did something similar but different on my very first online date. I went on my first date and when the check came, I did not reach for it. This is not normal for me. I am the person that picks up the check. And if people fight me over picking up the check, I am the person that wins the fight. But I did not do this here. I actively did not reach for the check.
I physically sat on my hands so I would not grab the check. It was a very awkward moment, I am sure for me and maybe for him.
I really did not understand why I did that. I just thought, if he pays then I know something good about him? I think?
I remember after that date I talked to one of my girlfriends and told her I went on a date from online. One of her first questions was, "Did he pay?". So even my friend thought it meant something. lol!
But as soon as my friend asked that question and I answered I knew it was so silly to do that. For one, it was against my nature and for two, what does it tell me if the guy picks up the check? Nothing.
Seriously, a guy picking up the check may indicate that this is a man that enjoys taking care of and protecting his lady but it could also be a guy doing it because it is expected of him or worse, a guy doing it because he is a people pleaser/doormat type guy that wants people to like him.
It really says nothing about the guy you are dating. If he picks up the check or not, says nothing about what kind of man he is.
I think what you need to ask yourself is why it bothered you. What is it that you thought it would mean if he choose to deny your offer to pay and choose to pay for all of it? What are other things besides if he pays that may be a better indicator of the values/character you are looking for in a man and look for those things.
What I discovered for me about this topic is a few things:
1) Don't do something that is outside my nature. If I usually pick up a check, then pick up the check.
2) Why I thought it meant something if he picked up the check is bogus. I can't tell anything about the person I am dating if they pick up the check or not. There are better indicators to watch for to find out if I am dating a good man or not.
3) With edating, you need a different mindset. Men are still expected to be the ones to initiate a date and pay for the date but in edating, most first dates will not lead to a second date so this is especially unfair to men. So cut the men some slack. Offer to pay and pay it willingly. It will be a very nice surprise.
Damn you really hit the nail on the head with this answer. I really think it's ridiculous when some people claim that it tells a lot about the guy whether he pays or not, when you literally have no clue what his motivation for paying was. It's just like you said, he could just be doing it because he is expected to do it, he might be doing it because he's a push over, or worst case scenario he could be doing it just because he's trying to get laid or something.
And what I find even more ridiculous is that usually you've had the entire date to talk with him and find out what kind of a person he really is, but then instead of judging him based on that you would judge him based on something as meaningless as whether he pays or not? I just don't understand the logic there.