Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?

Question

I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question, but I met up with this guy from online dating for brunch, and it went really well. We had a really good conversation and I really liked him.

However when the bill came he put down his card, and I offered to split and he just shrugged and said "sure" (he also ordered something more expensive than me). It's not that I'm "using" him, I'm working full-time at a decent job so I'm definitely not strapped for cash. I was just a bit surprised because I've gone on a ton of 1st dates and usually the guys will wave it off and say not to worry about it when I offer.

He asked me out again but I'm slightly hesitant.. I don't know am I being too traditional? Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this?

lizziepooh03 · Accepted Answer

I did something similar but different on my very first online date. I went on my first date and when the check came, I did not reach for it. This is not normal for me. I am the person that picks up the check. And if people fight me over picking up the check, I am the person that wins the fight. But I did not do this here. I actively did not reach for the check.

I physically sat on my hands so I would not grab the check. It was a very awkward moment, I am sure for me and maybe for him.

I really did not understand why I did that. I just thought, if he pays then I know something good about him? I think?

I remember after that date I talked to one of my girlfriends and told her I went on a date from online. One of her first questions was, "Did he pay?". So even my friend thought it meant something. lol!

But as soon as my friend asked that question and I answered I knew it was so silly to do that. For one, it was against my nature and for two, what does it tell me if the guy picks up the check? Nothing.

Seriously, a guy picking up the check may indicate that this is a man that enjoys taking care of and protecting his lady but it could also be a guy doing it because it is expected of him or worse, a guy doing it because he is a people pleaser/doormat type guy that wants people to like him.

It really says nothing about the guy you are dating. If he picks up the check or not, says nothing about what kind of man he is.

I think what you need to ask yourself is why it bothered you. What is it that you thought it would mean if he choose to deny your offer to pay and choose to pay for all of it? What are other things besides if he pays that may be a better indicator of the values/character you are looking for in a man and look for those things.

What I discovered for me about this topic is a few things:

1) Don't do something that is outside my nature. If I usually pick up a check, then pick up the check.

2) Why I thought it meant something if he picked up the check is bogus. I can't tell anything about the person I am dating if they pick up the check or not. There are better indicators to watch for to find out if I am dating a good man or not.

3) With edating, you need a different mindset. Men are still expected to be the ones to initiate a date and pay for the date but in edating, most first dates will not lead to a second date so this is especially unfair to men. So cut the men some slack. Offer to pay and pay it willingly. It will be a very nice surprise.

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

I take on board everything you've said.

However. And this next part is partly aimed at you and partly at the gender as a whole.

Why ask this question if you aren't bothered at least a small amount?

Men nowadays have a tough thing - do they pay in full, do the cheque dance, go Dutch, or let a woman be "independant" and "equal" and blah blah blah.

To be honest I feel sorry for men. You bitch if they do, you bitch if they don't, you bitch if they go down the middle.

Quite frankly if you couldn't afford to pay you shouldn't have offered full price. It was his responsibility (as the person who asked without upfront saying by the way I don't earn much or whatever) to take the potential full bill.

You might see that he pays for this date.

When I go out with my boyfriend, even at the beginning when I earned peanuts I offered to pay. He knew I earnt less than half what he earnt (he was on about £19,000 a year I was on about £6,000, he worked 40 hours a week I worked 60-80) and when he said no I felt a little guilty but also felt like a princess. Someone treating me to a meal.

Now, I officially earn nothing. Whatever my position before we go out I make it clear if I can or can't pay. It's the honest thing to do.

I think intentions should be made clear before the cheque comes.

TheFury · Accepted Answer

Your very confusing to me, when my fiance and I first began dating it was a pain in my ass to get him to allow me to pay for anything, it took me a long time to get it through to him that he didn't need to break his pockets to be with me, eventually I finally got him to ease up and now we take turns paying the tab. But you little miss thing I can't understand, you offered to split costs. Any rational person who offers it would be assumed they did intend to pay for their own cost or why else make the suggestion in the first place? I think that's why so many people are frustrated by your question because it's completely irrational and makes no sense what so ever therefore leaving hundreds of people scrating their heads in frustration over a question nobody can actually come up with an answer for. If you have the expectations of a man to pay for everything then never offer to pay. Me personally I've always been independent so I had to adjust to a man doing for me just as my fiance had to adjust to a woman doing for him as well. We compromised but as with your behavior I don't foresee any man finding compromise or middle ground with you as you seem to contradict yourself making you a person nobody can quite truly understand.

Kanoro · Accepted Answer

One thing I notice about women (and most don't realize themselves) is that a lot of you constantly test guys. If you OFFER to split then that's what guys will take it as. We'll take it at face value. She offered and I will make a decision based on that offer. It's like those guys who say they aren't looking for sex but then go home and bang a guy the same night or don't want a relationship and then a week later they have a boyfriend. Long story short, if you ask something or say something, that's what we'll think you mean. Guys are generally straightforward with their intentions and if you do things like that then you can expect a straightforward response.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

In my opinion you're being too traditional. If you offer to pay your half, then you can't get upset that he says yes. He's likely assuming that by you asking, you are one of the MANY women who prefer to be equal, so he likely didn't want to offend you by INSISTING he pay, or he is totally down to be equal as well.

I wouldn't be hesitant whatsoever because I'm not of the mindset that because I have a vagina that guys have to pay for my time in the form of food and movie tickets.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Maybe he was worried that he would offend you if he didn't accept your offer. Guys are in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't position these days.

JudgmentDay · Answer

The way I see it is that I think separate checks are the best no matter what. You pay for what you ordered and ate including how much you want to tip, if you're even going to tip anyone at all.

And the same goes for myself.

I've had my fair share of getting burned by 2 of my friends that intentionally screwed me over with combined checks when they ordered something that cost much more than what I had ordered and then they also put in a much bigger tip than necessary. Then they ask me to pay them back in cash after the combined check had been submitted with a credit card charge, signature and tip. So these days I don't care who someone else is if they are going to dine out with me, the golden rule is we do separate checks or I'm leaving them there, because I got tired of getting fucked over by shady people like that. There are times I didn't even want to tip because the service there was just meh, but they would put everything in quickly and then ask me to pay the half of the bill later. Eventually I know that this is unfair to me and I had realized that I'm being ripped off because they are getting an easy discount on more expensive orders as I end up paying more than what I would have to pay if I only pay for my own order instead, and even if I had tipped. Eventually I ditched those shady friends of mines and cut them off permanently.

There's nothing weird about it. If the other person wants to be generous, then they will, let them pay the entire bill if that's what they insist. But if you want to be generous, I don't see why not, even if it was only for once or twice. Otherwise, just have separate checks when the bill comes due, so everyone just pays their fair share instead without nitpicking about it, or have thoughts about whom is being taking advantage of when the bill comes due.

3Didnt7say · Answer

I'm not trying to be rude but most female call themselves feminists 🙄 and they want equality but their version of equality is quit biased in their favour and it kinda sounds like you're one of those females (no offence). I mean if you didn't want to split the bill then its simple...' DO NOT FUCKIN' OFFER TO DO SO' i get that its kinda mandatory that a guy pays but don't offer to something just to seems nice when you're nor willing. If the tables where turned right now and lets say he offers to do the dishes and you take him up on his offer and he was to moan about it afterwards you'd expect everyone to be on your side and they probably will be but they most likely won't take his side in this situation (Sad/unfair but that's the world we live in) . So just for future reference if you want him to play for you with HIS money not your then don't offer shit if you're not willing to do it. Don't make it sound he HAD to pay instead coz you did him a favour when you agreed to go out with him, if its such as bother you could've said No. Hopefully i helped... Good luck.

Chris0516 · Answer

I actually encountered this kind of situation three weeks ago. I went to see a woman I really like. I told her I had to buy some groceries for the week that I stayed at her place. We went to the store together. She said I was her guest so she would pay for it. Because of that, I only paid for our 'outings', half the time. After I flew back, I talked to her on the phone about and told her I didn't pay for more than I did. Because I didn't think she would have wanted me to. On the phone I found out, that she wouldn't have minded.

So, I told her on my next visit, I would pay for every thing. She said she is perfectly fine with that.

As for being 'traditional' in your case. OTOH, it sounds like you are being too 'traditional'. ATST, it sounds like, he is giving you 'too much independence'.

What I mean by that, your expectation was that he would pay for the dinner (which at first he did, with his credit card). Yet, When you sort of insisted on 'going dutch', he was surprised but didn't want to argue with you.

Anonymous · Answer

This question has received the most responses I've ever seen! 236 so far, and counting! It must be a very sensitive subject.
Anyway, I'll put in my two cents too, and I won't split the bill ;-) haha...
Try him out a bit longer. If it turns out to be a usual thing with him, don't do it. It's ok to be traditional. But it's also great to know yourself and what you want. If it keeps bugging you, don't do it. Your relationship won't last. It seems like a small thing, but it's really an important matter. When guys are checking things out, I'd say it's fine although I really don't like it. But eventually he better start getting generous. Because a guy who keeps splitting the bill is either poor, vain, stupid, or worse stingy. I say worse because stingy doesn't stop with money. It extends to time, emotions, kindness, forgiveness, and not to mention the horde of mental disturbances such as OCD, depression, anxiety, and so on. Plus, if not any of the above, it might mean that he is modern and with the feminists on finances, and you happen to be traditional (which I think makes more sense anyway). As a result, he won't be good relationship material, at least not for you. So try him a couple of times, and if he remains that way, don't do it, because you will regret it your entire life.

Only_Women_Bleed · Answer

Don't offer to split the check ever again if you liked the guy.

Seriously, this is the dumbest thing that's discussed so much on this site.

Its an insult to grown men when you offer to split the check or pay on a first date.

These pussy ass guys who say otherwise have no clue what they're talking about.

Masculine men want to treat you. If you ask to split the check, some will see it as if you just weren't into him during the date (in which case you should offer to split if there will be no other dates).

This was a thing no one ever use to even think about.

Failing species.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

If you didn't want to pay then why did you offer? It makes no sense to offer to pay for your half and then get upset that the other person accepts. If you really don't want to pay for yourself then don't go on a second date and find someone who shares your desire for more traditional gender roles.

hellionthesage · Answer

I think this pretty much proves the point that women don't want to have to pay no matter how much they claim otherwise. You offered he accepted that's on you. You don't offer unless its genuine, you cannot offer to do something then get upset when they accept that offer. I personally don't care if a womans traditional so long as she is fair about it i. e. I have to follow my traditional roles but so does she, it becomes an issue when she is traditional only when its convient for her that's when their is a problem. As for feeling weird again, women want the guy to pay stop pretending like you want things to be fair clearly you don't or you wouldn't be upset that he accepted your offer. Admit what you want and be willing to do what he wants so things are mutually beneficial and their should be no problem.

kakarotto · Answer

There is no need for this take. You already answered your own questions in your take.
Your "hesitation" feeling is enough proof that this is not a man for you and you want a man who will disregard your offer and insist on paying.
Please do not date that man again for both your sakes.
You deserve a man who will look at "selective" equality and perceive it as that is what a "real" man should do.
He deserves a lady who is simply a more mature human being than you are.
So again, do not date that man again, leave him alone even if he is the one asking you out again.
If he asks you out again and you felt like saying yes, the only case where YOU would deserve to date him again is if you show him this take of yours and how you felt and how you are asking people.
If he sees this post of yours and does not change his mind about dating you again then go ahead.

worldscolide · Answer

Women please figure out what you want. Do you want chivalry? ok be ok with him paying, Do you want equality? Then when you offer to pay dont take offense when he says ok.

That having been said, if you expectation was that he would pay, then dont offer. I would have done the same thing in his shoes, id have been like, hey cool less money i am shelling out. Men are literal, you offered to pay for your half, he took it as literally, "Im going to pay my portion" He did not know he should have paid anyway. This is your fault not his.

Odonti · Answer

I don't see anything wrong with it. I usually prefer to pay for my half at least especially on a first date. I usually feel uncomfortable letting a guy pay for everything primarily because I can afford to pay myself and don't want all the pressure to be on them. He might have been trying to respect that you are an independent woman who feels like I do.

But seriously, don't offer if you are uncomfortable with it because it throws mixed signals his way. Not really fair. And yes it is ok if you are more traditional and feel uncomfortable paying.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

How about you be the adult you are and owe up to your decision. You offered to split - accept the consequences of your choice. If you don't like splitting then why the hell even offer it? If anything, that guy is a keeper since he doesn't have any insecurities about his masculinity over spending money.

Sadly_It_Fell_Off · Answer

Well you kinda set the tone for it because he put his card down and then you offered to split the bill as a decent thing to do but fully expecting him to reject your offer. Lesson learned. Only offer to split the bill if that is what you genuinely want to do. There is no unspoken rule that a guy must reject your offer to split the bill. Secondly, you hit it off really well and there is clear interest from him. He may think you're a drop of fresh air, modern and doing it for yourself with the approach that you took. He could turn out to be a keeper as from the description, he seems very unassuming. He too may thought it unusual that you offered but equally found it refreshing and positive that you even bothered. Go on another date and see how it goes - there is nothing to lose from meeting up one more time.

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

Good grief, I feel sorry for men.

Why offer if you didn't mean? Don't "test" people you're interested in! Why do so many girls, take note I said girls as women don't do it this, like to "test" guys?

Had he said no, then you'd have complained that he didn't take your "independent" self seriously.
And now that he let you, of course it's making you hesitate.

Next time, don't offer if you don't mean it. Save the poor guy some judgement

TheDevilInside · Answer

Seems like you're confused yourself. He was just being logical and rational, and apparently is not a traditional guy. You, how ever, seem to be confused. On one Hand you want to be modern and show him you don't need him, on the other Hand when he accepted that fact about you, you get all pussy and doubtful. Really. Make up your mind of what Kind of girl you want to be, and stick with it. Don't make the poor guy more confused.

MagiAlphaOne · Answer

I'm 56 years. old. Over the years I have watched Chivalry deteriorate. You are living in an age that values "traditional values" LESS.

When I was a teenager I watched the emergence of the Women's Liberation Movement (1970s). Today, women are behaving more like Men. Also, women even have MORE tattoos and piercings than Men!

Check out this short video about splitting the bill.

SaltAndLime · Answer

I think he was trying to keep you comfortable. When he placed his card down he was expecting to pay. When you asked to split I think he agreed because he's aware some woman prefer that. He did the right thing and now it's up to you if you offer again. Or maybe ask him out for a desert or snack and say "my treat" when you ask him...

ladsin · Answer

Why would you offer to pay and then get upset when they let you?
That seems asinine. "I told my boss I would work on Saturday and then he said ok." "I told my mom I would go shopping with her on Tuesday and she said yes!"

Does that not seem a little weird?

lumos · Answer

Don't offer to split the bill if you don't want to split the bill. How hard is that? You can't offer to do something for him and then be surprised or judge his character when he accepts. If you don't want to, don't offer. You only have yourself to blame if it makes you uncomfortable. And instead of fighting with you over it, he decided to let you split the bill. Probably even appreciated you offering. I really don't see the problem here, except the fact that you apparently say things without really meaning them, and then judging someone else for believing you.

MikeGaultier · Answer

Is he new to the dating scene? Some guys who have little experience will often agree to a "split the bill" offer. Think about it, he probably lurked around a few forums to get insight on how things work. Plenty of women admit that they would be offended if they offered to split the bill and the man rejected.
He could have accepted just to make sure not to offend you.
I would say go on another date. This time, offer to split the bill in a more subtle, "I want you to pay, but I'm offering just to be nice" type of way. Something like, "If you would like, we could split the bill again."

KeiranByrne · Answer

At this point in time no civilised guy (that is, excluding trogs) wants to be labeled as sexist and that means respecting her right to share a lunch tab. To insist on paying is considered by many women as a remnant of the 1950's and highly insulting. You are not one of these, but you did offer to share the tab.
You put him in an extremely awkward position. Does he insist on paying and risk getting lable a male chauvinist pig, or share with you and risk being called a cheapskate or worse. Communication matters.

Syvient · Answer

I definitely believe in picking up the tab, especially if I proposed the date. Though you can't blame the dude here, you did offer to split the ticket. He likely was confused and didn't consider that his meal was more expensive. In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free.

At least that is how my silly head works. People rarely will upfront tell you how they feel about a second date during the first, so we learn to look for tells. As in if a chick suddenly has to make a call in the middle of a meal and feigns an emergency then ducks out, it is likely there won't be a second date. I actually laughed when this happened to me for two reasons: 1) she wasn't my type and I felt like I was doing her a favor with the date 2) I have used a similar tactic and was amused at how poorly she pulled it off.

No worries on your part, next date don't offer to split. Just let it ride baby.

Paris13 · Answer

I, Myself, who have "Tons" with Many a '1st date,' @Beach_lover88, Never have had to Pay that Day, it has Always been Him who Has... Put down his Card or even Cash.
Now that you have Started the Ball and All rolling, he May expect You to Go in Halves with Him on every Date thereafter.
It's niuce though that even though this Occurance has Not gotten your own Panties in a Twist, Perhaps I can Suggest that when the bill comes, excuse yourself and Tell him while he is Paying the Bill, you are going to Freshen up in the Ladies Room.
This will Be your own Helpful Hint, and also to See what kind of Guy has your Eye.
Good luck. xx

TiffyPuff · Answer

Like, you offered to pay. If you didn't mean it, why say it? He probably thought you were trying to be modern and that you'd be offended if he said no. And like, he probably just isn't a traditional guy who wants to force traditional stuff on you. I don't see anything wrong, other than your reaction. I think things are ok.

SarahsSummer · Answer

I got into some trouble with my recent question in the same topic.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2105829-there-has-been-an-ongoing-debate-on-who-should-pay-for-a-first-date
And while I believe a guy should handle the first date, the majority suggested whoever asks, pays. I think after inviting you his acceptance to take your card for half implies he doesn't want conflict and isn't a really assertive or confident with his actions... or cheap.

Tarvold · Answer

Why the fuck did you insist on paying if you didn't mean it?

If he insisted, then you'd think that he's controlling. If he didn't offer to pay first, you'd think he's cheap. Now that he offered first, but then accepted your insistence to pay AND he followed it up with asking you to another thing... you're making up excuses to blame him. The poor guy didn't stand a chance did he?

The problem is with you, not him.

BruceWang · Answer

So he says he'll pay the bill, then you offer to pay half, then he agrees since you were the one who offered and you're surprised that he agreed? If you want a guy to pay the bill why would you ask to split it? And now you don't even want to date him because of that? Girls are so damn cunfusing nowadays I swear.

Pistolpete90 · Answer

I think it's a good sign, it shows he respects you and your boundaries. I'm a bit different, I hate it when guys I've just met insist on paying for my share. I'm an independent woman that works and can her own damn way. It's like they're trying to buy your affections.

Nothanks700 · Answer

There are multiple trains of thought from his perspective

1st and most likely: he thought you offering to pay was a sign that you did not like him. Girls sometimes do do this when they aren't interested in the guy. But he asked you out again, so safe bet he's still into you.

2nd: He felt you offering to pay was a reasonable and nice thing to do. After all, you did eat your meal, and he did not. Why in the actual fuck should he pay?

Look, this is a stupid and outdated gender tradition. Yes, typically I will pay and will usually insist even if a girl offers to pay her own, but I still think it's incredibly fucking stupid. I will not have sex with you on the first date or probably even the third, so that idea is out the window. Why else should I pay for your meal? Especially if we both liked each other and wanted to get to know each other better? It's the modern era. You have a reasonable expectation to make just as much as I do, so pay for your own damn meal.

NerdKing16 · Answer

Please don't trap guys you go on a date with, guys don't like when girls play games like that. He probably took that as you being independent and low maintenance which is incredibly hot. Please give this guy a shot, if you draw conclusions on a guy that soon you may miss out on a great guy. The best guys you'll meet in life are those that aren't super easy to read, so don't assume the worst if you don't really know him yet.

Sorry if this sounds hostile. I'm just shedding some light on a positive possibility.

kittenmitten · Answer

"I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question" Why would you?
"It's not that I'm "using" him" It's pretty obvious that you aren't, don't worry. ;)
"am I being too traditional?" Tradition expects the man to pay. So you're not being traditional, let alone too traditional. And who are we to judge you anyway? Haha.
"Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this? " Why would they?
"Also he was the one who asked me out " One more reason for him to pay. But it's your call if you want to cut his costs.

NJ_Casanova · Answer

So you offer to split it and now you don't want to go out with him? that's FK'd up. I guess you offered because you really weren't feeling it.

As a guy if she wasn't interested... I'd appreciate us splitting it as it would feel like a "dinner with friends" and not like a date. I think it's F'd Up when girls Expect the guy to pay when they actually don't like him. It's not the 1950's... Girls wanted equal... I mean "Special treatment". So can uses some of that "Equal pay".

You can't "have your cake and eat it too." Whoever asked the other out and/or picked the location should pay. If you don't want a second date then split the bill and go your separate ways. With online dating, girls have made serial dating for drinks & dinner an art form. Waste of money for the guy that doesn't catch on.

Jupiter35 · Answer

I would not go out on a second date. Regardless of this whole 50/50 BS these boys tell themselves because they have long forgotten how to be men, accepting a girl to pay says everything you need to know about this kid. Think about it. These kids now have it easy to sleep around. They have it easy to switch partners like diapers because of how easy online dating has made it. They have it easy with women's movement to compete in the industry so that they can aspire to half instead of maning up to their roles as providers. When he accepts that you pay, you accept someone who has nothing to offer you. Nothing, unless you are so wealthy and independent that all you need is a walking dildo with a heartbeat and hair. The fact that you earn your way means that on top of being a nurturing woman who can hold the fort at home, you can also supplement a relationship with a man that offers you the role of a man.

Sinister · Answer

The more traditional gender role type of man usually will pay for the date & won't accept the woman's money. I usually pay on the first date BUT if the girl offered I'd still tell her is she sure because I don't want her to get the wrong impression I did ask her out and more often than not the girl usually says something along the likes of "Last time I checked it's 2016 and not the 1950's", "I can pay for myself", or the best one I've heard is " "Do you always do as you're told?" That girl was hilariously funny on her comebacks. Regardless, though I usually pay for the first date.

CrazynKinky · Answer

Don''t offer if you don't want to follow through.
I think splitting the bill is tacky I just offer to pay. If he lets me I do and don't think twice about it. Not that I've ever had that happen.
Why are you hesitant? He was willing to pay you offered to split he took you up on it. Feminism is huge right now. he might of thought he would offend you if he didn't let you.
I wouldn't feel weird you offer you have to expect that

Pacificblue62 · Answer

At first I read this wrong as if the problem was he wasn't offering and was going to let you pay for it all and were wondering if making him split was a problem. And I was like dont be ridiculous he should pay for at least some of the meal. But when I re-read this my thoughts are what you are saying is absolutely ridiculous. The guy kindly offered to pay in the first place. You were the one who offered to split. If you didn't want this issue then why did you offer to split? You could have offered for each to pay their own way? If you offer to split there is a chance he will say yes. And a split on the first date is reasonable this isn't the 1950s anymore. Dont offer something you are not ok with. Now you're holding it against him? So what you were just asking so youd look better? Do you feel entitled to a free fully paid meal because of your gender? I swear. People really brush off rationality these days.

mds6387 · Answer

Well... If you have been on many dates and this one is different? Here's your sign stupid. He wasn't being weird or a douchebag. He was accepting what you offered. If anything, he's being courteous by not rejecting your offer. Basically, don't be stupid, and say things you don't really mean, because games are for children. He probably had actual long term relationship experience, and knows how to actually communicate with his partner. Don't offer anything you are not wanting to give; it's pretty simple. Some people are raised to believe it's an insult to refuse gifts from an admirer, or an esteemed individual.

NearlyNapping · Answer

You offered to split the bill but somehow he is at fault?

He put down his card and was prepared to pay. Apparently you didn't like that and offered to split. He shrugged his shoulders because he thought that's what you wanted to do. Do you think he is a mind reader? When you say you want to split he assumes you want to split. How is that his fault?

MementoMori_ · Answer

I don't think it's a problem he agreed to split the bill *after* you offered to do it that way. Why did you offer that if you knew you would be uncomfortable if he said yes? Isn't that kind of setting a trap for the guy? Whey you *offer* to split the bill, secretly hoping he says no, you put him in a bad position. If he says no to your offer he might think you are offended and if he says yes, then you are offended. He can't win. If you feel it is a guy's responsibility to pay for the date, there is nothing wrong with that. But be honest about it and don't offer. Just let him pay.

lilac_flowers · Answer

Dude you offered. Just saying...
I get why it feels weird. Men are only attractive to us if we feel protected, taken care of and guided (led/taught) by them in certain things. If their FUNCTION as men is missing, we cannot find them attractive based on looks like they find us attractive.

But give the poor fellows a break. Young men are no longer breadwinners of society along with older ones. Not even at older age if we talk about unmarried people. To put the burden of paying for dates on a young man is not fair in 21st century.

BUT... on the other hand... men as men regardless in situation Western feminism has put them in, still have the same desire to show off to the girl they really like. If he continues to do this, 95% chance he probably isn't interested that much. You're a "maaaaybe/bang only" girl.

AustinMan · Answer

Go out with him, for Goodness sakes!!! You're a modern woman--hear you roar! If you don't want to split the check, don't offer but don't feel awkward about it. I'm a very old school guy who feels like the guy pays unless we agree to some arrangement beforehand. Next time you go out, tell him you're a bit uncertain and how does he want to pay for things. If he wants to treat, let him. Focus on being a proper lady, at least in public, and he'll very likely be a real gentleman if he was lucky enough to have been taught those skills when he was growing up.

Pyrofox · Answer

Really it just cements the that he can trust you to be he other half in the relationship. And that its not him keeping it going. Girls begging guys to be chivalrous kinda kills the thrill of doing the act. As it often makes the girl seem needy and that she is likely just another money spender. Where as just managing to pay for their own meal gives another signal that they arnt in this just to kill the other half's paycheck. (to put it bluntly.)

To sumerize what I am saying is that knowing that the other half could pay for the meal is kind more of an incentive. To be kind and maybe pay for all of it as then as the guy. You can get away with telling your date to save their money. As well get the other half to be happy and give a genuine smile.

Elarra · Answer

Lol, that happened to my friend a year or so ago. She went out this guy, except she offered to pay the entire bill. He insisted that he pay and he didn't mind paying, but then when she asked him if he was sure, he let her pay and, unlike you, she was pissed, probably more so than she should have been.

I never offer to pay, ever, because I know I don't want to. So... just next time, don't offer to pay and see what he does. But I've never been out with a guy who let me pay, even after insisting, so I'm not sure what to tell you.

Bethhhbby · Answer

I was actually in a situation like this before! The first time I met a guy we were super hungry and decided to stop at Taco Bell just because we were in a hurry. He was clearly interested in me but when he asked me about paying I said I brought my card and he told the woman he wanted two separate orders. I mean I had no problem paying for myself, same as you, but I feel if a guy is trying to pursue you he should pay for your meal. Even if it is just Taco Bell. I think whoever asks the person out should pay! So if later on down the road you ask him to do something then you should pay for you and him. It needs to be a happy medium! Long story short I think he should've paid for you both.

starryeyedkitten · Answer

ugh girl I know exactly how you feel, In my opinion the man should pay for the first date.. but things are changing and chipping in is the right thing to do.. next time he will probably treat you to something nice :)

justfluffeh · Answer

I generally offer to split the bill, why should men be expected to pay for dates? You both wanted to go out. If you offer you cannot be upset that he accepts, be prepared to pay before you make the offer, simple.
Hell, last time me and the guy I've been dating went out, so like... the thirdish time out for dinner, I actually managed to get him to let me pay, for the while thing! It kind of felt like a major win since he always wants to pay. Lol.

Kirah · Answer

Well, you offered. Don't offer if you don't want to pay. We live in an age of gender equality. Splitting the bill is entirely fair, even if he's the one who asked you out.

CisScum · Answer

I mean cmon... you're the one who offered to split and he said yes. If you didn't want to pay you shouldn't have brought it up considering he was ready and willing to pay.

I mean if a woman was willing to split even if I said I'd pay I'd say okay, I'm not gonna argue with that. If he's a nice guy, I wouldn't let this set you back.

mystintri · Answer

First off, ignore the people calling you idiots. They're obviously filled with hateful emotions and are venting on a website.

Secondly, I don't pay for girls on first dates. We're feeling each other out. I refuse to allow societies standards towards dating to empty my wallet when I'm a young cat whose building my future and would like to date and explore with girls in general.

I think you're judging yourself off of what the masses think. Go with what you're feeling, though...

If you like the guy, I don't see paying for the date as a big deal.
However, watch for him becoming parasitic.

If you don't like the guy too much, than I can see why paying would be a big deal...

Are a few bucks worth such inner turmoil? I don't think so.

Flurr · Answer

You claim you offered to pay, but you didn't, you offered to pay for yourself, lol. Don't offer if you're not serious. Here is the problem, you gained points with him by offering, but he lost points with you by accepting, now if you go out again he is thinking he is dating a girl that he isn't because you truly didn't want to pay. If it had been the other way around then maybe you would lose points with him and he wouldn't have wanted to go out with you again but you really like him! Just say what you mean and mean what you say.

Paul09 · Answer

It's 2016.. We are equal, both male, and female work. Logicaly I find you both should pay your own meal. Because its a first date, I you're not even sure if it will work out. So why should someone keep pushing for unsuccessful days everytime. Dates aren't a money investment. When things get more serious then we should split the bill or pay for the whole bill. You go on 10 first dates and you have to pay each time.. We aren't paying you to be there lol. All this said, I ask someone on a date I offer to pay. Im too scared to come off "too cheap"... But bye bye hard earned money..

sedrftvgyhujik · Answer

You are being too traditional and makeing an issue out of nothing.
Also if you offer to pay be prepared to pay not every one seas it as a dance or knows in what way your over complicating things.
Honestly the other way round most of you aren't nearly as good at reading us as you think so don't expect us to be mind readers and know if your a guy should pay or i make my own money girl?
Also guys don't want to pay for every date that failed it relay makes more sense for the girl to pay for the first date and the guy to pay for the second even second and 3rd then they split after.

KeeKeeLanka · Answer

Wtf are you serious YOU offered to split the bill you're the one who decide to split it not him at least he was going to pay for it all before you even said anything I doubt you would of after reading this

authornenja · Answer

I'm the opposite I feel weird when people pay for me, I feel guilty then and like I owe them. I haven't been on many dates though, so it's not a big worry lol. It shouldn't matter, don't sweat it. I would've just offered paying for my own and not split, but everyone's different. When dating someone new things like paying can get awkward and it always feels like virgin territory! Don't focus on it though.

madhatters4 · Answer

well why would you offer to split if it is going to be an issue for you later? it seems like you offered to split just to do it without any real desire to split. i think this is a bad policy. if you don't want to split don't offer. it is a significant moment early in dating as it sets a tone for things to come

if you don't want to see him again fine but i think it's unfair that he is being faulted for accepting an offer you volunteered... not that he asked or required of you

Vesuvius87 · Answer

Isn't a woman pretending to be nice by splitting the bill similar to a guy pretending to be nice just to get sex?

After all, neither of them are genuine about their intentions. They're both fakes.

If you're traditionally then don't pretend you're not by splitting the bill and then be offended that he accepted it. If he was going to pay it (before you open your mouth about splitting the bill), then be happy about it.

Jager66 · Answer

Sounds like your struggling to decide weather or not you're a prostitute. On the one hand men should pay for you when you do stuff with them, on the other hand you're not 100% committed to being a whore yet...

So you need to think this over and just make a decision.

Anonymous · Answer

Because of the drama of feminism (i'm a feminist btw) guys don't know anymore if they should act as gentleman or just treat the girl equally (he may be a greedy person or just don't want to offense you) so i would say give him a chance or two to see if he is either one of them ( third possibility he's a douche which i don't think he is).

Prof_Don · Answer

Wait... so you PRETENDED to want to pay half, when you REALLY wanted him to say "never mind" and just pay the whole bill? #StopPlayingGames

Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?

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Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?

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