Dude you offered. Just saying... I get why it feels weird. Men are only attractive to us if we feel protected, taken care of and guided (led/taught) by them in certain things. If their FUNCTION as men is missing, we cannot find them attractive based on looks like they find us attractive.
But give the poor fellows a break. Young men are no longer breadwinners of society along with older ones. Not even at older age if we talk about unmarried people. To put the burden of paying for dates on a young man is not fair in 21st century.
BUT... on the other hand... men as men regardless in situation Western feminism has put them in, still have the same desire to show off to the girl they really like. If he continues to do this, 95% chance he probably isn't interested that much. You're a "maaaaybe/bang only" girl.
Go out with him, for Goodness sakes!!! You're a modern woman--hear you roar! If you don't want to split the check, don't offer but don't feel awkward about it. I'm a very old school guy who feels like the guy pays unless we agree to some arrangement beforehand. Next time you go out, tell him you're a bit uncertain and how does he want to pay for things. If he wants to treat, let him. Focus on being a proper lady, at least in public, and he'll very likely be a real gentleman if he was lucky enough to have been taught those skills when he was growing up.
Really it just cements the that he can trust you to be he other half in the relationship. And that its not him keeping it going. Girls begging guys to be chivalrous kinda kills the thrill of doing the act. As it often makes the girl seem needy and that she is likely just another money spender. Where as just managing to pay for their own meal gives another signal that they arnt in this just to kill the other half's paycheck. (to put it bluntly.)
To sumerize what I am saying is that knowing that the other half could pay for the meal is kind more of an incentive. To be kind and maybe pay for all of it as then as the guy. You can get away with telling your date to save their money. As well get the other half to be happy and give a genuine smile.
Lol, that happened to my friend a year or so ago. She went out this guy, except she offered to pay the entire bill. He insisted that he pay and he didn't mind paying, but then when she asked him if he was sure, he let her pay and, unlike you, she was pissed, probably more so than she should have been.
I never offer to pay, ever, because I know I don't want to. So... just next time, don't offer to pay and see what he does. But I've never been out with a guy who let me pay, even after insisting, so I'm not sure what to tell you.
I was actually in a situation like this before! The first time I met a guy we were super hungry and decided to stop at Taco Bell just because we were in a hurry. He was clearly interested in me but when he asked me about paying I said I brought my card and he told the woman he wanted two separate orders. I mean I had no problem paying for myself, same as you, but I feel if a guy is trying to pursue you he should pay for your meal. Even if it is just Taco Bell. I think whoever asks the person out should pay! So if later on down the road you ask him to do something then you should pay for you and him. It needs to be a happy medium! Long story short I think he should've paid for you both.
ugh girl I know exactly how you feel, In my opinion the man should pay for the first date.. but things are changing and chipping in is the right thing to do.. next time he will probably treat you to something nice :)
I generally offer to split the bill, why should men be expected to pay for dates? You both wanted to go out. If you offer you cannot be upset that he accepts, be prepared to pay before you make the offer, simple. Hell, last time me and the guy I've been dating went out, so like... the thirdish time out for dinner, I actually managed to get him to let me pay, for the while thing! It kind of felt like a major win since he always wants to pay. Lol.
"Good character" is about 95% NOT GOING BACK ON YOUR WORD. Bla bla bla bla gender equality bla bla bla bla splitting bills bla bla bla bla... none of that shit is even relevant.
I mean cmon... you're the one who offered to split and he said yes. If you didn't want to pay you shouldn't have brought it up considering he was ready and willing to pay.
I mean if a woman was willing to split even if I said I'd pay I'd say okay, I'm not gonna argue with that. If he's a nice guy, I wouldn't let this set you back.
It's 2016.. We are equal, both male, and female work. Logicaly I find you both should pay your own meal. Because its a first date, I you're not even sure if it will work out. So why should someone keep pushing for unsuccessful days everytime. Dates aren't a money investment. When things get more serious then we should split the bill or pay for the whole bill. You go on 10 first dates and you have to pay each time.. We aren't paying you to be there lol. All this said, I ask someone on a date I offer to pay. Im too scared to come off "too cheap"... But bye bye hard earned money..
You are being too traditional and makeing an issue out of nothing. Also if you offer to pay be prepared to pay not every one seas it as a dance or knows in what way your over complicating things. Honestly the other way round most of you aren't nearly as good at reading us as you think so don't expect us to be mind readers and know if your a guy should pay or i make my own money girl? Also guys don't want to pay for every date that failed it relay makes more sense for the girl to pay for the first date and the guy to pay for the second even second and 3rd then they split after.
Wtf are you serious YOU offered to split the bill you're the one who decide to split it not him at least he was going to pay for it all before you even said anything I doubt you would of after reading this
First off, ignore the people calling you idiots. They're obviously filled with hateful emotions and are venting on a website.
Secondly, I don't pay for girls on first dates. We're feeling each other out. I refuse to allow societies standards towards dating to empty my wallet when I'm a young cat whose building my future and would like to date and explore with girls in general.
I think you're judging yourself off of what the masses think. Go with what you're feeling, though...
If you like the guy, I don't see paying for the date as a big deal. However, watch for him becoming parasitic.
If you don't like the guy too much, than I can see why paying would be a big deal...
Are a few bucks worth such inner turmoil? I don't think so.
Ok then know it all... You said you understand why paying would be an issue if she didn't like guys tf 🤔 paying was the least she could do if she didn't like the guy after wasting his time ( FYI i did NOT say she wasted his time or that she didn't like him... I'm just not fine with the fact that you think its ok to let some pay after you wasted their time and you don't even like them)
I know you don't need me to agree with you which is why i didn't and i do understand what you're saying its you who doesn't understand my reply coz you're focused on the fact that you're a fuckin' guy so you must be right
I'm the opposite I feel weird when people pay for me, I feel guilty then and like I owe them. I haven't been on many dates though, so it's not a big worry lol. It shouldn't matter, don't sweat it. I would've just offered paying for my own and not split, but everyone's different. When dating someone new things like paying can get awkward and it always feels like virgin territory! Don't focus on it though.
well why would you offer to split if it is going to be an issue for you later? it seems like you offered to split just to do it without any real desire to split. i think this is a bad policy. if you don't want to split don't offer. it is a significant moment early in dating as it sets a tone for things to come
if you don't want to see him again fine but i think it's unfair that he is being faulted for accepting an offer you volunteered... not that he asked or required of you
Isn't a woman pretending to be nice by splitting the bill similar to a guy pretending to be nice just to get sex?
After all, neither of them are genuine about their intentions. They're both fakes.
If you're traditionally then don't pretend you're not by splitting the bill and then be offended that he accepted it. If he was going to pay it (before you open your mouth about splitting the bill), then be happy about it.
You claim you offered to pay, but you didn't, you offered to pay for yourself, lol. Don't offer if you're not serious. Here is the problem, you gained points with him by offering, but he lost points with you by accepting, now if you go out again he is thinking he is dating a girl that he isn't because you truly didn't want to pay. If it had been the other way around then maybe you would lose points with him and he wouldn't have wanted to go out with you again but you really like him! Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
Sounds like your struggling to decide weather or not you're a prostitute. On the one hand men should pay for you when you do stuff with them, on the other hand you're not 100% committed to being a whore yet...
So you need to think this over and just make a decision.
4
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Because of the drama of feminism (i'm a feminist btw) guys don't know anymore if they should act as gentleman or just treat the girl equally (he may be a greedy person or just don't want to offense you) so i would say give him a chance or two to see if he is either one of them ( third possibility he's a douche which i don't think he is).
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
166Opinion
Dude you offered. Just saying...
I get why it feels weird. Men are only attractive to us if we feel protected, taken care of and guided (led/taught) by them in certain things. If their FUNCTION as men is missing, we cannot find them attractive based on looks like they find us attractive.
But give the poor fellows a break. Young men are no longer breadwinners of society along with older ones. Not even at older age if we talk about unmarried people. To put the burden of paying for dates on a young man is not fair in 21st century.
BUT... on the other hand... men as men regardless in situation Western feminism has put them in, still have the same desire to show off to the girl they really like. If he continues to do this, 95% chance he probably isn't interested that much. You're a "maaaaybe/bang only" girl.
Go out with him, for Goodness sakes!!! You're a modern woman--hear you roar! If you don't want to split the check, don't offer but don't feel awkward about it. I'm a very old school guy who feels like the guy pays unless we agree to some arrangement beforehand. Next time you go out, tell him you're a bit uncertain and how does he want to pay for things. If he wants to treat, let him. Focus on being a proper lady, at least in public, and he'll very likely be a real gentleman if he was lucky enough to have been taught those skills when he was growing up.
I'm not sure how to close a question. Maybe the icons in the upper right corner?
Really it just cements the that he can trust you to be he other half in the relationship. And that its not him keeping it going. Girls begging guys to be chivalrous kinda kills the thrill of doing the act. As it often makes the girl seem needy and that she is likely just another money spender. Where as just managing to pay for their own meal gives another signal that they arnt in this just to kill the other half's paycheck. (to put it bluntly.)
To sumerize what I am saying is that knowing that the other half could pay for the meal is kind more of an incentive. To be kind and maybe pay for all of it as then as the guy. You can get away with telling your date to save their money. As well get the other half to be happy and give a genuine smile.
Lol, that happened to my friend a year or so ago. She went out this guy, except she offered to pay the entire bill. He insisted that he pay and he didn't mind paying, but then when she asked him if he was sure, he let her pay and, unlike you, she was pissed, probably more so than she should have been.
I never offer to pay, ever, because I know I don't want to. So... just next time, don't offer to pay and see what he does. But I've never been out with a guy who let me pay, even after insisting, so I'm not sure what to tell you.
I was actually in a situation like this before! The first time I met a guy we were super hungry and decided to stop at Taco Bell just because we were in a hurry. He was clearly interested in me but when he asked me about paying I said I brought my card and he told the woman he wanted two separate orders. I mean I had no problem paying for myself, same as you, but I feel if a guy is trying to pursue you he should pay for your meal. Even if it is just Taco Bell. I think whoever asks the person out should pay! So if later on down the road you ask him to do something then you should pay for you and him. It needs to be a happy medium! Long story short I think he should've paid for you both.
That's a cringe worthy date experience. Did you see that guy again?
ugh girl I know exactly how you feel, In my opinion the man should pay for the first date.. but things are changing and chipping in is the right thing to do.. next time he will probably treat you to something nice :)
"The man should pay for the first date" Why? Because you were raised with bullshit tales of "that's the way it is"?
@Peskyn3gr0 Let's keep it civil here...
@Peskyn3gr0 because thats what i believe
Belief with no justification, great. Like every thing else written on this site.
@Peskyn3gr0 who are you crying to?
I agree.
@starryeyedkitten you realize that you just advocated for both splitting the bill and having the guy pay the bill, right?
@tyber1 Yes, yes I do know that
That doesn't compute
@tyber1 she has her beliefs but is able to go with the flow of the new era in dating procedures.
@starryeyedkitten that's what "you believe"? Well, I believe you're sexist and entitled.
@Kirah and i don't give a frog what you think
I generally offer to split the bill, why should men be expected to pay for dates? You both wanted to go out. If you offer you cannot be upset that he accepts, be prepared to pay before you make the offer, simple.
Hell, last time me and the guy I've been dating went out, so like... the thirdish time out for dinner, I actually managed to get him to let me pay, for the while thing! It kind of felt like a major win since he always wants to pay. Lol.
Well, you offered. Don't offer if you don't want to pay.
We live in an age of gender equality. Splitting the bill is entirely fair, even if he's the one who asked you out.
"Well, you offered. Don't offer if you don't want to pay."
^^ Yep yep
d.gr-assets.com/.../3146618.gif
"Good character" is about 95% NOT GOING BACK ON YOUR WORD.
Bla bla bla bla gender equality bla bla bla bla splitting bills bla bla bla bla... none of that shit is even relevant.
Yr word.
You keep it.
End of.
I mean cmon... you're the one who offered to split and he said yes. If you didn't want to pay you shouldn't have brought it up considering he was ready and willing to pay.
I mean if a woman was willing to split even if I said I'd pay I'd say okay, I'm not gonna argue with that. If he's a nice guy, I wouldn't let this set you back.
It's 2016.. We are equal, both male, and female work. Logicaly I find you both should pay your own meal. Because its a first date, I you're not even sure if it will work out. So why should someone keep pushing for unsuccessful days everytime. Dates aren't a money investment. When things get more serious then we should split the bill or pay for the whole bill. You go on 10 first dates and you have to pay each time.. We aren't paying you to be there lol. All this said, I ask someone on a date I offer to pay. Im too scared to come off "too cheap"... But bye bye hard earned money..
You are being too traditional and makeing an issue out of nothing.
Also if you offer to pay be prepared to pay not every one seas it as a dance or knows in what way your over complicating things.
Honestly the other way round most of you aren't nearly as good at reading us as you think so don't expect us to be mind readers and know if your a guy should pay or i make my own money girl?
Also guys don't want to pay for every date that failed it relay makes more sense for the girl to pay for the first date and the guy to pay for the second even second and 3rd then they split after.
Wtf are you serious YOU offered to split the bill you're the one who decide to split it not him at least he was going to pay for it all before you even said anything I doubt you would of after reading this
First off, ignore the people calling you idiots. They're obviously filled with hateful emotions and are venting on a website.
Secondly, I don't pay for girls on first dates. We're feeling each other out. I refuse to allow societies standards towards dating to empty my wallet when I'm a young cat whose building my future and would like to date and explore with girls in general.
I think you're judging yourself off of what the masses think. Go with what you're feeling, though...
If you like the guy, I don't see paying for the date as a big deal.
However, watch for him becoming parasitic.
If you don't like the guy too much, than I can see why paying would be a big deal...
Are a few bucks worth such inner turmoil? I don't think so.
Ok then know it all... You said you understand why paying would be an issue if she didn't like guys tf 🤔 paying was the least she could do if she didn't like the guy after wasting his time ( FYI i did NOT say she wasted his time or that she didn't like him... I'm just not fine with the fact that you think its ok to let some pay after you wasted their time and you don't even like them)
@3Didnt7say
This made me chuckle; I don't need you to agree with me...
Anyway, I don't think you're understanding what I mean.
I know you don't need me to agree with you which is why i didn't and i do understand what you're saying its you who doesn't understand my reply coz you're focused on the fact that you're a fuckin' guy so you must be right
I'm the opposite I feel weird when people pay for me, I feel guilty then and like I owe them. I haven't been on many dates though, so it's not a big worry lol. It shouldn't matter, don't sweat it. I would've just offered paying for my own and not split, but everyone's different. When dating someone new things like paying can get awkward and it always feels like virgin territory! Don't focus on it though.
well why would you offer to split if it is going to be an issue for you later? it seems like you offered to split just to do it without any real desire to split. i think this is a bad policy. if you don't want to split don't offer. it is a significant moment early in dating as it sets a tone for things to come
if you don't want to see him again fine but i think it's unfair that he is being faulted for accepting an offer you volunteered... not that he asked or required of you
Isn't a woman pretending to be nice by splitting the bill similar to a guy pretending to be nice just to get sex?
After all, neither of them are genuine about their intentions. They're both fakes.
If you're traditionally then don't pretend you're not by splitting the bill and then be offended that he accepted it. If he was going to pay it (before you open your mouth about splitting the bill), then be happy about it.
You claim you offered to pay, but you didn't, you offered to pay for yourself, lol. Don't offer if you're not serious. Here is the problem, you gained points with him by offering, but he lost points with you by accepting, now if you go out again he is thinking he is dating a girl that he isn't because you truly didn't want to pay. If it had been the other way around then maybe you would lose points with him and he wouldn't have wanted to go out with you again but you really like him! Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
Sounds like your struggling to decide weather or not you're a prostitute. On the one hand men should pay for you when you do stuff with them, on the other hand you're not 100% committed to being a whore yet...
So you need to think this over and just make a decision.
Because of the drama of feminism (i'm a feminist btw) guys don't know anymore if they should act as gentleman or just treat the girl equally (he may be a greedy person or just don't want to offense you) so i would say give him a chance or two to see if he is either one of them ( third possibility he's a douche which i don't think he is).
Wait... so you PRETENDED to want to pay half, when you REALLY wanted him to say "never mind" and just pay the whole bill?
#StopPlayingGames
4 private opinion(s)Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more