Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay? (Page 3)

Question

I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question, but I met up with this guy from online dating for brunch, and it went really well. We had a really good conversation and I really liked him.  However when the bill came he put down his card, and I offered to split and he just shrugged and said "sure" (he also ordered something more expensive than me). It's not that I'm "using" him, I'm working full-time at a decent job so I'm definitely not strapped for cash. I was just a bit surprised because I've gone on a ton of 1st dates and usually the guys will wave it off and say not to worry about it when I offer.  He asked me out again but I'm slightly hesitant.. I don't know am I being too traditional? Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this?

Hannah591 · Answer

Haha, you should only offer to pay when you have no issue with paying, not to test him and then be unhappy when he goes along with it. This is stupid.

Anonymous · Answer

@kakarotto... reading your long diatribe against the My Take writer suggests you are the are kind of guy who would expect women to pay for themselves whenever they go out with a man who is not only trying to show how macho he is but is also, frankly, a cheapskate !

Lghten up, it's actually nice to pay for a girl you're dating sometimes ☺

Beautiful68111 · Answer

just don't pay the bill again. I've had the best experience when we both pay for our own meals, that way NOBODY OWES ANYBODY (know what I mean?)

Anonymous · Answer

Lol. I would be hesitant too. Maybe just because I'm kinda traditional as well. Went on a kinda date kinda not date the other night actually. Last minute he invited his friend (I guess so it wouldn't be weird cuz I just met him the night before along with his friend). He told me he was paying for his friend so I was fine paying for myself because he was already paying for them both. Also I feel bad when people pay for me sooo. But I'm sure he would've payed for me if his friend wasn't there. But it was definitely a date how the rest of the night panned out.

Thisperson98 · Answer

Girls will get mad if we pay because we are so called "babying" them, but if we don't pay we aren't a gentleman. I swear women are confusing.

Tony1974 · Answer

So.. he called your bluff and you're upset about it? Sounds like the problem is with you not him. Why do you women continue to make mountains out of mole hills? Exhibit 1,234,4569 on why I don't bother any more.

AnnaTheAnnaa · Answer

You did ask him.. Soo no, it's all on you😅 unless you want your future communication to be that you say something, and he magically guesses what you really meant instead.

nickisnick1988 · Answer

I wouldn't take it as too big of a deal but i'd see what happens at the next date - if you decide to go on another date with him - If he does the same thing with spliting the check and you don't like that then i wouldn't go out with him again. Hope that helps

Musashi73 · Answer

I would never except an offer for the girl to pay on a first date, I think it breaks etiquette. I do believe in equality across the board for women and men, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean you have to do away with all of the old chivalrous acts that define how a man treats a woman!

TripleAce · Answer

Humm yea. Be yourself though. Don't try to play modern but you're actually
Traditional. He should know you want your guy to cover all Expenses

P. s. Boys you hear what she said. I expected him To because all My others guys did

Kylesar · Answer

Oh the Fake Pay test again

When will women learn that men don't want to play your little games?

If you didn't want to pay, you should let him pay and thanked him, not offered to pay and have him read your mind that you don't want to

Loveherbut · Answer

I had similar experience first one she offered to pay because i was student had no money spent all my money on am expensive for her she insisted to pay and i said ok then the second girl offered to pay and fought with me lol but i paid and gave her money back she liked it
I guess if he didn't pay anything then he is just stupid

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't like it. When I like a guy I offer sometimes but they never let me... its sort of a test. After a while it's okay for you to pay for both... It's not about the money, but it says a lot about the guy. At the same time, you do sweet things for him too. I only insist on paying when I don't like the guy..

If you really like him see how the second date goes... Or maybe even tell him. You've got nothing to lose.

MrAtticusLebowski · Answer

Did you two at least get along? I don't get it. You shouldn't have offered to pay half if you were going to hold it against him.
Maybe give it one more date and go from there. He'll probably pay the second time around.

Peskyn3gr0 · Answer

God damn, then why did you fucking offer? Why can't women just be straight forward, just quit with the games and be direct. There's always some ridiculous "test"

Bananaman177 · Answer

You offered to pay, end of story, nothing to see here. He literally only agreed BECAUSE you offered, probably didn't even think about it. You cannot be weirded out by this, sorry.

tyber1 · Answer

"I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question" ... because you're being ridiculous and part of you knows that?

blutwolfe · Answer

if she wants to split the bill, let her split the bill, whats the big deal? lol, like at least not dating a girl thats just gonna be a leech, and if a girl is willing to split the bill I view her as more mature, but that's just me

brandonia24202 · Answer

As a guy, I don't like the fact that there's an expectation for us to pay for everything. But if we do not, we look like an asshole so most of us end up paying regardless, but if we really like you and think there's hope, we won't care how much it costs

teawrecks · Answer

If it's such a problem for you then why the fuck offer to go half?

Hans222 · Answer

You know, those situations are difficult for both... there is no fixed rule for who pays on the first date :o
So if you like him, don't hesitate, say yes... who cares about who'll pay the drinks when you have a sweetheart on your side? :D

ShortCircuit · Answer

If it bothers you so much, why would you even offer in the first place? -__-

Anonymous · Answer

Instead of offering to split the bill, maybe you could offer to pay for him too. Splitting is like saying "I'll pay for my own stuff." It's not like you actually paid for HIM. So it was equal like friends, but wasn't like you did him a favor or anything.

Anonymous · Answer

The way I feel on a date, as a guy, I wish that bill would just come to me and there wouldn't even be that weird moment. It is just an issue, if a girl wants to pay, I think she is just interested in being friends

Winter_Storm_Guy · Answer

I would of paid for the date just the type of guy i am sorry i have old fashion values. The guy was way in the wrong. I see his red flags.

Huba1985 · Answer

As a man I can tell you give him sometime and go out several times with him, but keep observing to find out if he is a stingy person or not.. just keep an eye on that, because it isn't easy for everyone to spend time with stingy people.
On the other hand It might be the way he is and not mean anything !

stlDesigner · Answer

(shaking my head)  This is the problem with women nowadays...

ImKervin · Answer

I have no problems when a girl is offering to also pay. It means, to me that she is willing to contribute in dates or in potential relationships. It means she's reliable. And thats a great thing!.

DodgersGM · Answer

I mean, I'm the kind of guy who almost insists on paying for the first date, but I think it's kind of silly that you're hesitating to see the guy again if you had a good time.

vonasaurus · Answer

all you had to do was say, "great, you can get the next one"~ basically you've secured yourself a second date lol.

OMGirl · Answer

Girl I understand what you mean. Hey! Stop criticizing the young lady. Next time just dont offer to pay unless you want to ok? Then you won't have this long debate in your mind.

Alohaloli · Answer

I know I had a guy treating me all the time and I cooked for him and I also started to treat him and then it was like he stopped offering to pay. I say don't pay for him just reciprocate by cooking.

watchmen · Answer

Don't worry. I'm sure he was a bit suprised you offered, but in my opinion, nothing wrong with the woman paying. Just as long as it is not all the time. Go out with him and again and ask about if you should split the bill.

EmHenz · Answer

i feel the same :( whenever i offer to treat my boyfriend (movies and dates) he'll always let me. and he seldom treats me to stuff. sometimes we split. I don't know if im too sensitive but yeah, it gets to me too.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

I wouldn't really feel weird. I'd rather we split it anyway.

Other_Tommy_Wiseau · Answer

It's fine. If you pay, you pay. If not, it's not a big deal. Considering y'all met online and set it up specifically as a date and are going on a 2nd 1, it's safe to assume he doesn't care. People over complicate this wayyyyyyyy too much

LadyTerror · Answer

If you didn't want to pay, you shouldn't have offered. You already said he was willing to pay for both of you. This one's all on you

Anonymous · Answer

if you don't want to pay, then don't offer. Sure if he says "yes" there could be lots of reasons why- it doesn't mean he's a jerk or cheap a**. You're the one making the offer, then looking at him as if he's being rude? You're an idiot... next time, don't effing offer to pay, just let them pay.

A guy might think you 'want' to pay or they may just say ok. If you throw a 20.00 bill onto the tab, is he going to push it away? Don't do it next time, it's your fault not his

Chico_brah · Answer

Feminist want gender quality.. well... there you go. Well done OP.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Don't let your mouth write a cheque that your body doesn't want to cash.

Anonymous · Answer

My guy said "no worry about money, order what u want, i ll pay" in the begining... That was true man's action, though i still ordered a small salad and a drink...
And ur guy is just... one of those types who want women pay 4 them and think its normal and all world ov them

Anonymous · Answer

I do online dating and I always pay for the first date, even if I know I am not going to see her again.

If I were you, I would have mixed feelings, too. Does this mean you are going to be expected to split every date? Should you just not offer to pay again? Is he going to be upset if you don't offer to split it again? I see your points.

Kiran04 · Answer

Have you tried... not lying? If you're going to offer, then you shouldn't be dumbfounded when someone takes you up on that offer. We call that logic. Get some.

MrQuick · Answer

I'm not sure what kind of mind game / chivalry test this is, but please stop playing it. If you like the guy just go out with him. Stop over engineering the wheel and roll with it.

Streamhopper · Answer

I'd totally have paid. But that's me. I refuse to let a woman pay. I'm doing the chasing. It's up to me to pay.

Livinglogical · Answer

I'd feel a bit weird about that too. Espesh if he is also working full time. Next time just tell him its his turn to pay xD

Table20 · Answer

i guess you wanted to offer to pay then him to say 'oh no i got it'... i believe in splitting the bill.. you pay for what you ate, he pays for what he ate.. in my opinion, that is easily the most fair way to go

wagonssupy86 · Answer

the guy always pays... I know what you think he may be a gold digger but a good test is to let him pick the restaurant and then see if he pays (provided its a good meal). If he pays you're clear, if not you need to watch your caution panel.

anonman32 · Answer

if you offer to split the bill then you can expect him to agree with you you know.

Coco0104 · Answer

Well that was nice of you offer but he should of paid if he asked you out. One time I went on a first date and the guy got all upset because i didn't pay. Im like your the one who asked me out you should pay. Sorry then i dumped his ass.

nog6422 · Answer

You offered to pay. You're being ridiculous by expecting him to decline your offer.

Anonymous · Answer

Id rather pay for my half tbh cause i wouldn't want to owe the guy anything... if the guy were to pay id feel like id owe something... and if it doesn't work out it would make me feel like i used him so its best to pay for your own thing

pavlove · Answer

yeah, you should get outrage YOU OFFERED TO SPLIT IT and then when were turned off when he said yes. You are a real life stereotype

DiogoRibeiro · Answer

It's not a big deal, honestly. You offered to pay for half of the bill, he accepted. There's nothing to it in my opinion.

Anjellygirlyeah · Answer

Damn everyone's so fucking rude. I totally get what you're saying though. It's 2016 though, I guess things have changed.

1pusscfarter93 · Answer

If your being treated to a date why should you have to pay 👿 swea the world doesn't got any more good morals left in it

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

quote millionaire matchmaker patty stranger: if he asks: he plans the date, so he pays. and no sex before manogamy

SteelerNation50 · Answer

If you offered why is it a problem? It seems like he was going to pay for everything until you offered.

JSmuve · Answer

What were you honestly expecting to happen? Honestly. Like when you offered to split it in half, thereby saving him 50% of the cost, what did you expect his reaction to be?

rosedream · Answer

He accepted your offer maybe becos he respect your opinion. Or maybe becos he has few dating experience.

Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay? (Page 3)

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