Is a 5 year gap too much in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

So, I'm 18, got into engineering university this year and I met a guy there. He's cute, nice, we made out a few times and he's been giving me hints that he wants to be in a serious relationship. The thing is, he's 23 and honestly, I'm just super scared. I've never dated guys that much older than me and I'm afraid of getting myself in an abusive relationship. Many women I know regret dating older men at such a young age, because they tend to be manipulative and I'm just really, really afraid of finding myself in that place and not knowing what to do then. He doesn't give away any alarming signals of being abusive, but neither do other abusers or nobody would be in a relationship with them in the first place. I like him, I'm just scared. What do I do?

[truthbeknown]

My wife and I are 5.5 years apart. I would not do it again. When I met her I was 23 and she was 17. I was already done school and established in a career while she was still in high school. By the time she was done school and ready to start working I was almost 30. Because she wasn't really in a career yet and not making good money our lives were sorta stalled all that time. I would have rather met someone my age who was also working and making good money so we could start our lives together about 5 years sooner. The biggest issue was buying a house together which was delayed for many years due to age difference and her not finding a good job for a few years after she was done school. This is from the older person's point of view. From you point of view you are actually better off to be with someone older because they are done school and likely established in a career. We never had kids, but this is another area of potential problems. If he wants kids by the time he is about 30, you will only be 24-25 and maybe not ready for that yet. So there could be conflicts there.

[KeiranByrne]

Your anxiety is well founded. Intuitively though he's a bit young to be as manipulative as you describe. That sounds more like a 50 year old dating a 'barbie doll'
Nevertheless, keep your powder dry. What I mean is be ready to slap him down at the first hint that he wants to control or own you.
What to do then, if the worst comes to the worst? Tell him to f-off and walk away. There's SFA he can do about it.
Your choices will always be YOUR choices. Nobody else's.
He can only take control if you let him.

[TiffyPuff]

My parents are six years apart.

But like, you're only 18. So don't get tied down to one guy. You have a lot to grow and experience, so even if you're mature for your age, there's a lot you don't know. Like when you're out of school 5 years isn't bad.

I mean, the maturity between 18 and 23 is a lot. But the difference between 24 and 29 might be less.

[Imbisexual19]

I am 19 and my husband is turning 25 in 2 weeks. When we met I was 18 and he was 23. 😊 Key word: HUSBAND. It's worked out for us and is working out really good 😊 Admittedly sometimes I feel like a kid in comparison because I can't go to bars or legally drink and he can. But I mean other than that everything is all good 😊

[Weirdlybeauty]

Similar boat here I was 19 talking to a 24 year old. And now I am 20. So I don't think it is a big age gap. Just make sure that you have common interests or it will be easier to see it as a big age gap and that you are too young for him/he to old for you.

[slatyb]

It's not too much of a gap, but do not let this romance change your educational plans.

Abusers do give warning signs. Their victims either don't see them or they ignore them. There are various reasons why some people get into abusive relationships.

What you do now is enjoy his company when you have time, but not at the cost of your personal goals. Since you are asking this question, I don't think this will be a problem for you.

If your new guy is not supportive of your education, then he's not the guy for you.

[Anonymous]

Some of the comment down there made me scared XD. My girlfriend is 17 and i'm 22 (5 years gap). I love her she love me we talk a lot me and her i'm honest with her, she's honest with me. The thing is that many man (sometimes i think that then i realise i love her and say fuck that XD) think that his woman will be that age when he will be that age so he may think that she will get younger than him and leave him for another. So if you and him can just forget about the age gap everything will be fine.

[Nothanks700]

I'm not sure where that stereotype comes from; I've never heard it before. Your age difference isn't that crazy. 5 years is probably the border line, but I'd say it's pretty typical. If you like the guy, go for it. If he's abusive leave, but that also goes for guys your own age

[DeltoidFan]

id say 8 is the borderline. Probably because we life in different countries/families but yeh..

[DeltoidFan]

live*

[MidnightStar]

Honestly no its not a big age gap. The best choice i ever made at 18 was to start dating a 25 year old guy (7 years). I was told by people it was a bad idea but i followed my gut instead of listening to them

[Saoirse_Nua]

I don't think there is any statistical support that age gap relationships tend to be abusive - 23/18 is not big a gap, my main consideration would be where you are in your life like you would be in college and he will be working,

[RachelBrigs]

That's not a big deal. I actually advise you to try to stick with guys 20-23 maybe 24. Guys your age SUCK

[damnwinter]

Of course not! You enjoy the relationship as much as u can :)

[Streamhopper]

Well, there's 20 years between me and my girlfriend, so... no. 5 years is no big deal.

[Soshy]

Nah. Not at all. When you get to my age it won't matter, my boyfriend is 33

[AssJacket]

I don't know why you'd think he'll be abusive, and no 5 years isn't really that much. But, if you're apprehensive, perhaps you should listen to your intuition and not do it.

[Anonymous]

Girl he does not want a relationship with you, hints are games. You already made out with him so he thinks you are easy. Actions speak louder than words. He does not want to date you, he is only trying to get sex from you.

[Yumix]

5 years is fine and with every year you get older it gets less important

[10kresistor]

18 and 23 Not a big deal but 15 and 20 is different story

[Anonymous]

I think it's too much. I would rather date someone near your age like under 20

[Anonymous]

It is normal.. I know people who has age gap like 10-15 years and they are married,5 year is nothing.

[Anonymous]

What? That's not old or even considered an older man

[EmpatheticLady]

I don't see any issue with dating him.

[This_is_my_username]

Goddess. no it's not a big age gap!

[COCOCHANEL]

i don't think it matters

[Anonymous]

5 years is not a big gap...