Boyfriend and daughter share bed?

[Anonymous]

So I've been dating a fellow divorcee, and sleep overs have graduated to every weekend including when he has his kids for the past few months now. Now I adore his kids and think they are wonderful, and I really enjoy having all of us, including my girls, spend time together. The only problem for me is that he shares a bed with his 7 year old daughter, every night, and I don't want to be 'that girlfriend' who makes him change his patterns with his kids but... I'd really like some one on one time with him at night. We only get to spend weekends together so I get max 8 nights with him a month.
(And he has his kids 50/50, not just twice a month)

Now he's brought it up himself and told me numerous times that he is going to start having her sleep in her own room ( and she has a fabulous room of her own)... but she still never sleeps there. He never even really tries to get her to. His reasoning is that he doesn't want to upset her and when he asks her to sleep in her room she doesn't want to, so he's not going to 'force her'.
So even when he's put her in her room for the night, he ends up going and getting her... even when she hasn't come out on her own. Because she MIGHT be upset about it.
Honestly I think it would be better for her in the long run to go back to her own bed and have a consistent bedtime, because she really doesn't right now, she goes to bed as late as 10pm some nights (weeknights he has her) and I know she's not mine, so it's really none of my business but that is not good for her.
She doesn't share the bed at her mom's place, they didn't share a bed before, and he's mentioned to me that her mother wants the kids in their own rooms... but he STILL won't do it.

So basically I'm starting to think this is really about him... and I have no idea how to bring it up with him without sounding like a bitch.

[watrewks]

I agree with you and I think the way you said everything here is a good way to say it to him. He needs to be a little more firm. Her getting upset isn't a good reason to not teach her good life skills and help her grow to maturity. Kids get upset when you take their bottle away to teach them to use a glass. So does this mean you should let someone grow up using a bottle until they are ready to use a cup? Absolutely not. I think the same thing can apply here. And it doesn't seem like she would even care because when he does send her to her room he has to go get her back just because he thinks she might be feeling upset. I think you're right in saying it's about him mostly. He needs to let go.

[madhatters4]

tough spot to be in. it's understandable that his daughter wants to be in the bed with him. it's a security thing. being close to her father makes her feel safe and secure.

but if he is going to have relationships obviously he is going to have to work up a way to change the sleeping routines.

i think you should maybe look up ways to break the co-sleeping thing and then present it to him and tell him you'd like to work with him to help change the routine. so he knows that you are supporting him but also clearly what you want to see happen is apparent to him

[Asker]

I know, they're very close and I love that.
I've given him some ideas on how to transition her to her own room, and suggested that they make one night while she's there sleepover night with a movie and snacks too...
He's all for it, but just never follows through with it.

[madhatters4]

perhaps he needs some positive re-enforcement that he won't disturb the relationship he has wtih his daughter. perhaps he sort of has a sense of security in having there with him. perhaps if he understands how this situation may negatively impact his potential romantic relationships he'll be better motivated. like perhaps you make it clear that this situation is negatively impacting how you view the potential long term prognosis of a relationship wiht him

not as a threat but just sort of helping him see the reality

[Anonymous]

just tell him how u feel , the things that u wrote in here tell them