Why does my boyfriend do the opposite of what I ask?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is never doing what I want for example: he knows I like it when he likes my pictures on facebook but he never likes them so when I ask him if he saw it he says 'I was going to like it but then you asked' and then never will? But he will like other girls ones? Secondly if I say I'm worried about him messaging a friend a lot or something he will do it more and say he can do what he likes, which is fine but feels like he does shit just to piss me off? Why is this?

[kitty_98]

i know it's your boyfriend they should be your hypeman and your number one fan being like yes ! that's my girl - but if he does that in real life enough then girl don't worry about if he doesn't like a few pictures. you don't need likes to feel validated by your partner.

but if he's liking other girls pictures more than you i can see why you'd get upset. know that once a guy likes a picture he simply stares at it for 2 seconds and later he'd forgetten he even saw it - so when you bring it up to him he's kinda like "huh?"

similar thing happened with me and my boyfriend before. he never did it in the begining of our relationship so when i noticed him doing it after he claimed to get serious, i just kindly asked out of respect i would appreciate it if he didn't feel the need to constantly like instagram famous girls picture all the time - not out of jealousy or envy. but just respect. he doesn't see me fangirling over handsome good looking guys (famous for their looks not talent) so i would expect him to do the same. and immediately after that he stopped which i was suprised i didn't expect him to do.

what is important is how you address your issues than what the issue it self is. if you feel disrespected, then it is worth confronting your partner in a mature way. i think talking face to face/ on the phone verbally saves a lot of hassle compared to with messages. but don't bombared them with it. ease up conversation when it's a good opportunitt to talk

if he continues to behave in a way that still upsets you or doesn't at least comprimise it kind of shows whether or not if he really cares enough about how you feel even the pettiest things like that.

and about messaging the friend thing - is there a reason why you feel worried? as much as it may upset you they're his friends and you can't expect him cut off communication unless you have a valid reason. he can't expect you to cut off your friends like that easier. but a boyfriend should never give his girlfriend a reason to worry. are you overthinking? give him benefit of the doubt and trust him that he can maturely handle conversations without you questioning, being sceptical - for guys this is really off putting and even damaging when a girl can't trust her own partner. have some trust in him. if you think it's damaging to your relationship then again like last time confront him gently :)

[Asker]

He's a police officer and they are on patrol with each other everyday, they have inside jokes and messages 24/7 they tag each other in everything and he likes all her stuff. When he doesn't like mine I just get jealous cause he likes hers? His other friends don't bug me but this girl is too much, he knows how I feel but doesn't care as he wants to message her, I just resent him and don't trust him it's just sad :(

[kitty_98]

girl i understand what you mean. it's not that you don't trust him. i'm sure you do. maybe you just feel a bit insecure when he likes another girls picture or talks to another girl that isn't you? a bit of jealousy can be healthy but at the end of the day you're his and he is yours. it's clear he still wants to be with you because he is ! don't feel like another girl cancels out how amazing you are as an individual.

i know this may sound like the last thing you'd want to do but you know what try to get more involved between her and him and understand their friendship - see her as a friend yourself honestly i think that might help. my boyfriend will always introduce his female friends and make the effort to arrange plans so they get to know me and i get to know them. maybe that might do the trick?

[xsashax]

I've noticed guys don't really like to be bossed around. You have to let him do what he wants. I'm sure that he likes your photo but he may not physically like it. Just let him do what he wants to do and he'll come around I promise. I've been in this situation before. He is being a douche but it won't last for long. The more you bug him the more it's going to continue and the more it will probably get worse because he will get frustrated and annoyed. Just hang in there and relax and do your own thing it's not the end of the world and you shouldn't worry about what other girls positions are because you have a different one in his life then the other ones and he might also be trying to get a reaction from you. As soon as you show that you don't really care and it doesn't bother you then it's gonna click and in his head and he's gonna say "oh what? she doesn't care anymore? Why she acting different? what's going on now?" and he'll start acting different.

[Asker]

He tells me he likes them but then he won't like them? The only reason I'm being extra paranoid lately is because he has a new girl work mate and they message Day in day out and he likes all of her stuff so it's making me feel irritated because I get forgotten or told to grow up :S

[xsashax]

Hmmm... maybe he's interested in her? Just stay cautious but don't pester him and if it gets worse then you should talk to him about the new girl at work. Forget about the social media

[pooper89]

He's cheating on you. Don't be a doormat.

[xsashax]

I don't think he's cheating. I think he's curious about her, and interested. That's why I said, stay cautious

[misseasybreeze]

super childish of him, it seems he just likes to get you upset. seems more like something an annoying brother would do rather than your boyfriend. if he's really like that, maybe he just doesn't like being told what to do and has grown up acting upon those things when people tell him not to do it. this is a case of just pretending you dont care anymore. he seems to like having control over things and a "i do it how i want, when i want" attitude. you need to stop showing you care, dont tell him to like your pictures, dont tell him other people are worried, just leave him be, and you'll see he will probably begin changing his attitude. a little bit of showing him how he treats you wouldn't hurt, but if this get excessive, its better to leave this hooligan all together if he doesn't get his act right lol

[Asker]

Thing is he says he wants me to be more laid back so I've tried to back off in the past but then he acts like I'm ok with it and so will continue to do what he wants :( it's a lose lose situation

[TiredGirl123]

This opinion will probably pass you off but it's the truth.

These behaviors, not you as a person, are petty and controlling. He's an adult, right? He can talk to any friend he wants. He's got a life, right? He doesn't have time to make sure he likes every one of your pictures. His behaviors in response to yours are a sign that he is feeling controlled and wants more independence of himself. It's like retaliation.

And straight up, it's a big misconception that girls can tell their boyfriends what to do.

On the other hand, if you are being obsessive with him doing this stuff because you don't trust him, find a different boyfriend. Relationships are pointless if you don't trust each other.

[Asker]

I only obsess over these things because he's so distant now and it's like I want him to prove he still loves me by doing these stupid things :/

[TiredGirl123]

I know exactly what you are feeling. With my ex, he got really distant. I would count his response time in comparison to mine to see who had an average faster response time (obviously I did because I was getting obsessed). I was on Facebook ALL the time, posting random things and pictures of myself hoping he would like the pictures, and saying to my sister, "Facebook says he is online right now but he doesn't have the time to like my photos? Or even message me? What the hell is he doing on Facebook?" In the end he was a douchebag. I'm currently in a healthy and happy relationship and never even think about what he is doing on Facebook.

When guys get distant you honestly have to get distant yourself. If a guy wants you to feel loved and cared for, he will do it. Though sometimes they really do need their space and you have to give it to them. But if this continues to be more and more distant he isn't worth it. You're 20, right? You have an entire life ahead of you to find someone else

[Jager66]

contrary to popular female opinion, men do not enjoy being controlled, that and nagging are massive turn off's.

He told you he likes them why isn't that enough? would you feel better if he got a hold of those other girls and told them he likes their picture but then didn't like them on facebook? think about it.

[Browneye57]

Are you always this whiny and controlling? How did you get like this? Mommy and daddy made you that way? Or your girlfirends?
Consider that you will fail at this relationship if you keep it up.
And quit with the FB thing. What a waste.

[Natattack21]

He's immature, and has NO respect for you or your feelings.

But, a picture on Facebook? You're worried about a "like" on a picture?
There are bigger things to worry about.

[Asker]

It only bugs me because he tags and likes this other girls photos all the time, seriously everything

[Natattack21]

Well, if it really bothers you. Talk to him, and if he continues you break up with him. You dont want to be with someone for the rest of your life if he has no regard for your opinion, and feelings.

[Sara413]

One of two things:

Either..

1. You nag frequently and your complaints are unreasonable and annoying, so he is doing what he can to assert himself and send the message back to you that he won't be sucked into that sort of thing.

2. He is intentionally pushing your boundaries to assert dominance in the relationship and make you feel insecure in your position with him.

Basically, either you're being ridiculous and he is standing his ground, or you're being reasonable and he's an ass. Hard to know with only the bit of info you gave and only seeing from your side of it.

[michaela94]

It seems like he is purposely trying to upset you which isn't fair. Although I do not think you should be so worried about if your boyfriend likes your pictures, I think you should talk to him because it is kind of disrespectful to just ignore the things you ask/say.

[lostgirl_searching]

Because you don't tell him what to do. The examples you have said, it's very immature. So since your acting this way, he's doing the opposite. So I don't see what he is doing is wrong. Just stop telling him to do something like liking pictures on Facebook like seriously who cares. Same goes with him messaging his friend a lot. Just let him be.
Once you stop nagging him, he will stop doing what he is doing.

[JulieXO]

l don't see why you would ask your boyfriend to like your pictures. I mean he clearly likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be with you, why do you need digital proof? He might just be teasing you with the texting, or he's trying to show you that he really doesn't like jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow asking boyfrirnd to like fb picture is considered controlling? lol she didn't even ask him to get her water watching TV!
I think he probably think it's just funny to do everything against what you want. Very childish and always want to do what he wants. It's not a good relationship because there's no compromise. If he felt you controlled him, he should have told you that. Rather doing stupid things

[hnrya20]

He may feel you are trying to be controlling. Some people rebel at that feeling.

[SarahsSummer]

he's trying to get you to grow up and stop being so trivial

[avocado13]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but He may be trying to hint that he isn't happy in the relationship anymore. I suggest you try and confront him, and if that doesn't work, then it may be time to end your relationship

[misseasybreeze]

i agree, this sort of lack of effort, and wanting to upset the girl he's with are red flags

[Anonymous]

He is being mean. I could understand not liking your pictures if he didn't take the time to like anyone else's either, but if he does something for someone else, he should certainly do it for you too.

[cupidkisses]

because he doesn't want to do the things that u tell him

[Sierrakay80]

Fuck him. (Not the way he wants). That's a control freak and manipulative game playing piece of crap of a boy. His mom should be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

he's not a pet he's a man. Cage him and he will rebel

[Tenseven]

Because he's a jackass and takes you for granted.

[CrazynKinky]

Why are you dating him. He's trying to hurt you

[TryingToWriteBooks]

Because the stuff you like is immature and stupid.

[Ninja97]

He's childish...

[Anonymous]

Dump him