I found out my boyfriend is totally pro-life, should we continue dating?

Question

So I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I definitely love him. But we recently were talking about if I accidentally got pregnant (highly unlikely, I use condoms and the pill, but it's still not impossible). I found out that he is 100% pro life and would absolutely not accept me getting an abortion.

I myself am 100% pro choice (and being Canadian, I'm completely supported/entitled to that choice). I am a very hard working, career oriented girl and I would absolutely not have the time or ability to add a child into the mix and would never risk the career I'm working towards. I would absolutely not accept carrying a child. Add into that the fact that I'm not super maternal and may actually never want kids, ever.

I love my boyfriend and I know it's a slim chance I'd ever get pregnant, but there is still that chance... so I'm wondering if it would be best to break up now? I don't want to, but im not sure what would be best. Especially considering the fact that I may choose to never have children and I now know he clearly wants them.

Please dont try to sway me on my pro choice beliefs, my opinion on that is unmoveable. But opinions on how to go forward in this relationship welcome!! Thank you 😊

ERICK81 · Accepted Answer

You can say I'm a Republican conservative type individual, with some libertarian views, I am a pro-choice individual who believes that a woman is entitled to do that they feel fit with their body. I respect a woman's body I respect their space privacy and feelings, maybe this is probably why I've had many different people I've been relationships with I don't know on with what you were asking, he better pull and pray when you guys make love. And I know how good it feels to make love with one another completely natural if you understand what I'm trying to say, it is the most beautiful feeling between two people who trust one another love one another and want to make love with one another. I'm on your side here I would respect your body and he should too. He needs to understand if it was backwards and if when we made love when your eggs were to go up inside his body and he wouldn't get a belly then he wasn't ready for it how would he feel. I know that you don't want your body to change. Personally I think some of the changes that a woman goes through are sexy little bit of stretch marks on her hips shows me that's the beauty of being a woman, my present girlfriend is a doctor she's a pediatrician she just was a registered nurse for the past 10 years and not became a doctor and got her breasts redone she does have two kids she's an extremely great shape she does not look like she's had kids, I love big hips and a tiny waist, not bad for a 37 year old woman who is 5 foot 7 fitting a size 6 with a 24 inch waist 135 pounds fitting a size 6 . He's making love to you and he must love you and respect that this is your body and you will be the one that has to deal with changes that maybe you're not ready 4. It's okay for him to have his beliefs but I think that he should reconsider and believe in what you believe, if someone is irresponsible and try to abort a child Beyond 15 weeks being a registered nurse as I am I know how far along that is Carla and I know that a good for to make a decision to end a pregnancy. I believe in choice but make it quick... Stay beautiful stay Smart Stay Strong

JuicyBrain · Accepted Answer

What he thinks is of no importance. You are the one making the decision over your body. He doesn't have a word to say, which is exactly how it should be. Just make sure he is aware of your beliefs and understands how it's going to be if you become pregnant. It's unfair not to tell him now since he might want to have kids one day and he might be unknowingly wasting his time with you. Otherwise, you don't necessarily have to leave him if you don't want to as long as everybody is fully aware of the situation.

Tammy94 · Accepted Answer

Did he know you were pro-choice before now, or that you would abort? If he knows this and is having sex with you, and if he knows it would be your choice, it seems to me that the problem is his--he's risking fathering a child that will be aborted without his consent (even though it's a small risk). If his beliefs don't bother you in the abstract, and your don't bother him, it's purely academic unless and until you get pregnant. If you get pregnant you already apparently know you'll have an abortion, so the only issue is what will happen to the relationship at that point. (I doubt it would be anything good.) but if pregnancy never happens, then the relationship could last a long time, or be permanent, with no problems. So essentially the only danger is if you get pregnant.

But then you mention that he def wants kinds and you apparently don't. That seems a much bigger issue to me than the abortion issue. People can change, and it's all a gamble, but all you can do is go with what you know. Sounds like there may be a huge divide on the kids/no kids issue. I'd have some long talks with your boyfriend to be sure you don't misunderstand each other, and then make your stay or go decision based on that.

neffyxoxo92 · Accepted Answer

Okay, hear me out on why you should break up with him. (That might not be what you want to hear, but trust me.) If you're serious about having one opinion and he's serious about having the total opposite opinion, (and we're not talking about something simple like which sandwich should I get from Burger King... we're talking about lifestyles/beliefs), then you're going to find more things that you disagree with and fight about. Some people are fine dating someone with opposite beliefs than what they have (and that's fine) but it definitely will lead you two to fight about other things. Just my opinion.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Have a long talk with him and explain why you're pro-choice and why you would get an abortion. If he's just not getting with the program and is still being a dick about it then it might be time to move on. In a relationship you need compromise and you need to see where each other are coming from. If you were to get pregnant (and it's not impossible) it'd just be really nice to have him with you on the decision rather than giving you shit for it. In relationships you need to be honest with one another and getting an abortion behind his back would just be a shitshow.

shadowlegend · Accepted Answer

If you don't agree on fundamental things like that when you are discussing children, then it's important you discuss the issue thoroughly and if you can't agree on how to handle a situation like that, then obviously it's time to be brutally honest about whether you're in the right relationship. If you get pregnant and you want to exercise your right to choose but he hates you for it which then makes you resentful and evidently the same argument comes up, why wait until then? Do the mature thing and resolve the issue now.

Muglintar · Answer

You should split up.

Not because of pro-Life or Pro-choice, but because you are thinking about it already, based on a very unlikely probability. So what? there is one aspect, where you and your boyfriend do have different oppinions. Instead of trying to at least accept the fact he is of different oppinion, you are doubting the complete relation. You will hopefully find out soon, your SO is not obliged to agree with your point in each and every thing. Actually such relationships are bloody boring.
When my ex-wife became pregnant, I was forced to make the most difficult decission ever. She was 7th month pregnant, when her body became unable to sustain the baby anymore. This is called a pregnancy poisoning. We went to the hospital, where I was informed, she already lost consciousness, the doctors asked me, if they should save her with a very strong medication, that would most probably kill the little boy or to put her on life support, which would most probably result in total failure of liver and kidneys, but save our child.
There hasn't passed a single day in the last 15 years, where I haven't thought about the decission I had to make.

Luckily, both of them survived, he was born premature by cesarean at less than 6 lbs.
Now he is 15, 6', 170 lbs and strong like a bull. It makes me cry whenever I remember he used to be smaller than the two hands of mine.

P. S.: Gents who whine about not having a word in this, believe me, you sure wouldn't like, if you had.

MazeOfLove · Answer

I coined a phrase called Relationship CPR which really gets to the heart of three issues that can truly harm relationships down the road. They are Children, Politics, and Religion, hence CPR. When people have basic disagreements about anything in these three spaces and they are passionate about their views in these three areas it will spell doom down the road. These are not soft issues in which people can merely agree or disagree. Breaking up now is best, especially since he really wants children and you're not sure.

Unit1 · Answer

You should break up with him and start dating me =) We are on the very same page.

Since he cannot accept you getting an abortion, sooner or later will come a situation, where you will see whether you have a true friend, who sticks with you through thick and thin or a fake friend abandoning you - namely you getting pregnant and an abortion. If he is unwilling to stick with you getting an abortion, then you are free to break up with him at any moment. This relationship is not going to last long anyway.

Stay true to yourself, lady!

natured · Answer

i find it a little WEIRD that you would break up with your boyfriend because you are not ready for a child, and he was just being cute telling you that HE WOULD SUPPORT IT IF IT HAPPENS, this sounds better than saying : I WOULD LEAVE - because a lot of men do.

So i think you should appreciate the fact that 1. HE would not LEAVE YOU if it happens and 2. Men like that are RARE nowadays.
If you don't want children AT ALL at this MOMENT you should just tell him and see what you are going to do in the future.
Maybe once you have your career and everything fixed you can think about having children.

I am 28 years old, i don't have kids yet, and I DO WANT THEM, but i don't want them now, so I UNDERSTAND...

Good luck sweety <3

originaluser · Answer

You're entitled to your choice wherever you hail from.

If you use condoms AND birth control pills AND check the condoms carefully, AND make sure the birth control isn't expired your chances of getting pregnant are ridiculously low.

You can discuss pregnancy down the road when you both WANT to have children. This is a far-fetched hypothetical scenario if you take even the most basic steps to prevent it from happening.

He doesn't try to sway yours you don't try to sway his. Nor I or anyone else should or will tell you what to believe.

Enjoy your relationship for now. If you never want kids and he does that's a different story entirely. Worry about the future in the future but give yourself a better future by making smart decisions in the present.

cth96190 · Answer

I think that your boyfriend would be better off without you.
You believe that your career and your personal convenience are of greater value that the life of your own baby.
Only a brainwashed liberal could fail to see the narcissism and pure evil of that position.
In contrast, your boyfriend would not want to murder his child and you consider that to be a problem.
I hope that your boyfriend can think clearly enough to see the huge size of that red flag.
I would kick you to the kerb in a heartbeat.

BlueCoyote · Answer

Well, if your boyfriend wants to have children but you don't, this may be the wrong relationship for the two of you. Of course you can still see it as a short-term thing but long-term, there would probably arise some serious problems.

As for the abortion issue... I'm personally very strong about dating people who have the same political views as I do. However, I wouldn't break up with my girlfriend just because of one single issue she has a different opinion about. I get that abortion is a controversial topic for some folks but it's not important enough to sacrifice a relationship over.

Robin48 · Answer

I am pro-life also. Abortion is murder. People use abortion to cover up their sin. God see and know all things. I am proud of your boyfriend. These are questions that you should have ask before you two started to date. When I met my wife. We when over areas to see if we agree with or did not agree with. We both are Christian. We know that abortion is wrong. The only time abortion to be done if the mother life is in danger. At the begin when you two met. Did you two go over the values and morals of your life?

I think your relationship is over. There more likely other areas that you are going to conflict with. Honestly, I would not date someone who supports abortion. I do not support people who change their genitals from a female to male or male to female. I have a list of question which my wife and I have an in-depth talk about.
That why we get along with each other because we are on the same page.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

You made your choice when you got in bed with him. Also, if you insist on being a deadbeat mom, just leave him after the child is born.

Do not the rob an innocent child of life, and the father of his child. Just drop off the child after birth, then leave.

misstalia_95 · Answer

I don't think dumping him is necessary. It's your body and therefore your choice. Plus, having a child is a JOINT decision.

I once dated a guy who really, I mean REALLY wanted to have a baby with me. He would say, "So let's plan on having a baby in January". I had a big problem with that because I was only a junior in college and was not at all prepared for a baby. It was just bizarre because he already had two kids from a previous marriage. We eventually broke up. The point is, don't ever let any man push you to do something you're not 100% comfortable with. You are the CEO of your life.

meowcow · Answer

Your logic is somewhat lacking...

If you had a fundamental problem about his views on abortion (i. e., if he is religious and won't accept abortion), then it's something to discuss about.

However, who is stupid enough to consider breaking up with someone because "if I get pregnant accidentally, we have different opinions on whether to keep the child". You are basing the hypothetical break up on something that has not happened, and something that can easily be avoided with a condom and birth control pills, IUD... etc...
The only people who get pregnant accidentally these days... in a country where birth control is largely affordable... are the stupid ones.

slatyb · Answer

This seems like a deal-breaker to me. This is an indication of other fundamental differences that will arise later. Find a guy who is intellectually compatible. It is all too easy to get a year into a relationship that is pleasant and fun without ever having the serious discussion needed to form an adult partnership. Next time start talking about the serious stuff early. The first dinner out is not too soon. The point of dating for most people is to find a long-term partner. This requires more than just an ability to enjoy each other's company.

Anonymous · Answer

I know Gag keeps adding pictures to popular posts. I personally don't like the images they post. It is nice that they do that but they need a better image picker.

My solution is the one that every one hates but is 100 percent effective and you two won't need to worry about getting pregnant.

Abstinence don't have sex it is as simple as that. Just don't let him shove it into your pussy until your both ready for kids. If your waiting until your married or just waiting until the timing is right the only way to make sure is to keep your knees closed.

Aside from that I don't think that this issue should be that big of a deal. Couples rarely agree on all important topics.

HungLikeAHorsefly · Answer

You won't find too many people who think abortions are great things. That's why I tend to read "Pro-Life" as "Anti-Control-of-Your-Body". If he has opinions about what you can do with your body, what other kind of opinions is he going to have in the future?

ShaunaM95 · Answer

At the end of the day it's your body, so your choice. I would side with your boyfriend on this as I am pro life too, but I also think it's the girls decision at the end of the day, whatever she wants. I don't think you should break up though, that would be breaking up over a hypothetical situation that probably isn't even going to happen.

Guy315 · Answer

Of course keep dating him. Are you seriously asking this? If your even considering not dating him because he is prolife, YOUR THE PROBLEM!
Politics and relationships shouldn't mix, of course it would be nice if you both agreed but if not just leave it alone!! I'm republican and prolife and I have a girlfriend that is democrat (85% sure she is prochoice), and we have no problem because I make sure it doesn't become a problem. With me she criticizes my political thoughts about Trump, what do I say back... A JOKE! So she shuts up 😂😬😂 and so it don't start stuff.

Cade278006 · Answer

Wow that is crazy rough. Amazing he managed to keep that on the down low for so long. Um, I would tell him your viewpoint and that you may never want children. You can have fun and ride it out until he decides he wants to move on or if you out of nowhere want kids, but either way he needs to know how ya feel now.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

You're pro choice, and your reasons are not wanting a baby too soon to ruin your plans for the future.

So you should already understand perfectly well that you could be impeding on his plans for the future when you know perfectly well that he wants kids. How is that fair to him? Double standard.

I'm pro-life but I do not want to have any kids. My biological mother was the same way. Yes, I'm adopted.

Anonymous · Answer

You are not his property. You are not his slave. He cannot prevent you from getting an abortion should you want to get one. Of course, he also won't lift a finger to help you and may actually attempt to actively treat you like his property and thwart you. So if you stick with him you'd better have resources of your own to call upon. Personally I'd dump him because his set of beliefs will influence his actions and those actions will negatively affect you, your eventual children if any, etc.

Jigsaw_Gal · Answer

That is why you should discuss that issue at the start of the relationship. So you just assumed that the 2 of you would agree upon what you believe? Let it be a learning experience to find out what your future boyfriends have in common. The pro life/pro choice, circumcised/foreskin son and others should be top priorities before the relationship grows. Quite frankly, he doesn't deserve you. He deserves a better woman.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Dude, why do you care about his stance on abortion? That's not the issue here. The issue is that you don't want kids, but he does. That's gonna lead to a breakup anyways, the fact he's pro-life means nothing.

So yeah, break up, there's no point in staying together if it's not gonna last.

likitb4istickit · Answer

Fuck the future, live in the present. Why worry about bridges that may never have to be crossed? To me it would only be a deal breaker if she was constantly trying to convert me (discussions about politics and religion are best simply avoided if you both disagree on those). Obviously if the unlikely happens at some point dump him and do what you want, not sure about Canadian laws but most states south of you he can't legally make you carry it to term even if he is the father.

Marinepilot · Answer

Any person with an engstrom of intelligence should be pro choice. It
only makes sense. He's a card carrying idiot whose brain is totally devoid of
rational or progressive thoughts. I too had a girlfriend who pro-life and we
split because of it. I'm not suggesting you do this, although you're polar
opposites on this issue and I doubt seriously you'll ever be in agreement about it.

strangytie · Answer

I would say try to talk to him about it because political views shouldn't change things but, when it comes to kids, most people who want children will never really atop wanting them. If you don't want to have a baby but maybe in the future you'd like raise a kid you could talk to him about adopting, but if you're more of a no thanks to any sort of kids, you may need to see if he thinks breaking things off is a good idea too.

Kate_Xx · Answer

I think it's a conversation to have with him in asking if a child is what he would eventually want. Just because then he wouldn't get something so important to him then it may be best to leave or just think very hard about it. However, If it's not a goal or something he want's in life just would want to keep the baby if you got pregnant because he is against abortion, I would say just continue on being careful.

fauchelevent · Answer

I'm like 100% pro-choice too, it's one of the issues that could be a deal breaker in a relationship for me. I don't think id be able to be comfortable in a relationship with a pro-lifer.

ProfessorScrewEyes · Answer

Children is a big part of a relationship. It would be understandable for you to leave him because of it. However, if you leave for one disagreement between philosophies and life choices, it may happen a lot more than you'll realize. Have you discussed this with him? Is he that unmoveable as much as you are?

AustinMan · Answer

I'd strongly suggest you find a good couple's therapist and spend some sessions working through the issue. I feel like it's tractable but it'll probably take some work.

Nice_Guy_Last · Answer

If he wants kids, and you don't, there is a fundamental difference between the two of you. He will have to put aside his desire to have children for you. It's not selfish to not want kids, but to expect a person who does to live in a relationship without the remotest possibility of having kids is selfish.

Either have a conversation about how you can compromise, or end the relationship.

Cosytoasty · Answer

Surely life doesn't begin until consciousness and that doesn't begin until birth? So aborting a fetus is not really against life is it?

Phantomium · Answer

Simple solution - sterilize yourself. No chance of pregnancy - no need for abortion. You said you're not interested in having children at all. If he insist on having - break-up. If he's OK, you can continue without getting pregnant ever.

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

Do your boyfriend a favor and tell him you'd rather murder your offspring than give up a career. If he's OK with that, then you probably belong together.

Tarvold · Answer

Yep. Dump him. There's no good reason to be pro-life at all and pro-lifers are the dead weight of humanity. You can do better than that.  You deserve better than that.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a bit late but I'm in a similar situation. I'm very pro choice and my boyfriend is pro life, he doesn't think it's murder but he still thinks it's ethically wrong. When we started discussing an accidental pregnancy, I told him that I don't think it's likely but if it ever happened and I wouldn't feel ready, I'd have an abortion. He isn't quite happy with my decision but he knows my life would be way more affected by a child than his, so he respects it.

Anonymous · Answer

Well... there are two issues here:
1. Abortion of an out of wedlock pregnancy
2. Not having kids at all.

#1 -> Absolutely your choice. Out of wedlock usually hits the girl harder for so many reasons. At a basic, financial level, if he can't support you and the child, it's a no go. I've seen my friend go through a pregnancy (she was aborting) quietly in a high pressure work environment. Guys have no clue how bad it can be. And you're young, at the beginning of your career. That means long hours and a lot of stress. You don't need a pregnancy to ramp that up.

#2 -> Both your choices. Sometimes it's just the person whom you feel like you don't want kids with. Or the time in your life.
Also, don't assume that if you change your mind later, he's going to marry you and have kids. He could still want kids but decide that he doesn't want them with you.

HTH.

Anonymous · Answer

Rather, you telling him clearly that you may not or don't want kids, ever, sounds like major relationship information that should be shared even before getting too serious and scores way higher in my priority list than being "pro-life".

He may want to break up with you instead after hearing the news, and then you don't even have to make a decision!

Anonymous · Answer

Use reliable contraceptive method (s) as instructed, and don't get drunk and have sex, as I heard of a few people who got pregnant after sex under influence of alcohol. Take the pills everyday at about the same time. Use back up (condom) for next 7 days when you miss a pill, etc.

Guy2121 · Answer

Definitely continue dating him! Just because you two have different opinions, as everyone has, doesn't mean there relationship should be ruined! All that matters is if you two truly love each other...

evenlift · Answer

Being 'pro-choice' is the correct position. But, do you know why it is the correct position?

I have sympathy for people who are 'pro-life'. I used to be one myself. It's not obvious that abortion isn't murder.

Kaylyne · Answer

I would definitely consider breaking up with him now, rather than chance any possible heartache later. You need to look for someone on the same wavelength as yourself.

Leandri · Answer

If you are so afraid of falling pregnant even though using all that stuff then please just don't havesex for fuck sake

ShortCircuit · Answer

If you use protection and don't start debates, I don't see how it could possibly come between you.

TheWombRaider · Answer

Well there are different reason everyone is something... Nothing wrong with either opinion but that should not be the reason you are together.. If you love each other thats all that matters... and people change so you never know what the future holds.

outie40 · Answer

Then the best way is to stop having sex all together. No protective sex is 100% full prove so if you are that worried and love him that much stop having sex.

Sara413 · Answer

I can't see it working long term if you disagree on such fundamental values. Especially if you don't want kids and he does.  Probably better to end it now than to drag it out.

Anonymous · Answer

You could not have sex. Then there isn't even a remote chance of getting pregnant. Sterilization is another option. Don't know if a doc will do that on someone your age. Sounds like you need to keep discussing the big issues. If you can't agree/compromise, then it is over.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Every one has different opinions, are you going to cut every out your life that doesn't shares yours

Devilofangel · Answer

If you guys work everywhere else, there is nothing wrong with different opinions and views. This is what we call, a mature relationship. Respecting, working together, and loving eachother matters the most.

Anonymous · Answer

Well unless it really bothers you just because of what it says about him then it's really a problem if you get pregnant. So try to use protection and in the case that you do get pregnant you can have the abortion and if he has a problem with it you can leave him

Anonymous · Answer

He doesn't believe in killing unborn babies and putting money first? What an asshole. Dump his sorry ass.

WalterRadio · Answer

"I would absolutely not accept carrying a child" Then have a hysterectomy and never worry about it again.

Rissyanne · Answer

Are you afraid he is going to lock you up and make you have the baby if you were to get pregnant?

YaBaba · Answer

Yeah This is a huge difference between you two. Both of you are strict with your choice/views so break up

levantine99 · Answer

you are polar opposites. its can't work. i can't get how people get in relationships without knowing fundamental things about each other... .

Fieric · Answer

honestly I don't know. because I could see this being a big problem for the both of you down the road. now that I say this is he very religious?

Paris13 · Answer

My own Dad is Totally NON... Trump. But I no Dump. Steer Clear, dear, of Certain Topics and don't Get PG unless you Both Talk it Over. Good Luck. xx

Princesslee16 · Answer

Then find someone who doesn't want children so this don't happen

Glen68 · Answer

if you know he definitely wants kids and you don't then you really shouldn't waste each other's time. I personally never want kids either so I always moved on once I found out the girl definitely wanted them

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you should stop having sex because that's the only real birth control. I mean this with all due respect, but I don't get pro-choice. You yourself was once a fetus.

I found out my boyfriend is totally pro-life, should we continue dating?

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Should I continue dating him?