I found out my boyfriend is totally pro-life, should we continue dating? (Page 2)
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That is why you should discuss that issue at the start of the relationship. So you just assumed that the 2 of you would agree upon what you believe? Let it be a learning experience to find out what your future boyfriends have in common. The pro life/pro choice, circumcised/foreskin son and others should be top priorities before the relationship grows. Quite frankly, he doesn't deserve you. He deserves a better woman.
Most people do not do that till they get into the relationship and all this come up. I did not have these issues in teens years or in college.
Lol your advice was definitely valid... until the insult at the end. No need for that. We're all entitled to our views.
I should have brought it up before definitely but honestly it hadn't come to mind before. I haven't had that conversation before so I didn't even think to bring it up early on. I know differently now.
But just because I have my views doesn't make me any less of a women thank you.
Dude, why do you care about his stance on abortion? That's not the issue here. The issue is that you don't want kids, but he does. That's gonna lead to a breakup anyways, the fact he's pro-life means nothing.
So yeah, break up, there's no point in staying together if it's not gonna last.
She is all about self. Abortion is a tool female use to cover up in what they do sexually. If I was on a first date or second date and this came up she support abortion. Well bye. This is the problem in a relationship. Two people go out for months to date. Then all this stuff comes out in what they are and what they are not. I never had issues on this. Everything was out in front before a relationship. I have a list what I support and what I do not support.
You are totally correct. They need to break up. I am proud of him. She feels now treating. Females get fear when they find out there partner does not stand on an issue with them. -
@Robin48 I'm pro-abortion during the first trimester, though, but their opinion on abortion matters very little here since having kids is HUGE in someone's life, so if they're not on the same boat, they have to break up.
But yeah, I agree with you, so many people date for months, but never really get to know each other. I want to know what my potential girlfriend has planned for the future. If she's not going the same direction I am, then it's over. I don't wanna waste time with a girl who's going a different direction, it's a waste of time, and asker and her boyfriend are wasting time.
I think she's just trolling, though, given her replies and who she has upvoted.
She going to downvote anyone who does not go with her thinking. That how so many women are on Girls Ask Guys.
Fuck the future, live in the present. Why worry about bridges that may never have to be crossed? To me it would only be a deal breaker if she was constantly trying to convert me (discussions about politics and religion are best simply avoided if you both disagree on those). Obviously if the unlikely happens at some point dump him and do what you want, not sure about Canadian laws but most states south of you he can't legally make you carry it to term even if he is the father.
im all for living in the moment but pregnancy is kind of a big deal.
@Narts yeah but unlikely. It's like worrying about dying from a meteor strike so living in a bunker for life to avoid it. Actually less than that, pregnancy generally result in death, unless you count a bunch of cells roughly equivalent to a early-stage tumor extraction as a death.
*doesn't result (damn they need to add an edit button, hit submit a bit too quick).
Yeah the only issue I'm worried about is the fact that I may never want kids... and now I know he does lol.
Canada definitely wouldn't allow him to make me carry it, our laws have been pro choice for many many years. He's in the minority here.
if you have differing opinions on important subjects and you think might became a me vs him senario maybe you should think about finding someone else.
@Narts Eh plenty of guys never want kids (I never did, itwas too crowded even back when it was 2B let alone 7B). In the mean time if she's otherwise enjoying the time spent why worry about what happens later? I'm pretty sure it's not a something he's wanting to happen next week even if he does want kids.
I would say try to talk to him about it because political views shouldn't change things but, when it comes to kids, most people who want children will never really atop wanting them. If you don't want to have a baby but maybe in the future you'd like raise a kid you could talk to him about adopting, but if you're more of a no thanks to any sort of kids, you may need to see if he thinks breaking things off is a good idea too.
I think it's a conversation to have with him in asking if a child is what he would eventually want. Just because then he wouldn't get something so important to him then it may be best to leave or just think very hard about it. However, If it's not a goal or something he want's in life just would want to keep the baby if you got pregnant because he is against abortion, I would say just continue on being careful.
I'm like 100% pro-choice too, it's one of the issues that could be a deal breaker in a relationship for me. I don't think id be able to be comfortable in a relationship with a pro-lifer.
@fauchelevent
At least I know you aren't Christian.
@Jigsaw_Gal I was raised to be Christian and I was quite religious as a child but yeah, I'm not Christian anymore, no :)
The relationship was going to fail anyways he wants kids and she doesn't ironically though it takes a year to figure this out.
@fauchelevent
Some people raised as atheists or non Christians can change too.
@Jorge567 Sounds like it, yes. Having children isn't something I believe a couple could compromise on, if one person wants kids and the other doesn't, I don't think that either are really going to change their mind so either way, someone is going to end up unhappy. I'm surprised it took a year to talk about that, I would imagine that it would be something you'd want to talk about quite soon so you know you're not wasting your time...
I agree usually I discuss politics and religion immediately when I first start dating so the relationship can be terminated if I don't like their beliefs.
Yup. The do you want children and what are your views on abortion topics were ones I always got out of the way early on in a new relationship. The fact that I don't want kids and they did was a deal breaker in many of my dating experiences, which is totally fine. I never did run into the issue of a guy I was doing being anti-abortion though, but that would definitely be a deal breaker for me. It's too fundamental a value to disagree on in a relationship.
@Sara413 honestly I'm on the young side (21) so children were honestly never on my mind. Didn't even think to bring it up. Now I know for future that it's something to bring up early on.
Children is a big part of a relationship. It would be understandable for you to leave him because of it. However, if you leave for one disagreement between philosophies and life choices, it may happen a lot more than you'll realize. Have you discussed this with him? Is he that unmoveable as much as you are?
Well he has always LOVED kids. Like every time there's a baby, he's all over it wanting to hold it and play with it. Me, I'm like "yeah you're baby is cute but please don't make me hold it I'll admire from afar".
When we talked about it he bascially seemed very firm in his decision. He was like "Well I really don't believe in abortion and I really wouldn't accept you getting an abortion, it would be a big deal to me".
So based on his pro life attitude vs mine and the fact that he does want kids and I may not, I'm questioning our relationship
well, then it may be time to go
I'd strongly suggest you find a good couple's therapist and spend some sessions working through the issue. I feel like it's tractable but it'll probably take some work.
If they did find a therapist. She will be working hard to project what she what then what they what.
If he wants kids, and you don't, there is a fundamental difference between the two of you. He will have to put aside his desire to have children for you. It's not selfish to not want kids, but to expect a person who does to live in a relationship without the remotest possibility of having kids is selfish.
Either have a conversation about how you can compromise, or end the relationship.
Surely life doesn't begin until consciousness and that doesn't begin until birth?
So aborting a fetus is not really against life is it?
Half right as far as the studies I've read on this say. long story short, the nerves required to feel pain and have consciousness are fully developed at around 6 months in. So life as you describe it starts at the third trimester, anything before that should be okay. Biology is so interesting.
Simple solution - sterilize yourself. No chance of pregnancy - no need for abortion. You said you're not interested in having children at all. If he insist on having - break-up. If he's OK, you can continue without getting pregnant ever.
It sounds great but apparently that's dangerous for a young woman.
Do your boyfriend a favor and tell him you'd rather murder your offspring than give up a career. If he's OK with that, then you probably belong together.
Yep. Dump him.
There's no good reason to be pro-life at all and pro-lifers are the dead weight of humanity. You can do better than that.
You deserve better than that.
@Robin48
Really? You know what the Bible said, huh?
This is going to be fun.
So, surely, you would know where that line I was was paraphrasing was from? In case you don't, it's the infamous line "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." If you know your Bible, as you claim you do, then you will know that this line was from the Gospel of John, Chapter 8, verse 7. There's nothing here so far for you to disagree with, go check it up. It's in the Bible.
Now while you've got the Bible with you, why don't you read the beginning of Chapter 8 to get a bit of context of what Jesus was talking about in verse 7. Or maybe you don't have to, because you know what the Bible said. For everyone else reading this, here's a version of it here: www.biblegateway.com/.../
That's right! Jesus said that line after people brought a woman who was caught in adultery to Jesus! Isn't that exactly what you're doing here when you're judging sex as sinful?
@Robin48
Hey asshole. If you want to tag me in on this you need to unblock me first.
@Robin48
I'll say it again.
2000 years ago, a bunch of assholes like you did exactly what you are doing now, and started quoting sexual morality references in the Bible to Jesus, and Jesus himself told those assholes to piss off.
John 8:1-7
There's no Biblical scholar needed to interpret whether something fits this category or not. Jesus himself wants people like you to cut this shit out. How can you still call yourself a Christian when you disobey the word of your God?
This is a bit late but I'm in a similar situation. I'm very pro choice and my boyfriend is pro life, he doesn't think it's murder but he still thinks it's ethically wrong. When we started discussing an accidental pregnancy, I told him that I don't think it's likely but if it ever happened and I wouldn't feel ready, I'd have an abortion. He isn't quite happy with my decision but he knows my life would be way more affected by a child than his, so he respects it.
Well... there are two issues here:
1. Abortion of an out of wedlock pregnancy
2. Not having kids at all.
#1 -> Absolutely your choice. Out of wedlock usually hits the girl harder for so many reasons. At a basic, financial level, if he can't support you and the child, it's a no go. I've seen my friend go through a pregnancy (she was aborting) quietly in a high pressure work environment. Guys have no clue how bad it can be. And you're young, at the beginning of your career. That means long hours and a lot of stress. You don't need a pregnancy to ramp that up.
#2 -> Both your choices. Sometimes it's just the person whom you feel like you don't want kids with. Or the time in your life.
Also, don't assume that if you change your mind later, he's going to marry you and have kids. He could still want kids but decide that he doesn't want them with you.
HTH.
Rather, you telling him clearly that you may not or don't want kids, ever, sounds like major relationship information that should be shared even before getting too serious and scores way higher in my priority list than being "pro-life".
He may want to break up with you instead after hearing the news, and then you don't even have to make a decision!
Use reliable contraceptive method (s) as instructed, and don't get drunk and have sex, as I heard of a few people who got pregnant after sex under influence of alcohol. Take the pills everyday at about the same time. Use back up (condom) for next 7 days when you miss a pill, etc.
Definitely continue dating him! Just because you two have different opinions, as everyone has, doesn't mean there relationship should be ruined! All that matters is if you two truly love each other...
I would definitely consider breaking up with him now, rather than chance any possible heartache later.
You need to look for someone on the same wavelength as yourself.
If you are so afraid of falling pregnant even though using all that stuff then please just don't havesex for fuck sake
I'm not afraid of it, but of course there's always a slim chance itll happen. Very slim with the precautions I take but they're not always 100% effective and we needed to talk about our steps if that were to happen. But it's not an active fear.