Just started hooking up with a guy (nothing serious; we both aren't in a place to date right now), and for some reason I feel so inadequate next to his ex. She's beautiful, has a model figure, is successful in her carreer; overall the 2.0 version of me. I can't take it. I'm getting so depressed. My body, no matter how hard I try, won't compare to hers. I feel so ugly and worthless, and I think the guy knows it--after all, I am just hook up, while he dated this amazing girl for over a year. What do I do? i enjoy spending time with him, but knowing I'm the lame hookup when he dated a solid 10 is hurting my self esteem. (My body for reference:)
You look fine physically... as my girlfriend asked me yesterday what a guy likes in girls... I was honest and told her "I like skinny, thick, and toned girls... but some guys like just a particular type."
This girl is a 10 in your eyes... what is she in his though? You didn't show a face so I take it the face is not the issue, it is the body. I would judge you as skinny... not thick or curvy and not muscular at all really... you just don't overeat. You look good, but the only thing I imagine looking better is some chick that lifts weights and also doesn't indulge in excess food as you obviously do.
Honestly, you look just great and even have a tan going on... it is hard for me not to take you as someone that is just seeking attention instead of someone that is genuinely concerned about themselves. Tons of dudes masterbate to girls like you every day... think about that and look around at all the hog-slobs around us. You're fine... physically.
Mentally is where I'd start with questions about you. Like, where is this "I'm so ugly" syndrome stemming from. That is where I'd start.
Stop comparing yourself to his ex. This is why girls have such low self esteem - they compare to someone who's better than them. There's always going to be someone better than you, in one way or another. The key is accepting yourself for who you are. In other ways, you are better than his ex.
You're subjecting yourself to a lot of judgment... to the point that this really can't possibly work.
First of all, you really don't deserve to be treated as a rebound (and you know you're being used as one presently). Nobody deserves that, but you are subjecting yourself to it.
Second, you're concerned about a "hook ups" opinion? It sounds like you are looking for something real in the wrong places... because if he were just a hook up, it wouldn't matter. He's just someone to have sex with. Why would his opinion matter?
Third, being "less attractive" than his ex is honestly just brutal reality... we all have people more/less attractive/talented/intelligent than us. And there is nothing we can do about it. We can grow as people, but we have to have enough security in ourselves that we're not always going to be the best. If he left her, then you don't have much to worry about—obviously she wasn't all she appears to be... but if she left him, it really just amplifies the situation you've already subjected yourself to 😕
A lesson I am yet still learning is... nobody can make you feel more/less competent, but you can avoid subjecting yourself to situations/people that make you feel worthless. You're gaining value from guys you hook up with, because you do have an attractive body, and I am sure they let you know it... But now you've met your match.
Not all of your value comes from your appearance, but in this situation, you seem like you're more concerned about that than if you could be a legitimately better partner than her (character/intelligence/personality/beliefs).
It's very hard to not compre yourself to another. I have done it. The women didn't have the body but she had a lot more in common, better job and what I thought was more to offer but end the end he is with me. If your just a hook up I wouldn't even let it bother you. If you end up dating then it's you who he wants. She is an ex for a reason.
I can totally relate to these horrific moments of self-image, insecurities. Trust me when I tell you that even the most attractive women are intimidated by other women's looks. No one is flawless especially women are never entirely satisfied with the way they look. You actually have a model body.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
You are you, if he's with you, stop comparing and feel confident that you're what he wants. Never compare yourself to others thinking they have it all, you will never know how they really are compared to you, you're just talking one single aspect and ignoring all others
And yet he's hooking up with you and left her. Well, I wouldn't be worried if I were you. If you're hooking up he's attracted to you, comparing will just create unnecessary paranoia.
While I don't know what your face looks like - you're body is fine as it is. And why do you care if she's way hotter than you? He left her right? (or she left him, whatever) Then he chose you. It's all that matters.
girl you are already hot, why compare? he loves you for you not for your body otherwise we would ALL be in love with either Celebrities or porn stars...
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
In his opinion you are hot enough to have sex with, how/why does comparing yourself with his ex matter? First of all if you're just hooking up you shouldn't even be getting into each others personal lives like that?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Why are you comparing yourself to her. I guarantee that he is not doing that. Guys don't compare girls to other girls. Girls do that shit.
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