Ladies, could you ever be with a Mama's Boy?

[Elarra]

We all know the time. His mom's opinion is law. His mom tends to come before you. He's always rushing to her when she calls. Basically, he's overly attached to his mom.


Could you see yourself in a long term relationship with one?

Yes, I could handle it

No, there needs to be a point where I come first

I'm a guy/Results

[MSgtHopkins]

The Mother is the problem and he is torn between you and her. She is trying to stay the dominant female role in his life. You can use this to your advantage verses a disadvantage by making it work for you.
First of all... No matter how bad it gets under your skin just play her game. See... People like that get enjoyment from making others miserable. DON'T LET HER SEE YOUR DISAPPROVAL. That would be like adding fuel to the fire. Instead, no matter how bad it irritates you, just be supportive and encourage him to go when his mother calls. All you are doing is playing her game and it's not fun for her when it doesn't bother you that she requires his attention. Just remember it's a game and after a while she will lose interest in making your life hell. You have to be smarter than her without her knowing. That makes you the winner of her game no matter what she throws at you.
Before you try this, there are some things to take in consideration.
1. Is he worth the trouble?
2. She's not going to back off right away.
3. How far will she push you and how far will you allow her to do so.
4. Remember that deep down inside that he knows his mother is a manipulate pain in the ass.
5. Don't make him choose between you and her. She has brainwashed him since childhood and you will lose.

I could go on in more detail but those are the main points. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.

[Dunnno]

Why do all the girls wanna be "The #1"?
Everybody's Mom is the one who took care of you MORE than anybody else, and is probably the only person who will love you no matter what, and has proved that through let's say at least 18 years.

Yet some silly selfish girl walks by and knows the guy for 2 years and wants to be put before her?
The only reason you'd be before her is cause that guy wants you in bed, there is no rational person who would put anyone before his parents, except when he has kids that's a different story.
So if you like that a guy is stupid enough to make you your #1, then i'd wonder if another girl passed by why wouldn't he replace her with you too? One to replace his mother would replace anyone else.

[bittercake]

damn straight son.

[Jorge567]

Lol look at all the downvotes from women on the poll too, I always hear from women that family comes first or school or god yet you are a loser or momma boy if you put your mother or family first, go figure

[nevermoregirl7]

I voted no, but I only had one mama's boy experience. His mom lived three hours away, and was heavily reliant on him. I understood to an extent because she was by herself, her husband passed away. But it seemed because he didn't have a wife and kids, she always went to him for chores around the house like lawn work. And he told me that they reason why he keeps doing it was because she will bring it up to his brothers who will give him a hard time.

I guess I knew it was really that bad when it got in the way of him bettering himself. He was supposed to take a test to start college, but his mother was insistent something needed to be done around the house, so he skipped it for her. He wouldn't be gone all weekends. He was responsible to separate some of it, but last straw was when he called her "Mommy" I am sorry, a man is his thirties should not call his mom that.

[happyhippo]

I would, but I'd probably try to change it. It's nice that the guy loves his mom, but following every word she says is a bit scary to me. I believe that every human, male or female, gotta be independent to reach his full potential. So being a mommy's boy is not really such a thing. It's simply how's he's been raised and what's been put into his mind, so I understand. I would not like him to break connection with his mother, but I'd like him to be a stable man, following his own (not his mother's) thoughts and wishes. I don't mind if I'm on second place though, his family are the people he grew with, I can wait some time to become number 1 priority.

[PrincessPie]

No i mean i'd respect a guy who loved him mum and all.. but the putting her before me all the time would be hard i'd just feel like i'm always 2nd best.

[PrincessPie]

*loved his

[lord_chilled]

this is one of those subjects that i simple dont understand...
whats so bad about loving your mom?
i feel a bit jealous when some guys are very close with their moms. i know i won't have that, because our relationship is different and non physically affectionate (not her fault, my fault).
and id think girls would like a guy who had a healthy relationship with his mum.
i would think that would be a good indicator as to how much of a family guys he is. i know that i would rather have a daddys girl than a girl with daddy issues...

or maybe i just dont get what you all mean by mamas boy...
maybe i never met one.
i have never seen a guy who let his mom control him. maybe i just hang out with more independent guys...

[Idonthaveausername]

"I'd think girls would like a guy who had a healthy relationship with his mum"

Having a healthy relationship with your mom is fine, but a momma's boy is a guy who​ has an unhealthy, codependent relationship with his mom. That causes problems when it causes a spouse to have to take a backseat

[Dunnno]

When you become someone's spouse worry about that, not when you are a girlfriend and you want to dominate over every bf's mother you ever date, so this excuse simply doesn't count.
There is a difference between being unable to do anything without your Mom, and between putting her #1, and you all just can't handle the fact that you are not the only thing in this world that matters, how many bf's treated you like #1? And where is that r. s. now?
if a girl wants to be treated like a queen, then she better act like one, not act like some selfish arrogant immature kid and still wanting to be everything.

You certainly won't see a guy telling you "me or your father", if a guy cares for you he will respect your father and know his place, but you seemingly don't.

[Idonthaveausername]

@Dunnno
Lol. My boyfriend does put me first. He loves his parents, but has a healthy relationship with them

That's what I was trying to explain to you. When a guy has an unhealthy relationship with his mother, he isn't emotionally available for a relationship with another person

Nobody respects my father because he isn't worth respecting. My boyfriend respects that

[lord_chilled]

i guess i understand that part if they are codependent and stuff.
but like @Dunnno said, i dont think thats always the case..
i think there's a lot of completely unnecessary, mom-gf rivalry going on..

[samhradh_leannan]

@Dunnno Dating and relationships are an indication of what married life with someone will be like. "Worry about it once you're married" is advice that applies to... never mind, I can't think of a single thing that it applies to. There's no reason to believe that your relationship with someone will improve once you're wearing a wedding ring. That's WHY people get to know each other before they get married. It's to learn about each other and figure out if you're a good match. The key here, when it comes to moms vs. girlfriends, is that you need to understand when it is appropriate to put your mom first, and when it is appropriate to put your girlfriend first. For example, your mom should come first in Mother's Day, and your girlfriend should come first on your anniversary. Unless someone is in the hospital or something, in which case, that's the person who comes first. It's not rocket science.

[lord_chilled]

makes sense. what i actually meant was that it disnt have to be a competition between the two.. which i have heard about

[Dunnno]

What i meant was, nowadays in how many r. s. is a person going through before they get married?

So is it fair to say that they were all serious?
Hell do most of them think about marriage even?
You can't use it as an indicator when nowadays most people get in r. s. mostly of fun, loneliness and fake love.

In a real relationship you should have indicators BEFORE you are lovers, something more convincing than same music type, not 2 months of knowing, even 2 years is often not enough to know a person really enough in order to love.

Ofcourse before marriage the 2 should be sure their mindsets get along, but we are in no community where this is the case.
when it becomes serious and marriage is a real option, and that's all i said, then worry and think whether this will be a problem to you, before that if you still worry then there is something wrong.

One of many gf's that didn't lead to marriage vs. mother for life... i don't see any competition here.

[samhradh_leannan]

@Dunnno Obviously I'm not expecting people to prioritize a one night stand or a relationship that they know is going nowhere above their parents or family. That would be absurd.

[IamJohntheGoat]

you people make a Mama's boy sound like an undecisive little bitch. weak and unable to think for himself.
WELL LET ME TELL YA. I was a Mama's boy my whole life. I loved my mother. I listened to my. mother. I rescued my mother. I introduced all of the significant women in my life and, when she got 3 different types of Cancer. I took care of her through all of them
and I cried like a baby when her neighbor found her dead. she had been cancer free for 6 years. she committed suicide on November 15, 2012.

[snaider4]

I'm sorry for your lost. Maybe all this happened because your mom wanted you to learn how to love and find a woman who will need that love enough for you to replace that void. I'm glad you were by your mom's side through all the hardships she went through, I'm sure right now she's right next to you too.

[IamJohntheGoat]

I am fully able to love a woman. I am able to give her all the love and support she may need or want. I just can't seem to find any good women that isn't ready to get together so she can cheat. But thanks for your concern.

[KaithlynneZoë93]

This is why my sisters ex is her ex! He put her and their son last, every free time off work he gets he ran to his mother, my oldest sister was an emotional wreck she was alone with the baby all week, even for 2 weeks at times. Then that little bitch would cry and say he hasn't seen his mother in 2 weeks! how funny, what about your fucking kid? Now guess what, he's back living with his "Mommy" and only see's the baby, once every month!

[Cola7248]

it wouldn't bother me. my aunty comes first before any man. and my kids comes first before any man. so if him mama calls and say i need you and id hw says baby i go to my mama i would say go. now once we are married than mama would just have to move in so he can help her there.

[ManasiM]

The issue arises only when a guy allows his mum to excessively have a say in his love relationship. Guys should know when to become independent. It would definitely be a turn off to have a guy who can't take his own decisions. Cheers :)

[TiffyPuff]

It depends. If I've only been with him a month, it seems to me his mother should be more important... Like, who makes some random person they just met more important than family?

But like, if we've been together for like two years or something, then I expect to be favored more cuz duh.

So, it depends. And like, I think a lot of girls are just super insecure and stuff if a guy doesn't make her his #1 priority. But that's dumb :)

[MrOracle]

Totally agree. You don't deserve to be first priority over others just because you start dating. That evolution happens over time, and is earned. But by the time you are going to get married, for example, that evolution should be complete.

That doesn't mean you abandon your family entirely, but rather that you make your new family (wife and eventually kids) your top priority.

[samhradh_leannan]

Mothers are great, they are wonderful, and there are absolutely times when they should come first. But if I'm going to build a life with someone, they need to be my partner. It can't be him and his mom and then me as the third wheel. That doesn't work for me. He can love his mom, he can respect his mom, he can be close with his mom, that's fine- a good thing, even. But his mom's opinions should not override mine, except in specific cases where that's appropriate.

[natured]

Honestly, there are different levels of mommas boys, some tend to be very extreme to that point that they actually bring their mom to every date and THAT'S WHEN I WOULD SAY > NO <
I think there needs to be a diplomatic distance, he does not have to ignore her completely because that would not be ok either for me, I hate men that don't respect their mom.
If it's balanced, and they KNOW when to bring her IN and OUT, then it's okay.
:D

[TheDarKnight]

a perfectly sane and logical reply. thanks to the girls like you that there's still hope for the future of meaning of relations.

[TwinFace]

Lel girls can be so stupid sometimes. Your mom is the one who gives u life and took care of u from when u were the size of an ant onto the size of a whale. Whoever doesn't love and respect their mom should rot away 🙄
If a girl doesn't like the fact that i love and respect my mom, she could go anywhere she want. I dont need that kind of selfish girl in my life eitherway 👋🏼

[browning1996]

I agree, but I think the asker is referring to a guy who's too close to his mom, in the sense that he picks his mom over his girlfriend and his mom is basically involved in the relationship.

[TwinFace]

Moral of the story is that mom will always be more important than ur wifey cuz why? Mom took care of u for more than 18+ years and will keep on loving u no matter what. For a girl? She only knew him for about 2-5yrs so is it enough to prove that she's worth dying for compare to mother? I dont think so. Besides, relationship are a mess anyways and they dont last long and sooner or later u will be going separate ways and mom will be a part of ur life til death due them apart. Girls who wanna be number one in everything... just dont even bother with them 👌🏼

[browning1996]

Okay, but your wife is the one who will help you to carry on the generations. Your mom has done her part, and the way a mother and a wife love a man is different. You can still respect her, but ultimately you also have to honor your wife as well as she is going to be a mother and carry on the same principles your own mom did. Even the Bible says you should put your wife first. But I respect and understand where you're coming from

[browning1996]

Ultimately, your wife is the one who looks after you for the rest of your life. I think as long as each person knows their role, there's no reason for conflict.

[TwinFace]

Exactly! Your wife and your mom offers diff kinds of love to you and that what i dont understand that why girls can get so jelly if we love our mom than our wifey/gf 🙄
Its not like we gonna go down on our mom or any of that sort so whats the need to compete with our mom? As long as we gave you the time of the day, thats more than enough. Even without our mom, i think things would prob still be the same anyways so no need to blame on our mom. Its how each individual chose to spend their time with you or away from you.

[browning1996]

Fair enough.

[TwinFace]

Its not fair when we can't even bring this to pm ;P

[Kiwedin]

I chose "no", but I disagree with the "I need to come first" part of the sentence. I don't necessarily care if I come first in his life, I just want to know that I'm with someone who values their own opinion over anyone else's. I think it's great if a guy respects his mother's opinion, but I think it's weak to let someone railroad you into doing what they think is best for you, rather what you know to be best for yourself.

[browning1996]

No. From my experience and what I've said, mom always wins and I don't want to be in competition with anyones parent over them. There has to be a line.

[browning1996]

seen*

[AislingStarr]

Nope. I've been around a family oriented dude before. He would ignore me just to talk to them and he was a grown ass man. pass.

[yulbsari]

I love and respect my mother, but she has biased opinions and is not infallible. She is human. I respect her opinions and listen to her, but I will not just automatically agree with anything she says or does. As an independent adult male, I make my own decisions...

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

As far as how their personality tends to be, yeah definitely. I don't expect him to take my opinion, side, thoughts etc until we're at the engaged stage, but if she's just a really nice respectful lady & he loves her, I'd go for it. If however he never listens to me, puts me in awkward circumstances or even abandons me/our plans altogether to be with his Mum or do something for her (within reason), then probably not. He has to respect me & himself enough to be able to stand on his own too.

[evelyn26]

I guess it would be good/bad. He has to be able to make his own decisions and just listen to her advice. His mother is first but when he has a gf/wife she should be priority. Guys with good relationships with their mothers are good because they care for and love a woman. Know because they are taught how it is to have a good/healthy relationship. The bad boys usually have bad relationships with their mothers and treat girls bad/unfaithful/liars.

Good luck

[desertflwr]

I could handle it to a certain extent. like her wants can't come before my needs, just like I wouldn't expect my wants to come before her needs. besides that as long she's nice I don't see any problem with it. I mean I'm extremely close with both my parents, they're some of my best friends, so I couldn't judge anyone for being close to their mom. there's nothing wrong with loving your parents as long as it doesn't interfere negatively w other parts of your life.

[estoydorado1]

He's either a manchild or an adult. I can understand him loving and respecting his mother but if he opens his mouth and his mom's opinions flow out or I feel like I'm dating a child/ male shaped extension of his mother then I'm not sticking around for that. If he's not old enough to have his "umbilical cord" cut then he's not grown enough to contribute to a healthy relationship.

[KingOfAll666]

exempli gratia magna. bono.

[mermaid175]

I think it's great if a guy loves and respects his mother but if he sides with her more than me than I'm out. our relationship is he and I no mother included. she's important and I'll support their relationship but he should make decisions for himself with me at his side

[Cloudy25]

No. I have met a few of those guys, each were a mama's boy in there own way but all were incredibly annoying.
I think it's great when a guy loves his mom and there's nothing wrong with being close with a parent.. once you cross that limit though, it's just too much and it will affect the relationship somehow if he really is a mama's boy.

[Dave_sup]

Being a Mamma's boy simply means that you you are not an independent man at least emotionally. And this is a major turn off any potential partner as women usually like a man who can make his own decision and take care of himself.

dave