Dating a damaged person, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

I love this girl I'm dating, but it's becoming overwhelming & started to drain me. I love her very much & I know she does as well because any chance she gets she tells me. The issues is she's so damaged from her upbringing and past relationships. She lost her father at a young age, then he mom went into deep depression resulted to drinking to help her cope then moved to another state & left her two children to live with their aunt. The girl I'm dating past relationships all failed due to cheating, now she looks at love as a joke & scared to commit. She tells me that all the time, she confides in me about a lot. She's very open with me, she told me she talk to other girls recently, which shocked me because I felt like we were building & bonding towards something. Even though she said she never spent time with these girls they just text. She told me she talks to other girls to keep her mind off things & to not get too involved in one person. She tells me she's very vulnerable with me & feel like she can trust me with her life. I've met her mom & pretty much everyone that's close to her. My thing is lately, I just been feeling like I'm not appreciated or that I'm taken for granted & that she's having her cake & each It too. She tells me a good person & no matter what she wants me to be happy & how she finds herself wanting to call me just to sit on the phone.

I was was thinking about becoming less available to her, to see how she'll feel when I'm not around as much or to see what it feels like to not even have me at all. I know they say space isn't good, or that distance make the heart grown fonder. I just want to be appreciate & valued more, I shouldn't have to ask to be appreciated & I can't make a person value me. Do you think me backing off is a good idea? I mean I do care about her but she needs to understand I'm not an option

[HermitNYC]

Is she currently involved in any therapy or couseling? If not, you might suggest that she start (again, I suppose).

But for you, yeah, you could try some changes. Reassure her you are not trying to trap her, or compell her into a commitment. But you have needs also.

Like you really would like some consistency.

And it throws up a roadblock if she says she loves you, but she keeps checking the horizon for other prospective girlfriends.

And you don't want to have to ask if she appreciates you.

It is a two-way street. She needs to participate. Consistently.

[amansh092]

may be u need u tell her u want to marry her.. then she will be serious for u

[Valus]

counseling and trust are the best things to work on in my opinion

[Crotte]

dont let her go! stay with her for the sex!