How to fix a relationship after you’ve nagged your partner?

[Anonymous]

I've been going through a rough time in my life recently, and without realising it I pushed my partner away by nagging him. This, admittedly came from a place of me being unhappy with myself and my life outside the relationship. We haven’t been dating very long, about 8 months and I adore him. I fear it’s too late to fix the damage I caused because things were going so well before. I found myself complaining and asking for reassurance often, I became clingy, annoying and overall an unhappy, insecure person. Quite honestly I’m surprised he didn't leave me through it all since the relationship is very fresh. But I’m scared it will have lasting damage on the relationship. And I don’t know how to go about it in order to fix it and make things like they were before. He’s been distant with me lately, so is it too late to fix? Can the relationship be repaired and be like it was before?

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I don’t think it’s hopeless, but I will suggest trying to be a bit softer with him. I would start out with this; stop reminding him to do something and start encouraging him. Instead of saying something like “I’ve told you a dozen times to take out the trash” say something like “I really appreciate it when you take out the trash for me. It makes me feel good having someone who makes life that much easier”.
When we ladies get upset, most of the time a man’s instinct is to fix the problem, whereas we just want to vent our frustrations. If that’s true for you, communicate to him, “Honey, I had a frustrating day at work. I don’t need a solution to anything, I just need to vent for a bit” After you’ve let it out, thank him for listening. Give him a hug and kiss as thanks.
If he wants to spend the day with his buddies, let him. If you’re up for it, offer to have them come over for dinner too. Pack your boyfriend’s lunch for work every once in a while and leave a surprise note inside.

Good luck!

[VIVANT]

Can you give an example? Not adjectives but a trap scenario?

Nagging clingy annoying, gets tossed around so easily, it’s just not helpful. and people get gaslit for having perfectly normal - unmet- needs in a relationship bc their partner is just immature.

& partners are there to be supportive, so if you need support & you’re not getting it or if he needed support and was not getting it becomes a matter of huge contention for the other person, is not descriptive to call it an annoying behavior … there’s a glitch in the system.,

there’s likely a much bigger problem.

Like genuine respect or compatibility

[Asker]

Well when we first got together everything was fine, I’m not usually one to complain much unless there is a big problem or I am very upset about something, and even then usually I’ll approach it in the most respectful mature way that I can. But lately I’ve been bugging him about smaller things, like if he doesn’t give me the response I was hoping for, id complain about it, or if he left my message on seen for 20 minutes (only for me to find out afterwards that he just didn’t have Wi-Fi or his phone died) id feel the need to point it out. Silly stupid things like that. This only lasted about a month or two of the relationship while I was going through a really difficult time as my whole family besides me will be moving abroad soon which is effecting my mental health a lot, and im going through financial struggle at the moment which is also making me very unhappy right now. I’ve realised this isn’t the sort of girlfriend I want to be nor am I happy being this version of myself, so I want to change, im just worried will it have effected the relationship permanently even if I was to go back to my usual ways now

[VIVANT]

Hmm. Thanks for explaining first of all 😊

Do you think there is an underlying feeling of mistrust or even annoyance on your part?

It takes two people to make things work it’s we’ve whist one person. When things get annoying it’s Talley bc something is not being resolved.

You “being annoying and him needing space” isn’t really the target issue it’s a symptom. people get annoyed when they are feeling frustrated, and in a relationship if there is a problem and you didn’t sort it out, it will fester. If you can’t approach problems then It’s just two people banging heads.

Also it’s OK to be bothered by stuff. You are human he is hula people get bothered. Your job is at to nit care about anything ever unless he says it’s ok. definitely communicating calmly is good but if a partner is only ver annoyed when we have a concern then that’s a huge issue.

Imagine if he says he’s annoyed and you respond with well him being annoyed, that annoys you. I kind of low key sense that is the equivalent of what he’s doing to you but I can’t say for sure. But you aren’t doing that you are trying to resolve the issue, he owes you the same consideration.

You mentioned you were going through a rough time? Was he at all supportive and it got to he too much or we’d he avoidant of your issues to begin with.

No one person can be everything but if you have a problem you should be able to rely on support form your partner otherwise what is the point of being together you can just he F buddies.

If he had a problem would you care? Consider how you might respond if things were reversed

[VIVANT]

I am thinking you felt unsupported but didn’t feel confident in voicing that so instead stuff comes out in small passive aggressive ways

A good relationship doesn’t mean everyone is always happy, it means you can trust the person to have your back and they can trust you for the same.

I’d practice communicating stuff calmly. If he gets annoyed that’s a him problem.

I’m saying this not bc I’m assuming you’re perfect and he’s a monster hit your everting a lot of “just apologize & moving forward have no opinion what’ so ever so he won’t be annoyed ” & it’s very toxic

Try communicating important stuff calmly. I think this will help you lose care of the amok stuff. Now if you communicate calmly and If
he’s indifferent or calling you annoying for that, in my opinion he’s telling you he can’t really be a boyfriend. And you have to decide if you want a friends with benefits that’s called a a relationship.

[VIVANT]

Also I suggest when you find yourself getting annoyed about to do something impulsive try to stop and breathe and think about what’s really bothering you. It’s tally not the surface thing.

When we’re in stress our nervous system can have trouble regulating so the more honest we can be with ourselves about what’s wrong the bette chance we when if string calmer. It’s like having a stomach ache and hail pouring down on you rather than just the stomach ache.

Try to simplify things for yourself and don’t sweat the small stuff. Tho as I say I do sense that you’re really bothered by bugger stuff. That may or may not involve your boyfriend. Only you can know that.

One more thing, some people are difficult to deal with when we are stressed. Not bc they are bad people we just clash…It possible that his behavior is triggering for you and yours for him. It’s sad but it happens comparability Is complicated. But if the knee jerk reaction is “my partner annoys me” not “ how can we fix this” that’s not a good sign.

The people telling you guys are “fixers” and women are “venters” are talking nonsense. In this scenario, how is your boyfriend trying to resolve things?

A partner just Saying “you’re annoying,” is just petulant, it’s not a mature action attempting to facilitate a healthy relationship.

He’s not trying to fix anything by saying you are annoying he’s just being aggressive. If he was trying to “resolve” the issue you would not have to come here bc you both would he discussing it. You may have your issues we all do but didn’t let people gaslight you wow using your gender as ammunition bc it’s the most vapid statement possible that there nothing to very argue with.

Take care of yourself be kind, it’s the best way to get along with others 💗

[Hulk_kitty]

The best thing to do is talk to him, and come from a place of understanding. You have acknowledge that you are causing the problems in the relationship, which is a good start, which means there is hope for things to get better for both of you.

Maybe you should seek help, to help get past your problems. I don't think its too late with your boyfriend, but leave it much longer, he leave.

I would just suggest, you buy something nice, and make him a nice meal, and sit down and talk to him. Make feel appreciated for putting up with your crap, that's what I would do.

[Hulk_kitty]

But remember words without actions is meaningless, so if you are sorry to him, prove it through your actions. Prove to him, you are getting help. I am sure he will be more understanding, if you are making effort to fix your problems.

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes you have to realize when something isn’t meant to be. You’re not compatible. You can’t force someone to change and shouldn’t.


You can’t stop someone from walking out of your life. What you can do is apologize and learn from it. Do better next time.

[Asker]

It’s not about comparability, I was just going through a really rough time in my life and was more sensitive than usual. Is there anything I can do to fix my relationship now or is my only option to leave him?

[Summeroflove]

Number one. Stop excusing your bad actions take accountability. You were nagging him that’s trying to change him.

You need to have serious talks with him and maybe couples counseling. But if you’re not happy with him. Do yourselves both a favor and leave.

[Anonymous]

The same way you fix a relationship after you've told your girlfriend she looks "disgusting obese". ... good luck with that one. Odds are if you're together for 10 years. After that which (which doesn't seem likely😆) she ain't ever going to forget that comment.

[BadApple69]

It's never too late. Sit him down and tell him just what you told us. Apologize to him and explain your situation and tell him how you feel about him. Communications is key! Good luck!

[slatyb]

First you acknowledge the behavior and apologize. Then tell them what you will do so you don't repeat it.

[KrakenAttackin]

You probably killed the relationship as he knows how you will get x10 if he was ever dumb enough to marry you.

[Asker]

At least I’ve acknowledge what I’ve done and want to fix it, is that not a good thing at least. What do u suggest I do now then? Break up with him if it’s unfixable?

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... I agree you have owned up to your short comings, which is absolutely amazing, and totally unlike women.

Start by saying five words that almost no women know, "I'm sorry, I was wrong".

[worldscolide]

The best thing you can do is talk to him about it.

[Stacy2003]

Give them space.

[Anonymous]

No he's done with u

[Asker]

So you can’t fix it at all?

[Opinion Owner]

No lol just leave the man alone

[Asker]

So I should just break up with him not even try to make it better?

[Opinion Owner]

He was never with u lol 😆. Can't dump some one who doesn't want u

[Asker]

He’s my boyfriend …did u even take the time to read the post. If he didn’t want me I’m sure he would never have gotten with me to begin with.

[Opinion Owner]

Too bad he doesn't claim u as a girlfriend. Sounds like you made this up in your head

[Asker]

Where are u getting that from? 🤣

[Opinion Owner]

He don't want u lol 🤣. Ur just to dumb to get it. It can't be fixed

[Asker]

Are you having a bad day dear? this attitude you have doesn’t look good on a woman but I hope ur relieved of whatever it is making u such a bitter person eventually. Have a nice day 😊 x