How do I go from a girl wanting to date me to a girl actually wanting to stick around?

[Anonymous]

So I have a pretty long history of girls that seem desperate for my attention yet fairly difficult to actually date. Like they'll flirt aggressively, repeatedly position themselves near me, try to impress me with "wifely" skills, get jealous/defensive when other girls are involved, etc. but when I actually try to date them as opposed to just being around them everything changes. Usually If I start putting forth more effort to be present in a non platonic way at first things are good but then eventually I find myself waiting alone at a restaurant, suggesting stuff to do that gets subverted or ignored, and eventually dumped and replaced by a new guy. Many times these same girls after some time show back up and repeat the whole process. I've never been able to move from the she's attracted to me into the that's my girlfriend phase. It's really confusing to me because I've known girls who spent literally years trying to get me to date them then I do and boom it goes nowhere. I don't get how. My personality stays pretty much the same. So why am I extremely desirable prior to dating but entirely dismissible after?

[Dexter486]

I've had the same problem for a long time. I've gotten plenty of girls to date me for 3-5 months, but I can never seem to get them to stick around. The day before the last one I was really into broke up with me texted me that she was "crazy about me" and "her favorite person ever". The next day she basically ghosted on me, deleted me on facebook, wouldn't respond to texts etc. She said it wasn't me, that she just wasn't ready for a relationship. Two weeks later she was ready though. With some other guy.

I have a date tomorrow. I'm not at all nervous about how it'll go. She digs me... for now. And I don't dare bring it up that this pattern has left me with serious abandonment issues and depressive episodes before, because by telling them I feel like I'm trying to make them stay with me and think they'll just see that as unconfident behavior. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy they'll wonder what all those other girls saw that made them dump me and after thinking about it, it's over for them. I don't even tell them anymore that I feel this way.

I'm terrified of falling in love with anyone. I don't have any advice, but you aren't alone.

[Dexter486]

I guess I do have one piece of advice. Don't give up. I haven't yet.

[madgoat]

Good that they are interested in the first place.
Perhaps how you first present yourself is different to what they actually get on a date.
Perhaps you just need a new set of women from a different pool.

[iiThoughtIknewyou]

Not to sound like a cliche but it's like a predator with their prey. They see it, want it, capture it, and then are done with it and it to the next thing.
It's a game. The right one won't so that.

[TheMoroccangirl]

Chase her in a masculine way, let her know you want her, otherwise another guy will, but don't make yourself come off as desperate because that makes a girl distant.