Do you "shit test" men? are you aware of it? how do you do it? better yet WHY do you do it?

[Blake0048]

I am not posting this question to debate whether "shit testing" is a real "thing". It 100% is and any man who has been involved in dating has experienced this. It usually appears in the early stages of a relationshup and comes in several forms. 1:silent treatment 2:manufacturing drama out of thin air creating arguments over things that simply do not matter. It is mainly just playing mind games basically. I have read that these "tests" are a way for women to subconsciously weed out weak men. They give you as much shit as they can and any man with any self respect will stick up for himself and push her away. The men who do not respect themselves will put up with it be a doornat etc... that way she knows she is dealing with a "real man" to take charge in the relationship and fulfill the dominant male role. Or she knows she is dealing with a weaker man with lower self esteem (I think a small minority of women are looking for men they can dominate) and she knows she can use him for companionship stability child rearing and she can get her sexual needs fulfilled by your friends and neighbors. Does anyone purposefully test men with any type of games? please also elaborate on why you do it and your experiences. Men how do you deal with these games personally? What has been your experience with this? please do not answer if you haven't had a girlfriend or are a virgin etc... Personally I think this is the number one cause of failed relationships. I think it gets in the way of potentially rewarding loving relationships.

[babygirl1997Mew]

I'm not gonna deny that us woman do it, I do it because I can get insecure, I sometimes want to see how my man really feels because a lot of times woman can be in relationships with unfaithful men. It's also no secret that a lot of men dispute possibly wanting to be deep or connected with their emotions have a hard time expressing them clearly. It can sometimes have a lot to do with being scared and all a woman wants is to have her man hold her tight in his arms and tell her just how much she means to him and that the game playing isn't needed that you need her to be honest about what she needs and if it's possible you'll do whatever to make it happen

[Blake0048]

I try to do that

[babygirl1997Mew]

I'm sorry for those guys that are good men that have to go through this but it's probably because of one of two reasons... She either loves the drama or she has been so hurt that she won't believe it until there's nothing she can do but believe it. Like for me I've been cheated and dragged through the mud, and abused sexually and physically and the guy I'm with he had tried to prove to me he was different but started getting so sick of my emotional baggage that he has started giving up. She has to be forced to see the facts that you aren't giving up and that there is nothing she can do to scare you away. But at the same time unfortunately even the best of men can only go through so much before they need to protect themselves.

[Blake0048]

Yea it seems like most women have emotional baggage

[babygirl1997Mew]

Unfortunately, but after time and finding the right guy if we want to we are able to start healing ourselves

[RuthAnn1781]

No, I don't purposefully cause drama for a guy because I'm not a bitch. If I like a guy I'll be straightforward because it's easier than fucking around. If I don't like a guy then I don't put in any effort so it might seem like I'm fucking around or just being a bitch but it's just because I don't really give a shit and I'm waiting for the guy to get bored and leave

[FutureTrunks]

No , that is extremely childish. I think everybody has some form of a “test” though, for instance , I unintentionally get under people’s skin sometimes and a guy who is dealing with me has to know how to deal with it. Creating unnecessary bullshit and drama to see if someone is worth keeping around... you’re not worth it if that’s the case.

[Blake0048]

No that is childish... then you proceed to perfectly describe a shit test. Anyone reading this wondering what a shit test is. This lady summed it up perfectly. And actually... no... not everyone runs tests. I don't because Im not insane. i don't think the vast majority of men do either. If a man tells you off calls yoi out or leaves you because you intentionally got under his skin... that means he is a man that actuay respects himself. he knows his worth enough to know that what you are doing is bullshit and he shouldn't have to put up with it. You are saying you are so important and so amazing that a man should put up with your games and your BS or he isn't worth it... Why the hell should he have to chase and "earn" you? wtf are you? The idea of dating is to see people and find a person you click with who you cam get along with so that you. an eventually find a lifetime partner. THIS is what im referring to. pure narcissism...

[FutureTrunks]

Everybody has different personalities and no, everybody isn’t going to be able to handle your personality. That’s not a shit test. It’s life and it’s rhe furthest thing from narcissism. You’d rather deal with someone who’d purposely give you silent treatments, try messing with your friends, etc as a TEST... that’s your choice. I stated my opinion nobody said you had to agree Blake

[Blake0048]

what? No. I don't mess with women like. im condemning the behaviour not supporting it so I don't know what you are saying. And of course I don't have to agree nor do you have to agree. You're right I don't like women who play immature childish games and run tests that do nothing but confuse us both. Anyone who does that has a shitty personality as far as Im concerned and I want to stay far away from them.

[Blake0048]

Im not saying any girl who doesn't click with my personality is shit testing me. I outlined what I meant by it and what you described,"purposefully getting under his skin" is exactly what I meant by shit test.

[Dim1213]

Only the experienced women do that. I go for the smart inexperienced women who just want a relationship without the BS.
I have also been given that by female friends. One tested me by really wanting a date after way to long of saying no she relaxed and became a good freind. Latter she told me that was a test. I painfully saw her give it to my freind who like any guy fell for it.
Only after I explained her BS test did he get why she wanted a date so badly. They are kind of friends. She does not trust him though cause of her dumb test. But over time has gotten fairly close to him.

[JayParris]

It doesn't matter if it's a shit test or just unintentional bullshit. As a man, you either put up with it or not. If she sees that you will, she'll keep doing it if for no other reason than people will do whatever they can get away with.

Check her. If that doesn't curb it, dump her. It's called self respect.

[Blake0048]

I agree

[Belorum]

I am not playing any of these games, at least not on purpose and I do not understand either why other girls do it.

[Blake0048]

Its pretty common

[fabulouspancakes]

I dont. I mean everyone has certain things they look for and certain red flags, but I've never created a problem just to test a guy. That's ridiculous, and I doubt most women over the age of like 21 would do such a thing.

[Blake0048]

You'd be surprised... lol I mean its definitely more common with the 18-21 crowd.

[fabulouspancakes]

Well I'm unpleasantly surprised by humanity almost daily, so in a way I guess I wouldn't be that surprised. lol

[Blake0048]

Humanity is at an all time low Im afraid to say haha

[jdoe80]

I originally come from Europe and moved to the states for studies several years ago. One thing I can attest to is that women here are much more immature and insincere in this respect than the European ones. In fact, I haven't met a single girl not playing games on some level: taking ages to reply, avoiding, being super busy, you name it.

I'm pretty sure not a single woman here will admit practicing that.

[Blake0048]

No they won't. I think American women tend to have a "princess complex" and that is what it stems from.

[alessandro_02]

I am also curious to hear the girls respond to this. But one thing is that shit test never really end since women are constantly evaluating their options and testing the guy she's with. Some girls also shit test their men to see how much they can manipulate/command the relationship.

[Blake0048]

Thats what I think it mainly is. Its like they just purposefully overcomplicate EVERYTHING.

[Cammy137]

No because my girlfriend isn't a 15 year old... I've never know a woman to do this ever. It sounds like the most immature thing in the world. What sources do you have of this being a genuine phenomenon? What studies have been done?

[alessandro_02]

Asker's intention isn't to bash women since he is clearly stating he is basing his question on personal experience and experience from other men. It may be that your girlfriend is an unicorn, but from where I stand all women do it, and many, many, many men out there can confirm that.

The closest you'll get from a scientific response is reading up on gas lightning and compare it to your girlfriend's attitude to see if you identify that kind of behavior. But even that falls short on what shit tests mean, what they are about and how to really identify them.

[Cammy137]

I wasn't implying that he was bashing women, more that his experience or opinion of women seems to be of those with no maturity. Usually when something is 100% true it is supportable with some sort of evidence. Also gas lighting really has little to do with what the asker is suggesting

[Blake0048]

allesandro yes. gaslighting is a common thing as well. its like they pick a fight over "insert random unimportant psychotic reason" then when you address it they play the victim when in reality they have been mentally and emotionally abusing you. and all of this is very very common. It disgusts, me honestly I have never had a woman not do it.

[alessandro_02]

Yeah, I know. But I think it follows a similar mechanism.

Gas lighting example: One of my ex girlfriends took my cellphone and left it in the table (where I usually out it in my personal desk) without me knowing. I go to my ex and ask where is my phone if I left it in my personal desk. She says no it's on the table. I go to the table and there it is. I question my memory/sanity.

Shit test: Go with girlfriend to the club and she purposely start talking to a guy she suspects I feel jealous of. Should I play the jealous boyfriend part and separate them? Should I go up and ask the guy "my girl is really hot isn't she"? To display confidence. Or should I do nothing?

Both scenarios include some form of manipulation, even though one is for and purpose only and the other to evaluate a reaction. And also, even though you'd think only younger/immature girls do it all women subconsciously do it but you don't have to take my word for it since I'm talking first hand experience.

[Blake0048]

cammy137 you probably have been shit tested and you just didn't see it for what it is.

[Cammy137]

Yeah it's hard to just accept as fact without any real reason to. I've never encountered it and I've never read about it from a reliable source. To me, it sounds like something that some people may do and I wouldn't argue that... but the idea that all or even most women do it as a subconscious test seems like a bit if a stretch

[alessandro_02]

@Asker Exactly. My brother noticed many examples of that, and his then girlfriend convinced him he was being paranoid. Long story short she ended up cheating him with some dude that was supposed to be just a friend and caused many fights and arguments. Not all involves severe psychological manipulation or infidelity, some may also seem harmless but they usually escalate with time.

For me it's been always like playing a video game and the level always gets harder and harder and the shit test more common and common until it's game over. It can take years but you'll get there.

[Cammy137]

My issue with this is that we are all different and all look for different things in a partner, even at the most basic, subconscious level... so it doesn't seem likely that there is a universal subconscious test carried out by all women when nothing else is like that. Especially when the "test" it is essentially carrying out seems to be based on very recent and cultural aspects of sex/relationships. That rules out it being evolutionary but if it isn't an old process then it is almost definitely not universal

[Blake0048]

You know one theory I have is they just decide that they lost interest because they are indicisive and psychotic and they know that you have been good to them there is no real reason to leave you. so they create a reason they just start fights and when you defend yourself YOU are the asshole. Then they can leave you for a bigger dick and sleep well at night because its like she believes her own bullshit. She has genuinely convinced herself she is, leaving you for the problems she has created and not something shallow because even she knows that would be shitty. The whole thing centers around just being dishonest with yourself and others. I am getting to where when I realize I am being shit tested I lose it. it instantly infuriates me.

[alessandro_02]

It may be. Even if men -on average- are smarter than most women, women have higher emotional intelligence.
"Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior."

"and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior" If women, on average, are more capable of guiding thinking and behavior using emotional information I don't see how or why women aren't better at manipulating and shit testing. That's all I can contribute for an universal explanation.

[Blake0048]

cammy137 its a fucking generalization. nobody said 100% ALL women do this. just most that I have dealt with. There are plenty of men whl have had gfs who can vouche for me. And no most of us aren't different. actually..
most people are somewhat similar there are different
personality types by people are people. There absolutely are stereotypical male behaviours and stereotypical female behaviours. unfortunately I do not have a case study describing the pathalogy of the "shit test". but if you google it you will find countless articles.

[Cammy137]

You have to make a lot of assumptions to get from there to shit testing universal when there are far more likely explanations. Ockham's razor comes to mind

[Blake0048]

And what is wrong with making assumptions? It is part of thinking... ALL of us do it.

[Cammy137]

Actually Blake0048, alessandro_02 did, hence this line of discussion. Yes but stereotypes don't apply to everyone. That's why its called a stereotype

[Cammy137]

Yes but making assumptions to get to an answer you already have isn't remotely scientific. You're working backwards. You never look for the least likely answer to your question and then argue that its right purely because assumptions are "part of thinking". That's so illogical

[alessandro_02]

"so it doesn't seem likely that there is a universal subconscious test carried out by all women when nothing else is like that. "

You also made an assumption. What's the proof then that shit testing isn't intrinsic to all women? Or that all women may not do this at one point or another?

[Cammy137]

Yes but my assumption was pointing out the flaw in what you said. Also the section you quoted actually highlights yet another assumption you have to make in order to get to the idea that this test is universal

[alessandro_02]

It may as well be, because all women have the potential to shit test their partners or to manipulate them in some way. I've seen it with my own eyes, I've seen it from other people around me. Note I also have a sister and I've seen her pulling this shit to her boyfriends.
Of course it's a generalization, of course there may be exceptions but that means there may be a rule here to all this.

[Cammy137]

Right, and im not entirely ruling out the possibility. I'm merely highlighting that it isn't that logical, there is really no real evidence for it and there are much more likely explanations than that for the mentioned behaviours. You also have to acknowledge that this can be a subjective issue: how many guys would say "my girlfriend purposefully made me jealous" without actually knowing if that was the case or not? Even if you just look at some of the questions on here you notice a trend of people jumping to conclusions about their partners intentions bases on little more than their own emotional state at the time

[alessandro_02]

Oh yeah, for sure. A lot of guys may project their insecurities a lot. As I mentioned, you have to look for specific things to call out on one of these shit tests. Experience is another important aspect here.

[Cammy137]

True. I guess it's something i'll have to keep an eye out for but I'm going to remain sceptical

[Blake0048]

I dont understand... cammy137 it was a generalozation yes. Nobody said it was a scientific law.

[Cammy137]

Well you said it was 100% true and alessandro_02 said it was happening subconsciously in all women. I just told you id keep an eye out for it

[AlmostL0ver]

I think that's absolutely stupid to do. Sorry people do that.

[Shiba1490]

Wtf no. I wouldn't purposefully cause my boyfriend stress bc I love him. I know some women that do this though, and then they complain that there are no good guys when their boyfriends break up with them for their bullshit lol.

[blubblubblub]

gosh, no never on purpose, if you like the guy, putting him through shit like that is horrible. if girls are doing it, i doubt it is on purpose and as an actual "test", it's either cos they're frustrated at the guy, or not communicating properly.

[Nahliability]

What the fuck, this is the first time I've heard of that kind of behavior

[Blake0048]

I'm not bashing women. This isn't an anti-female post. I am genuinely trying to figure this all out. It is hard to give an exact example because there's so many ways this happens its different every time.

[Nahliability]

No worries, I didn't say you were bashing women.
I just genuinely never heard of a girl shit-testing their guy.

[kenjaminSlutton716]

No lol only thing i might do is if im dating her after a month setup a fake Facebook and pm her trying to get at her

[the_esculater]

I don't get the downvote though, you sir, are making sense.

[kenjaminSlutton716]

Probably from a dumb whore lol

[Outkast24]

I did not know about that test, I assume I failed then

[Nader95]

i totally agree but i dont do those i see them as mind games so whenever there's mindgames im out

[este1864]

I've never done that and I never would.

[Blake0048]

good unfortunately its not the norm...

[soulbabe]

I'm a virgin sorry but I test all people not just men and not in the way you are referring

[Phoenix98]

I don;t even know what shit testing is man.

[disgustingweebtrash]

Women shit test men all the time

[Blake0048]

Yes they do

[LovelyLindsay]

Definitely not.