How do I recover from awkward third date end?

[Anonymous]

Went on third date last night.. we got on great, had loads of fun there was loads of flirting etc we haven't kissed yet but at the end of the night (we had both drunk a lot) I said to him 'right I'm going to do this now..' and I leaned in to kiss him, he recoiled back. We both looked embarrassed and he said 'oh dear I've ruined the moment now haven't I?' I explained that I wanted to kiss him as I wanted to make sure we weren't wasting our time going on dates.. he then kissed me. But it's was all very awkward I said 'if you just want to be friends then that's fine' to which he replied that he didn't think he did but was that an ultimatum? He dropped me off in the taxi on the way and said to the taxi driver 'we were having a great night until she tried to kiss me' and he laughed. We did kiss again in the taxi but I've now heard nothing from him. It was a bit awkward... I don't really know what happened or what to do now... help! P. s. On the date he was saying he was already thinking of what we could do for our next date..

[jp612612]

That is indeed awkward. I don't think you did anything wrong here and I'm wondering why he recoiled back, but your reaction was completely incorrect. The whole "wasting time" and then moving onto the "if you just want to be friends" talk is just very... female... because the real problem is that women are just so bad with rejection. This wasn't even a rejection (I truly believe the kiss just caught him off guard for some reason), but you immediately went into self-defense, anti-rejection mode and that's always awkward if not a complete turn off.

I don't totally blame you though -- men are used to rejection because this it's their lot in life to make the first move and thus be rejected dozens of times over the course of their life. This is why you hear stories about women who feel "humiliated" because they basically offered sex to a guy and were rejected. I mean, do you think guys ever feel humiliated when they're turned down for sex?

But anyway, I think that while you made things awkward, you two will be fine. Just let it go and the next time something like that happens, play it cool. No ultimatums, no threats (yes, what you said was an ultimatum/threat) and just have fun and pretend like nothing bothers you. Most women would say that a guy sharing his insecurities is a turn off and I'm sure that most men would agree that the inverse is true.

[Asker]

Thanks for your considered and detailed response and you are right I'm pretty sure my reaction was a bit petty and fueled by rejection. I am only human though and whilst I'm not proud of how I reacted I think it was how many people would have done in that situation. This was 2am after a lot of drinks so I would probably not have reacted like that when I was sober..
He hasn't actually been in contact so it's obviously put him off a bit which is a shame but the pitfalls of online dating. Thanks very much for your response

[truthbeknown]

Ouch. The recoil is really weird to figure out. Usually inhibitions and guards are lowered when drinking and most guys would have been sucking face in no time! However, in this day and age of next morning "regret rape", he may have been scared to kiss you since you were drunk. Kissing comment in the taxi was only a joke, I hope! Next date might be better to stay sober and just have a night in watch movies or something simple and go from there.

[Asker]

Thanks for replying.. well he hasn't been in touch so I don't think there will be a next date! Oh well at least I know now!

[Icybaconman]

Sounds like a good guy, maybe he was just being considerate about not taking advantage of an intoxicated persom